Regrets, Original
by Uncle G
Summary: The old version of my fanfic Regrets. Rewrite is out now with improvenents, sorry for the wait. A struggling Leni finds help in her older sister's enemy, Carol, but Leni cant decide if things are getting better or worse. A lot of trigger warnings.
1. Chapter 1

_**NEW A/N: I know I deleted it and a lot of you were upset, but this time it's here to stay. Everything is staying the same as it did in my Google docs, so if some of you old readers see a few differences, it's because I edited the story in the fanficitions editor for finishing touches, I'm not doing that this time around because the rewrite is coming real soon, but that means a lot of misspellings and incomplete sentences this time around. I'll upload chapter of the new and old version togther starting next chapter. I'm keeping the old version up so that you guys can compare how things are different. Everything is staying the same, even the A/N's. Once I get where this story stopped last time, there will be no new chapters and only the rewrite will get updated. Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ _**I know I have another fic going on, but this is an idea that came from it I know I should be writing the other one, but this one is easier for me to write. It's going to have a few of the trigger warnings from the other story, but they won't be so heavy and up front. Will it have Angst? Yeah, but it's also going to have some fluffy moments.**_

Summary: A story about a relationship between Leni and Carol and its development.. Not that Lori would be appreciative even knowing they were friends, but how would she react when she finds out they're dating? Trigger Warnings: Depression and Suicide attempt.

November 12

It was particularly cold that evening, but Leni didn't mind. She had told everyone she was going on a walk, but nobody seemed to acknowledge it. Leni was used to it. Before now, she wanted their attention, trying hard to get it, trying to fit it, to be part of the family. It never worked, no matter how hard she tried; her ignorance combined with her absent mindedness was just too much for anyone to stand. She had no intentions of coming back to her house once she left.

After wandering for what seemed like an eternity, Leni found herself on a bridge only wide enough for a single car to pass through at a time. Low traffic meant she had a lower risk of being stopped. Leni sat on the railing, looking down at the steep drop. The bridge passed over a ravine; if one were to travel down it from either of the sides near the bridge's ends, they could probably make it down safely if they were careful. If one were to jump from the center of the bridge however, they would be facing a 32-foot drop onto the rocks below. Lining the edges of the ravine were trees with red and orange leaves, further adding the the beauty, making everything leading up to this moment feel miniscule.

Both Leni's teachers and parents were trying to push her to perform to perfection, to be like Lori. That was the literal expression they would use, "Why don't you try to be more like Lori?". That's how it was since the ninth grade. Eleventh Grade had been especially taxing on her. With the eleventh grade, they had been breathing especially hard down her neck at every moment, wanting her to get into a college and make something of herself. Her parents said they wanted the best for her, but she couldn't bring herself to believe them. They wanted her away, she just knew it.

No matter how hard she tried, her grades didn't seem to rise more the a few points before going back down. Her best simply wasn't enough, it never was. Leni had absolutely no friends, everyone was off put by her stupidity, which they deemed it as coming from a mental disorder. She spent countless nights crying herself to sleep while her sisters remained oblivious as the vicious rumors of Leni being mentally retarded circled around school, careful to avoid the ears of the Loud sisters. Lori was too enamoured with Bobby to notice her crying at night.

When she tried approaching her parents about it, they were too busy helping everyone else, and when it was Leni's turn for attention, they would always be too tired and then they would then retreat to their room. Leni could only assume they'd already given up on her altogether. In the end, Leni was just tired of it all, so tired that part of her didn't even have the energy to end it all sooner.

' _Money and attention were both rare in the Loud House,'_ Leni thought, as she looked down to the ravine below. At least now, her parents wouldn't spend anymore money on her, and then maybe they could save more. One less mouth to feed. ' _Maybe Luna will get to go to college instead.'_

Leni got fully over the railing of the bridge, and was now standing with nothing in between her and hopefully the peace she wished for. Her birthday was supposed to be tomorrow, but the superficial attitudes her family would be displaying for her wasn't something she wanted to be around; they would mourn, and would move on eventually. She closed her eyes, feeling the cool breeze against her skin. Letting go of the rail, Leni began to lean forward.

' _This is it._ ' She thought.

"What are you doing?!" A feminine voice from behind her said. Leni became aware of a firm grip around her waist.

"Can you, like, let me go?" Leni said, her voice had little emotion.

"No," Was the response. "How about you get over here, and we talk. If you still want to jump afterwards, I'll let you."

It seemed like an unfair trade. Leni knew her mind couldn't be changed now, but complied anyways, maybe the girl would offer her a better solution. The girl kept a hand gripped around Leni's forearm as she got back over the edge. Leni turned to face her, and got a good look at her. Her hair was long and blonde, seemingly pointing off to the side near the ends., She wore purple eye shadow, a blue shirt, and a brown checkered skirt. A look of something between concern and anger shrouded her face. Leni was not off put by this though, she didn't really care.

"Why did you, like, save me? You don't know me. Do you?" Leni asked. She was used to being used. This person probably had some type of reason for saving her.

"I'm Carol, and because I value life, and you have a family to live for. Aren't you Lori's sister? How would she feel?" The blonde asked. When she saw a shadow pass over Leni's face, she knew she said something wrong.

"Of course I am, just Lori's sister. It's all I've ever been. It's never just Leni. Why don't you go ask Lori why i'm here..." Leni spat. She turned around, and leaned on the railings of the bridge, gripping the sides till her knuckles turned white. She remembered this girl now; if Lori wasn't talking about Bobby, she was dissing on Carol. The annoyance on her face soon turned to a look of sadness. "If my family cared about who or where I was, like, I wouldn't be here. I don't really have anything with them."

"Well," Carol started with uncertainty. She wasn't taught to deal with these types of situations. She might have not liked Lori, but she wasn't going to let her rival's younger sister throw away her life. She sighed "I was going to a movie that starts soon. Why don't you come with.?"

"You should just let me go. I don't want to cause anymore troubles for anyone." Leni said, this conversation was making her weary. Any longer and she would lose all the energy she had mustered to take her own life. Carol wasn't so easily convinced to let it go.

"Look," She started, adding a slightly angered tone to her voice. "I will not let you jump off this bridge. You seem like an alright person, if you promise not to jump, i'll give you my number, and if you need someone to talk to, just give me a call, alright?"

Leni could see that that the blonde wouldn't leave unless Leni promised not to jump. She couldn't help but feel a little touched by Carol's persistence, maybe there were some people who cared after all? She gave a slight nod before speaking out loud.

"Fine." Leni stated. "As long as you don't tell Lori or anyone about this. I'd be embarrassed if they found out... they probably would be too."

"Deal." Carol said. "I'll give you a ride home."

"I'm fine," Leni told the blonde. She didn't want to take anything from anyone if she could help it, so she lied instead. "My house is just right down the street."

"Then don't worry about it. I'm headed that direction anyways." Carol beckoned for Leni to follow her to her car, a silver Honda Civic parked at end of the bridge. Leni found herself walking towards and getting in the car of her older sister's worst enemy.

Carol dropped her off, and gave her a smile and wave before making a motion with her hands for Leni to call her later. Leni nodded, things would have certainly been better if only she had made it to the bottom of the ravine, but if Carol was willing to be her first real friend, maybe she shouldn't be so quick to go back and try again. Leni went back into the house, and none of the inhabitants were aware of the tragedy that would have befallen them that evening.

The very day after that was Leni's birthday, and she had turned 17. Carol called her that night, checking if she was still alive . It was the gift that ended up being the best one she could have received.

It had only been four weeks since that incident, and already Carol and Leni were good friends (it took some convincing on Carols part to get it through to Leni that it wasn't a pity friendship). Turns out that they had more in common than they knew. It was only half past four in the afternoon, but the days of December were already turning to night at this time. Leni was huddling in the corner of her bed, comforted by multiple blankets to protect her from the cold, and shielded her phone's screen from any unwanted onlookers. Her eyes moved to the other side of the room where Lori was standing, face right next to phone talking to Bobby. That was good; it meant she wasn't focused on what Leni was doing.

Leni might not have been the smartest, but she didn't need a high IQ thingy to know that Lori would have crucified her if she knew that Leni had become pals with her enemy. In the past fifteen minutes, Leni had heard her older sister say something about Carol several times. Before Leni got to know the girl herself, she would have blindly agreed with whatever Lori said. It was another one of her flaws, though Carol was trying help her to boost her self-confidence and show her these flaws weren't problems.

She turned on her phone screen, and there was the message from Carol waiting for her. She already had an idea of what it was.

' _I'm on my way. Are you ready?'_

They had made plans to hangout tonight, they planned on getting some coffee, and then they would see where things went from there. Leni would be lying if she said she hadn't been looking forward to it all week. Leni waited a moment before texting her back.

' _Yeah, i'll be waiting outside.'_

Leni got off her bed, already dressed. She chose to wear a Navy blue dress similar in style to the one she normally wore, but had pants on underneath. She got her pink brush from the nightstand beside her bed, and went to stand in front of the mirror, brushing her hair for what seemed like the fiftieth time that day. Carol had been nice to Leni, but Leni still couldn't help but feel nervous around the girl.

Friends were sparse in her life, but but pity was not, and Leni did not like that. It was true that she still felt some of the same things she did those four weeks ago, but she did think she was getting better, not that her family had much to do with it. They were still oblivious, and pretty much treated her the same as always. Carol had everything to do with the changes though, but no matter how much the older girl claimed the friendship was genuine, Leni couldn't let go of the fear that Carol was pitying her. Carol was pretty charismatic, Leni would give her that, but if she found out that all of this was fake, she didn't know what she would do.

She put down the brush, and made sure to put the phone in her pocket. She looked herself over once more, and when she decided that everything was in the right place, she walked over to the door and left, taking one last glance at Lori, who was still on the phone wishing Bobby good luck at his newest job

Leni made her way downstairs, careful not to be plowed into by any of her siblings. She would have to get downstairs and out the door without getting dirtied. Her luck paid off as she neared the front door unscathed, and opened it up.

"Hey Leni," A voice said. Leni was startled, her heart nearly jumping out of her throat in the process.

"Lucy, ho-"

"Lincoln, actually," And it was indeed him. "I was wondering if you would help me make a better hero costume."

Leni was actually surprised that she was being asked to participate in something (even Lucy was included in the activities around here more than she was), though Carol was already on her way, so Lincoln would have to be turned down this time.

"Sorry Linc, I'm like going out with a friend tonight." She said softly. Lincoln looked disappointed, but Leni quickly stepped in. "But once I get back, I'd be glad to help my brother out."

He brightened at that, and nodded. "Alright. I can wait until then."

He went to walk away, but turned around almost immediately.

"Who are you going out with, you never go hang out with any friends... Is it a boy" He added suggestively. Leni's mind drew a blank. Why the sudden interest in her life? If it were about something about fashion, she would have been fine, but she had no lies prepared.

"Yes." She blurted out, her mind wasn't even thinking. Lincoln looked like he was getting ready to shout to the other sisters that Leni had finally had a 'boyfriend'. Remembering how the girls had reacted when they thought Ronnie-Anne had a rush on him, Leni couldn't let that happen. "Wait, Linc, don't tell anyone. His name is, like, Carl and he's in the grade above mine."

Lincoln smirked, it was another chance for him to prove he was a good brother, but maybe even get some leverage out of it.. "Alright, but one condition, I want to meet him."

Leni's skin crawled at the thought. Leni had wrongfully called Carol her boyfriend (not that Leni would be objecting to it), if he went out there and saw it was actually a girl (or Carol for that matter), she would never be able to live it down. One way or another, secrets didn't last long in this household.

"No." Leni said in with unwoted seriousness. Lincoln never really heard Leni use a tone besides her usual soft and kind one. He didn't press the matter further, but would document it later.

"Alright, and is that their car behind you?" He asked. Leni turned around, and sure enough, Carol's car was parked right in front of the house. Leni nodded and turned to leave.

"If anyone asks, tell them I'm out with a friend alright?" Now it was Lincoln's turn to nod. Leni got in the car, and Carol, not wasting a moment, peeled off.

"So, what was it you and Lincoln were talking about?" Carol asked, with a sly smirk on her face.

"Not much, he was wondering where I was going and then said he wanted to meet you." Leni answered, giving the partial truth. Carol picked up on the things Leni didn't say, and pointed them out.

"Why would he want to meet me? Unless, you said you were going out with your boyfriend. Does want to make sure 'he' is good enough for you?" Carol said playfully. The flustered look told Carol all she needed to know. "What was his name."

Leni opened her mouth to speak, but when nothing came out, closed it again. Carol was amused at the sight before her. She made a questioning sound, pressing Leni for an answer. Eventually, she did respond, but Carol didn't catch it the first time.

"You're going to have to speak louder than that Loud." Carol jested.

"I said his name was Carl." Leni sheepishly stated.

Carol chuckled at it. "Why, is the real 'Carl' not good enough for you?"

Leni thought for a moment, trying to not read too deep into Carol's words.. "If you and Lori didn't hate each other so much, then I wouldn't have to hide you as a friend."

"I don't hate her, she just doesn't like anything I do." Carol said. They drove on for another minute in silence.

"Try doing something nice for her. Maybe she'd appreciate it." Leni suggested. Carol just scoffed at the idea. Leni tried again. "I, like, know how hard headed Lori can be, but it'd mean alot to me if you tried."

Carol just grunted, but considered Leni's words, and the rest of the car ride was spent in silence. Their destination arrived not much longer afterwards. It was a little, locally owned coffee shop, simply named " _Coffee Bistro"._ It's design was rustic, and gave a welcoming feeling. There were few people in the store, sitting alone as they in enjoyed their coffee in silence. As it's name implied, coffee was obviously the primary thing sold. Leni nervously followed behind Carol in this unfamiliar place.

"I come here all the time. It's a great place to get away from those fake girls at school." Carol said, she turned and stopped waiting for Leni to catch up. Leni thought Carol was one of those fake girls, but getting to know her made the entire difference.

"Where are we sitting?" Leni asked her. She had never been in this place before, and was more comfortable with Carol making all the decisions.

"Let's order first, then we'll decide."

Together they walked up to the cashier, Leni observed Carol ordering.

"How may I help you?" He asked. Leni looked at the menu as Carol ordered a 'Caramel Mocha'. She couldn't decide on what to get, so she just went with what Carol got.

"I'll just have what she's having." She said, looking up. Carol was already digging through her handbag for money. Leni couldn't help but feel bad; she never had anything to give, only to take. Leni would convince Carol to let her pick the next place, where money didn't matter. Once their things were paid for, they decided to sit in the back corner. Carol checked her phone, and Leni hers. It was just now turning six. Leni set her phone down, and looked around aimlessly until a waiter came with their drinks.

"Here you go, Caramel Mocha" Leni looked up and saw none other than Bobby Santiago. Her mouth went dry, and Bobby smiled and sat the two drinks down as he saw who it was he was serving, missing Carol's presence entirely. "Aye, Leni, what brings you here? Is Lori around here too?"

She remained shocked. "I uh… I-"

"She's here with me." Carol said roughly. Bobby turned towards her and his expression matched that of Leni's. "If you tell Lori you saw us here, I swear I'll ruin your relationship, and then I'll literally kill you."

Bobby swallowed harshly. "I uh… I-"

He just walked off, leaving the two alone.

"Did you have to be mean to him?" Leni asked. Carol's expression softened.

"He would have told Lori, and you don't want that." Carol stated matter of factly. "I'm just helping you out. It's what friends do."

Leni chuckled nervously, and gripped her cup tightly. "I don't want to sneak around all the time, but I can't help it. I don't want Lori, to like, hate me for liking you."

Carol smiled sipped her mocha. "Leni, just try to think about what you want. Then if Lori disagrees, then you won't be bothered."

Leni mulled over these words. What _did_ she want? Just over a month ago she was going to throw her life over a bridge, the only reason she hadn't done so again was because she had Carol to look forward too. There were many things she wanted; to be accepted for who she is, to be her own person, to not be the black sheep of her family; someone to love her. She looked up at the older girl in front of her, taking in all of her details. Carol treated her how her own family didn't. As far as Leni was aware, Carol accepted her. She finally realized what it was that she really wanted, even though she might not even get it.

Leni wanted Carol.


	2. Old Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the nice reviews. In response to those reviews, Leni will indeed question her sexuality choices over several chapters, her change isn't going to happen over night though. Lincoln isn't going to be one of the antagonists of this story like the other siblings. I thought about making one or two of the siblings 'pro-Leni', with one being Lincoln, but haven't any idea who the other would be (the other siblings will seem a bit dickish). I thought about either Luna (since she's bisexual), Lucy (since she likes dark stuff, she might serve as a good help source for Leni) or Lana (since I like the relationship she and Leni have). If you guys have an idea on who it should be Leni's 2nd sibling support (or if it should just be Lincoln), just leave it in a review.**

 **-December 10th-**

It was nearly nine when Leni got home that night. After the coffee, they had just talked for a bt and decided to go watch a movie, but Leni didn't really watch it. It was some scary movie about a clown, and scary movies weren't quite her things, only when Carol put an arm around her did Leni calm (even if it were only a small amount). There were two things on her mind though, that a simple arm around the shoulders couldn't fix. The first of the two things being that Bobby and Lori told each other everything. The thought that Bobby had managed to tell Lori made Leni feel nauseous the whole night. All she wanted was to hang out with her friend in peace.

She didn't know exactly _what_ Lori would do to prevent Leni from hanging out with Carol, however Leni knew that Lori would probably make her stop seeing Carol just because it was Carol, regardless of how Leni felt. The thought of losing her only friend was scarier than the movie they had seen.

The second thing was how long she could keep it hidden. This first slip up with Bobby was risky. Maybe Bobby thought telling Lori of Leni's betrayal would hurt her, so he stayed quiet. She would find out soon though. It was her second biggest secret, if it got out that she was friends with Lori's enemy, who know what else she might let out? That she nearly jumped off a bridge? Nobody would ever let her live it down.

She went inside, and all was calm, or as calm as the household could be. Lana was sitting on the couch watching some T.V. show and playing with some mud from outside. Lola was on the other side of the couch, beautifying herself. Luna's music resounded from upstairs, and Lynn was running around with a football playing some made-up game. The others were doing who knows what.

It gave her a sense of nostalgia; even though she considered herself to be the black sheep of the family (the others didn't have to say it out loud, it was the unspoken belief), Leni still had a place for them in her heart and loved them for who they were; sometimes she just wished for some peace and quiet in the house. Her stress caused her major headaches every so often and the noise levels did nothing to help that. This was one of those situations. It was almost time for bed, just another hour or so, at least she had that going for her.

She made her way to the stairs, so far none of the siblings asked her where she had been, not that they even questioned her whereabouts while she was gone. As long as she didn't have to divulge anything to anyone, she was fine. She continued down the hallway, stopping as she passed Lincoln's door. Leni remembered promising to help him with his costume. She peaked in to his room to see if he was even still awake, and found that he was. He looked up from his comic as she opened the door.

"Hey Leni. Need something?" He asked her. Did he really forget? Leni thought about using the opportunity to go to bed, but she couldn't let him down. She had thought of several ways to take her life since that fateful day at the bridge, and still did, though she didn't have enough energy to go through with any of them. If she had gone through in the original attempt, Lincoln would probably be the most devastated out of them all, and Leni felt bad for even _potentially_ making him feel that way, and wanted to make sure she made up for that. He was the kindest out of all of them.

"Do you still want me to, like, help you with your costume?" Leni asked the boy, his eyes lit up as he remembered the promise made not even five hours ago, his expression then changed to a curious one.

"It's almost time for bed; do you think we'll have time? We've got school tomorrow…" He asked.

Leni inwardly grimaced. She believed in peace and calmness, but she hated school, except for anytime she got to see Carol which was almost never. "I promised you didn't I?"

His face brightened again, it was enough for Leni to allow a small smile to grace her own lips.

"Alright," He began, and reached under his bed, pulling out an aged folder. "I've had some ideas for a while, what do you think of these?"

He thrusted the folder into Leni's hand. She looked through some of the papers which were mostly composed of notes on the fabrics should be used and where. She saw her brother's design Leni glanced at him and he looked so prideful in his handiwork. Leni looked back at the papers in her hands. It was exactly like his current Ace costume.

"What's the difference?" Leni asked with uncertainty.

"Nothing." He said smugly. "Ace Savvy needs no change, it's just my current costume is getting too small."

Leni nodded slowly. She thought they would be more drastic changes, which in turn would have given her more time to spend with one of the only siblings who would spare her the time of day, even if it was a small amount. Carol once told her not to long ago to try and build better relations with her family, and who better to start with than "the man with a plan"?

"Wouldn't it like, be cool to create your own hero costume?" Leni suggested. She herself didn't know much about comic heroes, yet she found Ace Savvy's costume rather bland.

"Yeah, but I can't make a hero that measures up to Ace. He's too great." Lincoln reasoned.

Leni chuckled, these were the same thoughts she had everytime someone compared her to Lori. She didn't want Lincoln (or any of her sisters for that) to follow the same path she was taking.

"Why not, like, be your own hero? You could have like, any power in the universe." Leni said, hoping to convince Lincoln to be his own person. Leni realized she was trying to help Lincoln when she was still trying to live in the expectations of others while finding out who she was, and was failing horrendously at both.

"I guess, still, i'm not great a designing comic characters yet." he replied.

"That's why i'm here, silly, to help you design costumes right?" Leni patted his head.

"You mean you'd help me create my comic?" Lincoln asked. If Leni was willing to help him make as many costumes as he wanted, then that was a 'yes' right? Anything to keep the boy happy. She nodded her head. Lincoln smiled up at her.

"Thanks Leni, your the best. With your designs and my story skills, it'll be great." He told her, and gave her a quick hug.. Did he know how she _really_ felt depressed and was acting nice just to make _her_ happy? Leni couldn't accept the hug without feeling like she didn't deserve it, not with what she almost did. Only when Lincoln pulled away did she realize she had not hugged him in return. "I'm going to work on the story of the comic, and I'll get you in a few days when I need your help with costumes."

"Alright, then i'm going to go get ready for bed. 'Night Linc. Love you." She added that last part as she left to make sure Lincoln knew it, even though it was a risky move. It wasn't a common parting remark used in the household, but it was something that Leni just wished was said more in general, and wouldn't mind if she were on the receiving end, though this time she only received a questioning look in return from Lincoln; the look was a testament to how out of whack some things in this household were. Leni left his room, and headed towards her own.

She remembered the whole Bobby and Carol thing, and hesitated for only a moment, but decided to go in. If Lori had found out, then it was out of Leni's control anyways. Entering the room, she found Lori sitting on her bed, the agitation visible with every letter she was more or less punching into her phone.

"Are you alright?" Leni asked her. Bobby must not have told her, or else Lori would have already been hounding Leni with questions.

"No." The oldest Loud said. Lori took a few second to send another text before continuing her rant. "Bobby called me during his break and you know what? Carol was there with a certain someone."

Instantly, a feeling of ice filled Leni's chest, and it wasn't from the cold temperature. How was Lori going to react; like the kids at school? She hoped not. "Lori, I-"

"Bobby didn't know who they were, just that they seemed familiar. It wasn't a coincidence that on his very first day at a new place, Carol is there." Lori was grasping at straws. Leni couldn't understand why she hated her so much, nevertheless, she knew the two girls had been friends at one point so it must have something major. "She's been trying to drive a wedge in between me and him for a while now, I just know she's up to something."

At least Bobby hadn't told Lori that Leni was the one who was at the coffee shop with Carol. "Why not try and talk to her like, in a nice way? Maybe she would understand and it would mean a lot."

Leni reused the same thing she told Carol earlier.

"No." Lori stated flatly. "I've tried that before, and there's nothing that will kick that woman down a notch."

Leni was hoping that Lori would take up the responsible decision and try and make peace, but she ended up being worse. At least Carol didn't give her a straight up no. Leni could only keep quiet and get ready for bed, Lori would refuse no matter what was said.

Leni got up, and looked at her alarm clock, only to see it was two in the morning. She let out a deep sigh, this happened every night when school followed the next morning. School was number one on the list of things Leni hated. It wasn't a place where she could learn, things just didn't sink in like it did for other students. Nor was it a safe haven like all the teacher said it was. It was a place where her intelligence was mocked, by students and teachers alike.

She didn't know know how mean students could be until the ninth grade, when seemingly her whole entire grade had it out for her. There were no student who stood against her more than others, it was all of them, who she had shared classes with for three years now. The administration had been visited by her so many times that at one point they just told her to deal with it; yet when she stood up to some of the kids, her parents got called, and then _she_ was the one getting in trouble. It angered her, they were assholes (she didn't quite know what the word meant, but she heard Lori used it when she was angry sometimes).

Leni tried turning over in an attempt to get into a more comfortable position, but it was to no avail. She tried closing her eyes for several minutes next only to find that didn't work either. She sat up straight, there wasn't much else she could do. She read in a book somewhere that warm milk could help with sleeping problems. If that didn't help, then whatever happens, happens.

Leni made her way downstairs, trying not to create enough noise to wake any of the siblings up. Once in the kitchen, she went over to the fridge and got the milk, and a glass from the cabinet. Pouring herself a cup, Leni then put the glass in the microwave (even though she had been told not to use it unsupervised, that rule offended Leni) and put it on for two minutes. She sat down at the table, and waited for the milk to heat.

Glancing up at the clock on the stove, Leni saw the time nearly reaching three. If she didn't go back to sleep soon, it wouldn't be worth it to keep trying. The others got up in between five and six, just about three hours away.

'Maybe I can just skip school,' She thought. It was something she often thought of doing, but never had the guts to go through with it. This time though, she wanted to go through with it; a break was something she needed. All she would have to do was convince Lori she was sick, and then wait in her room until her parents left. She rested her head on her hands and closed her eyes.

She got her warm drink when the timer went off, nearly burning her hands by touching it without protection. Using the edge of her blouse, she carried it to the table, and sat it down gingerly. She sipped on it, careful not to burn her tongue. Carol wouldn't be too appreciative of Leni skipping. The older girl was trying to help Leni do better, today however, it would be a battle that was lost.

She continued to doze on and off while drinking her milk, never quite falling asleep, instead losing track of time all together. She only became aware of the time when the light of the kitchen flicked on and Lori appeared.

"Leni?" The oldest Loud questioned. "I didn't see you upstairs. You usually don't get up till a bit later."

Leni looked over to the clock, and saw that it was five in the morning Had that much time really passed? "I wasn't feeling well. I tried warm milk for sleep and it didn't work, like, maybe I shouldn't go to school?"

Lori reached over and placed a hand on Leni's head. "You do feel a bit warm, I guess that's enough to be considered sick. Mom and Dad have to work. Want me to come back after I dropped the others off?"

"No." Leni said. She didn't want Lori to miss out on school just to keep watch on her. "I think I'll be sleeping most of the day. I'll be fine."

Lori still didn't look entirely convinced, even though she verbally agreed. "I'll let mom and dad know. You should go lay down."

Leni got up slowly and made her way to her room. On the way she could hear the others getting up for their day at school. She was glad she would get a day of peace at home. She got back in bed, and three the covers over herself, determined to get to sleep, and yet it still avoided her.

Lori came into the room and asked if she were still awake. Leni said nothing and just laid there, not wanting to give the oldest sister the opportunity to see her ruse. Eventually though, she heard the doors of the van close and drive off, and soon after, the front door open and close as her parents left for work.

Leni got up, taking her blanket with her, and went downstairs to the living room. She plopped herself down on the couch and turned on the T.V. and flipped through the channels. Nothing interested her anymore, so she just left it on the cartoon channel.

The cartoon currently on was about a cat who alway got into trouble and his fish brother. She laid there, not really focusing on the show, or thinking about anything for that matter, and then her phone buzzed. She picked it up.

"You're not at school today?" - Carol

"No, wasn't feeling well."

"Do you want me to come over?" Carol sent next. Was leaving school something friends did for each other? Leni didn't know; she was told that people not attending school would ruin their future.

"No, don't ruin your future by missing class."

The last message was marked as seen, yet Carol hadn't responded, making Leni feel sad that the older girl had classes today. She put her phone back down, and went back to doing nothing. The droning of the T.V. was interrupted by a knock at the door, causing Leni's heart rate to pick up. What if someone found out Leni was skipping and came to her? Leni got up an inconspicuously looked through the window. She couldn't quite see who it was at the door, nor any car.

She put on her best 'sick face and opened the door, and her face brightened when she saw who it was.

"I was already on my way over her as soon as first period ended." Carol said.

"But aren't you missing school, like, what if your college doesn't take skippers?" Leni asked, even though she didn't mind Carol presence.

"I believe I told you before, I don't have a second or third period, I left right after first." Carol stated matter-of-factly. Leni did remember her saying something like that before. "I saw the rest of highschool Louds apart from you."

Leni nodded "Do you have to go or do you want to come in."

"I can stay a while."

Leni opened the door wider to let her in. She couldn't help feeling that at any moment now one of her sisters would surprise them and come around the corner.

"Why are you, like, here though?" Leni asked as they walked back to the couch. Leni sat down and wrapped her blanket around herself, Carol sitting next to her.

"My only other option was to stay in the auditorium. I alway leave when I can." She told Leni. "Beside, no one else is here right? You would be dying of boredom, since you're not really sick."

Leni turned down the T.V. and turned towards Carol. "Do I not look sick?"

"No, Leni. We were hanging out just yesterday and you were fine. You just look tired; did you even go to bed?" Carol ran a hand through her hair as she looked at Leni, demanding the truth.

"At like, eleven, woke up at two and couldn't fall back to sleep." Leni cast her eyes downwards, but looking back at Carol, the older girl's deep green eyes were piercing into Leni asking a silent question.

' _Why'_

"I don't know. I just didn't want to go to school. It's not meant for me, the kids are all assholes an-"

"WOAH!" Carol had a smirk on her face. "In all the time that i've known you, you've never used language like that.

Carol's face went serious. "Is it really that bad?"

Leni nodded.

"Did you go to the administration?"

Leni nodded again.

" _AND_ your parents?"

Leni nodded for a third time, at which Carol scoffed and shook her head. The older girl leaned over and patted Leni on the back.

"It's not as bad as it was." Leni tried consoling her. "For the most part I just ignore it."

Carol raised a brow. " 'Most' part? What about the rest?"

"I- uh, I meant…" Leni sputtered, her tiredness was hitting her in full. Carol actually wanted to know about Leni's life and it's details. The younger girl was used to this, and despite her good friendship with her, Leni couldn't find herself able to completely open up. Yet at least.

"Do I need to crush someone with my popularity?" Carol suggested.

"No!" Leni answered quickly. She didn't want to make more trouble than it was worth. "I don't want to like, anyone to be in trouble."

Carol rubbed the bridge of her nose and chuckled, Leni could see a spark in the older girl's eyes, planning on something. It made Leni tense. "Leni, you're too good for this world."

The complement eased Leni, although she still was still curious as to what was going on behind those eyes.

"You should get some rest. It's not good to go without sleep for so long." Carol said.

"It is?" Leni asked, she just as quickly shook the thought from her head. "Besides, even though i'm like, tired, I still can't fall asleep."

Carol just looked at her with the calm face she always had on. "Then i'll stay until you go to sleep."

"What if it doesn't happen before your next class? Or the other kids get home?'

"Then you better fall asleep or get the excuses ready." Carol shot back. Leni responded with laying down on the couch, her toes inches from Carol.

She didn't find her sleep right away. They spent an indeterminable amount of time talking, and several times Leni asked Carol if she had to go, and the answer was always 'not yet'. Eventually though, she found mind drifting off, and as far as she was aware, Carol was still there when she did finally fall asleep.

…

When Leni woke, it was due to the sound of the doors to the van slamming shut. She got up and took her blanket back to her room, not feeling like she had slept long at all. and Lori entered soon after, a wide grin on her face.

"Hey Leni, feeling better?" Lori asked. Leni eyed her suspiciously, she was hardly ever _this_ happy, unless it had to do with Bobby.

"Is something up" The younger girl asked.

"Nope, it's just a great day." Lori said. Leni waited for a second part. "That AND Carol got in trouble and called up to the office in seventh period."

Leni froze. Was it her fault she got in trouble? She asked the question that Lori was waiting for.

"Why?"

"For skipping. I didn't see her fourth or sixth period, and she came into seventh a few minutes late." Lori said smugly. If Carol left from the house right back to school, how long were they talking; four, five hours? "About a quarter through the class, she got called down to the office, and everyone was like 'oooooh' and 'she's in trouble'. She didn't look sad, but I knew she was crying on the inside. Carol didn't come back for the rest of the class. It was great."

Now Leni was really feeling sick. How could Lori be so happy at someone else's troubles? Part of her wanted to stick up for her friend, but Lori was, well, Lori. Leni stood no chance against her. She just laughed.

"Yeah, that's like, totes awesome."

 **A/N: While writing that first scene in between Lori and Leni, I had a great idea for a twist in future chapters. I feel bad for making Leni go through it, nothing seems to go her way; it's still many chapters away though. Just thinking about it gets my feels going, and I hope it does yours too, when we get there. That scene has me questioning whether or not this story gets a happy ending or not. Please leave a review. It would mean a lot, and helps me better my writing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**NEW AN AS OF 11-10-2018: Remember, the Author Notes you are reading are from over a year ago, im leaving them so you guys get the whole experience as the old readers did. Im uploading all the chapters of Old Regrets so that you guys have something to read while i work on the rewrite,instead of alternating in between the two. This is the last New AN until the very last chapter of this Story is uploaded. Also, Check out the T.V. tropes page of this fic, created by one of my readers, its pretty great.**

A/N at the bottom of chapter

December 15th

Carol hated getting in trouble, so she avoided it at all costs. When she got called up to the office Monday, she was pissed. She promised Leni that she was going to stay until she fell asleep; she wasn't expecting to stay until the end of sixth period. She didn't blame herself nor Leni. While she was the one who did decide to visit the girl, it was the occupants of the school who had driven the younger girl to avoid the place and take up darker things.

Her disdain at getting in trouble was dull in comparison to her anger when she learned of Leni's bullying. If Carol learned anything about her, it was that Leni often downplayed her own problems so that others wouldn't be burdened with them. It was a selflessness that Carol came to find both adorable and annoying.

Despite Leni's protests, Carol was going to put down this activity. She wasn't the head of Student Council just because she was popular and her parents were rich. When something needed to be done, she had it planned, finished, and polished with time to spare. When the guidance counselor had finished scolding her, Carol just waited in her car until school ended and went home to begin planning her bullying awareness campaign.

The plan was to use the school wide campaign to quell the majority of the acts against Leni, then the kids who still messed with her would be the primary culprits behind the whole thing. Once the snake was out of the bush, Carol would behead it.

That was at the beginning of the week, it was Friday now and she was currently sitting in fourth period; her schedule had been busy with homework and planning that she hardly had time to hang out or have contact with Leni aside from a few texts before bed. The poor girl probably thought Carol was avoiding her due to the whole skipping incident, no doubt Lori told her sister she got called out. Carol planned on taking her friend out, but had yet to ask her, it was going to have to wait until after the student council meeting.

Right now though, she was sitting in english, refining her "Anti-Bullying Awareness Plan" that would be presented at the meeting after school. The teacher was currently assigning partners; the objective of the day was to peer-edit essay rough drafts; who Carol was paired with didn't matter, everyone knew who she was and where she sat, it they would come to her.

Her pencil glided across her paper, almost finishing up her notes on her council presentation when a rough clearing of the throat broke her concentration. She looked up to see the oldest Loud standing before her, a look of disappointment on her face.

'I guess the fates just don't have it in for me.' Carol thought.

"I don't want to work with you just as much as you want to work with me." Lori made no attempt to hide the contempt in her voice. "Let's just get this over with."

Carol was ready to retort, but remembered Leni's plea to be nice to Lori. Carol might not have wanted to, but at least she could tell Leni she tried without having to lie about it. She just got out her own draft and handed it to the girl.

"Don't take forever Loud, I've got more important things to spend my time on." Carol replied. They exchanged papers and began editing each other's paper, not another word went between them.

The prompt was on a social phenomenon in their school life. Carol had chosen to write on ' _Social Exiles and the Discrimination Against Them_ ' based on the second oldest Loud whom she had been spending so much time with lately (thought any names had to be changed in the essay, not the she would've used Leni's real name anyways); she guessed it was ironic that Lori would be the one to read the work. Lori had done her's on ' _Herd Mentality Behind a Single Figure Leadership_ ', which Carol could only assume was about her.

Carol wasted no time and read the essay in less than a minute, making only few corrections in an attempt to be nice. It was a pretty alright writing if she were honest with herself, and all she had to do was wait for Lori to finish critiquing hers. A few minutes passed, and eventually the rexchanged papers. There were more markings on Carol's paper than what had been put on Lori's (most of Lori's problems with Carol's essays weren't even problems). Lori raised her eyebrow.

"You know you were supposed to critique and give suggestions on how to make it better, not just punctuation? We're being graded on our edits." Lori told this like it wasn't common knowledge. Carol grabbed Lori's paper back from said girl. She tried being nice, but if Lori wanted her to do the assignment 'correctly', she would.

"I tried being nice, but if critiquing is what you want…" Carol's voice didn't change from her usual calm tone. Instead, she got her read pen and began filling her rival's essay with blocks of harsh criticisms, filling the margins with her pen, and in some areas where there wasn't enough room, wrote over the text to make sure parts of the essay were indiscernible. In essence, Carol wrote her own essay over Lori's. She handed it back, and allowed herself to smile widely at Lori's shocked face.

"Maybe you're the reason your 'friend' is depressed." Lori shot. Carol's face fell as Lori smiled, the Loud knew she had struck a nerve. If Lori had known it was her sister, would she have still said the same thing? Probably not, but it still chilled Carol that the Loud would say something like that regardless.

The bell rung and Lori was already gone before Carol could respond. Carol made her way to her locker, stopping to talk to some friends for only a few seconds; five minutes between classes wasn't enough for her to have full on conversations (though she had lunch at the start of fifth period, the previously mentioned friends did not). She was used to having a group of people surrounding her locker, today however there was only one person there, someone who wasn't usually by her locker.

'Leni?'

Carol sped up her pace. Lori's locker was somewhere on this hallway, a scene would be caused if said girl decided to visit her locker. Leni hadn't noticed her but was looking around for her, that explained the absence of any of her usuals. Carols research into Leni's predicament only added to her feelings of guilt for not being able to talk to Leni much.

"Hey Leni." Carol said as she began opening her locker. Leni just nodded, sending unwanted shiver up Carol's spine. Leni's calm demeanor was unsettling. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," Leni finally responded. Carol could feel there was more she was wanting to ask.

"Is there something you want?" Carol asked her. She could see some type of emotion on Leni's face. What was it? Regret?

"I just wanted to tell you sorry, for like, the Monday thingy." Leni said. Carol sighed, Leni had already blown up her phone with apologizing texts, even though everytime she could, Carol tried to convince her it was alright.

"I've already told you, it's fine."

"Then are we still friends?"

The question stopped Carol cold. Not having Leni as a friend would be unparalleled damnation. Carol hadn't thought she would become such good friends with her when she stopped her from jumping off the bridge, now Carol was willing to admit she even had a little crush on the girl. She wouldn't ask her out though until she were absolutely sure the younger girl felt the same way.

The only other time Carol thought she had true feelings for another person was years ago, and ended in disaster when the other girl didn't feel the same. Luckily, the whole incident was kept under wraps, but Carol was terrified of her secret getting out so much. If friends was what she was going to settle for with Leni, then so be it. Carol had come to terms with who she was long ago, but Leni was right when she said the people at this school were assholes.

"We are, Leni. I've just been so busy, so I was going to ask you after school if you wanted to go somewhere; since you're here now i'm asking you. You want to go somewhere after school?" Carol asked her. Leni's face lifted at the question, that was good enough to make Carol's day better.

"Sure, where are we going?" The younger girl asked. Carol shrugged. She hadn't given it much thought.

"Where do you want to go?" This time Leni shrugged.

"Where do YOU want to go?" Leni asked. Carol smirked and shook her head. This would have gone on for a while unless Carol thought of a solution.

"How about we both think of a place, and when we get together tonight, we'll go to both of them." Carol suggested. Leni looked like she was thinking for a bit, before nodding slowly.

"Alright," Leni answered. " But I like, have to get to the library. So, see you later."

Leni left as Carol gave her a wave. Latter would have invited Leni to eat lunch with her, but the she declined every time, choosing instead go to the library. One day she would see what Leni does there (though she could tell that it wasn't studying, grades reflected that), but for now she had a social figure to maintain.

The meeting was beyond mind-numbing, but Carol put on her game face and powered through it. Someone had to lead the council and she didn't trust anyone else with the job. The next subject of discussion was the events that would be taking place the third week of January. The administration allowed the Student Council vote on activities for the entire student body the third week after winter break, and the second-to-last week of school; and then the clubs of the school would come together to make it happen.

Every year that Carol had been in highschool, they had done a generic 'school spirit week'. In her ninth grade year, it was each grade-level had to decorate their halls with the best decorations; tenth was the entire student body dressing up in a different color each day; Eleventh was a variety of things. That brought her to her senior year, 'Anti-Bullying', a drastic change from tradition.

"So, that brings us to the New Year Spirit week. This is the Last day before the winter break, and we still don't have any definite plans." A young dark man spoke. He was the student representative for the tenth grade, who wished to go by his nickname, Brick. He had the same mindset as Carol had for the most part; his image of power and popularity something he wished to preserve.

"I do," The next person to speak was a brunette girl named Ali, the rep for the eleventh grade. "We can d-"

"No." Carol cut her off. She wanted this meeting to be over already. Carol didn't hate her, but this meeting had been going on for well over an hour now mostly in part due to the brunette not knowing how to cut down on word count. Carol tossed her folder on the middle of the table. "We're doing anti-bullying."

As the other occupants of the table looked at her plans, Carol spoke them aloud.

"There's been some bullying going on in the school. More specifically, the eleventh grade." She looked pointedly at Ali, who just so happened to look up at the mention of her grade. "We don't want bullying, and the school admin refuse to do anything about it,"

"I agree." The Ninth grade rep said. He was a pale, scrawny, quiet kid name Jake; elected by his classmates as a joke, and normally agreeing to what the rest of the council decided, though this time he could relate.

Brick nodded in agreement. "Yeah, isn't it that one girl with a lot of sisters? Feel bad for her, she woulda been in a fight if it weren't for my boy Ricky steppin' in."

Carol clenched her fists. A fight? This was the first time she had heard about it; she didn't want to seem too obsessed, but considering she found the girl trying to jump off a bridge when they first met, Carol didn't think the the younger girl would deal with her problems on her own.

"I was unaware of most of these things going on, I swear," Ali said. " What I did know I tried to put an end to, but teens are teens, they keep going. A few of them have gotten suspensions but it doesn't deter the others, especially when there's no names going around."

"What else has been going on?" Carol asked, daring any of the other students to speak. The others just shrugged. Carol pinched the bridge of her nose. She tried doing something nice for a friend and it only got complicated, she'd be damned if this became a pattern. Ali spoke up.

"I tried talking to the girl about it, but she just seemed shy. All I really had were rumors to go on. When it's all the students against one, things get swept under the rug." The eleventh grade rep said.

"That's why we need this Anti-Bullying Campaign, to draw out the dedicated assholes so that they get their punishment." Carol explained. Now was the time to wrap it up. It was nearly four o'clock and she just wanted winter break to start already. "When we get back from break, we'll only have two weeks to finalize and execute this whole things."

"How do we make it interesting though." Brick asked. "The message isn't going to mean nothing if the kids don't get interested."

"I've got a few more things planned besides what's in those papers; I just need a little time to straighten them out. Now time to vote. All in favor?" Carol asked, and everyone at the table raised their hands.

"I guess that concludes our meeting." Brick said, and left the room before all the others.

"I hope you know what your doing." Ali asked. Carol just raised a brow and smiled as she pulled on her jacket. She knew exactly what she was doing.

When she found the primary bullies of her crush, she would rain fire down upon them.

Leni checked herself in the mirror again; making sure not a single detail was out of place. If she was going to hang out with her best friend, she wanted to look her best as to not embarrass her in public.

She chose to wear a simple blue tee-shirt with her navy blue hoodie over it, and her jeans were a dark blue. Overall, she just looked normal; she once tried to make herself look good for school picture day, her makeup and outfit had been perfected, Leni thought maybe now she'd be accepted with the beauty she tried to attain. She couldn't have been more wrong. Some pretty girls told her no matter what she did, Leni would never be pretty like; her hair was disheveled, her makeup too cheap, the shape of her body was too thick, nails uneven...

Leni didn't know why the girls got to her so bad, but the words stung. She couldn't cry in front of them, they'd only say other mean things. Even among her siblings Leni rated herself low. Lori was Lori, Luna's short cut hair framed her face, Luan had her braces, which only added to her character; she could have went on as to why every other sibling and person at school stood above her in the looks department, but Carol would be there soon.

Each of the criticisms Leni received were written in her diary until she could somehow fix those things the girls said, but months passed and the page lost inside her book of dark thoughts. Right now, Leni accepted being below the bar as her best. She picked up her phone, messaging Carol.

 _'I'll be waiting outside.'_

Leni didn't need to wait outside, Lori was on a date with Bobby, and the chances of one of the siblings knowing who Carol was were slim, but she didn't want to take her chances, things had a tradition of not going her way. Things were pretty calm with most of the the kids in their respective rooms, Luna not playing her overly loud music, or Lynn playing her sports.

Exiting the house, Leni heard music coming from the right. Looking, she saw Luna playing her acoustic guitar. Luna looked up to see that the second oldest Loud was watching her.

"Need something?" The musician asked. Leni cast her stare away. Why did everyone expect her to need something from them everytime she approached? It must have been a joke that everyone be Leni was in on, similar to how sometime the kids at school pretended to care, only to reveal it as fake sympathy.

Leni shook her head at the question and answered with the same lie she told Lincoln some time ago. "Waiting for my boyfriend Carl."

Luna's eyes widened, she would have never believed Leni to have found love at this stage in her life; at least, that's what Leni took away from the look she was receiving. Even though she didn't really find love, it still offended her.

"What? I can have love too!" Leni said.

"It's not that, it's just you never really mentioned any boys is all." Luna responded quickly. "Do all the other sisters know?"

Leni shook her head "I didn't want to like, be made fun of so I kept it a secret. Linky knows though, I want to keep it as secret."

"I'll keep it a secret I guess, nobody here would make fun of you, regardless of who you date, even if he happens to be ugly and dirty." Luna shrugged. Leni couldn't help but feel that something was up. Luna and Leni didn't interact much, so she didn't know if her sister was up to something,but Luna and Luan shared a room. Maybe the prankster rubbed off on the young rocker and a prank was getting ready to be played.

"Is that your date?" Luna said, squinting at the silver car pulling up in front of the house.

"Yeah," replied as she started walk over to the vehicle.

"Are you sure?" Luna asked once again.

Leni just nodded and turned back to say something. "I might not be home for dinner, so like, just tell them i'm out with friends alright?"

Luna nodded back, and Leni couldn't if it were the poor lighting or what, but Luna's face had a reddish tint to it and Leni could almost hear her brain thinking. She picked up her pace, not want to see or hear what her sister had to say next. She got in the car, and just like the other times, they were gone as soon she shut the door behind her. If people kept catching her off with Carol, Leni would have to end up walking to their hangouts to keep the secret.

"Which one was that on the porch?" Carol asked.

"That was Luna. She wants to be like, a rockstar or something." Leni answered

"Oh. There's something I need to talk to you about something too," The older girl said, sparing a glance in Leni's direction. Leni just sighed; it's what Carol said every time she wanted to ask Leni about her situation. It was NOT something Leni liked to, nor ever wanted to discuss. "But first though, where are we going?"

Leni shrugged. "I didn't think of one so we could go to where you wanted to go."

Carol let out a frustrated sigh, but smiled. "We were going to go to both places. It's not fair if I have to put in all the work, both friends have to put in equal work."

She hoped to guilt trip Leni into deciding somewhere, but seeing the distraught look on Leni's face made her repent even the idea.

"I'm sorry, I like, try to make us work, but I don't have much to offer." Leni answered.

Carol cringed inwardly at how she worded her sentence to Leni. "I didn't mean it like that, you being here is good enough for me. I just wanted us both to pick a place so that you don't get bored with the places I like and so I didn't have to go home yet."

"Is everything alright?" Leni asked the older girl, eager to change the subject off her. Carol didn't talk much about her homelife, just that it was borning.

"Yeah, parents flew out for a business meeting in China for the whole break." The older girl said. "They're never home anyways, but at least if I hear a creepy noise I can blame them."

Leni chuckled. She found Carol's soft side endearing. "If choosing a place to hang out means you'll be happy, I totes know where I want to go."

"Where?" Carol asked.

"After we go where you want, I'll tell you." Leni responded. "So, like, where are we going first?"

"We're already there, the Mall." Carol answered happily. Once Leni would have pushed an old lady out of the way to get to mall, but what did a mall require? Money, something Leni didn't have, but Carol did. It would be another case of Carol putting in all of the work into the friendship. She tried not to have the same depressed look she revealed to Carol earlier. The older girl was trying, and Leni wasn't going to ruin her mood.

Carol got out and opened the door for Leni.

'She's in a really good mood today.' Leni thought to herself as she got out. She thanked her and got out. The cold air against her skin made her feel calm. All she'd have to do was convince Carol not to get her anything; similar how she had asked her family not to get her anything for christmas, it would mean more money that could go to other siblings. In this case, it meant more money Carol could spend on herself or her family.

The two girls walked next to each other as they approached the mall. The bright lights of the building shining against the darkening sky. Earlier nights was something Leni liked about the coming of winter.

They walked through the doors, and Leni followed Carol to wherever she was going. They wandered around for a few minutes, trying to avoid the majority of the crowds sauntering around the place.

"So, like, where are we going?" Leni asked. Carol shrugged.

"Anywhere you want. Christmas is in two weeks, so I wanted to buy you whatever you want." Carol told her.

"Oh, there nothing I really want." Leni told her. "I like, even told my parents not to get me anything."

When she told her parents that, they responded with an "alright honey, whatever you want". She hoped that Carol would be just as easy to convince, but knowing Carol, Leni knew it wouldn't be that simple, the girl always got what she wanted. Carol's laugh told her that she wouldn't be leaving without an early christmas present.

"I'd feel bad if I didn't get you anything, and you said don't like pity. It's just what friends do." Carol arueged.

Leni smiled;Carol must've known that reference to their friendship was her weakness. If she was going to be getting something from Carol, then she'd have to get her something in return. This was where Leni decided that she'd start giving back instead of just taking.

"If you insist, but like, what can I get you?" Leni asked. Just as Leni had just done, Carol was going to decline any type of gift; Carol never wanted anything in return from Leni. "If I don't get you something, then I don't want anything."

Carol nervously chuckled and lost her calm face for half a second, seemingly wanting to request something she was afraid of asking for, but after a deep breath, she calmed herself before speaking.

"You still do fashion stuff right?"

Leni nodded, though she hadn't sat down at her sewing machine for a couple of months.

"Then you can make me a new jacket. Mine ripped this morning." She turned to show Leni a small hole on the back of her jacket; it was barely even noticeable, it was what Carol wanted though. Leni might not have sat down at her sewing machine in a while, but jackets were child's play; she'd have it done before christmas even rolled around.

"That's like, an easy gift to give. I know what you can get me." Leni asked. She led Carol over to what used to be her favorite shop, 'Francine's Fabrics', the largest distributor of cloth in the area.

"You want some fashion stuff?" Carol asked. Leni nodded, she wasn't that smart, but she guessed that Carol wouldn't be too appreciative of Leni using her gift to make Carol's, so she'd keep that part to herself.

"Yeah. I like, haven't made something great in a while, so some new fabric would be great." Leni answered. She wandered around a bit.

Taking in all the colors. Her favorite She stopped in front of the purples, looking for a specific shade that would make up the jacket for her friend. Mauve, a faded purple; it was Leni's favorite color. The dull purple gave off a sense of tiredness, like the color had grown old and wasn't as energetic as before, just like Leni. The color would be beautiful when contrasting against Carol's eyes and hair. She felt the fabric, and it was extra soft. White would have been great as a lining and trim.

"I need this and white. Is that alright?" Leni asked, looking at Carol. She hoped she wasn't asking to much of the girl. Carol just shrugged.

"How much?"

"Like, five yards."

"Alright." Was the simple response.

They got the cloth measured, cut, and paid for before walking off. They passed the time talking, and and wandering aimlessly around the stores and taking in all that was being offered. Carol got a some things for herself, a book, some makeup, a few expensive articles of clothing. Leni could only wonder how much money was in the young woman's wardrobes.

The time seemed to pass by differently whenever they were hanging out, and Leni didn't want to check the time and find out the time together was coming to a close. As they walked and talked, they found themselves before the food court.

"You hungry?" Carol asked. Leni could smell the food from all the different vendors, the aroma's almost begging her to come and feast upon them; she had skipped lunch and dinner after all, but she was going to have deny the truth.

"No, I ate before I left." Leni lied. She didn't want appear too greedy, and besides, she didn't deserve to eat yet since she hadn't anything to give back in return. The fabric would be paid by the making of the jacket, but this would remain unpaid if Leni accepted the food without working for it. She knew it a little harsh, but if she didn't enforce her new beliefs, she would remain a leech on society (whatever that was) for the rest of her life, no matter how long or short that may be. Carol's words from back in the car confirmed this ideology,

"Oh, well, I guess we're done here." Carol said. They headed for the exit, not speaking a word as they walked back to the car. When they arrived, the bags they carried got tossed in the backseat, and the two friends got in the front. Carol looked at Leni with a smirk.

"Now you get to choose. Where does Leni Loud like to go?" Carol asked. Leni looked like she was thinking for a moment.

"Do you want to see, like, a movie or something?" Leni finally answered. They were cheap, and Leni giving the suggestion was enough to cover her side of the cost, right?

"Sure, thought next time I ask you to choose a place it can't be somewhere we _must_ go everytime we go out." Carol stated. "It has to be a scary one though, those are the movies I like."

"Don't you like, not want to go home because your house is creepy?" Leni asked, she herself didn't want to watch a horror movie, but if Carol couldn't be convinced, then she'd have no choice.

"Yeah, but horror films are great when you watch with a friend." Carol answered; though in reality she just wanted Leni to be frightened enough so that she could put her arm around her and not be considered weird.

"Alright, you can choose which one then." Leni replied. Carol backed out of the parking space, and started driving to the movie theater, not to far away from the mall. Only after a minute when they had to stop at a redlight did the conversation pick up.

"So like, if you don't like being alone, you need to get a boyfriend."

Carol's chest tightened. This would open up a conversation that would make her more vulnerable than she would have liked. It wasn't Leni's fault, she didn't know Carol wasn't a fan of the topic.

"There's no boys around that interest me, and boyfriends mean we won't be such good friends." Carol answered, it was partially true at least.

"You have like, a lot of friends. Why not have a sleepover or something?"

"Is that an offer?" The older girl asked. The light changed to green, and the car accelerated.

"What?"

"Are you offering to have a sleepover?" Carol clarified.

Leni thought about it. Once she had made a list of things she would do if she had friends and having a sleepover was on there, though she was iffy on the whole thing In such a personal setting, secrets could get out. Carol sounded like she might have wanted a sleepover, but accepting would have made Leni out to be too needy.

"Do you, like, want a sleepover." Leni asked.

"Leni, we need to work on your decision making skills. It's your choice." Carol was eager to hear the younger girl's response. Leni wanted to say no; the two girls hung out often, Carol probably needed a break from her. She only answered with one word.

"When?"

"Hmmm... Maybe the weekend after christmas if nothing unforeen comes up; so that you can spend some time with your family and, you know, get in better standing with them." Carol said.

Now they were pulling into the parking lot of the movie theater. Leni loved her family, but spending her entire days around them made her feel alone in a crowd, she'd much rather be alone by herself. Carol wanted Leni to fix this situation, so Leni would try. Her situation with Lincoln had been getting a little better, so there was that.

"I've been doing good at it. Me and Lincoln are good." Leni said defensively.

"Leni, that's one out of what, ten, eleven siblings?" Carol retorted.

"I'm working on it." Leni answered.

"I know, Let's just get to the movie before the good ones start." Carol said. Leni nodded. Carol tossed an arm around the younger girl's shoulder. "Try to actually watch the movie this time too."

 **A/N: Before you carp on Carol already crushing on Leni, just know that Carol already knows who she is and what she wants; This is about Leni's journey. I chose Luna in the end, even before I got those reviews, but I'll take into account what's been said. I'm stealing a few more dark themes from my other story (actually i'm taking all of them, but not as overdone as in Flightless Bird). Will I still continue the other story? Maybe, but it may be some time before its next update as I plan on how to rewrite it as a better story. I was tired in revising this. Keep the reviews coming, they're great.**


	4. Chapter 4

**December 16th**

It was a little after midnight by time Leni made it home on what was technically the next day; even Lori dared not to stay out this late as to not receive punishment from their parents. Leni on the other hand stopped caring about most things. Carol waited until Leni was safe inside her house before driving off. All was dark, only small amounts of light coming from some of the miscellaneous objects decorating the house, giving just enough illumination for Leni to find her way up the stairs. If Lori had returned from her date with Bobby hopefully she was asleep already and Leni would not have to answer as to why she was out so late.

Halfway up the stairs, Leni stumbled and nearly tripped over. She tried to keep the commotions as quiet as she could, but a great deal of noise had still been made. Cursing her clumsiness, she stopped and listened for any movement upstairs. When there came no sounds Leni continued her way to her room. She had spent 17 years now walking these halls and memorized which floorboards to avoid even in the dark. Once she reached the door she gripped the knob tightly while placing one hand on the frame to balance herself while she soundlessly opened the door.

Looking over to the wall opposite of the door she could make out Lori's form unmoving under the blankets, a good sign. Lori was a heavy sleeper so Leni didn't have to worry about making too much noise after her door was closed, not like she would need to make excessive noise. She tossed the bag of cloth Carol had got her down beside her bed before sitting down on the mattress. She sent her friend a short message asking for a reply when Carol made it to her house. Stories of what could happen so late at night spooked her so she wanted to make sure Carol got home safe.

She was tired but could not rest yet. No taking without giving was her new lifestyle, yet Leni was prone to memory loss, so instead of going to bed she reached into her nightstand to get out her diary. That way if she ever felt herself straying from the path she could look back in the book and see why she needed to do it. It housed both her darkest and happiest thoughts, though the former dominated the pages. This entry was no different.

Laying on her stomach, she scrobbled the date and exact time in the corner of the page to begin writing the message to herself quickly before sleep over took her.

' _Leni new plan to stop being the burden on everyone that might probably work this time maybe.'_

Feelings of sleep were overwhelming, her eyelids feeling like iron weights but she forced herself to continue writing, as long as she got the basics down it would be good.

' _Do NOT be mean and take stuff without giving back. Everyone will keep hating you if you don't give them things in return, so unless you give people things put work in something, don't expect anything. Carol called you out on it when..._

There were was more she wanted to write but the muscles in her neck were begging her to let them relax for just a moment. She would not fall asleep as long as her diary was out, so she relented. Relaxation for a moment, then she would finish the paragraph before putting the book away. That's what she did; She propped her head up in her hands facing Lori's side of the room while closing her eyes, Leni took in the comfort of the rest. After a moment she decided that her break was enough, she had to put her diary away before she could sleep peacefully, if somebody had read her words she would go back to the bridge without a second thought and jump off for real this time.

When she had opened her eyes Leni noticed her head was on her pillow and three other things: daylight was streaming through the windows, Lori was not in her bed, her diary was out in the open. Furthermore, she was sure that wasn't the page it was on when she had accidentally fallen asleep. She had to check the time on her phone then clock next to her bed to make sure she wasn't making things up; she wasn't.

She could only throw the book in her nightstand with her latest thoughts unfinished and pray Lori or anyone for that matter, hadn't read it. Leni could imagine it now, all the siblings pitying her with the fake love and attention, treating her like she was fragile or something until the ambulance came to take her to the house for crazy people. Somehow, that scenario was worse than everything Leni was going through right now. The cold was really seeping into the room now.

God, if Lori had read all the horribly harsh things written about her, how the older girl made Leni feel, then any chances at reestablishing a relationship with her would be impossible. Leni would be Lori's new Carol. Leni both mentally and physically slapped herself. She needed to stop making making simple preventable mistakes. This was one of the many time she reluctantly agreed with her parents; she should have been more like Lori. If only her parents had skipped having her Leni would not be making these stupid mistakes. Just as the mistake she had just made and its consequences were unchangeable, she couldn't change what was in the past. Her life was a such a cruel joke by her parents that Leni began to despise them like she did Lori with every waking moment.

It was one in the afternoon when Leni checked the time and usually the others woke earlier in the day, even in on weekends (or in this case winter break) as there were only so many hours in a day to do all the crazy stuff they could. The only thing she could really do was go downstairs to ask Lori directly if she had read her diary but Leni decided to rather not talk to her older sister. They were once best friends but after Lori started highschool, things started to go in different directions. One a success, a failure the other; One hated Carol, one liked her. Leni's feelings towards Lori could almost be called contempt even though she knew it wasn't Lori's fault at all everyone compared Leni to her; it was unfair to the oldest Loud but Leni's feelings were not going to change no matter how hard she tried to convince herself Lori cared. Lori would let her know if she had read Leni's dark writings, it was one of her 'responsibilities' to make sure her siblings were 'alright'.

Leni pushed that out of her mind, prefering to keep her feelings bottled up away from her mind.

She was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, not finding the energy within to change; the unexpected sleep did not make her well-rested at all, still feeling tired. Before she even opened the door she could hear the normal sounds coming the rest of the house, though it seemed quieter than usual. Lola and Lana arguing, Lily's crying, Luna's music coming from across the hall, but some of the other siblings must have decided to not take up their surname.

Exiting the door, Leni walked downstairs not knowing what she'd be doing once she got there. Her feet found her going towards the kitchen; deciding it to be the next stop. Her throat was parched, she couldn't remember the last time she had something to eat or drink yesterday.

Juice or a smoothie would have been a better way to start the day, the sugary liquids one of Leni's own calming self indulgences but water was chosen as a suitable drink instead; it was relatively cheap on the water bill.

Anything to eat would have to wait until dinner, she wasn't feeling that hungry anyways; ever since her siblings had tried to get their father to make new meals for dinner only for him to scold them for how expensive it was to feed the whole family, Leni felt bad. The youngest would always get their food last since there was never much left over. With her new game plan, she would wait until everyone else had already been served and then take whatever was left over. The prevailing issue is what she was going to be doing today.

She had three weeks of freetime. Weekends alone were filled with time spent alone doing nothing (She and Carol seldom hung out on weekends, Friday night was their night). Three weeks of that would be misery. She could make Carol's jacket for her, it'd give her a reason to meet with her. Hanging out with Lincoln was also an option, if he wasn't over at Clyde's. Who knows, maybe today would be the day the siblings turned around and told her that they were just pretending to stay away from her.

This boredom was something she couldn't stand, so Lincoln would be her first try at interest if she could find him. In the living room were only Lola and Lana. The silence in the house suddenly became more defined, not that Leni minded at all. She approached the twins with the intent of asking where everyone was.

Lola spotted her approaching through her mirror and turned to face her. What was that expression on her face? It was the face of someone who would rather be anywhere other than where they currently were. When Leni met her eyes the young beauty queen looked away. It did nothing to help Leni's esteem, but her question needed answered.

"Where's everyone at?" Leni asked them. Lana just shrugged, too busy playing with her frog to answer. Lola just continued to apply her makeup as if she hadn't heard the older loud. "Lola, like, do you know?"

"Go ask Luna." Was Lola's harsh response. Leni knew the kid had a bad temper, but she hadn't done anything wrong besides existing had she? Leni rolled her eyes, a simple answer would have been enough. Leni was tempted to ask where Luna was next but she didn't want to upset her younger sister more than she already had.

"Sorry." She apologized while turning to head back upstairs.

Remembering that Luna's music was coming from her room not to long ago, that's probably where the rockstar wannabe was. The door their room was cracked open so Leni opened it as she knocked. The volume of Luna's music was loud enough that Leni could hear it before the door was even open all of the way only to find it was coming it was coming from headphones. Luna sat on her bed with her headphones in and the guitar to the side. Leni stepped back, not wanting to bother her sister. Her movement caught Luna's attention and the girl looked up.

"Need something?" The rocker asked. There was that damned question, asked every time she approached someone. Leni hated the everyone thinking she was so needy.

"No." Leni responded flatly and maybe a bit more forcefully than she should have. "I was just wondering where everyone went."

"Lincoln's at Clyde's, Lori with Bobby or the mall or something, Lynn went somewhere to play sports, Lucy to meet a writer in town and Luan went with her. No idea where Lisa went." Luna answered. Leni nodded. Now she'd spend the rest of her time alone.

"Are you alright dude?" Leni stopped at the question. It had never been asked by anyone but Carol before, and here Luna was asking the question. Had she been the one to read Leni's journal, how would she know to ask that question otherwise? Leni didn't open up to Carol yet, there was no way she'd open up to Luna, or any of her siblings for that matter.

"What do you mean?" Leni asked. She needed to know how much Luna knew.

"You snapped at me when I asked if you need anything, that like super unlike you dude. Was it about your date last night?" Where was Luna drawing these questions from? Leni had said nothing about her date.

"No, it's like not even a problem." Leni said, trying to dissolve any further room for conversation. She put on a sloppy smile, the one that usually convinced people things were all good. Luna nodded and Leni was glad that her shell would be closed off for at least a little while longer.

"I feel the same way you do Leni." Luna blurted out. "If you need someone to talk to, i'm here for you."

Luna hated herself just as much as Leni did? Leni couldn't have that, she had vowed to herself she would never let another Loud get as low as she was. Instead of leaving the room, she went further in to sit next to Luna, a space in between them. Leni didn't know what it was she was going to say, be once she left this room, Luna would be fixed. Leni even dared to put an arm around her sister's shoulder.

"It'll get better Luna. You like, have real friends, right? They'll stick with you no matter what." Leni said. Luna let out a small smile.

"You've already came out to somebody?" Luna asked. Leni's memory didn't pick up what Luna meant, but she knew coming out meant telling someone something.

"No, not yet. I don't want the rest of the family to change how they act around me." Leni answered. That's the most Leni was willing to reveal.

"Well, since you came out to me Leni, I'll come out to you." Luna said. She took a deep breathe, and looked Leni in the eyes, an almost insecure look gleaning in her eyes as she gripped the edge of the bed until her knuckles turned white.

"I know it like, can be hard, but you should open up to someone. I didn't and like, I regret not telling someone before." Leni hoped she was doing a good job. The longer this conversation went on, the closer Leni's regrets came to spilling out. That's why she never wanted to open up, because then the dam would break.

"You're right." Luna looked like she was ready now. "Leni, I'm in love a girl named Sam."

Wait what? That's what it was all about? This was a situation Leni didn't know how to help; Luna would like whoever she wanted, boy, girl, old guy, a giraffe, Leni didn't care. Love was love. It was the fact that Leni had forgotten what love was; Lori was the best person for that. But Lori liked boys, as did all of the other girls, well excluding Luna now. Boys had always been rude to Leni, she despised them. But did she like girls romantically?

"Ever since yesterday, when I saw your date pull up to the house and that they were a girl, knew you were like me." Luna's voice was growing in enthusiasm, but Leni didn't want to tell the girl she was wrong, that she just confided her secret in a sister who wasn't anything like her. If it made Luna happy, should she encourage it? She guessed she loved Carol as her best friend, so it was kind of similar; she did want to know what true love felt like though.

"Like, what does love feel like?" Leni asked her. Luna's eyes lit up, as if she were previously dying to tell anyone about her feelings and not realizing Leni meant love in general.

"It's like every time i'm around her I get this nervous feeling dude. Like, when we hang out, I don't want to leave, and stay with her forever. It's like having to choose one person to spend your last day on earth with, and you choose the person you love most. Besides family." Luna said. When Carol and Leni hung out, Leni didn't want it to end so she didn't have to go back to hell, so that's one thing the two girls had in common. On what Leni thought was going to be her last day she met Carol, so she semi spent her last day with Carol.

"I haven't asked her out because she's like my best friend, and what if she doesn't feel the same way? I'd feel lost if I lose her." That was two more things in common. Best friends and feeling lost if they lost the friend.

"So Leni," Luna lost her dream-like look, and stared Leni right in the face. "Are you a lesbian or just bi dude?"

Leni focused on the wall. She had no idea what either of those words meant. She chose not to stay up to date on the terms kids were using these days so the insults would affect her less.

"What do those words mean?" She asked the rockstar, to which Luna rolled her eyes.

"Lesbian is wanting to date girls only, bi is for when you like on guys and girls." Luna awaited her response.

Leni said she didn't like the boys at, but was Lincoln included in that or did it not count siblings? Maybe this whole conversation was just a hoax to get Leni to reveal some information on herself. If this was a test, Leni didn't know what the right answer was.

"Lesbian?" Leni meant it as a statement, but it came out as more of a question. Luna nodded nodded in understanding, so Leni guessed she was right.

"Cool. So how did your night go last night? You stayed out pretty late, did you have ' _fun'?_ " Luna asked. Leni wasn't sure why questions were still being asked questions if Luna had resolved her problem, or why Luna emphasized the 'fun' part.

"Yeah, we had a lot of 'fun' last night. I guess it made me more tired than I expected, so I passed out when I got home." Leni answered. She still had her suspicions, but maybe Luna wasn't pretending to care. Leni looked away from her spot on the wall and looked to Luna, whose face was a deep red. Had she something embarrassing?

"Leni I was joking, that's too much information, but now I know you lost it before Lori though. Anyways. What's her real name though, it's not Carl is it?" Leni didn't want to answer that; Carol's name was something Luna would recognize as Lori's enemy. Leni wasn't even dating her and Carol wasn't this 'lesbian' word (she wasn't even sure if she herself was, but Luna was basically telling her she was). As far as Leni was concerned, Carol didn't like either; all the other students we treated the same by her.

"I like, don't think she want her name known." Leni answered. This conversation was getting closer to the part of her life she preferred to keep secret. She needed to move the conversation away. "How do you know if they like you back."

"Well, we buy each other things all the time, enjoy each other's company and hang out often. It's like we're already girlfriends but just haven't said it." Yep, she was still describing her and Carol's friendship. Science was Leni's third lowest class grade, but she needed to do some investigation.

"You should like, tell her." Leni suggested. Luna's enthusiasm about the topic died a bit.

"What if she doesn't feel the same? It's not something I can take back dude, rumors would spread and my life would be ruined."

Leni could only feel sympathy for the brunette. It was the start of a dark path. Leni wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a hug. Physical contact was alien to the second oldest Loud.

"You should tell her, like, keeping it inside will hurt you." Leni tried. The hypocrisy was thick in her voice.

"I can't come to her or the school. What if she hates me?"

"Then i'll be here. If you're best friends then it won't matter." This was the longest conversation Leni had been a part of with another sibling. The longer it went on the less Leni knew what to do with herself. She had to end this conversation."Like, find out who you are, and things will upset you less. If it makes you feel better, I'd come out to the school before you."

Those words were kinda the truth. Leni had come believed the things upsetting her, so now they upset her less. As long as Luna didn't know that, the message was a positive one. But coming out to the school? As a 'lesbian'? Leni hoped Luna wouldn't take care of her kindness and make her do that/

"When did you get so wise?" Luna asked her. Leni shrugged. "It seems like we hardly see each other much anymore. We should hang out more often dude."

Luna had revealed her secret. Leni had told her a fake one in return and now all was good. It was time to abort.

"I'm going to go and work on some clothing design. If you like, need to talk, i'm here."

"Same here dude." Luna responded. "But if you want to keep this in between us…"

Leni nodded and gave Luna a small smile. Linky and Luna seemed like the two who'd be the most capable of sharing sympathy with her; it wasn't all the siblings, but have two who liked her was better than none. Leni didn't want to count her blessings before she had them though, best to stay wary of them.

She walked back to her room, and sat at her sewing machine. The only activity she knew how to do. It had indeed been awhile since she had sat down and used it. Leni ran her hand across the surface of the machine, her fingers leaving traces in the coat of dust.

Leni flipped the on switch, and the machinery hummed to life, chills spread through her body as a sense of nostalgia washed over, and when it receded the thoughts of happier days remained behind. Leni placed hand on her chest as it tightened. Such emotion was something she hadn't quite felt before. It was both unpleasant and beautiful feeling this, that she wanted those days back even though she couldn't go back in time. There had to be a word for it, but if it existed, it was on of the many words not on her vocabulary list. Lori would know.

She pressed her foot to the pedal, and the machine whirred as the needle moved up and down rapidly picking up speed. The foot was removed and Leni got up to grab the bag with the fabric that would be used for Carol's jacket and tossed it down by the sewing machine. In the closet was a bag of spare wool Leni had that went unused. Months of sitting without purpose, the fabric was ready to break free of it's closet prison. Now Leni was ready to begin the making of the jacket; maybe she'd get the girl a scarf too. Those were nearly always in style this far north.

The measuring of the cloth, cutting the fabric, and sewing the cloth together. It was fun. Why did she ever put this hobby down? Carol would love this jacket, or so Leni wished. She would call her friend after the jacket was at least finished. According to Luna, giving gifts to someone and getting back meant they liked each other romantically, though Carol had technically bought the fabric that was currently being used. Leni had never felt attraction to Carol, except for that one, brief, time they went to the cafe where Bobby worked, but that might have been a mistake in what Leni thought she was feeling since she didn't think of it again. Carol was Leni's anchor to this life and was the one preventing Leni from leaving permanently. Did that count as love or just friendship?

Maybe not, if she had a friend before the she would be able to tell the difference. Luna's words sparked something strange in Leni. The more she thought about the relationship she had with Carol, the more questions were raised. Did she love Carol or was she just in love with the thought of being loved by someone? Was it as a Friend? So far yes, but what if they had dated? Questions floating around the mind wasn't something she liked, but she wasn't competent enough to answer them on her own. Questions were now on Leni's most hated list. When she called Carol later she would talk to her about it. If Carol didn't provide good help, she'd figure it out on her own. Deep down, she knew that Carol couldn't answer the questions for her; only she could.

Carol stretched on her couch. Leni hadn't messaged her all day; probably still sleeping from how late they stayed out. Carol thought of asking her crush to stay the night and almost went through with it, but she didn't want to rush things. If this relationship was taken slowly then Carol could pull out if Leni didn't feel the same. They'd still be friends though. Maybe.

The only thing that had gotten done that day was Carol laying in bed that day just browsing on her phone until she decided to take it out to her living room with the T.V. playing in the background. Other than that, the house was eerily silent and cold. She was messaging some of her friends and they wanted her to go out with them, but Carol didn't want to. She told them that there were plans already in place for her even though her schedule was empty. She looked at the time on her phone; it was a little after five now and the sun was nearly completely done setting again. Carol would much rather have Leni texting her. The younger girl was more 'real' than most of her other friends; and Carol just liked talking with her.

Carol opened her contacts on her phone, her fingers hovered over Leni's name. Whether or not calling the day after they spent the night seemed clingy was a legitimate debate Carol was working through. Fingers reacted faster than the mind, and soon the screen showed 'Dialing: Leni Loud'. After a few rings, the line picked up.

" _Carol?"_ Leni's voice came from the device. " _Are you alright?"_

Carol and Leni never really talked on the phone unless it was through text, the concern was understandable.

"No, I'm just super bored." Carol said. She could make out a weird sound faintly coming from the other side of the phone. "What's that noise?"

" _The sewing machine. I was working on your jacket."_ There was a short pause. " _I think you'll like it. It's totes great,"_

She already finished? Carol was expecting it to be a while before Leni got around to it; then again Leni had repeatedly told her that she had nothing to do at the Loud house.

" Is it finished? Can you send me a picture?" Carol asked.

" _No and No. You'll have to wait like, until Christmas."_

Carol wasn't used to being told to wait for what she wanted, but Leni's commanding of her to wait was surprising. Confidence to give such a command wasn't Leni's strong suit.

"I don't like to wait thought." Carol whined. She heard Leni laugh, and it brought a smile to her own face..

" _I'm sorry, but I want it to be a surprise. Can I ask you a question though?"_

"Sure. What do you want to know?" Carol muted the television.

" _Do you like girls?"_

"What do you mean?" Carol asked. Leni could've been talking about anything, but it sure sounded a lot like she found out Carol's secret.

" _Well, me and this other girl were talking, and we were talking about dates and stuff, and what Bi's and Lesbians were, and I thought of you because you treat everyone at school the same."_

Carol felt undirected anger building. Carol was careful, meticulous, there was no way she did anything to tip her sexual orientation to anyone. Either she wasn't as sneaky as thought or a certain someone spilled her secret.

"No i'm not one if anyone said that. People will get offended if you ask them that out of the blue." Carol answered.

Nervousness filled her and she was unfocused on what Leni was saying; if she had, she would've heard the younger girls claims that she didn't like boys and was apparently was one of the things Carol didn't want to be caught as, asking the older girl for confirmation if she thought it was a potential for a conversation that'd cause Leni to open her worries to the young woman. Everything that would happen could have been prevented through this misunderstanding off a simple word. Carol was too absorbed in an issue that didn't exist to take advantage of Leni's opening.

" _You need a boyfriend, a fake one."_ She thought to herself. " _At least, until you know Leni for sure."_

" _Carol, are you there?"_

"Yeah." She was still there, she just had no idea what Leni just said. "I spaced out for a sec. What did you say?"

" _Oh, nothing, just can't wait until we get together again." Leni didn't want to repeat it all again if Carol was uninterested. Leni believed she made a mistake in trying to get help with her own problem._

"Ok." Carol responded. She didn't know what else say; Leni's question threw her off guard. "Are you alright? How are things going?"

" _Yeah, things are as good as they can get for me."_ Carol then heard some noises of Leni scuffling around. " _I gotta go. Lori just got back. Later."_

The phone disconnected before Carol could respond.

"Love you too." She said to the dead line. It was how she really felt, but she was going to have to fake give that love to another person. If Leni was suspicious about her feelings, who knows how many people were plotting to ruin her image. The hierarchy at school had only one place at the top, and the name Carol Pingrey had been seated there for the past four years.

Not everyone at the school was thickheaded, but some of the homophobes had even made their way into her circle of rich and popular friends. If they wanted to cause problems for Carol they could. A fake boyfriend would help the problem and throw a wrench in the plans of any nosey asshole trying get in her business.

Carol got up and went to the bedroom; might as well do something today rather than wasting it doing nothing. Her room was spacious. Her bed sat near the far end, in the middle against the wall with a night stand on the right. Her desk that held a few pictures was across from that. Other than those few pictures and her lilac walls there wasn't much personalization going on. She walked over to her closet door and pulled it open.

She looked through her clothing for suitable clothing. It was too cold for the skirts she liked to wear or any dresses. She settled on a pair of black jeans. A warm and red long sleeved shirt that hugged her form and highlighted curves.

She grabbed her makeup bag, taking it to the bathroom to begin prettying herself up. The blue eyeshadow, black eyeliner applied as if it were done by a professional, a light coating of lip gloss, hair straightened with her signature curve to the right at the ends. Carol liked to think she applied these things for Leni, and not a potential stranger, but the act required her to look the part. She would fake it until she made it.

She opened up her contacts again and called one of the friends she was texting earlier.

"Hey… Yeah, my schedule cleared. I'm single and ready to mingle."

There was nothing that could go wrong. right?

 **A/N: And so we begin the first major plot point of this story, Leni will find out if she actually likes girls (or Carol for that matter) or if Luna was wrong about Leni's love life. Meanwhile Carol deals with her own insecurities. Sorry if this seemed like the shittiest and choppy chapter of the bunch. Google Docs was deleting and throwing my sentences around. Writing will be improved in every chapter after this, i've picked up a new writing book.**


	5. Chapter 5

**December 25th**

It was finally Christmas, a blanket of snow shrouded the landscape outside in white. Leni stood at the window of her room, wearing two thick sweaters to defend against the fierce cold. The Air Heater was losing the the battle to keep the house warm. Her hands remained unprotected and began stinging from being so close to the window, and her feet were starting to feel the same. The sun had risen past horizon into a perfect blue sky making the air outside seem crystal clear from behind the window. It really was a nice day so far though only six forty-five in the morning. Soon enough the other Louds would wake with an eagerness to open their presents.

Leni was unexpecting of any gifts. Not having any money wasted on her was nice; the little she had right now was good enough for her. Maybe the money that would've been spent on her was split among the other siblings, allowing for them to get more things off their wishlist. If for some reason Leni ended up on the edge of the bridge again, she didn't want anything her parents got for her going waste.

She went into the dresser to look for a matching pair of socks. Staying warm during the cold season was another one of the things she liked about winter. From there she could hear her phone buzz on the bed. It was probably an email notification; if she had her volume up then she'd be able to tell who it was. A few seconds later it buzzed again. And again. Leni grabbed random socks and went over to it to see what the fuss was about. It buzzed again when Leni had grabbed the device. It was just Carol messaging Leni her name over and over again.

' _Leni'_

' _Leni'_

' _Leni'_

' _Leni'_

Leni could only smiled at the messages. It was interesting how Carol presented her quirkiness in public versus in private. Leni texted a short response.

' _Yeah?'_

Carol's response was immediate. ' _Go to your front door... Fast.'_

Leni pulled the socks on. She would have asked why but it was Carol she was talking too, she could guess why Carol wanted her out there. She made it down stairs and to the door fairly quickly. A look around told her no one was watching so she stepped out. The coldness inside paled in comparison to the outside. She regretted not taking a moment to not slip her shoes on but knowing Carol was outside while everyone was home, Leni didn't want to take the risk of Lori randomly waking up and deciding to come outside for fresh air. She was right; there was Carol sitting on the stairs, her legs pulled close to her chest. The older girl turned at the sound of the door opening and got up to face her.

"Leni, you decided to get up finally. It's so damn cold out here."

"I've been up," Leni answered. "Like, what are you doing here?"

Carol smiled, and help up two wrapped packages in her hand. "Merry Christmas!"

Leni didn't know what to say. She hadn't gotten her friend anything in return. It was hard to play by the rules she set in place when she received things she hadn't asked for nor known about, but she could hardly decline the happy look Carol presented.

"But… I like, didn't get you anything in return though."

Carol just shrugged. "So? It's Christmas. You made the jacket right? It's a fair trade."

Technically, Leni only put the jacket together, Carol got the supplies. Leni promised herself she would repay the debt of the gift in her own way. She took them in her hands and looked at Carol.

"Put them under your tree, don't open them until the rest of your family gets up." Carol told her.

"What are they?"

"You'll have to wait until you open them. I'm just going to say, one's my favorite book ever. The main guy is literally reminds me of your situation, but in a fantasy setting and a warrior guy's perspective, it's so great. Like, really great." Carol said. Leni nodded. Her life? Fantasy? Book? Leni hardly read anything. The book was most likely going to sit on her shelf for a couple of months before Leni read the first few sentences, then put it down forever. Leni nodded in return before remembering the gifts she should have brought to give the girl.

"Wait here a moment, I need to get you your gifts." Leni took a moment to throw her gifts beside the tree after she went inside and went back upstairs to grab the gifts. While upstairs she could hear some movement coming from various rooms. It wouldn't be long until the ones up first forced the others to wake. Leni kept Carol's apparel wrapped and in a corner under her bed for safe keepings. As the objects were being retrieved Lori shifted in her bed.

She left the room and as soons as she reached the bottom of the stairs, a door upstairs could be heard opening. She'd have to send Carol away. She went back outside, and Carol was right where Leni left her. She thrust the gifts into Carol's hands, spun the girl around and started pushing her back to her car.

"Your scarf and jacket. Siblings are waking up so you like, have to go." Leni said once she saw the questioning look on Carol's face. This secrecy was killing her, she'd have to stop caring what Lori thought at some point.

They stopped beside Carol's car.

"I think you'll like your second gift Leni. Wear it every single day and never lose it." Carol said. She then leaned in close to Leni's face causing the young girl's heart rate to speed up. "If Lori opens it, our friendship will be exposed and troubles will follow."

Carol's eyes were sharp like green-stained glass shards. Leni nodded and glanced back at the house. So far, nobody could be seen peeking through the windows. She turned back to Carol.

"So like, I'll see you this weekend right?" She asked.

"Yep, I already everything planned out. Later." Leni stepped away as Carol got in her car. She waved and Carol gave her a wink in return.

Heading back to the house, Leni was interested in the things Carol got her. Not only that but she didn't wake up feeling too bad for herself; Carol's visit boosted her mood. A little more and today could be considered a good day.

Only when the door was closed behind her did the cold she had been enduring become apparent. The noises upstairs were getting louder as the other siblings hyped themselves up for the totes awesome gifts they would be receiving. Leni found herself waiting in anticipation; Christmas was a day of happiness and family gathering, she would try her hardest not to let her presence stop that from happening.

Leni looked behind her to the top of the stairs and the rest of the siblings were making their way down in the most Christmassy clothings they had. The kids were moving in unison, ready to begin the holiday tradition. At the same time their parents exited their room, just as excited to receive gifts from their children.

Leni was the outlier, most likely the only who didn't get anyone anything; because just as always, she had nothing to give. It didn't bother her too much. She wasn't expecting anything from them anyways so it was a fair trade.

They converged in the living room and Leni got up to join the group of kids. All eyes were on their parents. With a single nod from their father, their self restraint was lost as they rushed to find the presents with their names on it, Leni Included. She had put her things to the far right of the Christmas tree, far enough away that she didn't get caught in the mass of limbs called her siblings.

Once her things were retrieved she moved to the dining room, away from all the commotion. She delicately opened both gifts, careful not to destroy the snowman patterned paper. The first of which was the promised book, " _Ballad of Paladin_ ". Sticking out from it was a note that said 'read me!'. Leni pulled the slip of paper out. It was a note from Carol.

' _Leni, if I didn't tell you this when I gave you these gift (or for some reason I had to leave them on your porch), then just know that the book reminded me of you so I got it so you could read it. It's like, literally the best book I've read, and it would mean a lot of if you did too; the movie comes out on my birthday so read it before that. The next book also comes out later next year too. I've tried many things to help you and it doesn't seem to be working right (i'll never give up), so hopefully you'll find inspiration in it. Also there should be a necklace I got you. I only had ONE picture of you and I smiling together so I used that. You need to smile more. Have fun with your family and Merry Christmas! -C"_

Leni jammed the note in a pocket and opened the other gift, and sure enough it was a small, golden heart shaped necklace in a fancy box. Her finger pressed against the clasp release, and it opened to the picture mentioned in Carol's note. It from the first week of December when they'd gone to a Christmas parade in the town over. It was one of Leni's happiest moments since she met Carol, and the older girl looked just as happy in the picture The gift almost made Leni tear up. Almost. There were too many people around to do so. With the sentimental and monetary value, Leni would be indebted to Carol for a while.

She spent the next few minutes fondling the locket like it was the only thing she knew how to do. It was a truly beautiful piece of work. The carvings on the exterior were captivating. If Carol wanted her to read, she (maybe) would. If she wanted her to have fun with the family, she'd try. Anything to show appreciation for the gift. She tried put the necklace on, proudly showing it off to herself before tucking it in her sweater. The only thing she couldn't do was let anyone open in. It was like Carol wanted (or forcing) her to take these bigger risks to see how far Leni would be pushed.

Her though chain was interrupted by the sister she wanted to see least: Lori. The newcomer looked as happy as she could possibly be holding her stocking filled with treats.

"Hey Leni, what are you doing in here by yourself? Is this all you got?" The oldest Loud asked pointing to the book. Leni nodded, wishing to remain silent around her. Keeping the status quo was her mission but she as stated before, she couldn't help her unwanted disdain towards her older sister; opening the her mouth might lead to unnecessary words she didn't want out.

"Oh," Lori's smile didn't waver. "Is that all you wanted?"

Leni nodded again. Lori nodded in return, unsure of where to take the conversation if Leni wasn't going to answer any questions.

"Well, want to help me and Mom and Luna start cooking dinner?" Lori asked her. Dinner got started as soon as presents were opened. Money may have been an issue around here, but Christmas dinner spared no expenses.

Leni got up from her chair. "Sure."

If it was possible, Lori's grin got even wider. "Great, it's always so much fun."

For Lori it was. Cloth measurement was the only math Leni could do. Cooking contained too many numbers, measurements, conversions and perfect timings and stuff for Leni to be good at it. It wasn't like the others would be so irresponsible to let Leni actually do anything worth importance; cleaning would more likely be her job so there was no harm in agreeing.

The kitchen counters were littered with ingredients for the various dishes to be prepared. Even with only their mother and Luna working the area seemed crowded, the addition of Leni and Lori would be overkill. Leni should've backed out and spent her time texting Carol or drawing some designs for Linky's comic or something but she was obligated by Carol's wishes to do this. Lori just jumped right into the action. The three of them worked as a team with little communication.

"So like, what am I doing?" Leni asked to no one in particular and with little enthusiasm. Unlike the others, she needed to be told exactly what to do. Like any other time Leni helped 'cook', her mom would just look over her shoulder at Leni, then around the kitchen before deciding Leni would be least likely to mess up cleaning. Rita looked over her shoulder at her daughter.

"Leni, uh…" She looked around for the easiest thing the ditzy blonde could do. Both actions expected. Rita just gave Leni the bowl that was in her hands. This was unexpected. In it was brown powder.

"Like what am I making?" She asked. Rita didn't turn back to answer.

"The cake, it's time you learned the family secret. Follow the instructions, recipes' on the fridge." Their mother then pointed over her shoulder, as if Leni didn't know where the fridge was. She didn't focus on that though; the cake was the most important part of the meal and always the first thing baked on Christmas morning.

The recipe was created by their great-great-great grandfather, and passed down each generation. The secret ingredient wasn't on the list, only existing in memory (though, Leni didn't understand why her mother said it was time for her to learn the secret without telling it to her). To pass such a delicate job Leni was just asking for a mistake to be made.

The aged list was faded in some places from years of existence, but her mother never bothered to rewrite it since it was stored in her memory; Leni, however, would end up clueless in some places. She wasn't unsure what her mother had already done.

Ingredients: unbleached-all purpose flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, milk, canola oil, eggs, vanilla extract and cocoa powder.

Preheat the oven to 350. Combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, cocoa powder and salt in a bowl.

There steps were simple enough but there were no measurements. Leni guess her mother already did that part and expected Leni to know that since there was already some powdery substances in the bowl and she said nothing on she had already done. Now for step two?

2) Add the eggs, milk, oil and extract. Stir in.

How much though? Looking around, Lori and Luna seemed busy enough preparing pie to be baked. Rita was working on the ham.

"How much of this do I add?" She asked.

"Lori can you help her with that?" Rita asked. And just like that Leni knew any chance of this being fun was wiped away. Leni would've much rather preferred Luna, or even Lola throwing a tantrum, but what else could be done? Flat out tell Lori she didn't want her help?

Lori turned away from what she was helping Luna with to Leni, ready to assert her dominant perfection over the second oldest Loud. Maybe even sabotage Leni. She took the list from Leni's hands and gave it a once over and glanced at the bowl.

"Oh yeah, Luan thought it'd be literally funny to remove the measurements last year to see if the cake would be ruined. Mom's super superstitious about rewriting it." Lori informed her. That sounded like something the prankster would do but it didn't help the current situation though. Lori answered the unasked statement.

"I remember the recipe though. God, this is going to be so fun!"

Lori was wrong, this wasn't going to be fun. The older Loud got the remaining ingredients from the pantry and set them out. She then set a large measuring cup down.

"You need two eggs, one half-cup of oil, a cup of milk, and two tablespoons of vanilla. Got it?"

No she didn't get it. By time Lori finished listing measurements off Leni miss-matched which amount went with what. Her head was constantly filled with too many unwanted thoughts to have room for anything else in it.

"I'm going to mess this up." Leni thought she said it in her head, but a pat on the back from Lori indicated otherwise.

"You'll do great Leni, it's impossible to mess up." Lori complimented. Her happiness never once faltered. The older Loud went back to helping Luna.

To ask for a repeat would be submission to defeat. Leni would take the the ridicule of her siblings or even the kids at school rather than giving Lori the satisfaction of knowing cake making was another thing she was better than Leni in.

Lori had got her two eggs. It took caution but Leni successfully cracked both of them without getting the hard exterior into the mix. One step down. She knew she heard a half-cup of something and a full-cup of another; Lori listed them off in the order they appeared right? In the end she decided a full cup of each was the best option. Too much is always better than not enough. A full cup oil it was. Then a full-cup of milk, and finally several large spoons of the extract. She stirred it all together. Baking wasn't her her area of expertise but she thought the batter would've been thicker.

4) Pour in pan and put in oven.

Simple enough. The pan needed was already put out for her. Before she could pour the contents, Lori appeared beside her.

"I think that might be a bit too thin. You added the right amounts right?"

Leni was kind, but she wasn't above spite. She shook her head 'yeah'. Lori didn't seemed entirely convinced but despite knowing Leni wasn't the best at remembering instructions and there was a clear imbalance in the recipe, she encouraged Leni to go on. Leni noted all this, it wouldn't be the first time Lori put her down for her own gain. Maybe the thickness of the batter didn't matter. Leni just wanted to be away from this activity.

She finished the pouring process, and Lori hovered over her as she put they tray into the oven, like she'd burn down the house or something.

"Good job!" Lori congratulated, as if some great challenge had been completed.

"Yeah, it's totes going to be awesome." Hopefully it would so everyone would see Leni was capable of success but for now she wanted to get out of here before she really did mess something up. She'd have to wash her hands in the bathroom. Leni took her leave, glad Lori remained downstairs as she enjoyed the silence of her room.

'''''''''''XXXXXX

Dinner time. Leni had spent the rest of the day in her room admiring the locket, and attempting to read the book. Everytime she was ready to open the cover, she found something else that managed to peak her interest. Not once had anyone come up to disturb her. Before long, the household excitement simmered as the sun went down and it was time for dinner.

Leni wasn't even hungry but another one of the family's stupid traditions was no dinner unless everyone was present. That included Leni, sadly. It's not like she had anything better to spend her time doing.

She got to the table the same time as the others. The many dishes available lining the table looked great, but not appetizing to Leni. She'd probably just have a few slices of ham and head back to her solitude.

The separation between the kid's and adult table was erased for the sake of togetherness. Their parents sat at the head of the table; Lori to their left, and the siblings seated from oldest to youngest ending with Lily on their right.

This was great, aside from the fact she was sitting next to Lori. Leni glanced at said girl. Her smile wasn't as wide as before but it was still genuine. Leni mentally repented herself for labeling Lori as the worst. She often forgot that she was only supposed to be hating herself being compared to her, but it wouldn't stop evolving.

She looked around and nodded to herself. Smiling faces, happy chatter not too loud; this was the type scene she liked. It seemed like they were actually capable of acting sophisticated. Leni found herself smiling right along with them.

Luna was the last down, probably not wanting to put down the new music stuff she got. Ever since that one day where Luna opened up to her the musician seemed to always be happier. They've had a slight change in their relationship. Nothing great, just a few exchanges where there would've been silence before. She took her seat next to Leni. As soon as she touched the chair everyone began digging in. Leni waited until everyone was settled before getting her meal. A slice of ham and some salad was what she would dine on.

She stayed silent as the other sisters and their parents talked about their lives and how great the day was. Leni didn't mind listening to any of it though. Today was a good day for her too. She felt a movement on the left of her neck but didn't bother to look until she realized it was her necklace. Luna was pulling it out of her sweater.

"Did your girl get you this?" She whispered as the full thing came into view. Leni nodded and gently took it away before Luna had the chance open it. "That's cute. What did you get her dude?"

"I made her a cute jacket." Leni answered her. The small talk between the two continued until the family finished their meal. Then came the time everyone was always waiting on. Dessert.

Leni remained seated as their parents and the other four oldest took the food away and brought out the desserts. Pie, pudding and jello were the first three to arrive but nobody began. The family cake recipe must have had a highly addictive additive in it because the household would always become ravenous for it. When it was finally out, Leni couldn't help but take in a sharp breath. The icing was finely done. Each color, the green, red, gold and blue nicely complimented each other. The design wasn't anything complex, just some Christmas shapes, but the lines were clean. Leni felt smug knowing she had a hand in its creation.

"Alright everybody, what we've all been waiting for." Rita said as it was set down. Lori came in behind her.

"It's actually the second cake we had to bake today. Leni added too much oil and vanilla to the other cake and it wouldn't hold together. There wasn't enough flour in it either so I made another one." Lori told the group. The siblings began laughing , and so did Leni though it was more at herself than anything.

"Geez Leni, were *half-baked* when you baked the cake?" Luan joked. Leni had no idea what half-baked was but she guessed she still was.

To think Lori would share the glory from this sacred tradition was childish of Leni. This was the same girl that sabotaged Leni's driving test and confidence to feel better about herself. Of course when Leni learned the reason she forgave her sister but the same day her parents told her they would no longer pay for her license exams since she's failed too many timed.

While the cake was cut and in the process of being served Leni looked at the ones who already began to enjoy their cut. The bliss on their small faces. After just a moment more she finally understood why this was happening. It was just like the driving incident.

The cake was a lie. This whole thing was a big sham orchestrated by Lori and Rita to keep Leni in the shadows. Leni's cake was garbage that would never see the light while Lori's was loved by everyone else, parents included; exactly how it was in real life. It doesn't make much sense, but that didn't matter to Leni since it made complete sense to her. She did say she would rather take the ridicule than ask Lori for help but that didn't mean she had to like the option.

Leni wanted Carol to be nice to her sister and vise versa, but she could understand why Carol didn't like her.

A plate was placed in front of her but she didn't want any. It would be asking her to taste Lori's betrayal. What was wanted was a hot shower that would cool her thoughts and relax her tense muscles. This dining would've lasted anywhere from ten to thirty minutes so she would have about that long to shower in peace. She nudged Luna's shoulder.

"You want this?" She pushed her plate towards the brunette. Luna raised a brow.

"You don't want it dude?" Luna asked.

Leni shook her. "I'm just not feeling well. Gonna take a shower."

"Alright, thanks."

She stood up and headed upstairs. She heard Lori ask where she was going but Luna answered for her so she didn't turn back.

She got her night clothes and a towel and headed to the bathroom. She turned the water to the hottest setting, letting it run few a minute before stripping down and stepping in. The only sound from upstairs was the sound of the running water. Leni would have to make the most of the peace while it lasted.

The hot water stung at first but her skin got used to it. Now THIS was always her favorite part of the day, relaxing warm shower. She placed her palms against the wall and let out a breath as the water ran down her back, easing the tense muscles in between her shoulders. The slight red left where the water touched her made her think of a boiled lobster. If lobster tasted as good as the water made her feel then no wonder it was so expensive.

She looked at her arms. Her veins were slightly visible through the steam filling the room. Thinking about blood within them made her uncomfortable. She wondered if she went to donate blood if it would come out as mud because that's what it felt like to her at least. Thick, heavy, and slowly moving through her body; like all the negative feeling and self-deprecating thought gathered in the bloodstream and congealed at her heart, which seemed like a brick weighing in her chest. No shower would fix it.

The incident with Lori was meanial compared to some of the other things Leni had experienced before, but everytime _her own_ sister knocked her down to climb higher it was twices as hurtful. Leni thought that would be the primary cause for her blood feeling as dense as lead, unless that's what really was flowing through her.

Maybe there was a way to get it out; to 'cleanse' herself, like an invention that took blood from one arm and sent it to a washing machine, and sent it through another tube back into the other arm. That would require needles though, and Leni didn't enjoy pain even if it was transient. Phasing it out was another possibility. The medical applications would be revolutionary.

The 'cleansing' would, Leni thought, make her feel light and overall happier but a new body entirely would do the same thing. If she felt better in her own body so many of her problems would vanish. It'd be funny if she could switch bodies with Lori for a day, then maybe she'd finally understand that her actions could hurt feelings.

Even Leni acknowledged it as an absurd idea, but Lisa turned her skin blue once, she could probably create a device to make any of these ideas happen; the scientist would cringe at Leni's ideas before that happened though. If Leni didn't think these absurd ideas then her mind would've been devoid of anything again.

She grabbed her body wash and began lathering herself with it.

" _Whether blood or body changes"_ Leni thought " _This place is totes toxic."_

And she was right. As long as she was around Lori's superiority complex or Luan's sometimes crude (or just plain rude) jokes or Lola's abrasive pride, things would turn out the same regardless of what she looked like. Either they had to change or Leni would have to leave . That's probably what Carol would say. Leni would prefer the former, it would be sad to not watch her siblings grow. She recognized the part she played; her kindness was taken advantage of, and now her siblings had grown accustomed to it. If she spoke up just once before this might not have been too bad. Leni could use Carol's guidance right about even though she only took her advice to heart half the time.

Speaking of Carol, Leni's phone dinged with the tone she set to the young woman. Leni dried a hand and reached over to the device. Careful not to get it too close to the water, Leni opened her messages.

' _How did your day go?'_

Aside from the last bit it was an alright day, Carol probably wouldn't want to hear about it so it wouldn't be mentioned.

' _Alright.'_ She answered.

' _So what are you doing now?'_

' _Thinking about lobsters, blood teleporting machines and body transfers.'_

'… _.Why lol?'_

Leni chose not to answer and ask about Carol's day instead.

' _How is Christmas with your family going?'_

It took Carol a minute to respond and in that time Leni finished rinsing herself off and began drying off. When Carol finally replied it was a message with an image attachment.

' _Just eating dinner with my family :)'_

Leni opened the the image and it was a selfie of Carol sitting at her dining room table, but the chairs in the background were all empty. She had a obviously fake on her face. Leni smiled at her antics and did remember her say something about her parents being gone the entire break. The fact that Carol was wearing the jacket she made warmed Leni inside, she was right when she said the colors would look good on the girl.

Leni wrapped the towel tightly around herself and took a picture of herself trying to imitate Carol's expression and sent it to her with the message ' _I'm still here if you need me.'_

' _Isn't that my line?'_

A knock at the door prevented Leni from responding.

"Just a minute!"

She heard grumbling in return, as if just a few more seconds of their time was too much to ask.

Once she finished getting dressed, she headed towards her room and passed Lola who entered the restroom next. Leni rolled her eyes; of course it would be her who couldn't bear to lose precious time.

Leni flopped down on her bed. The cold of the household contrasted greatly with the warmth of the shower. She would have liked the feeling if it were not so chilling. Lori wasn't back upstairs yet, probably helping clean up the mess like the responsible and good child she was.

Leni swaddled herself in the blankets completely and hugged her limbs tightly to her body to warm faster. Her phone dinged again with a message from Carol.

' _Going out with some friends tomorrow so I'm going to bed now. Just confirming that nothing happened and we are still on for the sleepover this weekend?'_

If Leni could have it her way she'd be the one hanging out with Carol tomorrow, but it was just a reminder that Carol could replace her if the older girl wished to.

' _I don't know like, it is your house… so you still want to?'_

' _It's a yes or no. Are you busy this weekend now?'_

It was just like when they first planned the sleepover how Carol told Leni to make the decision; except now Leni wasn't sure if Carol secretly wanted her to say no or not. When it came to deciphering Carol's discrete messages, the girl was a long lost language.

' _No.'_ was her answer.

' _The I can't wait to bring you over. I just wanted to be sure you were comfortable with it. There's so many things we can do. 'Night ;)'_

" _Sleep good.'_

The time was approaching eight, so Leni had at least a few more hours until she would naturally fall asleep. She really had nothing to do. The necklace remained around her neck for the night. Lori might get too nosy at one point during the night and mess around with it.

A good night's sleep was Leni's Christmas wish, and hoped by some Christmas miracle it would be granted. As the hours passed and the clock reached nearer towards midnight, Leni thought her wish was granted when she fell to the comforting arms of rest, that seemed like it might be deep enough to sate her.

She would be disappointed when awoke early the next morning, as tired as ever.


	6. Chapter 6

It was sleep over night and Leni was nervous. She'd never had a friend (asks if she had any real friends to begin with) that would let her sleep at their house. It was like sleepovers were an entirely new level of trust all together; to allow another person to rest in your place of privacy was a sacred opportunity - to Leni at least. Other kids probably stayed at each other's houses loads of times, she knew Lori and Luna and Luan had countless nights over at their friend's houses.

The days prior were filled with Leni wondering what she should have been bringing in an effort to put something on the table of this friendship. The only specific thing Carol told her to bring was herself. Carol emphasized ' _only herself'_ part several times so Leni wasn't sure if it was a situation where Carol wanted her to take initiative. Leni hadn't seen her since Christmas because Carol had been spending more and more time hanging out with some of her school friends; a lot of time with them.

A part of Leni wished she could've been there with those friends rather than home (even if Leni knew that she wouldn't like Carol's other friends); the two days in between Christmas and Friday were sluggish to say the least. Now that Carol hung around her other friends more often, though, the young woman was happier than usual; that in turn made Leni happy too but now it was her turn to have Carol all to herself.

Carol told Leni she'd be there at six sharp. There were only fifteen minutes left until that time arrived. Each tick of the clock took longer than the next to pass and it was an annoying sensation. The television was on but Leni wasn't listening, her eyes were on the show playing but nor was she watching. The only thing her mind could focus on was the clock that got louder tick as if to remind her she was wasting time. She just didn't want to be at the house right now.

The most of the other Louds were out back playing in the snow or stuck in their room doing who knows what. That was alright with Leni. She told anyone who would listen that she was going to stay at a friend's house, so once she was finally gone her family wouldn't ask questions and her worry list would have a few items crossed out this weekend.

A look at the clock told her there was only a minute left until Carol stated she would be there. Leni was dressed in a simple sea-foam blue sweater and a pair of jeans. It didn't offer much warmth against the freezing cold when Leni stepped outside, but she could rough it for less than a minute.

Carol made all the plans, like always, but Leni didn't mind. Carol already said bringing herself was enough so Leni would try to have the most fun and stressless weekend she could - as long as Carol didn't try to pry into Leni's personal history again.

Time kept passing and Leni final checked her phone for the first time when she noticed she was shivering violently. It was fifteen minutes past six, had Carol cancelled? Of course not, she would've messaged her; unless she finally realized Leni was unfixable. It would suck if that were the case since Carol was her a good (and only) friend, but Leni was used to being alone.

She got up and went to go wait inside when she heard a honk behind her. Carol's car magically pulled up without Leni taking notice. She walked over as fast as her cold limbs would allow and got in. The car's heating was more than welcome but Leni couldn't help rubbing her arms for the extra heat.

Carol kept the vehicle in park. Leni looked over and the young woman was just looking at her with an eyebrow raised.

"You cold?"

Leni nodded. "I was like, waiting outside for you. I didn't think you be fifteen minutes late."

"I had a video chat with my parents that took a bit longer than expected. It's a long story." Carol shook her head while smirking. "I don't want you to get a cold for me. Then I'd have to sit by your bedside and feed you soup."

Leni let out a slight chuckle, as if Carol would really do that. She probably would; Carol always went to the unnecessary extreme for Leni, for a reason she couldn't figure out.

"You know it's like, risky… just sitting here…"

Carol shrugged. "I'm just super happy today. Maybe it's a good day to rub our friendship in Lori's face?"

Leni quietly groaned at the thought while Carol laughed.

"I wouldn't do that to you Leni. Yet."

Carol put the car in drive after a moment and Leni felt more at ease the further her house faded into the distance.

"We're going to take the long way, I don't like the shorter way." Carol told her.

"Why?" Leni asked her. Carol shrugged as response.

Unbeknownst to Leni the shorter way to Carol's house would take them over the very same bridge she had once tried to take her own life on. Carol avoided going that way even if Leni wasn't with her.

The rest of the ride was spent in relative silence. Leni's thought were occupied with musings of what Carol's house looked like. She had no idea what type of house it would be but she could guess. You'd have to be brain dead to not know the Pingrey's were rich and Carol always had an air of superiority around her when she wasn't with Leni; so if Leni had to guess her house was a huge multi-floored mansion with a several servants. She couldn't imagine it any other way once the image was in her head.

When the destination finally arrived Leni found that her imagination couldn't have been further from the truth. While the house was indeed big, having two stories and a large layout, it wasn't as huge as first thought. The lawn in the front of the house was well kept and the hedges trimmed nicely. Most importantly the servants -which Leni inquired about moments before- were not a thing at this household. Turns out Carol's family was a humble rich family rather than the over-the-top flamboyant stereotype of rich people.

Leni followed behind and observed everything Carol did as to not step on any of the rules imposed in this house. The interior was nice; The flooring was a dark hardwood, the dimmed lights were ingrained into the ceiling, the general color scheme of the house was dark and light brown. Leni didn't particularly like those colors but didn't hate them either. This scheme combined with the low-light composed the relaxing aura of the house.

After entering through the entry hall, Carol brought Leni into the living room and sat her on the couch. Carol disappeared for a couple of minutes to go grab some movies, leaving Leni alone on the edge of the sofa. She took a moment to take in the details of the home; weren't many pictures of the family on the wall, in fact there was only one picture of Carol. The rest were just reprints of famous artworks.

The sofa was a sectional and soft, it didn't seem like got much use. The ceiling was beamed to give the already large room an even bigger vibe; the bones of the house were nice. Leni wasn't an architecture nerd but her old woodworking and carving hobby had taught her a few things. Carol came back with three movies in hand, of course they were all horror, the young woman's favorite genre. She tossed them next to Leni.

"Pick one, I haven't seen any of these yet. I ordered pizza too, so we're going to wait for it before we actually begin the movie." Carol said as she sat down next Leni.

Leni only glanced at the movies and chose a random one. _The Conjuring_. The cover image didn't look too scary in comparison to the other movies two with grotesque people on them.

"This one." Leni held up the case. Carol smiled.

"Nice choice. I've heard about it but was waiting for the right time to watch it. Like now."

Leni nodded. If she was lucky she could just cover her eyes while Carol put an arm around her and wait the movie out. That's how it went a the theater so this time shouldn't be too different. This would soon turn into another example of Leni being wrong.

"Do you like, know what it's about?"

"Demonologists Lorraine and Ed Warren are called to the home of Carolyn and Roger Perron. The Perrons and their five daughters have moved into a farmhouse where a presence makes itself known. Though the manifestations are relatively benign at first, events soon escalate in horrifying fashion, especially after the Warrens discover the house's history." Carol told her.

"If you haven't like, seen the movie, how do you know all this?" Leni asked.

"The back of the case." Carol answered. As she saw Leni look away with a sheepish expression on her face she let out a giggle. "I'm just going to think you already knew that, but just wanted to hear my voice."

Leni liked Carol's voice, and especially her laugh. She just wished it was at some funny joke rather than her stupidity. When she looked up at Carol, the young woman removed her headband and had her fingers running through her hair, starting intently at Leni; a thing Leni figured Carol did while either trying to get a read on her after asking a question or she was about to say something serious.

"I forgot to mention I got a boyfriend." Carol said out of the blue. Leni's face remained indifferent before turning into a smile. Ever since Luna brought up the whole liking girls thing, Leni actually thought _she_ was the one starting to like Carol more than a friend. Just a week or two ago Carol was at complete disregard for getting in any relationships, now someone was able surpass the trust Leni had built and take it to the next level in an instant.

"Is he like, totes hot?" The only way Leni would be appreciative of anyone take the title of boyfriend is if they had the looks that matched Carol's level of beauty. Carol smiled and nodded.

"He's the hottest guy out there. I've seen him around school a few times, but actually met him a couple weeks ago when I went out with some friends. He and I went out a couple more times and then started dating officially four days ago. I hope it works out." Carol was watching Leni the whole time. Leni patted her on the shoulder.

"I'm like, super happy you found someone." Leni said enthusiastically. "If he breaks your heart I'll have to fight him."

A devious smile etched itself on Carol's face.

"It's funny you bring up fighting someone. I've been waiting to talk to you about something." Carol was running her fingers through her hand again but now she was looking at Leni like a predator does its prey. This was the one she did when she asked Leni serious stuff and there was no escape. "You almost got in a fight at school before the break right... Why?"

This was a conversation Leni would rather not have. She thought that the whole 'fight' thing had evaded Carol and she wouldn't be forced to talk about it. If she could avoid actually talking about it until the pizza arrived then she'd be fine. Best way to do that would be to deflect the argument on to Carol.

"I hate when you do that." Leni said; It was the only time she would ever say she hated something Carol did.

"What?" Carol didn't like that sentence any more than Leni did.

"I think we're having a conversation but, like, it turns out you're interrogating me…" Leni took the line out of a T.V. show she saw one time about police officers. It had the intended effect when Carol didn't think of a response right away.

"I-..." Carol tried to start, but ultimately failed. For once Leni managed to get the upper hand. She smiled as Carol tried to create a comeback, but the older girl smiled back as she caught on rather quickly to Leni's plan. "Just because I care for your wellbeing doesn't mean I can't ask questions you don't like. You won't get away from answering. Why did someone want to hurt you?"

How long did it take pizza to be delivered? The reason why wasn't anything spectacular, just some kids deciding they wanted to be jerks. There were two reasons she didn't want to let it out just yet.

The first being Leni did try opening up to Carol before but she didn't seem too interested that time. It was hard for her then; it was even harder now. She didn't want to burden the girl further with these boring problems.

The second was the fact that occasionally Leni would let a secret out, but it had to be done on Leni's time when she was ready. If Leni let Carol force one secret out of her, then her darker secrets would become vulnerable to Carol's persuasions. Carol always praised Leni for being too pure and innocent. What would Carol do once she found out Leni was none of those things, leave their friendship out on the street? She had to plan her openings for the right moments or be faced with a Carol who's actions would be out of Leni's control.

"Can't we like, just focus on the good times? Negative stuff should totes stay in the past." Leni stated. Playing on Carol's sympathy would also work sometimes.

"How about if I tel-" Carol was interrupted by a knock at the door, so it seemed like Leni was able to stall long enough.

"We'll pick this up later. It's time for pizza now." Carol went to go get the door.

From her position Leni heard a high pitch squeal and then Carol fawning over something. Leni smiled, there was no way Carol would react this way for pizza unless there was a super weird tendency Leni didn't know about her. There was actually a lot about the young woman Leni didn't know but if she didn't open up then Carol didn't have to.

Carol came back into the room smiling, she leaned over the back of the couch.

"I forgot to tell you, my boyfriend is gonna hang out here for a little bit."

Leni didn't want that. Guys had a notorious history of being rude to Leni. If the guy went to their school then there was a ninety-nine percent chance he's heard of Leni and the way he was supposed to act towards her. Who was she to tell Carol she couldn't bring her boyfriend into her own house though?

"That's like, cool. Where is he?" Leni asked. Her question was answered when he came around the corner.

He was an alright looking guy, but not good enough for Carol that was for sure. He was light skinned and sporting short, unkempt dark hair. His eyes were as brown as his hair, but his jawline was pretty strong. He was a bit above the average teen to say the least but Carol was leagues above her peers. Leni could only focus on his flaws. He wore a slightly wrinkled blue button up and faded blue jeans. If Carol planned on staying with this guy then Leni prayed her friend would let Leni give him fashion advice. His posture was improper -Leni's wasn't that great but it was definitely better than his- and just based on the fact that he was a guy, he probably hadn't showered in a while.

"Leni this is Bryan my boyfriend, Bryan this is my friend Leni." Carol introduced them. Leni noted how she didn't use best friend when introducing her.

"Sup." He said. Bryan stepped next to Carol behind the sofa and held out a hand to Leni but she made no motions to return the gesture. Carol just looked in between the two, but once the awkward levels got too high he lowered his hand. "That's… cool I guess."

"Leni isn't one for talking much, or physical contact, or strangers." Carol explained. Bryan just shrugged.

"If she's not cool I can bolt."

' _Yes, please go'_ Leni thought. His voice was too monotonous for Leni's ears. The sooner he was quiet or the sooner the pizza got here so they could begin the movie already the better.

"No, no, she's the coolest once you get to know her. Right Leni, you're cool with it?" Carols eyes were pleading Leni to agree. Carol knew how Leni was uncomfortable with people, but Leni knew how Carol needed this.

She nodded. "Yeah, it's like totes cool. He seems nice."

So much for just a Leni and Carol night but she wouldn't let this ruin the mood for the rest of the night. Carol led Bryan to the other side of the sofa and sat down with him more or less sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around each other.

"We're going to watch _The Conjuring_. Just waiting on pizza to get here." Carol told him.

Leni busied herself by studying the movie case. Carol and this Bryan fellow were whispering to some lovey-dovey things to each other occasionally Carol would ask Leni to agree with her on a random subject that Leni wasn't really paying attention to. Leni checked her phone and it turned out she had only been here at Carol's house for twenty minutes and her phone was about to die. If Mr. Boyfriend stayed a while then it was going to be a long, long night.

Ten more minutes would pass before another knock came at the door. Carol looked over to Leni and asked her get it.

' _Please don't be another friend'_ Leni thought as she got up.

"Give the pizza guy whatever tip amount you want. All you have to do is sign my name." Carol called after her.

Leni didn't want to talk to the pizza delivery person, she wasn't even hungry, but the constant sounds of the two lovebirds making constant kissing sounds. It was only a matter of time until she had another Lori and Bobby on her hands. Leni opened the door. Speaking of that couple...

"Delivery for Carol Pin...grey..." The voice died as he saw who opened the door and Leni caught sight of him. Once again Bobby's constant job switching served as a bane to Leni. "Leni?"

"Please don't tell Lori." Leni asked. Bobby was the only guy she could somewhat stand. He was nice enough to the rest of the siblings. Bobby scratched his neck in uncertainty.

"Oh man, Lori made me vow to tell an anything on Carol. Carol is scary but I love Lori, who's also kinda scary. If she finds out i've been keeping secrets then i'll be in deep trouble." Bobby answered. He handed her the recipe to sign and a pen.

Carol explicitly said to give him any tip she wanted. Bobby liked money to buy things for Lori, he would have any amount he wanted.

"How much money would it cost to like, not say anything?" Leni asked. Bobby looked confused before looking down and cursing silently.

"Look, you don't have to bribe me. I also promised her I'd look out for you guys so I'll keep it down if you want me too." Bobby told her. Leni could tell he didn't like to break a promise to Lori, even if she never found out he broke it.

"Her boyfriend, Bryan is here too. You can tell Lori that." Leni said. It was a harmless telling. Lori could finally be at peace knowing Carol wasn't trying to steal Bobby so in Leni's mind, it was justified.

"I didn't see you here. I opened the door and Carol opened the door with a guy she called Bryan hugging her." Bobby said suggestively. Leni gave him a slow and exaggerated nod to signal she understood.

For a tip she wrote in forty; half the cost of the total price. She signed Carol's name and handed it back. Bobby said he didn't need a tip but his happiness told Leni otherwise. He handed her the pizza, carefully placed the two-liter drinks on top and gave her a nod as he turned away.

"Stay safe and have fun." Bobby said as he departed. The teen should really learn how to keep a job rather the getting a new one every week.

She carried the three boxes and the drinks back to the living room. Carol and Bryan were still on each other, with Carol basically lying on top of him. Leni guessed the boy was the reason they were in that position; it's all any boy thought about (beside Lincoln, as far as she were aware).

"Hey, like, where do want me to put this?" Leni asked.

Carol was too busy getting tickled and giggling to hear. Leni's uncomfortable meters were heading to off the charts. She just sat the goods on the coffee table.

Cups and plates. They needed them. Leni walked through an archway into what was the kitchen. The dark quartz counters were a good look. Even with the dim light on it was pretty dark in there, and empty. A part of the reason Carol didn't like being here alone was probably because every action in this house causes an echo. Leni checked each cabinet until she found the glasses and then the plates. At first she was only going to get two of each but decided she didn't want to be mean to a friend of Carol.

She took them back and set them next to the pizza boxes. Carol and Bryan were still doing their thing when Leni looked over at them. Now she wasn't as uncomfortable as she was disappointed in herself. She so boring that Carol had to bring over another person over to keep herself entertained. The room seemed to close in with each word coming from the couple. Leni decided it would be best to give them a little space.

Leni looked slinked back into the kitchen and then over to the dining room conjoined with it. There was a door to the outside at the far end where Leni exited. The garden in the backyard was just as well kempt as in the front, and there were some chairs on the patio overlooking the landscape. Leni took seat in one. The cold hadn't broken since she was waiting for Carol to pick her up, but then again that couldn't have been more than an hour ago.

Leni pulled her legs closer to her chest. If there was one good thing about Carol's boyfriend being here it was them not watching the scary movie. Leni never had the heart to tell Carol she didn't like them, though it should've been obvious by the way Leni acted during the films.

After a couple of minutes the cold wasn't as bad as Leni made it out to be, it was the wind that really got the body shivering. Leni looked up to the sky to study the shining stars. Leni saw pictures of the deep space nebulae on the internet that inspired her to make a dress based them but it never happened. Now she dreamed of flying among them; not a care from this world following her. Maybe now that Carol liked Leni's crafts -several messages had been sent to Leni raving about how comfortable the jacket was- Leni could probably make that (or several) space inspired dress.

Leni did not know how long she was outside thinking about dressmaking but it was a nice change from the normally negative thoughts. She vaguely heard the door slide open then close behind her but she was content where she was; head back and eyes closed, not wanting to break her silence if Bryan was the one who came out.

"Leni? Are you awake?" It was Carol of course, and only her thankfully - ironic Leni didn't hear her though, Leni was lost in her own thoughts. Carol came closer.

"I didn't try to fix your depressions so you could die of fucking hypothermia." Carol laughed nervously. Leni only fully became aware of Carol once she felt the older girls hand on her cheek and two fingers on her neck. Leni gave a half-smiled and opened her eyes. Carol was inches from her face.

"I'm totes not dead silly. Just thinking about fashion." Leni explained. Without talking, rather a sigh and roll of the eyes, Carol picked Leni up bridal style and carried her inside, setting her down gingerly on the couch.

"Don't you dare move, got it?"

Leni nodded. Carol walked off to the upstairs for a moment before coming back down and throwing some blankets on Leni. She then she went in the kitchen and came back with two plates. Now Carol put the movie in the blu-ray player and pressed play.

"You were gone for forty minutes. Bryan left ten minutes ago minutes and I thought you were eating in the dining room. Then when I went in there I thought you were using the restroom. But you weren't in any of them." Carol snuggled in right next to her and put a plate on her lap.

"Why did you go out there? Were you trying to attain death by cold?" Carol asked as she put the blankets around them. Leni shrugged.

"I like, thought you and Brent needed some space." Leni answered.

Carol shifted beside her. Carol chose to ignore the wrong name.

"Sorry to make you feel that way. Did you like him at least? If you don't I'll dump him and search for a new guy you like." Carol said. Leni wanted to tell Carol the truth but once again it conflicted with her nature.

"You two are totes cute together. As long as he's nice." Leni answered.

Carol nodded. "Maybe we should find you a boyf-"

"No!" Leni cut her off as she tensed. Carol looked at her, observing her. "I'm mean… I just had totes bad experiences with boys, I'm not ready to date. They like, wouldn't want me anyways."

Carol wrapped an arm around Leni.

"What'd they do? There is someone who wants you." She said.

"Eh," Leni grunted. " I don't want to talk about right now. Let's like, watch the movie."

"Alright." Carol agreed, but Leni could tell she wouldn't let it go so easily.

-xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Leni was spooked.

That movie got to her, on a deep level. She asked Carol to watch something bright and happy afterwards; Even after that movie Leni was still wary of clapping hands creeping out of a closet or cabinet or anywhere really. They were the only two in the house; at least if they watched the movie at Leni's house any unknown noise could be attributed to 12 other people.

They had retreated to Carol's room and now Leni was sitting on the bed. It was bland but Leni could see the appeal in keeping the room minimal. Carol was finishing up in the bathroom. They'd both decided to take showers before bed. Leni had finished her's when she realized she hadn't brought her nightgown -Carol told her to bring nothing after all- so Carol stepped in and let Leni wear one of her shirts to bed.

Carol insisted on the two sharing the same bed instead of Leni sleeping on the couch. It's not like Leni hasn't shared a bed before, but this time it was with someone unrelated to her. After some time Carol came in sporting the jacket Leni made for her. She jumped onto her bed and looked at Leni.

"What time do you normally go to bed?" Carol asked her.

"Uhh, like twelve. Or one. Or two." Leni answered.

"What time do you wake up?"

"...Four? Five? If I like, even go to bed. I totes have a hard time sleeping."

"Christ Leni, everyday? That's unhealthy… do you need to something for it?" Carol asked.

"Probably, but like, I just pretend to sleep so nobody asks about it."

Carol held up her finger and exited the room for a minute then came back with a orange bottle bottle in her hand.

"Triazolam. I could get into super huge trouble for giving you that but I can tell you borrowed some makeup to cover your eye bags." Carol said. "These were my dad's when he was super stressed and would go days without sleep. He hasn't used them in almost a year but he keeps some just incase. He won't miss them."

Leni wasn't quite sure if taking them was legal or if it would even be worth it to be forced to sleep if she would dream horrible dreams. The alternative was stay awake until Carol fell asleep and then be alone with that horrible movie stuck in her head.

"How many do I take?"

"Leni, this part is very, very, very, very, important. One. While you're hydrated, and you've eaten something. Never take more than one in twenty-four hours. That's what the doctor said when he gave them to dad, so I guess it's the same for you."

While she was talking Leni had already opened it and taken one. Carol let out an exasperated sign.

"Just don't forget it. You've been good at keeping us secret, you _HAVE_ to keep this one secret." Carol looked at Leni, waiting for a response. Leni nodded.

The next half-hour was full of girl talk until Leni felt the medicine taking effect. Gradually her tiredness was growing and Carol took notice and decided to put a plan into action.

"I was gonna say this before I got interrupted by Bryan's arrival, but if I tell you one of my top secrets will you tell me the truth to any question I ask?"

Seemed fair to Leni as long as she didn't have to answer anything too risky for Leni to answer truthfully. Leni nodded.

"This one's my most guarded secrets so you have to keep this one too under every circumstance. My family wasn't always rich. Your sister Lori thinks I was always rich and spoiled but that's not true; I only faked being rich. In fact, we were probably one of the poorest families in town and my parents would always argue and yell at me sometimes. I just read the book I gave you for Christmas and pretended I was traveling with the king whenever things go too heated.." Carol paused for a second. Leni was going to tell her to stop if it got too personal when she continued.

"They weren't as bad as i'm making them seem but it still sucked. When my dad's uncle passed away he gave him a large sum of money since he had no kids himself. My dad invested it well and basically became a millionaire over a couple of weeks. He said he was going to treat me and mom how we deserved. Ever since then he bought this house, and got me anything I wanted." Carol waved her arm to signal the plain room.

"Being poor was humbling when we final came into money when I was in the eighth grade. Now that my dad's rich, his uncle's wife tried to make some conspiracy claim dad murdered his own uncle. That was same day she cursed this house with some spooky ghosts. She's crazy but sometimes I think the curse worked." Carol finally stopped talking, her eyes like soft as she waited for Leni to make judgements about her.

"Did your parents, like… you know…" Leni asked. She was having a hard time putting it into words so she made a fist with one hand and lightly hit her open palm with it and repeated this motion. Carol raised an eyebrow until she understood what Leni meant.

"No, they never abused me. Worse things happen to you Leni, abuse isn't a word you should be embarrassed to say. The worst thing my dad ever did is come home drunk one time while mom was at work when I was eleven. He pulled me out of my room and said I was going to help him cook something. Long story short, I tripped, a really super hot skillet fell on my chest when I was wearing a tanktop, hurt bad, dad spent thirty minutes drunk crying about how he was sorry instead of getting me help. It was horrible then but kinda funny now. I have a scar where I was burned so that's why I always wear those collared button ups." Carol then zipped down her jacket to reveal the scar running along the left clavicle, reaching to the beginning of her shoulder, about an inch wide.

"It was a mistake father made long ago. I forgave him the moment it happened since it wasn't really his fault in the first place."

Leni nodded. She had learned more about Carol now than she'd ever had. Now was the moment of truth where she was willing to answer any question Carol asked.

"So, I technically told you two things, so you have to answer twice. Why did you almost get in that fight?" Carol asked.

Leni was fighting the sleepiness, Carol deserved at least one answer. "Some girl said I was like, sleeping with her boyfriend or something… said she had proof."

"What was the proof?"

"She said her boy showed her a picture of me on his phone. I think some random kid said if I took a picture for him he wouldn't do something bad to me so I did, but that was a while"

"What was it he said he'd do?"

"I don't know, something bad probably." The medication was making Leni lose it. Sleep. It called for her. Carol just shook her head.

"Second question." Leni didn't feel like this was only the second question, probably the fourth or ninth or something. "What's the worst day of your life?"

It was hard for Leni to think. "October twentieth-eight I think."

Carol's eye lit up, thinking she was going to learn something deep about Leni.

"What happened?" Carol asked.

"Next question, I don't wanna like, answer that one." Leni answered.

"Leni you promised to answer complete truth." Carol scolded.

"I think it was probably bad though probably." Leni shrugged.

Her speech control was getting a bit out of control pretty quickly., that's the only side effect Leni didn't like. "I like… like... forgot? It 'cause like, times I think about it you closer to world without Leni... whoever that is."

xxxxxxaxxxxxxx

Carol felt naked and afraid; she had told Leni her most personal secret. Sure the Pingreys were rich now but the information of her past was of value to her enemies at school, and she was self-conscious about her scar. People joked Leni was stupid and always spilled every secret she was told, but Carol knew that wasn't true, Leni just had her 'act-stupid-so-everyone-feels-better-about-themselves' switch flipped on for so long she forgot how to turn it off. Carol still trusted Leni, and Leni trusted Carol. Which only made her feel worse about what she did.

First of all she invited Bryan over to see how Leni would react. The goal was to see Carol's far fetched dream was when she asked Leni if it was alright for Bryan to be there, Leni would be all like:

" _No Carol, it's not alright!"_

And when Carol asked why, Leni would confess her secret love for Carol and then they would make out the entire weekend. Of course it was far fetched. Carol was making out with Bryan and laying on top of him; she had to put up being tickled by him. Leni didn't really show any signs of disliking him, in fact she thought they 'needed space' and they were 'good together'. Even when Carol said she needed to get a boyfriend, Leni only responded with " _No boy would ever want me."_ not " _boy or girl would ever want me"_.

It was a case of wanting to eat her cake, but keep it at the same time. She wanted to be with Leni, but at the same time didn't want the same girl to know about her sexual orientation, since if she suspected once, anyone else at school could. Her parents thought she was straight. Her friends thought she was straight, and more importantly Leni thought she was straight. Maybe she should just be what everyone thought she was, even if it wasn't what she wanted or who she was. Bryan was a nice guy even if she had no interest in him.

That made her feel even worse about the second thing. Leni was laying in bed next to her -in Carol's bed nonetheless- and in one of Carol's own shirts. It was almost sadistic the pleasure Carol got from it. Carol couldn't bring herself to see Leni as just another friend. Every night since Christmas Carol slept in the comfortable jacket Leni made her.

Carol only let out an extended sigh and covered Leni with the blankets. Carol didn't want to seem obsessed but she would refuse to see Leni as just another friend. People walked all over Leni and abused her while she was down. It was so bad that Leni tried to to take her own life; yet not one person besides Carol knew about it. That prospect angered Carol in the sense that either nobody cared or Leni was such a good actor that she tricked everyone into believing she was fine because she was too caring, hell, Leni was still trying to trick Carol into thinking she was dealing with everything just fine.

What if she had been too late that fateful day and Leni's lifeless corpse was found at the bottom of that ravine? That's why Carol never took the short way to or from her house any more, it took her over the bridge where Leni was going to jump. She didn't want to be going that way for a fear of to seen them hoisting up a corpse named Leni.

Carol was closer to fixing things though. If she could get a name of the girl who tried to beat Leni up, she could put an end to whoever it was chances at a good future; then trace it to the person who threatened Leni for the picture that was used as proof. She also had a date. October twenty-eighth was the reported worst day of Leni's life. According to Leni it was so bad she forced herself to forget, but if it pushed Leni closer to suicide (again) just thinking about it, then obviously it wasn't forgotten, only scraping away at her. Nobody was capable of putting an even that horrible behind them and walking away without any form of mental damage.

Carol turned on her side and looked at Leni. The girl was so peaceful in her dreams away from this world. Leni deserved to have some light in her life. She looked so small curled up in Carol's shirt. Every breath she took was an ache the Carol's cold and brittle heart. The whole situation was so tragic Carol could cry, but she would keep wiping her watery eyes before that could happen. The medication was taking full effect so at least Carol could hold her for now.

Even cuddled next to the girl she wanted these thoughts plagued her deep into the night and into the morning. She wasn't tired though, nor was she disappointed for not getting rest. It was just more time for her to consciously lay in bed with Leni. Carol was full of energy -but she knew she was going to complain when the crash came later- when the sun rose over the horizon and she wanted to do something else no matter how much she liked laying there.

She busied herself straightening up a few things around the room while Leni was still out like a light. Any attempts to wake the younger girl would be futile. Carol went downstairs and turned on the television for and watched it for a few hours; there wasn't really anything she else could do around her house. It was always too boring unless some friends were over.

Usually the medicine made her dad sleep for twelve hours so that's about how long Carol thought Leni would be out, maybe a bit longer since Leni weighed less than her dad did. Around ten or eleven would be a good estimate for Leni's waking.

Carol was wanting to make Leni breakfast. She wasn't a great cook but her dad went to culinary school (like that helped, the best job he could get before becoming rich was a job at a diner) and taught Carol a few things about it. An hour, at least, to cook while Leni slept.

Carol was going to make some omelets and bacon. Carol got out eggs, green peppers, onions, mushrooms and bacon. A simple plan, just as Carol preferred. She washed her hands before she began cracking eggs into a bowl and whisking them.

Once that was done she got out a knife and started to sharpen the dull blade; it had been awhile since it had been used and even longer since had been sharpened. Carol didn't know how long the sharpening was supposed to take so she was just going to keep doing it until she felt like enough time had elapsed. With each sound of the knife dragging across the metal, her thoughts got deeper.

What if Leni had used a knife just like this to harm herself? It common for people in her situation to do that. If Leni was a culprit of this dark act then Carol wouldn't blame her. Leni was the sweet, kind, and completely innocent person who would never do such a thing under different circumstances. Carol wished she had met Leni under those different, better circumstances. Carol was now unwittingly sharpening the tool more forceful than she meant to.

"You've been sharpening for like, four minutes." Leni said.

Carol was surprised at the girl's unexpected arrival, just centimeters from cutting her hand open. She sighed and sat the knife down.

"I need it sharp so I can hurt your bullies with it." Carol said. Of course she didn't mean it but Carol sure did feel like it sometimes.

"You you know I don't like, like, like when you talk like that." Leni said softly. Carol chuckled at Leni's overuse of the word 'like', but as she remembered what she was just thinking about it died in her throat.

"Hey Leni," Carol asked. She didn't waste any time getting to the point, paying close attention to Leni's facial cues. "Do you cut yourself? Commit self-harm?"

For a moment Leni looked taken aback for a moment but Carol hoped that after last night Leni would be more open. Leni looked down and sighed, obviously not wanting to talk about herself but Carol would force herself (figuratively) inside Leni, little bit at a time.

"I didn't like the pain." Was all the younger girl answered.

" _So she had tried before…"_ Carol thought. Knowing that Leni had harmed herself made it even sadder, though it should've came as no surprise. Leni shuffled over and put a hand on.

"Are you alright? Leni asked.

No. She wasn't. She hopelessly liked a girl uninterested in her, a girl who was on the path to self destruction, one Carol didn't know if she could stop. At what point would she have to retreat and let the hurricane Leni run out on its own? Hopefully never, but Carol could feel the bumpy ride along the way was only beginning.

"I wasn't expecting you to be up for at least thirty more minutes, even my dad took a whole twelve hours minimum to wake up. Maybe you should see someone about it." Carol suggested. Now it was Leni's turn to have that sad look in her eyes.

"I don't think it's a good idea. They lock people like me up in crazy people place until they think we're normal. It's my biggest fear." Leni said.

To be honest, that was a fear Carol didn't know she had, for Leni to be locked away in a place with actual crazy people. That wasn't a place that Leni belonged, but it's what society did with people it deemed unfit to walk the streets. Locked them away. Who knew what kind of people were stowed away in Royal Woods Asylum.

"You want to help me cook Leni?" Carol asked her. She wanted to get out of this dark conversation.

"I totes don't think you want me to cook anything unless you want like, failure." Leni said.

"Why? Are you such an atrocious chef you can't cook an omelet?" Carol jested.

"I tried to cook a cake for Christmas. Long story short, I wasn't given like, the right instructions. My whole family laughed at me when Lori came out with a better cake and pointed out my mistakes. Again." Leni answered. Carol wasn't expecting a serious answer; this was the type of conversation she didn't want to bring up on purpose. At least Leni was open to most things that happened in recent time.

"Can I destroy Lori's reputation please? She probably hurt you the worst out of everyone." Carol said. Lori always said Carol was stuck up (though Carol admitted it was true in some -most- cases) but she used her own sister as a stepping stool; that was worse.

"No, like, I know she's mean but not the worst… I totes don't want her to go through what I do." Leni looked Carol in the eyes and shook her head to further drive the point home. Leni's kindness could be infuriating sometimes; this was one one of those times.

"I think if you stood up for yourself just once... Leni. You don't have to be an asshole about it, just show her you won't be walked over." Carol said. If she added 'a please, for me' there was no doubt Leni would. "Please Leni? Would you do it for me?"

"I've already tried. She too smart, pretty, and in March she'll be eighteen while I'll still be seventeen." Leni said.

"You're smart, you just don't try to get good grades, and you're really pretty." Carol said

"Tell that to anyone else…" Leni muttered under her breath, but Carol didn't hear her.

"And besides, you know what you have that Lori doesn't?" Carol asked.

"What?"

"You have me. Have you read your book?"

Leni nodded in an unconvincing way. Carol let out and exasperated breath.

"Come on Leni, I was about to make a reference…"

"I really did, I promise. I like, finished chapter three." Leni said. "It totes super slow starting."

Carol nodded. "Well spoiler alert, I'm like the King of Israel in the book. I always have a plan that will not fail."

The premise of the book was simple. A depressed warrior king of a Scottish clan with great strength would protected his grand village from monsters or invading armies. One day a threat King Laurel can't deal with appears, so he makes a deal with a demon for power. He was given the ability to transform into a beast not unlike a wolf, except more demonic in looks. The only drawback was the power increased his misery, and his misery increased his demonic thoughts and actions, and those put him on a path to self destruction. Just like Leni if you changed great power with great kindness to make everyone else feel good about themselves.

Eventually a sagacious priest (whom Carol pretended she was whenever she read the book) travels with him across Europe and parts of Africa in his journey to find peace. One of the places they traveled through was Israel. The King of Israel was a generous, smart man and great strategist, who utilized King Laurel's strength for personal gain while promising the warrior the gift of happiness. It turned out the King of Israel was cold and brutal man.

That's why Carol liked that character. He did what he whatever it took to get things done. Carol for the most part always kept up a calm appearance, but she could be cold and brutal too.

"So like, what's the plan? It's not mean is it."

It depended on what Leni defined as mean, Carol had plans that involved using Leni to get back at Lori for the bad things the oldest Loud had done to her sister. Sure Carol always told Leni to make peace and common ground with her siblings, but Carol knew Lori personally. That girl wouldn't make peace with Leni as long as the younger girl allowed Lori to walk over her.

"Well it's not too bad. Just don't let her walk over you. You just _have_ to stand up to her one good time. Remember i'm always a phone call away, but if you decide to call Lori out for all the bad thing she's done, wait to do it until i'm there; I want to see it." Carol would've loved to see Leni tear into Lori after all the tales Leni told her. Carol being there would've made the situation worse for Lori and it'd be interesting to watch.

"I like, don't think it will go that far, but if it does i'll totes invite you" Leni chuckled. Carol was glad that at least Leni had more confidence now.

"Good," Carol said. "We're going to do each other's hair after breakfast and go out. There's some places in town I haven't tried before and I was waiting until you were going to stay over to go to them. So help me start cooking."

"If get you become like, the one that wants to die, I told you I wasn't good at cooking." Leni said. Her humor was dark, but Carol was fine with it as long as Leni was too serious about it.

Carol laughed and Leni joined in, a sound Carol didn't want to end.

" _Too bad it wouldn't be like this everyday."_


	7. Chapter 7

January seventh, the day before school resumed. Leni was laying in her bed with her hands covering her face even though it was only five in the evening. Knowing that she was going to go to bed and wake up to the fact that there school was that day made Leni want to be swallowed by the bed and disappear. Leni could hardly eat dinner the days leading up to school. She had lost a few pounds, but it didn't matter much to her, if anything, she felt better. Maybe some of the kids picking on her wouldn't focus on her weight anymore, and, maybe weighing less would make the burdens of life feel not so heavy on her. Once Leni took the medicine -now in the habit of only half of a pill so she woke up on time- it would be time to get ready for school.

It really was a shame she had no choice in whether or not she went to school. One time Leni spent an hour and a half getting scolded by her parents about ruining her future when she asked about dropping out. School was boring, a waste of seven hours, and Leni knew she wouldn't be going anywhere in life; when Leni thought of her future, she couldn't imagine herself being alive to even graduate high school. Her misery meant nothing to the parents (not that she explicitly stated her depression to them) who expected her to have perfect attendance; like Lori had. Leni was already failing all her classes so attendance shouldn't matter anyways.

The only reason they stopped scolding Leni that time was because Lori asked Leni if she even knew what dropping out meant. Of course Leni knew, but she played it dumb; her parents believed Leni's act that she didn't know what she meant about to drop out and just laughed it off and apologized for being so hard on her.

Carol asked Leni to try in school so that she could show the world Leni Loud wasn't the stupid blonde everyone, including her own parents, thought she was. Leni wasn't sure if she would bother trying, thinking was hard when your thoughts were full of negativity and logical thoughts were strewn about in your mind. Of everything that Carol asked of Leni this was the most challenging, not that the work was hard, just the workload gave her a sense if hopelessness; especially now that a major part of the curriculum this year was group work. When you were unaccepted in any of the groups -or your reputation set a precedent and the teachers just gave you a zero the same day the project was assigned- there was no way to get credit for any assignments. Carol just didn't know that literally everyone in the school against her.

Leni let out a groan to the empty room. Carol was another worry added to Leni's list. With each passing day, Leni was growing more sure she viewed Carol as more than a friend, more than a best friend. It was sickening, liking that girl was near the top of the most horrible things that Leni could do. Carol was Leni's best friend and had a boyfriend; Carol valued them both a lot. What if Leni stepped in between the two for her own personal gain, and it turned out Carol didn't feel the same feelings? Leni had seen enough T.V. shows where the feelings between characters were not shared and they never spoke again. Besides, Leni viewed herself as unstable; broken; beaten; used and abused in the most horrible, dark, and disgusting ways. Before she could truly love anyone else she would have to learn to love herself; as if that would happen any time soon.

Plus the kids at school would always use liking someone of the same gender as an insult. The other siblings each liked the opposite sex -excluding Luna- and admitting to it would set Leni different. There were several examples of where being different had bad repercussions in this house. Just ask Lincoln how being born a boy affected him. The reasons Leni couldn't find happiness were stacking up on her again.

Leni was unable to find the energy to bring herself to get out of bed to go ask for guidance from Luna herself. She was the girl who had added the fuel to and ignited these burning thoughts in Leni's mind. Leni covered her head with a pillow to soak up the stray tears that were sliding down her face. What if Leni was meant to be alone her whole life? She sure felt like it. Her body had already been ruined, there was no way anyone would want damaged goods. That's why the customer service return-center at the mall always had unhappy customers there. She cried, sniffling silently, not wanting any sobs to escape. Any peace of mind would be welcome right about now. Leni removed the pillow long enough for her to grab her phone and ask Luna to come up to her room for a moment before smothering herself once more to hide the tears.

Luna had made it clear that Leni had greatly helped her in when she was in need of relationship advice. It was pitiful she couldn't help herself. A minute passed before Luna peeked into the room.

"You called dude?" Luna asked. Leni made no move to signal she had heard her younger sister. Luna came closer. "Leni? Are you alright?"

"I like, have to ask you something…" Leni said. Luna sat on the edge of the bed and put a hand on Leni's shoulder. Leni's voice was softer than Luna was usually used to. "If I like somebody who has a boyfriend, what do I do?"

Though Leni had her head under the pillow she could tell Luna was shocked, but she didn't understand why until Luna spoke up.

"Don't you already have a…" Luna took a moment to see if there was anyone listening in. "Girlfriend? The girl in the car?"

Leni supposed that was what she had implied that one time.

"I lied, to help you with your problem. Now I like, don't know how to help myself…" Leni said.

"First of all, get this pillow off your face so I can actually hear you. I won't talk if you keep hiding..." Luna tried to move Leni's hand to remove the pillow but the fashion designer was stronger than she looked.

"I look totes ugly right now… Can you like, help me or not?"

"Do you actually like girls or did you say that just to make me feel good about myself?"

"I don't know. I haven't felt this way towards anyone before. I don't know why I feel like this. How do I make her like me?" Leni hoped Luna didn't get mad at her for the lie.

A few moments passed and Leni thought Luna left after being disappointed by Leni's betrayal. When she peeked out from under her pillow it was yanked from her hand and thrown across the room. Luna was scrutinizing her.

"It's not like you to be this sad, or even cry." Luna said, at which Leni scoffed internally. Luna didn't know how much of a crybaby she really was. "If she doesn't like you then you just gotta go with the flow dude. Tell me her name and I'll do some investigating."

Leni took a moment to comprehend the consequences of accepting Luna's help and decided the risk was too high. Luna finds out it's Carol and runs to Lori or Carol get's Luna to help her 'fix' Leni, then Luna after finding out about everything runs straight to their parents.

"I like can't tell you… not yet at least." Leni said. When Luna opened her mouth Leni expected her to beg for the name but was wrong.

"Why do think you like her?" Luna asked.

Just what Leni wanted; more thinking.

"Well, uh… She's like, totes nice to me. And worries about me even when she shouldn't." Leni paused a moment. It was deeper than just that; Carol was the reason Leni chose to stay in this world rather than opening her veins in the bath; Carol was something to look forward too. "I like... can't imagine going on without her…"

"Now I don't like being too soft but if that's how you feel then you shouldn't care who she is. You can either lay in here and sulk about it or you can let me help you out." Luna spoke sternly.

Even though Leni wasn't convinced it'd be a good idea, she was tired of sulking all the time. Luna was smarter and more charismatic than Leni. If Leni was able figure out if she were to remain on the sidelines or on the field, then that would help her make some big decision relating to the future. Best-friends never lasted forever, soon Carol would grow weary of Leni and move on. At least if they were 'together' then Leni would know their relationship wasn't shallow enough to dry up too quickly once Carol left to college.

"Promise you won't say anything to anything." Leni asked.

"Alright."

"And you won't overreact."

"I promise"

"Or get mad"

"Get on with it Leni!"

"Carol," Leni said. She waited for a horrible reaction that never came.

"What's the last name dude? The only three Carol's at the school I've heard of are Carol Swetts, Carol Marks and Carol Schofield" Luna didn't say Pingrey for some reason - there was no way Luna never heard of her before. "Swetts seems cute doesn't she? Though, I'm not into redhead much."

Leni shook her head and Luna looked at her confusedly.

"Oh, does she not go to our school or something? Who is she dude?" Luna seemed to be growing impatient.

"Carol Pingrey"

"Jesus Christ mate!" Luna instantly shot up and paced around the the room, muttering in a british accent. That's the reaction Leni was expecting, though she didn't like it. "Oh no, no, no, out of all the girls it just had to be that one. The one you can't have is the one you want."

Luna walked over to the window and threw it open, the cold wind blasting the room - fitting for the set mood. She stood there and took deep breaths as the wind gently tousled her hair. With taking her eyes off the night skg she spoke in a soft tone.

"Leni, For years, it was my dream to be-"

Luna was interrupted by the abrupt opening of the door. It was Lynn, after hearing Luna's outburst, was ready to set the Sister Fight Protocol in action. Luna sent Lynn a glare that made her spine shiver for interrupting the moment. The young athlete backed out of the room.

"Anyways, I always dreamed of being a rockstar with millions of fans cheering me on. After a long show, Sam would be there to praise me with a kiss. Then we'd go home and jam out together. Live happy." She looked at Leni. "It means nothing now dude. Lori's gonna kill us now. You for being crushing on her and me for knowing about it."

The saddest part of it was Luna wasn't exaggerating. Lori always took her stupid competition with Carol to far and to be honest, it was making Leni mad, the things Lori said about her friend; the way Lori dictated how they were to act towards her. There was still no chance for her to stand against Lori though. If Lori wasn't smart enough to take Leni down then she'd just be mean to her. All the siblings would take Lori's side if it came to a match between the two siblings. Retreat was the best option.

"Oh Luna, You know I always make dumb choices, I'll forget about it in the morning." Leni tried to keep her voice straight but it broke near the end.

Luna was only reminding her what was at risk and it wasn't helping her much. It was only increasing the sick feeling of bile rising in her stomach. Hopefully the bathroom was open because Leni was going to need it, soon. Luna sighed in defeat.

"I don't know how we're going to do it but i'm already in too deep just knowing, and beside, we're family. We're playing with fire dude with this. Just remember that next time I ask you to hook me up with a favor."

Leni nodded; the joke was on Luna because Leni would help her regardless if Leni had gained anything or not (rather than receiving and giving like she wanted to live previously, Leni was starting to focus more on the giving part).

"First of all Leni, you gotta understand that if, no, when this ship goes down in flames, I'll still support you as long as I'm not going down too alright?" Luna asked. Leni nodded, she'd never ask Luna to put herself in front of Lori's warpath.

"Since she's already your best friend, find out the type of people she likes to date. Then, if she doesn't explicitly say only boys, then you have to be the better boyfriend." Luna was looking at Leni with determination, looking for resolve in her older sister's face. All that was found was confusion.

"But like, I'm pretty sure I'm a girl, right?" Leni understood Luna meant it as some kind of metaphor, but her idiotic remarks always served as a buffer zone between conversations that were too serious and excuses for a way out of those conversation.

Luna face palmed. "No, I meant it figuratively dude, just be better at whatever her boyfriend does."

So basically the whole plan was the exact same thing Carol told Leni to do to Lori; be better than her. Leni didn't want to be a better somebody, she wanted to be a better Leni. It was a shame she couldn't think of any plans on her own; until then she would have to rely on others.

"So how? Like, lay on top of her and kiss her and tickle her?" That's the only thing Leni saw Carol and Bryan doing. Were her kissing skills good enough?

"God Leni, no!" Luna was getting exasperated again. "You're trying to go for the kill mate; you've got to play it slow, unless she happens to feel the same way then go for it. Maybe drop a few hints you might be interested in her."

That made sense to Leni. The queasy feeling in her chest was going way. In the end, it was just another act for Leni to play, something she was good at.

"But Leni, more importantly, who else know's Carol is your friend?" Luna asked. Leni could almost smile at the reaction Luna was about to give.

"Only three people. You... Her boyfriend Bryan…"

Luna nodded, unexpecting the next words that were to come out Leni's mouth. Luna opened her mouth to say something but Leni beat her to it.

"And Bobby Santiago."

"Fuck." Luna couldn't help the word slip. If things were going to be bad before, now they would be a thousand times worse.

"And I might've convinced him to lie to Lori. Twice." Leni said. Luna visibly cringed

"Shush! Just stop talking for a minute!" Luna shouted.

Luna then crawled on the foot of Leni's bed and curled up with her arms around her stomach. She looked about ready to cry. She kept repeating 'Oh, God' over and over, as if it was all her brain functions allowed. Leni scootched closer and held her in an awkward hug.

"It's totes ok, you can forget about it now I like, know what to do." Leni said. She would rather work through this on her own, but Luna shook her head no.

"I've already said I was in too deep man, we just gotta carry on our wayward sons now. Bobby will get it the worst at least" Luna said even though she still traumatized from their possible fate from the hands of Lori. A sibling meeting would be called to increase the sibling fight scale several levels above erupting volcano in order to measure Lori's hypothetical rage. Speaking off…

"What's going on in here?" Lori asked as she entered the scene. "Did I just hear Bobby's name?"

The two girls froze. Luna was the first to respond. It was the moment of truth. "Leni likes a boy."

Lori's eyes lit up like it was Christmas again. "Ooh, what's his name? Is he hot? What grade? What car does he drive? Does he have an accent?"

Of all the people in the house, Leni didn't want to talk to Lori the most; One slip and it was over for them.

"His name is Carl…" Luna started.

"Grey.. pin…" Leni continued, yeah, they were already starting to slip.

"Horn. Carl Greypinhorn is his name. Cutest guy ever." Luna finished.

"Yeah," Leni said. "He's like germandish or something."

"German." Luna corrected. "He just transferred."

Lori seemed to buy the blatant lie. Leni had no doubt this was going to turn into a long conversation about Lori and Bobby and how Leni should act like them.

"That reminds me, Carol has another boyfriend, some man named Bryan. Bobby told me a couple days ago. She literally goes through them like water." Lori said. Leni didn't like the implications Lori was making about Carol; 'whore' was one of the things Leni liked to be called least. It didn't have to be straight up said for Leni to understand what her sister meant.

' _Stand up to her_ ' Carol's words echoed in Leni's mind. ' _Just one good time_ '

Leni sighed internally. Luna's eyes darted back and forth between the two nervously.

"Maybe she like, really likes that guy this time." Leni threw in a shrug to make the remark seem less serious than it was.

Lori paused for a second, not sure if he ears were working right. When she assumed they were, she looked annoyed.

"You're literally too naive to understand this. If you were smarter, you'd know that she's incapable of love another human. She just likes sleeping around. All her friends are actually fakes, she doesn't like them and they don't like her." Lori said. Leni remained calm but Luna was sweating profusely. "Carol's a mean person. Once this 'Bryan' fellow is aware of all the dirt I have on her, he won't be able to break up with her fast enough."

It was hypocritical of Leni not wanting Lori to do that when in order for Leni to have what she wanted, Carol would have to leave Bryan anyways. Leni just didn't want it done through these horrible means.

'You wouldn't do that. It's totes mean." Leni said. Lori just rolled her eyes.

"You literally don't know much about anything really Leni. If someone is mean to you have to be mean back. It's going to be a while before Carol is payed back" Lori said. "And besides, you know she'll literally try to make it seem like mine and Bobby's relationship is worse than theirs. You just might understand if you ever happen to find love."

Leni didn't like the way Lori talked to her - and now that she was there to witness it, Luna wasn't liking it either - but it only proves the point Leni was no match for Lori.

"Anyways, about this Carl guy, if you really like him, you have to be forward about it, literally, when Bobby and I met..."

Leni knew it was going to happen. This conversation about Lori and Bobby continued until they were forced to get to bed. Leni wasn't paying attention, Lori could go on for years about her relationship. Leni was brooding over the shade Lori was throwing at her (albeit unknowingly) the whole time. It took all of Leni's self control not to dig her fabric knife out of her kit and jam it through her own temple to get this over with.

Lori, Leni swore, was going to be the reason she would be pushed over the edge next time.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BBBBBBBBBBBBBREAAAAAAAAAA

Carol had just gotten out of English and was ready for lunch to start and then be over; one step closer to the end of the day. The first day after a school break was always the most tiring. She turned away from her locker after just putting her things away and closing the door. A young brunette was standing there, her style vaguely familiar in Carol's memory.

"Good day love," The girl said in a faux accent. Carol didn't like it when these nobodies came up to her (especially when they were in a lower grade) and tried talking to her like they were just as important as she was. Her other friends were waiting on her.

"I've got better things to do than talk to a punk loser like you." Carol said as she turned to leave. That was the same line that scared so many other people away before; this time would be no different.

"Bloody hell, I can't see what Leni sees in you." The girl responded.

Carol stopped. She would rarely talk to Leni at the school so how did this girl know something? Was the brunette suspecting something going on between them? Deciding aggression would be the best option, Carol kept her face calm.

"Look, I don't who you are, or who Leni is, but it's best you stay away from me unless you want to spend the rest of your life cleaning these damn floors." Carol hoped this was enough to dissuade the girl from further interaction; it's not like Carol completely enjoyed making people miserable, she was ust always in a mood of annoyance. To her dismay the girl just she her head and chuckled.

"I'm Luna, Leni's sister. She told me everything that's been going on."

Carol remembered Leni pointing the girl out to her once. If Leni had finally opened up to one of her family she was either getting better or getting worse.

"Well then, please excuse my behavior. What was it Leni told you?" Carol asked. She didn't really regret talking to her like that though.

"She told me you're her best friend. Out of all of Leni's friends, she chose the one Lori doesn't like as her favorite. It an honor dude, don't lose it." Luna said.

Carol nodded suspiciously. If Leni didn't trust this girl enough to tell them that Carol was her only friend, then maybe Carol shouldn't trust her either.

"I need to get going. Later." She turned to go again but was once again stopped by Luna.

"One time Leni told me you were her girl to make me feel better about myself." Luna eyes tried piercing the older girl, but Carol didn't break character; she only smiled and raised a brow.

"Leni, told her she and I, Carol Pingrey, was dating?" Carol asked. She sometimes imagined Leni saying something like:

'Yeah, me and Carol are like, dating. Carol's totes the hottest girl ever. '

Carol understood that was a narcissistic overstatement, but the confirmation that Leni had said that before made Carol's face heat up. A quick look around the mostly empty halls told her no one noticed; except the brunette standing before her.

"She came out to me," Luna took a short, but noticeable pause. "That you guys are not really together and she made the whole thing up when I came out to her."

Carol nodded. So Luna liked girls, then that certainly meant Leni didn't; two in the same household? Unlikely, but then again Carol didn't know any statistics about the subject. Having something in common gave the girl more points in Carol's book.

"You don't have problem with it right? Me liking girls?" Luna asked.

Why was Luna studying her like that? It was just like what Carol did to Leni. Carol smiled, this was a game she was best at.

"It's twenty-seventeen sweetie, not everyone around here is ignorant." Carol said. "Unless your working with Lori, trying to get me to say I hate gays so she could hurt my reputation."

Luna shook her head, unfazed by Carol's assumptions. "Nah bruh, You mean to much to Leni. Just making sure you wouldn't be mean to her if certain… things came to light."

"You mean Leni…" Carol looked around again before whispering. "Likes girls?"

There were a lot of weird implications being put out in this conversation, Carol figured it'd be best to start getting direct. Luna looked uncaring and shrugged while examining her fingernails.

"I don't know. Leni is Leni. She likes everyone, especially her friends." Luna looked up from her fingers to look Carol right in the eyes. "Some more than others."

"So you're saying Leni likes me more than a friend?" Carol was starting to get a migraine with this girl's contradictory statements.

Luna shook her head. "I didn't say that, you did."

"So I'm not more than just a friend?" Each word out of Carols mouth was a risk. Such discussions shouldn't be out in a public place like this where any of the many students hoping to dethrone her could be hiding around a corner. Luna shook her head again with an exaggerated frown on her face.

"I don't know. Leni is Leni. She just likes some more than others. You can't know if someone likes you unless you see how far they are willing to go, or how far _you_ are willing... Catch my drift?"

Carol was sure that this girl somehow figured out her secret. She took in a deep breath to keep herself calm.

"How'd you figure me out so fast?" She asked, rather than getting defensive Carol could use it as a learning experience to better her act.

"You gave Leni a gold, heart-shaped locket with a picture of you two, I opened the one moment she took it off. I looked up that kinda piece and it's a pretty good price... If you're lookin' to stay in the closet, then you gotta know when to pack up and head home." Luna said. The brunette then put a hand on Carol's should, something nobody at this school would have dared to do. "You've got a lot to learn dude. She likes you. You like her. Don't break her heart mate… or else"

"Well then, good to know that I'm her favorite friend of all. I gotta go, my ' _boyfriend'_ is waiting." Carol gave her a wink and a brief wave over her shoulder as she walked away. That girl was a double-edged sword; on one hand she saw through Carol's walls and prodded her secret; Carol hated letting her personal life out. Carol never let anyone besides Leni see part of the real her. On the other hand she more or less handed Leni to her on a silver platter, with a bit more experience that girl could wrap people around her fingers just as Carol does.

Carol wasn't stupid enough to not take in the conversation and use it in her plans on what to do. Leni could be the one that Carol held in her arms. No more waiting; tonight would be the night Leni would be hers. Bryan would be dealt with at a later date. Carol couldn't help the stupid smile spreading across her face. When she approached her usual table and her friends inquired about her unusually happy expression, she could only shake her head.

If Luna wasn't a double agent for Lori, then today just might be the best day of her life.

LINNE BREAKKUU MANNEEE HEHEHEHEHEHHE

She had done it. She had stood face to face with the legendary Carol Pingrey and lived to tell the tale. That's not to say she wasn't on the edge of a nervous breakdown the whole time. This was the young woman that Lori has been waging war on for years. The one people aimed to avoid getting on bad terms with. Luna had caught glimpses of her from time to time in the hall but never took her in.

The girl she was faced with had an aura of power about her. The student council leader was calm, united, collected, most of all intimidating. Leni had heard tales from people - not just Lori - about how Carol would deal with people who did things she didn't like. Luna could tell she had almost been one of those people if she didn't say she was Leni's. Who knew how much brutality was behind that calm mask of hers?

Luna turned the corner as she parted ways with Carol and nearly bumped into Leni.

"So like, what do you think? Do I stand a chance?" Leni asked as she briskly followed her sister.

The plan was for Luna to go in and inconspicuously ask a few questions to see if it was possible that Carol may show even a little interest in girls. Once that was figured out she and Leni would reconvene and figure out the next steps in the plan. Luna let her fear get the better of her, like Carol had the ability to get what she wanted out of people when she wanted.

"I might have basically told her you like her." Luna said. She wanted to get to the cafeteria as fast as she could. "She wasn't mad though. I sent her mixed signals. You definitely stand a chance."

"At least you didn't like, tell her specifically. There always has to be an escape plan." Leni said.

"Yeah, about that…"

Leni's phone buzzed and she pulled it out to see a message from Carol.

"She wants to get coffee tonight." Leni said. "What do I do?"

"After what I told her, that means she's definitely into you if she's still lookin' to go out. Make a move, or don't. It's your choice dude." Luna said.

"What about her boyfriend?" Leni asked her. Luna shrugged her shoulders.

'I've seen enough of Carol to know that whatever they have, isn't genuine unless I'm seeing her wrong. Just remember that if I'm wrong, I'm not a psychologist dude." Luna answered. If she were wrong about Carol and her feelings, then she'd be damned. Luna didn't believe she was though.

Luna saw herself in that young woman, the Luna that existed before Leni gave her the courage to ask out Sam. Luna wouldn't put Leni's kind heart up to risk like that if she knew Leni didn't stand some kind of chance. If in the end it turned out to be a one night stand or a lifelong thing, that was up the them. Luna would always stand by Leni but anything with the name Carol in it she wanted to step back from. The obvious choice was to tell Carol ambiguously, but low-key obviously, so they could sort the rest out themselves. In the end she told her directly, and it turned out to be the right choice.

When they reached the doors to the cafeteria Luna turned to see Leni had already disappeared, not giving Luna a chance to ask her to sit with herself and Sam so they could discuss the next course of action. She had no idea where Leni went, but shrugged it off.

Whatever Leni did on her free time, was none of Luna's business.

ZZZXXXXZXZFFADFSDF

Carol couldn't help but casting several glances at Leni through the rearview mirror the whole ride. There was a whole slew of things that unnerved Carol. They were going out on a Monday rather than a Friday. Carol told her friends she was going out with Bryan. She told Bryan she had important Student Council planning to get done (which she did indeed have to finish, she just wasn't doing it now). What she was really doing was taking Leni out and acting on the advice Luna had given her; seeing how far she could take things and how far Leni was willing to go.

' _Coffee Bistro'_ , the place they had been to weeks ago. Carol came here more and more often - it was a nice place where she could get some alone time.

Carol ordered her usual, and just like last time, Leni ordered the same as her. They sat in the same seat, in the far corner that was blocked from view almost everywhere else in the café. Carol was thankful for the separating walls in between each little booth so that nobody could see the things that may or may not happen. Leni and Carol took seats on opposite side of the bench that wrapped around three sides of the table like the letter 'c'.

"So Leni. How do you like the book so far?" Carol asked. She propped her head up on one hand.

"I'm at the part where he meets the lost guy with the robes on the trail." Leni answered. Carol cracked a smile.

"Leni, when you stayed over, you were on chapter three. He meets the priest in chapter five..." Carol said. Leni nodded. "So you've only read two chapters? Remember, February twelfth, the movie. What do you think so far?"

Leni gave a quick smile.

"When he was like, talking to the priest guy, and say, like, all the bad things he thinks, I could see where you thought he was like me." Leni said.

Carol knew the part Leni was describing. Once the King met the priest, he confided his wrong doings and miseries to him in an attempt to be save from them. In order to stop the warrior king from ending his own life, the priest persuades him to travel the lands until he can find someone worthy of defeating him, or happiness.

"Though the events of the past were long since gone, each mistake, each regret, each helpless failure - just as scars mark my body, these thoughts deform my mind and ravine any sanity with the indestructible depressions they wrought." Leni quoted. Carol was surprised Leni actually remembered it (if she were being honest with herself, she assumed Leni would just skim over the whole book). "Hits like, totes close to home, I couldn't stop thinking about it."

Carol scooched over until she was on the middle side of the table that previously separated her and Leni.

"It's alright, Leni. We'll go on adventures across the lands to find your happiness. But today, I'm not going to force you to talk about it, or anything you don't want to.." Carol consoled, but Leni didn't seem to convinced, or even sad really, but rather heavy in thought.

Their drinks came and Carol took a sip; thoughts of Leni were keeping her too preoccupied to focus on her it; Leni was acting the same way, hugging her arms.

"It's cold in here right Leni?" Carol asked. She was hoping Leni would let her move closer without it being too weird.

"Yeah it's like, freezing." Leni said. She took a moment to formulate her thoughts but Carol watched the younger girl end up flustering herself "Maybe we should like… uh you know… like, sit closer to like, you known like, warm up."

Exactly what Carol wanted to hear. She patted the space beside her and Leni moved closer. Carol closed the space between them until they were touching, Carol's right arm to Leni's left.

"You know I met your sister Luna earlier. She told me some pretty… interesting, things about you." Carol said. "You know anything about it?"

Leni's arm twitched several times against Carol's. Carol wrapped her arm around Leni's and the twitching turned into a slight shiver.

"Is it so cold you can't even talk?" Carol asked. She was about to take another shot, so far Leni didn't care their arms were intertwined. Carol rested her head on Leni's shoulder. "We have to keep each other warm Leni. It's what friends do."

Leni chuckled nervously. "Isn't this like, wrong? I haven't had a friend before but isn't this stuff boyfriends do? "

"So, Leni, know what Luna told me?" Carol ignored Leni's remarks.

"No?" Leni meant it as a question but it came out as more of a question.

"She said you liked me more than a friend. You even said I was your girlfriend to make her feel better... Not that I mind." As the words came out her mouth, Carol pulled in Leni closer and closer with each sentence.

"You could do anything to me you know, and I wouldn't even care." Carol continued as her voice got lower. She tilted her head so that her mouth was close to Leni's ear and whispered seductively. " _Anything you want..._ "

Carol felt Leni's free hand touch her neck, send electricity through her body. Unexpectedly, Leni's lips pressed against hers. It was transient, just a peck so quickly that Carol couldn't register how soft Leni's lips were. One thing it sure did was set Carol's body on fire, she couldn't bring herself to move as her mind reeled from what she just experienced.

"I'm sorry, so, so sorry…" Leni said frantically as she got up and left. Carol tried to grab her but missed. Her voice refused to work and limbs felt like lead. Leave it to Leni to send her spinning out of control like this. She shook her head and chased Leni outside.

Carol was going to be furious if Luna had lied to her and Leni didn't actually like her. Carol was going to rip that damned brunette to pieces when she got her hands one her; right now though she had to catch up with Leni. Luckily she wasn't that far away, leaning against the brick exterior of the building next door. Carol was alarmed at the girl's appearance. Leni had one hand propping herself against the building and the other clench in a fist above her heart. Her skin was almost as white as the snow on the ground and her breathing laboured.

"Oh fuck Leni, are you alright?" Carol asked. A few times Leni's breathing hitched and Carol thought she was going to stop breathing all together. She hugged the girl from behind in an attempt to give comfort her hands clasped in front of Leni's chest . "It was just a stupid fucking mistake I made alright? Let's forget it! We can still be friends right?"

Carol's stupid heart wouldn't stop pounding against her stupid rib cage. It was all that brunette's fault, which meant it was Lori's fault. They would need to start praying to every god in hopes that they'd ever be able to show their faces in public again.

"Your sister managed to trick me. Trick us. If you felt uncomfortable I'm sorry." Carol didn't like the feeling that was coming up through her eyes. Leni put her hands on Carol's.

"It like wasn't a mistake. You have a boyfriend. What about him? If this gets out, what about you?" Leni said. Her breathing calmed down, which Carol was glad about. "You think you like me Caroll, but like, I ruin everything good. I'm not innocent and pure like you think."

"I don't care what you are. I can still pretend to date Bryan in public and we'll be together in secret." Carol answered. Leni turned around in Carol's arms. Carol saw that Leni was about to cry, but instead of letting the tears fall Leni just shook her head.

"You don't understand. There's people who would do anything to see me miserable. Do you know what they'd do to me if the saw me happy?" Leni said. It was always about the damned kids at school.

"Tell me who they are and I'll put an end to them for good." Carol meant it. If it meant She and Leni could hook up, she would do anything. "Dad has invested so much money in the school he basically owns it. All I need to do is say the word and he'll be on the next flight home."

Leni shook her head again.

"They like, know things. Have things against me. I'd kill myself f-"

"Shut up Leni! You don't like when I say mean things, I don't like when you say that." Carol snarled. Leni straightened up at Carol aggressive tone. "If you think I'm not strong enough to protect you then obviously we weren't as good of friends as I thought."

"It's not just that… you shouldn't like, ever love someone who refuses to love themselves unless you want tragedy. I just keep getting selfish and then things like this happen." Leni said. When Carol first picked up Leni right after school she wasn't expecting the girl to make her feel this sad.

"There's no shame in needing someone Leni. Even if you don't like yourself, I do." Carol rested her forehead against Leni's. "If you haven't noticed by now, I really, really, really like you Leni. God, I've wanted to say it for so long."

Leni's eye softened as she was gradually convinced by Carol.

"There's a shorter way to say that silly…" Leni said.

"And how is that?"

"I love you."

And just like that, Carol's insides were on fire again.

"If I say you can do anything to me again can I get a real kiss this time?" Carol asked. Leni wasted no time touching her lips to Carol's lips but this time, it lasted for more than half a second.

"If you want more than that then like, you have to accept I have secrets I want to keep that way…" Leni said when they pulled apart.

"Fine, but you still have to open up to me sometime. And in return you have to make me more clothes alright?"

Leni nodded. It was then that she realized the the cold and snow gathering on them.

"Let's like, go in before our drinks get cold like us. We can can take a sip, and then share the flavor by kissing." Leni suggested. Carol smiled at the idea.

"Maybe we can get more flavors to mix and match." Carol added.

"You're totes smart!" Leni said. Carol could not help but think of how cute she was. They went back in and ordered several different types of drinks to play their new game.

They ended up staying up out way past Leni's school-night curfew, earning her a nice scolding from her parents; but Leni was only half listening due to the fact that she was both excited and scared at the prospect of a relationship. For the first time in a while, maybe her life wouldn't end in highschool. This feeling of hope was something that Leni had grown to miss, and now that she had it once more, she never wanted to lose it again.

Carol was laying in her bed, so happy that Leni was in her's now. She would have to wait a while, then break up with Bryan. Carol was worried that she would wake up and everything would have been a dream. Her jacket was unzipped, leaving her chest bare except for her bra. One of her arms was draped over her eyes and her free hand traced circles around her belly button, slowly going further down. The memory of Leni's lips on hers was still fresh in her mind... the kissing game they played… Carol's cold fingers slipped just past the hem of her panties. She licked her lips in anticipation, but ultimately stopped before she could have entertained herself. Carol decided this time she could wait for Leni, if the girl was ever ready. Maybe for Carol's birthday Leni would let her; She'd have to wait until February twelfth to find out.

In the end, each girl was happy with the current state of their relationship. The next time Leni came over to her house, they'd work out the details of their relationship. They both knew it was a very long road ahead; neither knew however, that in breaking Leni's rule she told to Carol, those words would eventually hold truth: ' _Never date someone who refuses to love themself, it will_ always _ends in tragedy_.'


	8. Chapter 8

A Some'Change of Heart' spoilers.

It has been a little more than a week that Carol and Leni had been dating, and Leni hadn't been this happy in a long time - that's not to say that the misery in Leni's life had completely disappeared, it was just rivaled by Carol's compassion now; Leni felt like she was in the gray area now.

This whole day had been a really great day for her. None of the mean kids at school so much as even looked at her. Before she had to go to her Student Council meeting, Carol had given Leni kisses. Now, right after school, she was spending time with her dear brother Lincoln in his room helping him out with his comic. While she drew out this picture of a super-villain concept Lincoln asked her to do, Leni couldn't help but hum the random tune floating around her head. Lincoln let her be the illustrator since her art was good, until Lincoln honed his skill enough to take over.

Leni was brought back to reality by the furious, repeated tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see a Lincoln that didn't look as angry as the tapping suggested.

"So, what do you think?" He asked.

'I, uh…" To be honest she hadn't heard a single word he said; he didn't look at all angry with her though. "Can I get a repeat?"

"I was just thinking since I'm the writer of the comic and the main character is based on me, we should have a character based on you as the co-star and your own superpower. What do you think?"

"Oh sure, so what am I? Like a background character or something?" Leni asked. It was nice of Lincoln to let her make a small appearance.

Lincoln's tired sigh let her know that she said something wrong and the boy was reaching his limit. It reminded her that being in Lincoln's presence was a privilege that could be revoked at any moment.

"No, Leni, it means that you appear the same amount as the the character I am. Just as important." Lincoln clarified.

"Oh…" Leni guessed that made sense, but she didn't see why Lincoln would want her, out of all of the siblings (or all the people in the world), to be the one that shared the spotlight with him. Leni wasn't entirely sure she wanted her face to appear anywhere in public, even if it wasn't going to be world famous right away. "I could be like, the sister that stays at home?"

"But how does that add to the story? You need a power too, backstory, goals, these are all things that you have to come up with. It's just part of the design process. That's why we're basing them on us, it makes it so much easier." Lincoln said.

When Leni designed clothes, all she had to do was find something that inspired her. In this instance that inspiration meter was at zero. Making this comic come true would be a dream come true for Lincoln so Leni was going to try her hardest to make it happen. She racked her brain trying to think of an acceptable character; superheroes - as well as many other things - were not her strong suit.

"Maybe she can like, get a small sights of the future, and then, use it to help prevent crime." Leni suggested. Lincoln nodded as he thought it over, and motioned for her to go on. "But like, she gets really sad sometimes because of the visions and her girlfriend is totes nice to her."

Lincoln didn't seem to off put by either of those two remarks Leni made, but even though they were basing it on themselves, Leni assumed that to Lincoln it was still just a comic; Leni was thankful for Lincoln's nativity. This character was not to be confused with her coming out to her younger brother, it was just a character she was told to create that happened to have these qualities.

"Wow, just wow. Kinda interesting, but that's the kinda depth people like. We'll work on it. Clyde's going to be here in a few minutes, and we're going to go over some of the material." Lincoln said. As if by fate, a knock at the door drew their attention away from the papers at hand. "Right on time."

Leni didn't move, Lincoln didn't need help with the door. Leni rubbed her temples; an unwanted headache was starting to come on - there was medicine somewhere around here but it was decided long ago that Leni shouldn't have easy access to them. It was times like these Leni regretted letting her family believe she was incompetent.

Her phone dinged with a message from Carol, that young woman was the only medicine Leni needed (aside from the sleep aid).

' _Just got out of Student Council. Parents arrived home earlier in the day - - want to meet them this weekend?'_

Leni thought about it. How fast were couples supposed to meet each other's parents? It could only mean that Carol was going to want to meet her parents soon, and right now that was a big no. Leni's paranoia that her parents would criticize her was too high. Plus Lori. That hypothetical meeting would be horrible. A new message arrived.

' _You're going to help me come out to them.'_

So her parents didn't know about it. If it was a favor to Carol then she had to oblige, besides, it wasn't like Carol even asked for help with anything. A third message appeared.

' _So it can give you courage.'_

Courage? Leni didn't need more of that, she had plenty of it. She just didn't use it much. If there was a situation in which Leni needed to be brave, she would generally avoid it.

' _For what?'_ Leni responded.

It took Carol a moment to respond; that's how Leni knew Carol was about to say something she wouldn't like. The deal breaker was coming.

' _So you can come out to your family.'_

' _No_ ' Leni's response was immediate, she had it pre-typed and ready to send. ' _It might be the final thing that breaks my bond with them. My family doesn't like different too much.'_

' _I know, because you're nice and look how they are treating you.'_

Leni hated to admit that Carol did have a some truth. Carol sent another message before Leni had the chance of response.

' _It's not like I will meet them right after you meet mine. We'll see how it goes with mine then plan from there. Pretty please?'_

' _I don't know. Maybe.'_ Leni's family lived up to their last name: Loud. Leni didn't know what to call them if they met Carol as Leni's girlfriend; the Loud House times two? There would be an explosive uproar that was for sure.

Lincoln came back into the room with Clyde in tow.

"Hey Clyde." Leni said.

"Hi Leni, how's it going?" He asked.

"It's fine." Leni answered and then turned her attention back to the new text her phone.

' _I gotta go, but just know that if you don't want to meet them I'll still like you anyways.'_

It was followed by several heart emojis that made Leni smile. Carol was nicer than most people have her credit.

Leni sat her phone down and turned her attention back to the comic things they were working on. Agitated voices hurting her ears made her turn to see Lincoln and Clyde debating about something seemingly important.

"Like, what's going on?" She asked.

"Clyde and Lori" Lincoln answered. "Clyde caught sight of Lori when she opened the door and got a nosebleed. Some of the blood got on Lori's shoes. For the fourth time ever. Neither of us know how to get him to act normal around her…"

Leni knew that each time Clyde ruined a pair of Lori's shoes, Lori would borrow a pair of hers even though the oldest Loud had many of her own. Leading up to Leni's attempt to literally jump off a bridge, she had greatly reduced her wardrobe and hadn't rebuilt it since. She no longer had spare shoes for Lori. A moment passed as the three occupants of the room tried to think of an idea when it seemed as if a lightbulb had appeared over Lincoln's head.

"I know, Leni, you share a room with Lori so that means you know how to act around her best. You could train Clyde how to act normal when she's around!" Lincoln suggested. Good idea, Leni could just tell the boy how rude and mean Lori was and he would be over her in an instant - but that in itself would be mean type of thing that Lori would do.

"Fine," She sighed, hopefully Clyde was a fast learner because Leni didn't want to do this long. "But you like, have to really want to act normal."

"I need this Leni, Lori is my everything." Clyde said. Leni smiled (not that she was really happy at the prospect).

"Great, we can totes do this quick then."

LKIIIIINNINININININIENENNENENNENENENENNE

It took way longer than what was expected. Leni had a conversation with Clyde in the dining room, trying to figure out why he acted the way he did when Lori was around. Next she had him perform his robot voice and gave him a suggestion to fix that. Then, a frisbee that Lana and Lynn were playing with hit him in the face, causing a nosebleed. It reminded Leni that was the reason they were going through this. Eventually they got that under control too. Now was the final part; getting him to have an actual conversation with Lori.

That brought Leni to the uncomfortable position she was in now. At the McBride household dressed as Lori (despite Leni's detesting Lincoln said it was the most vital part of the plan). Even though just a few hours earlier she was in a great mood, this put her in a mood that was bitter and getting worse by the second. Everyone always said she should be more like Lori, and here Leni was literally dressed just like her.

Leni was getting better at managing her depression and these unhealthy emotions though. Prior to becoming Carol's girlfriend, Leni sucked at keeping her emotions in check. Now she was getting great at putting her emotional stuff in a mental bottle and keeping them there. In addition to being put in an asylum, a new fear of Leni's was finding out Carol felt pressured into the relationship. It was a good thing though, bottling up meant keeping negativity way and present Carol with something she could actually love. Being dressed as Lori was just another thing to go in that bottle.

Lincoln somehow managed to get her a wig that looked exactly like Lori's hairstyle. At one point Leni glanced at the door and thought she saw the real Lori but once she did a double take no one was there.

Clyde looked nervous standing in front of her but stood his ground. Now it was Leni's imitate Lori's speech pattern and put Clyde's nervousness to rest.

"OMG, Bobby, Texting, Literally." Leni said. Four words summed up everything about Lori perfectly.

Clyde paused for a moment, but powered through his fear.

"H-h-h-hi, Lori. H-h-h-how's it going?" He said. That was good enough for Leni

"Super job, Clyde!" She said quickly. Anything to get her out of this wretched costume.

"Yeah! You sounded natural!" Lincoln piped in.

"Thanks." Clyde lifted up his shirt to show an ice pack taped to his abdomen. Leni didn't know which of them thought of it as a good idea but apparently it worked. "The ice pack was a great idea. It really kept me distracted; though I can't feel my belly button."

"Now," Lincoln said. "We head back to our house and you put everything Leni taught you to the test."

The sun was beginning to set as they were walking home, which made Leni think that they should've waited until tomorrow; then again it was only just past five in the evening. When they made it back, Luna was sitting on the porch waiting for them. Leni gave her a small smile and nodded. Luna didn't smile, she just shook her head in a disappointed way and opened her mouth to speak as they reached for the door.

"Lori saw you dressed like her while you were helping Clyde so in an attempt to win him back she became you." Luna said. A look at the two younger boys beside her told Leni that they were just as confused as she was. Luna decided to clarify their confusion. "Luan saw Lori dressed exactly like you and thought it would be funny if they pretended she was the real you. I didn't want any part of it, but once you go in, don't expect any of the girls to pay attention to you dude, you don't exist. They all thought it would be funny."

Why would Lori want to be her? She knew Luna said why but that didn't make any more sense. Lori had no right to be jealous of Leni when she was the better one. The oldest Loud was the incarnation of selfishness.

When they went in, Lola and Luan were sitting on the couch, looking at the television but it wasn't even on. Odd. The trio approached them and the two sisters turned to face them.

"Have you guys seen Lori? We need to test the new Clyde." Lincoln asked. The girls had forced smiles on their faces, and now Lincoln and Clyde were getting weird vibes from them too.

"No we haven't seen her for a while now." Lola said. Each word coming from the beauty princess's mouth was strained. "I'm so hungry though, I wish there was something to eat. If only there was an older sister around capable of cooking something for me."

Leni assumed Lola was asking Luan to make her something, but when the jokerster made no move, Leni then realized that Lola was asking her.

"I can totes cook you something Lola, what do you want?" Leni asked. This would be her chance to start getting on Lola's good side. Lola ignored her and Lincoln asked what was going on though that too went unanswered. When no one made any move after an awkward moment Luan took it upon herself to move things along.

"Hey Leni" Luan shouted. "Can you bring us something to hold us over until dinner?"

Barring a few words changes, that was what Leni literally just offered to do. Leni's smile never faltered, as it wasn't genuine. It was the kind of smile one had when something they didn't like was going to happen and it could only be accepted. Based on what Luna told her Leni knew exactly what was going to happen next.

"Yeah like, sandwiches are totes good aren't they?" Leni asked - not the real Leni though. From the kitchen came Lori, dressed exactly as Leni used to dress, holding a two sandwiches. Their hair was the exact same style. but that was about it. Lori sported Leni's old hoop earrings, dress, and sandals. Even the sunglasses that at one point Leni put down and never picked back up. In short, Lori dressed like happy Leni. Leni thought Luna meant Lori was just wearing her dress, not to this far.

The real Leni always chose to wear sweaters and jeans now; foregoing the earrings and sunglasses entirely. Even her hair wasn't as neat as Lori's was.

Lori walked over to the two girls sitting on the couch and gave one sandwich to each. Leni knew they were trying to make fun of her but they could have at least done better acting.

"Wow, Leni, these are so good that I can't even think good enough to make a joke." Luan said. So far it wasn't too bad but the punchline of the joke hadn't arrived yet.

"Yeah, Lola agreed. "You're suddenly nicer, and prettier, much prettier than before."

"Oh thank you Lola, like, I totes know I'm not the smartest, but I try." The Lori-Leni said.

And there it was, an attempt at the other siblings to establish Lori as the better Leni; quite frankly Leni had to agree. While yes, it did hurt her that her siblings thought of her as such an inferior amongst them (even though she shared the same thoughts), if a better Leni was what they wanted then there was no better option than to have it be Lori. The oldest Loud was simple better, because it common sense that if Leni tried to pull such a prank against Lori, then Leni would have been crucified by her. In the bottle it went.

"Wow, when did we get a moving mirror?" Leni asked. Best way to take the pain was to pretend not to understand it. "How did it make sandwiches?"

While the girls were trying not to laugh, Lincoln just facepalmed from the second-hand embarrassment. All they were trying to do was help his friend act better around Lori, and now this was just another obstacle in the way.

"Haha, funny, but seriously Lori you wanted Clyde to act normal around you, so me and Leni fixed him." Lincoln said, and Clyde nodded in support. Lori didn't dare break character; she was already in to deep.

"Well like," Lori began."If Lori was here, which she totes isn't, she would say something like, she decided that she wanted Clyde to act the way he normally does and never change. If Clyde wants to like me, Leni, then that would totes be alright with Lori."

It took all of Leni's self control not to burst out laughing. Lori was so clueless and this prank was starting to be over the top.

"What?!" This time it was Clyde who spoke out. "There's no one who could replace you, even Leni. It's just you wanted me to act normal around you, so we got Leni to teach me. The real question is why do you look like Leni?"

"Well like, Lori saw me dressed as her so she might have gotten jealous and decided to be Leni would be the best way to win you back. She might have also been mad that I was trying to be a better Lori than she was." Lori answered. Really? Why would Leni try to be a better Lori; the whole town knew Lori was better so what did she have to lose? Leni was somewhat content with what she already had. This was a childish game is what it was.

"Well," Lincoln said. "Now that everything is cleared up. Clyde can go back to being himself, you can go back to being Lori, and everything will go back to normal."

"What do you mean she can go back to being Lori? What is this? Some kind of Loud switch-a-roo? That's Leni." Lola insisted. Luan had already left, but Lola remained behind. At this point Leni knew that this joke wasn't going to end tonight. It would take until the weekend at minimum.

Before any of the other kids present could speak, Lucy appeared.

"Hey Leni, could you take a moment to help me with my writer's block?" She asked.

Leni almost made the mistake of agreeing. She had been reading more and more, it was actually kind of fun was probably good enough to help Lucy. That was until fake-Leni answered.

"Sure, I can totes help. Anything for my dear sister." With that Lori and Lucy left. The rest of the group dispersed. Lincoln asked Leni if they were still working on the comic, stuff but Leni said she had stuff to work on, and went back up to her room.

—-d-d—d-d-d-d-d-d—d-d

Leni opened up the book Carol gave her, 'Ballad of Paladin'. Researching what a paladin was, Leni wondered why a character of Scottish descent would be considered one, until she read on. He might not of been holy, but even as a super miserable guy, he still fought for the good and hoped to make others who were in a bad place.

With each place the warrior king and the priest (literally named Priest), the duo would encounter all kinds of tragic cases. Child abuse. Regular abuse. Murder. Being outcast from your village. Rape (which made Leni feel unwell so she skipped over most of that part). It covered it all. Leni had no idea how it got past publishing but it wasn't too bad.

Each time the priest would give King Laurel a moral to be learned from each situation, which was meant to help the King become a happier person as they traveled. Every monster they fought along the travels were put down with ease so it was to be assumed the priest would fix him before they found a battle that would end his misery. At least, that's what Leni thought until she got to the part that Carol referenced.

The travel to Israel. The king named Abijah welcomed them with open arms - their reputations across this fantasy Europe preceding them. The longer Leni read, the more she was admiring the King of the Israelites (only because Carol liked him). It was obvious the Israel King was using King Laurel, but the Israelite always had a plan. It turns out that he wasn't truly a generous and loving king after all; his secret methods were brutal. Just like Carol (except Carol didn't have people murdered behind the scenes).

When Leni left off, King Laurel was following King Abijah and getting the backstory of the brutal king. After all of the things Laurel did for Abijah, things were finally reaching the climax.

…..

"You know my friend, I was just like you once." King Abijah led Laurel down the dark hallways, the air cooling as the path continued further underground. "When I was a boy, the very streets you and your friend have been walking were to besieged by the western armies."

"It was a massacre. During a time of peace, an army of ten-thousand marched upon these streets and murdered my people indiscriminately. The same has happened to your people, numerous times, but you had strength. I was not more the fifteen years." King Abijah led them to yet another lengthy hallway. "My mother said to me as we waited for the Romans to take our lives, 'we must take that which God has given us'. I refused."

"That's impossible, the western empire fell over a thousand years past." King Laurel scratched his bearded, yet Abijah did not strike him as a liar.

"We are much more similar than you think." King Abijah glanced back, a red tinge in his eyes now present. "I too, made a deal for power. I fled the streets, at the same time abandoning the God who refused to help. It was the demons who gave me power, who made me who you see today… who built this city into a great nation. But if there's one thing that have taught me, it's that-"

"A sacrifice must be made." King Laurel finished. King Abijah's face grew into a smile, showing teeth that weren't so sharp before.

"So you know, but you don't understand. You came here in absolute misery and you say that it is the deal you made that keeps you that way. None of that is true. It's your fault. Why is it that we made the same deal, yet your people forsook you while mine accept me; that I live in happiness while you revel in despair?"

King Laurel could only shake his head.

"Because you have not made any sacrifices. You do not realize true tragedy. Through power comes sacrifice, through sacrifice comes peace, and through peace comes happiness. You dream of happiness and peace for you and your people correct? Things must be considered. Whom do you wish to sacrifice for? What is it that you are willing to sacrifice? Your friends? Family? Your own hopes of happiness?" King Abijah true nature was shining through his speech.

 **(If Leni had to sacrifice something dear to her to find happiness then she was out of luck; she didn't know of anything dear to her besides Carol)**

"What was it you gave for your power Abijah?"

"Blood. That of mine and my family. In order protect my city, I had to sneak back home and murder my hiding family. The pain had been great, but peace that's resulted was more than worth it. To maintain this peace I spill blood in the name of the demons because it must be made." King Abijah had lead them to a heavy iron door and pushed it open with ease. "You are willing to throw away your own life, it is a meaningless sacrifice."

Pushing further into the dark room, King Laurel trailed behind the Israeli to another door with light flowing from beneath. Laurel sensed that what remained behind the door would be something he was going to be unhappy with. The door opened to reveal the broken bloody body of Priest tied to a chair. Despite how often Priest spoke of being fearless of death, his eyes were pleading for mercy.

"Now show me, great King Laurel, what is that which you are willing to sacrifice? That which weighs to misery must be slayed." King Abijah was becoming more demonic with each word, his voice distorting. King Laurel knew he was a respectable man no matter how brutal his tactics were, but this was another level. "A sacrifice must always be made."

/

That was the end of the current chapter which was also Carol's favorite. This book was Carol's bible. The more she read the more Leni was coming around to thinking that selling out the mean kids and going with Carol's plans. If her own plans failed then she would let Carol take control.

The next chapter was going to be interesting but she was getting a call from Carol. She reached over and grabbed the phone. The time was only six thirty.

"Yeah babe?" She answered. Leni never use that nickname for Carol but considering Lori and Bobby had one, Leni and Carol would eventually need nicknames too.

"Babe? I like it. I called to see how you were doing? Last I heard Lori was being an asshole again…" Carol said. How did she find that out? "Before you get ask, or get mad, Luna told me."

"Oh, I'm glad you like her…" So Luna and Carol were talking. Leni had no idea. "Did your tell her everything about me?"

"No. That's for you to tell. Also you wanted me to remind you to finish the math homework you have." Carol said. Leni remembered asking that of her; it was part of a plan for Leni to stay on track with her grades this semester. Leni forgot to remind the girl that she had already finished all but one problem.

'X' plus twenty-nine equals negative eleven was the remaining problem.

The last question. The goal was to find 'x', but Leni could only think about the philosophy about this problem. She knew she had to add the twenty-nine to the negative eleven to solve it, but knowing that the twenty-nine would have to sacrifice itself so that the eleven could become a positive… It was beautiful, yet tragic at the same time. Just like what the book talked about. It was a random thought passing through.

This passing thought was going to hanging in the back of her mind for awhile, and be important to her decision making on a later date, but right now it made her think.

What if Carol was unhappy with being stuck with an imperfect Leni? Would Leni be willing to give up their relationship to make Carol happy? Yeah, anything. Even forcing Lori to break up with Bobby and stay dressed as the better Leni for Carol to have. Maybe not that far, but almost; anything to repay the debts she owed Carol. Taking the equation into the situation, Leni would be the twenty-nine to Carol's negative eleven; if that made any sense.

"Leni, are you still there?"

Leni had almost forgotten about the phone. Dumb thoughts like those didn't take well in her mental bottle.

"No, I mean," She said."I finished my homework. So I was reading the book a lot more, and got to the part where Priest is like, all tied up and totes busted up, and the Abijah guy is talking about sacrifices. If your are the Israel king like you said, are you going to make me sacrifice my friend so that I become happy?"

"Read the next chapter, he doesn't sacrifice the priest." Carol said. "I just took that whole part to mean that getting rid of somethings in life may lead to lifetime improvement."

"Good. You're my only friend so if I had to give you up to be happy, I wouldn't be happy."

"But something more sad happens but then it gets kinda better. I won't spoil it. Just take the good things away from the book. But back to that Lori thing. How are you taking it?"

"Alright I guess. She makes a better Leni then I do at least. If it's something the other kids like then I won't object." Leni answered. "If it's not too late for you, do you want to see each other tonight?"

"Never say that about yourself. I personally think you are way better than everyone in this stupid city, it's a long story but you are the reason I decided to stay in Royal Wood when my dad suggested we move." Carol said. Leni was sure glad they decided to stay, though she wanted to hear that long story. "I was thinking the same thing about seeing each other, but can you even come out tonight? Will your parents get mad if you go out this late?"

"Yeah. I don't mind too much if they get mad anymore but if I'm back at ten then they won't be bothered too much. Your book really helps. With like, all the morals and stuff. Things aren't great, but they sure are getting better, thanks to you." Leni was being genuine. That's why Lori didn't bother her much - Leni just left out the holding it in part.

"That's good to hear, but I've been waiting outside for a minute now. Even if you didn't suggest it or have your homework done, things have been going so great that I wanted to spend some time with you." Carol laughed. Leni was touched by the thought of the girl thinking things were going good between them. She hung up and got her shoes on.

When she went down stairs, Lori, Lola, Lynn, and Lana were playing a game on the living room floor. Lori had since changed out of Leni's dress but was otherwise still like her. The other girls were paying no attention, but Luna who was sitting on the couch still acknowledged her.

"Where you going at this time dude? Dinner starts soon." The rockstar asked.

"I'm like, going on a date, they're here right now so totes see you soon."

At the mention of a date, Lori, Lola, Lynn and Lana all perked up. Of this four only Lori knew that Leni had interest in someone, but none of the girls knew that she had actually started dating. They were all interested (probably so they could tell her date mean things about her), but to say anything would be to accept the real Leni's existence. The four girls mentioned realized this too, and Lori, who was ready to go out and meet this mystery 'man', sat back down. Their own pride forced them to restrain themselves.

Leni smiled at her victory. She was getting a little more confident in herself. As she walked towards Carol's car Leni glanced back and saw the siblings previously sitting in the living room were now peeking out the window, but it was too dark out anyways for them to see anything of interest.

"Hey babe," Carol said sarcastically. Once Leni was in they left.

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just that Lori really likes Bobby and as a nickname for him. I just think we should make nicknames for each other." Leni suggested. Carol let out a short, sweet laugh.

"We'll get to that point sometime soon. I really suck at making nicknames." Carol said. Leni wasn't the best at thinking of names either. "So what do you want to do? Go out to eat or something?"

"Nah, I'm not that hungry. What do you want to do?"

"I know you've been eating enough because if you take the sleep aid with too low of body weight it really fuck you up. It might even put you to sleep forever." Carol lowered her voice the last sentence to make it more ominous.

"So where were you thinking of eating? Burpin' Burger? That one sandwich place you like?"

Carol smiled at Leni's quick change of mind.

"I was thinking more along the lines of the Royal Restaurant. Your favorite. What do you think?"

Leni did indeed love that place. It was a (actually the only ) fancy five star restaurant in downtown Royal staff was good, the food was great, and the bathrooms were actually in pristine condition. But…

"You only take me there when you like, try to convince me of something." Leni said. "From when you first convinced me out friendship would work, to even last week about our relationship and like, what you want for your birthday, the se-"

"Yeah Leni, I know, but this time I promise I'm not trying get you to agree to anything."

There was no way telling if Carol was lying or not and Leni guessed that since she never agreed to Carol's earlier request about parent meeting, that's what this was about.

"I'll like, meet your parents. You helped me overcome my depression and anxiety and stuff. I totes totes like you, so it's fair. Don't expect to meet all of my family soon though." Leni said. This was a big step.

"I knew you would agree but I lied. The real thing I was going to try and convince you of is if you would be willing to share your story when we have the school rally for Anti-bullying next Friday." Carol asked. Leni's heart stopped.

"You know I can't do that. Is there like, anything else?"

"Fine then, we have a really important guest appearing anyways. Are you really not depressed and suicidal anymore? Are you sure you aren't just building even more walls?" Carol asked. Ever since they 'unofficially' officially got together, Leni did seem happier, but adamantly refused to talk about herself anymore. Considering Leni's last actions, Carol's suspicious made sense.

"Yeah. Like, the book you gave me is totes great. Gave me insight on how to deal with problems. More important you like, are totes nice to me. Every time I feel sad,it doesn't feel like before. Like when Lori was me and the others said she was better, I just think of how much you like the real me." Leni said.

Carol could feel herself blushing but remained unconvinced at Leni's new outlook. The girl was just building more walls while the pressure within was building up was Carol's guess.

"Well," Carol said. "Even if you are telling the truth, I'm still going to get to the bottom of everything. You promised me that eventually I'd get to learn everything. And we're gonna have so many good memories, that you are going to forget you were even in a dark place once."

Leni leaned over and kissed Carol on the cheek.

"You like, act so cold to everyone, but really you totes a soft cuddly teddy bear." Leni said.

"You're too cute Leni." Carol said. Now they were both smiling. "Even if your sisters think that Lori is a better Leni, I bet she doesn't kiss as good as you, look as good as you or is as nice as you. You're just better plainly better than her."

"And you are like, totes more beautiful than Bobby. I bet he doesn't take Lori to nice places. And he always has to work too." Leni said. "Also your lips are nice. That makes us the better couple."

It was Carol's turn to lean over and plant a kiss on Leni's cheek - even though she had to do a slight swerve to stay on the road to do so, Carol didn't regret it.

"That's right. Me and your sister Luna talk sometimes. Like I said before she doesn't know anything about how sad you were. Now that you've changed why not let them know about what you have been through?" Carol asked. Only when Leni was willing to speak to someone else or tell Carol about EVERYTHING would Carol be convinced she was fine now.

"I like, don't think it's a good idea. My plan is to just forget everything that happened, and make a comeback with a new and improved Leni." Leni said. "If we make lots of good memories, then I'll be good. I'd be totes embarrassed if they ever found out the things I've done. Trust me, they would be too."

Carol thought it was a horrible idea and her previous assumptions were confirmed - if there was a contest to see who could build the most mental walls Leni would take the gold medal.

Previously Carol's worst fear was that Leni would freak finding out Carol liked girls. She got lucky then. Now Carol's worst fear was that Leni's path to self destruction was unpreventable and she could only make Leni comfortable as her girlfriend traveled to her demise. She might not get Lucky twice.

The only surfire option was to turn Leni in to her parents and professionals but there was no doubt Leni _would_ hate Carol forever.

"Then let tonight be the first good memory of new Leni. Think we will have enough time to make out tonight?" Carol asked. Seeing how thoughtful Leni looked, Carol was reminded Leni was the only thing she really wanted; no matter he selfish it was there was no way Carol was going to let her go.

"Yeah. We can stay out later anyways. I know I said I had to be back by ten but like, new Leni is working on being more bold. I'm starting to understand my parents, I can get myself out of trouble." Leni said. Carol noted the suggestion was more impulsive than the other ideas Leni usually had.

Whether this supposed new Leni was good or bad for Leni's psyche remained to be seen. Carol just didn't want her to get herself in trouble or be holding in so much pain that she would explode. Her father's fortune was a prime example that bad things could turn around in an instant; maybe this would be a similar case.

"That really is bold of you. What next, are you gonna suggest we skip school?" Carol joked.

"I know how much it means to you to go to school, for college. But like, if you ever want to I will." Leni said.

Carol had forgotten about college. It was coming up fast. Carol set herself a deadline. By the time she had to start college in fall, Leni would be fixed no matter how much Carol would have to sacrifice; no exceptions.

"You give the call to head home." Carol said. "We might end up staying out late then, but it's in commemoration of new Leni."

They would end up staying out later than either of them thought they would.


	9. Chapter 9

"And so that's how she supposedly lost her virginity, without taking off or unzipping her clothes, with a guy who was in a different country at the time. It was the most intriguing story I ever heard to this date."

Leni smiled. Carol had just told her this truly outrageous story about one of her friends as they went to Carol's house. Leni was going home with Carol today and wasn't nervous at all even knowing she would be soon meeting her girlfriend's parents.

"Like, what I can't understand is the thing with butter and the firewood… How did it work so well?"

"Nobody knows except her. I offered to pay her for the secret but she'll never tell. Now later tonight you have to tell me a better story, even if it's made up. Maybe a spooky one." Carol requested.

"Alright." Leni said. She really did convince herself that she was feeling better and no longer depressed - meanwhile Carol was getting more worried - and was going to share some stuff with Carol; true stuff though.

Leni brought her own gift for her girl. Leni had her own diary to let Carol read. Of course it was heavily redacted, but there were somethings Carol might find interesting. The whole school day she was paranoid someone might dig into her bookbag and take it.

Leni thought of it as the holy trinity of peace within the situation. Give Carol the diary to keep her from asking Leni. Leni will no longer have to talk about it. The last thing Leni has to do was prevent Carol from taking actions against the school kids. If it worked out, Leni would truly be at peace and finally be able to sleep without medication. She could finally let go.

Carol pulled into the driveway of her house; the moment was coming fast but Carol had already informed Leni about her parents.

Her dad was nice and laid back; eccentric even. Even though he used to be a drunk, he was now a completely different man with his eyes on the future and wanted the best for his wife and daughter. His charisma helped him in his business endeavours; he was where Carol got that same trait from. Mr. Pingrey's father was super conservative when he was alive and raised (or rather tried to raise) his son the same way; the most notable of which Anti-gay. Carol said her dad was way more well-rounded than Grandpa Pingrey but Leni was still wary of that her dad and grandfather were just recently making amends to their bad relationship.

Carol's mom wasn't too strict either, but could be stern when it came to Carol's well-being and etiquette. She got her degree in accounting and helped her husband manage his wealth. Her knowledge kept the money going where it needed,

\- where it would make the Pingreys only get wealthier. They really were the perfect combination of husband and wife.

"Alright. Let's go Leni." Carol said. From her attitude it didn't seem like she really needed Leni to be here.

"I may seem calm but I really am nervous." It was as if Carol had read her mind. Leni put a hand on her shoulder.

"If they become like, too mean, you can always stay at my house." Leni said. Carol chuckled.

"My parents are super nice; if they don't support me they won't go too far. Besides I think Lori would be very vocal on her opinion about that." Carol said as they reached the door.

"Next time I hear her say something I'll really stand up to her." Leni promised. The past two days Lori hadn't said much about Carol, but Leni had been building her confidence to stand up to her sister when the moment came and show Carol what she meant to her.

Carol led the way in to her house. The aroma of whatever was being cooked was astounding, and for the first time in a long time Leni _wanted_ to eat something. As soon as the door closed their arrival was acknowledged.

"Is that my Carebear?" A voice boomed from another room. Leni smiled at the nickname.

"It's not funny Leni." Carol muttered under her breath when she saw Leni's face.

"Yeah!" Carol shouted back. They made their way to the kitchen. Carol's dad stood over the stove and her mom sat at the dining room table going over documents. When they entered the room, both of them turned.

Carol's dad looked to be in fit shape, and was in his mid-thirties to early-forties. His short-length hair was a dark gray comb over, though still messy as if the combining was done with his fingers. The beard could use a trim. The glasses that adorned his face gave him a homely look, but the sharp green eyes were piercing. Carol definitely got her eyes from him. He was porting an apron over a simple tee-shirt and jeans - - not what you would expect a multi-billionaire to be wearing.

Her mother had her blonde hair in a tight bun. She looked the same age as her husband. Her glasses were only for reading and her eyes were softer than that of her daughter and husband's. She was wearing a turtleneck and black slim-fit jeans. Leni personally thought she was beautiful. Leni would have thought she was a school-teacher, if Carol hadn't already told Leni she was an accountant.

Leni didn't know how she expected them to look but their down-to-earth style was an unexpected pleasantry. And they looked great for their age. When Carol went forward and gave her dad a hug, the scene reminded Leni of one of the perfect families seen on the television. The difference between her household and this one was a vast abyss. If Leni didn't know any better she would have said she was almost jealous - no, she _was_ jealous, but thinking to long on these thoughts (in comparison to her own family) made Leni want to unscrew her mental bottle and go crazy.

So she put the idea in the same bottle it threatened to unscrew. It still made her think though; was a peaceful family that wasn't filled with constant arguing too much to ask for, or rather, was wrong asking for it?

"Who's this you have with you?" Her mom asked. Leni liked her voice, it was warm and welcoming.

"This is Leni. She's my friend." Carol dad chuckled humorously while her mother rolled her eyes at him, something was going on between them.

"Nice to meet you Leni, I'm Angela. That's John." Angel said.

"I've been waiting years to meet you." John said. Now Carol rolled her eyes at him.

"He like to make bad jokes and exaggerations. Just ignore him." Carol said.

"But really though, nice to meet you. I'm still wondering when I get to meet this Bryan fellow you told us about. Boy's dating my daughter and I can't meet him? Some man he is." John said.

Ouch. Carol told them that she was dating Bryan? That would make things even more awkward. Carol was at a loss for words. Leni didn't know how long she were going to wait to tell them, but now seemed like a good time while the subject was up.

"Well like, about that… Carol wanted to say something." Leni started. Carol became flustered at being put in the spotlight, by Leni nonetheless. She more or less stopped functioning, like when Clyde gets sights of Lori. "Like me and her…"

Leni's words now got them the full attention of Carol's parents. Her dad was doing a poor job of holding back a smile. Even her mom was interested.

"Well, umm…" Carol mumbled.

"Out with it carebear." Her dad commanded, though his tone was teasing.

"I'm gay. Me and Leni are together." Carol finally came out. She wrapped herself around one of Leni's arms as they waited for the aftermath.

John Pingrey took off his glasses and cleaned them off on his apron. He rubbed his hand across his face and put his glasses back on just as slowly as they were taken off. He extended a hand towards his daughter as if requesting a hand shake.

"Hi Gay," He said coarsely. "I'm John."

Carol hit his hand away.

"Christ John, your daughter tells you something important and all you can do is joke?" Angela exclaimed.

"Oh don't act all surprised, you knew just as soon as I did." John retorted. "And you know what? I win that bet we had. Better get the wine."

It didn't take long for Carol to break out of her trance.

"Wait, how long did you guys know? Was it that obvious?" Carol asked. The oven timer happened to go off at that time, taking away her father's attention and her mother went back to her paperwork. Leni just watched on interest. "Seriously. How?"

Her mother remained calm, but her father laughed.

"We read your journal." Her dad said. Carol's legs almost failed her; she had written some very detailed personal things in there. Leni found herself struggling to hold herself up and Carol at the same time.

"No, you read it and told me about it." Angela turned to address Carol directly. "I promise I wanted no part in it, but your father told me anyways."

Carol looked as if she couldn't believe her parents would invade her privacy like that. Leni would be obligated to kill herself if any of her family read her diary. Carol was the only one she trusted with it. John put his hands on Carol's shoulder and sat her down.

"Today's a happy day. You've got the girl you dreamed of for what, five years?" Her was said. Carol's face paled. She didn't bring Leni here expecting to be embarrassed. "Your life tales have been keeping me entertained since you were in seventh grade. I break in to it from time to time for updates but you've been leaving me hanging for the past couple months."

Carol looked ready to say something mean until Leni put an arm around her and interrupted the situation.

"So like, you don't care we're dating." Leni asked.

"Oh heaven no," Mrs. Pingrey said. "John is nothing like his father if that's what you mean. We don't care who Carol dates as long as-"

" -you don't break her heart." John finished as he pulled a tray out the of the oven. "So Leni, are you going to be staying for dinner?"

Carol answered for her.

"She's staying the weekend. Now we're going to my room." Carol forcefully pulled her away.

Overall her folks seemed nice and caring. They got along well, aren't too strict, and deeply cared about their daughter. They brought out a side of Carol not normally shown, and Leni liked it. Leni's smiled widened. Things were vastly different than in her house and only growing.

"Don't worry about them. I'm pissed they read my shit but I haven't written in it since a couple weeks before I met you." Carol said. Leni didn't even think about it like that.

"Like, I didn't even think about it like that. But it's totes okay. How did they know you liked me though?"

Carol turned red. "I'll tell you before bed. Do you like them?"

"Yeah. Sometimes when I'm at home I still feel like I want to go home. I don't feel that here if that makes sense." Leni said.

"I feel you. I'm glad you like them it means a is still going to take a few hours so let's watch a movie."

"A happy one this time?" Leni asked hopefully. Carol smiles grimly.

"I was thinking something scary."

Liiiinhgesdgfsfv,in bc vgggg deff 1st

Leni thought dinner was going to be awkward. She never ate much, but Carol's dad prepared a nice meal and it would've been rude to deny hospitality even if Leni wasn't hungry like she thought she would be. He made baked chicken with his secret spices, mashed potatoes, steamed asparagus. It smelled as if the heavens had personally made the meal as a gift.

Once she sat down her nervousness calmed considerably. Leni sat down next to Carol and her parents next to each other - it was peaceful.

"So Carol, what happened to that Bryan boy you were dating. You never mentioned a break up." John asked after they made their plates. As far as Leni was aware (which was currently more than Carol's parents were aware), Carol and Bryan were officially together in the views of the school.

"We weren't really even together so we broke up a bit ago." Carol answered. Leni knew that was a lie. Just the other day Carol was hugging on Bryan, but it was all part of an act.

"Thank the lord. Anyone who uses 'y' where an 'i' should be..." Angela Pingrey trailed off and shook her head.

"Yeah." Her dad added. "I gotta meet anyone who wants to date my daughter. Good thing you're here Leni."

Leni looked up at the mention of her name.

"It's totes nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you guys." Leni said. Mr. Pingrey was a businessman right? Leni held out a hand for him to shake; it just felt like the right thing to do. He smiled and shook it.

"We're having diner, you don't have to shake my hand; but you got a good grip. That means good things about a person. I know some things about you too, from Carol's journal and all."

"I'm still kissed about that dad." Carol said.

Leni didn't think her grip was strong but hey, he said it was nice. The dinner went on with small talk, and eventually back around to the relationship of the two young women.

"So Leni, what is it you like about Carol?" Angela asked. Carol put an arm around Leni defensively.

"Well like, she's nice to me. She worries about me. And she's cute too." Leni answered.

"Carol worrying about someone? Is my Carebear actually becoming a Carebear?" Her dad joked.

"Oh you know she's been the sweetest girl, she just has a hard time expressing it." Angela interjected. "What does she worry about, you don't have any horrible secrets do you?"

Leni chuckled nervously and rubbed her hands on her jeans. What Angela meant as a joke Leni took seriously. "I mean like, um…"

"That's something she doesn't like talking about. It's really personal." Carol cut in. That only made her parents more interested, but they changed the subject anyways. Leni was glad to have that conversation back behind them. "She's a pro at fashion design though. She made me this jacket for Christmas. Good isn't it?"

"Indeed," Carol's mom said. "I thought it was too distinct in style to not be a custom made, the execution is great."

"Angie here was interested in fashion too,until she found out she loves numbers even more. Turns out it was the right choice or my money would be down the drain. Great asset to the company." John said. His wife nodded in agreement.

"Oh so like, what do you do exactly? Hotel work right?" Leni asked. Carol really liked them getting to know each other. That feeling of relief flooding Carol was almost too great.

"Not quite. He holds stock in major international hotel chains and buys them out, I'm the head of financials to keep cash going where it needs to. Right now we're looking into building a new restaurant here in Royal Woods And starting a new empire." Angela said.

"I don't know if you know this but I am a certified chef. Ever since I got rich I've been waiting to open a restaurant I can work at. To cook something great enough that people feel the need to show their friends is an amazing philosophy to me. Good food is the language everyone speaks." John said.

When he spoke of his dream, Leni could hear how bad he wanted it. He was getting his dream, Lincoln was getting his dream, and Carol got her dream by getting Leni - - maybe Leni needed to start dreaming and she'd get hers.

"Oh that's totes cool. My dad dreamed of being a chef. After he quit his I.T. job he became a dishwasher and then promoted to a chef." Leni responded. John looked interested.

"Well if he's looking for a better job, we should be open in end of April or beginning of May. It's a vital experiment to see how the business may take off so I'll be interviewing personally. Tell him to stop by and mention your name" John said.

That was an awesome proposition. Of their parents, though she would never admit it, Leni like Lynn Sr. the better of the two. Maybe providing him with an opportunity to further his dream career would mend the rift between them.

Linebbbbbtijgghbjiig

Carol was so relieved to know that her girlfriend and parents liked each other. They treated Leni like part of the family. Things on Carol's side of the relationship were falling into place, but she couldn't determine if the case was the same for the girl laying next to her.

After showering, Leni borrowed another one of Carol's long sleeved shirts to sleep in. She was laying next to Carol in nothing but the shirt and her underwear, reading some article on her phone. The Loud was becoming more comfortable in Carol's presences, but just as Leni believed she is getting better, Carol stood by the conviction she was getting worse. Leni's tight lipped behavior pissed Carol off sometimes - - it might be wrong to think it but sometimes Carol liked the sad Leni better. At least then Carol stood a chance at understanding her. Right now Leni was acting as if nothing _ever_ happened to her.

But that's why Carol liked the fact they were in such an intimate position. Leni was a really sensitive girl even though she kept everything inside. If Carol turned the tenderness of the situation all the way up and appealed to Leni's want to give something in return, then maybe she could squeeze out more details out the girl one last time before Leni became dead set on never saying another word about it.

Carol draped an arm over Leni and pressed her chest into Leni's back and snuggled her head behind her.

"Hey Leni want to hear an embarrassing secret?" Carol asked. Leni put her phone down.

"Only if you want to share it." Leni responded.

"Sometimes when I'm singing a song in my head, I replace the male pronouns with female pronouns and pretends I'm singing to you." Carol was expecting Leni to think it was weird, but she only laughed at the reveal.

"That's like, not embarrassing. It just more than totes cute." Leni said. "I bet you want me to share a secret."

"Yeah"

"Then you'll have to give me a better one" Leni said playfully. Even though Leni's back was still towards her, Carol could imagine the wide grin on her face.

"Fine. Remember how my dad said I finally got the girl of my dreams?" Carol asked. Leni nodded.

"It's because I've been crushing on you for a long time. Back when me and Lori were still friends in the seventh grade I saw you in the halls one time and Lori said you were her sister. I said you were cute, in a girl talk kind of way." Carol said. Leni giggled, but it wasn't over yet. "You gotta remember, this is when we were poor and I had zero confidence. Every so often I would make remarks about you."

"Then when we got rich when I was in eighth grade and got eyelash extensions, I got confidence, I came out to Lori about being gay, and she put two and two together and assumed that I liked you. That's how our friendship ended. She thought I was weird for like girls and spread some rumors about me. We hated each other ever since. She said I changed but coming into money allowed me to act myself. By time high school rolled around those rumors were mostly gone, and my crush faded. Until you got to highschool at least - though my fear kept me from approaching you. Ever since then I would get over you then fall for you, then repeat. I'm super neurotic about anyone finding out I like girls now. It was by extreme luck I was the one to find you that night."

"Oh… That was like, mean of Lori. Still not embarrassing though; just sweet you liked me for so long when no one else did."

"Yeah it is, liking someone off and on for a while and then it turns out they like you back is literally the definition embarrassing. It's your turn, Leni."

Leni turned around in Carol's arms to face her. She was pensive as she thought of a story, and then her face lit up.

"Oh, I know one. Well like, in September of tenth grade, on picture day. I was like 'maybe today's the day I stop being so sad and ugly looking!' so I worked on my makeup and hair for two hours. I made a dress I really liked just for the occasion. I think it took three weeks to make it because I hadn't made anything in months. Not counting that dress, I hadn't done any fashion in like a year or months before your jacket. Anyways, it totes took me a long time to get ready. When we went to take pictures; before It was my turn I went to the bathroom to freshen up. Guess what?" Leni asked. She was smiling like a great punchline was coming up.

"Let me guess, they locked you in the bathroom for the rest of the day?" Carol guessed.

"No it was even funnier than that. A pretty girl that was popular in all my classes, but hung out with like, the 'edgy' kids, came in with some smoothie and dumped it on me. Her name is like, Karen Tauscher or something. In my hair, on my face… My makeup started running and it stained my dress. She was like ' What did I tell you about trying to look pretty?' Then I started crying but then the girls made me go over and take my picture." Leni stopped as she awaited Carol's response.

"So after all that work Yearbook Team didn't let you retake the photo and you didn't get your picture in the book. It's not really embarrassing. It's really sad." Carol meant it, but the tips of Leni's lips twitched.

"It's embarrassing because my picture _did_ make it."

Carol's stomach sank; the teacher sponsoring the yearbook club has to look over the yearbook before it goes to print to prevent things like this. Carol could feel the emotional pain in her bones. She wasn't calling Leni a liar but… "No way."

Ever since Carol's Dad donated a lot of money to the school, many of the previously unfunded activities and classes became more successful. The Photography Club was one of those. Previously, the members had to bring their own cameras that didn't work well. John Pingrey was generous in buying new and professional cameras (Carol had no interest in photography, but her dad claimed that all the club's should have good equipment in case his Carebear changed her mind), henceforth the Photography Club was held responsible for yearbook pictures.

Carol removed her arms from around Leni and went over to her desk. She got a yearbook every year, but they were more of mementos instead of something she felt like needing so they were never opened. Carol opened the book from last year and flipped through until she found the L's in the tenth grade sections.

'Leni Loud'

Carol looked at the picture placed above the name, and it was just as bad as Leni described. Leni looked so miserable. How much misery could Carol have saved her if she wasn't insecure about being called out and attempted to be Leni's friend earlier? It only made Carol feel guilty. Leni sauntered over and rested her head on the troubled girl's shoulder.

"So did I like, win?"

"I don't know…" Carol muttered. She was to busy flipping through the tenth grade pictures, this time for the T's.

'Karen Tauscher'

The girl that caused this. Her hair was dark and short and her nose pierced. Carol touched the picture. When Monday came around…

"What are you thinking, nothing mean right?" Leni asked. Carol nodded to alleviate Leni's consciousness, but she was indeed planning something. Leni took her arm and dragged her back to the bed. "Want to know something else?"

Leni rolled up her sleeves, leaving Carol in anticipation for what she was going to do next. But that was all she did, just rolled up her sleeves and waited for Carol to say something. Upon closer inspection there were two small, faded scars on each forearm.

"Are these the scars from the time you tried to cut?" Carol asked. She remembered how Leni said she never really took up cutting.

"Yeah, their usually they're covered with makeup. I thought they would be visible so far up. But I think there's something you might want instead..." Leni said. The younger girl put her hand on the back of Carol's neck and spread her legs.

Was this really happening - - from embarrassing moments to foreplay. Carol let her head be guided closer to Leni's waist and closed her eyes as Leni's blue and white striped panties drew closer. Leni's hand stopped guiding her so Carol took it upon herself to close the distance and press a kiss on the thin cloth covering Leni's waist.

The pressure elicited a loud 'eep' while she almost shot out of her skin and followed by a pur from Leni. Carol would be lying if she said it didn't turn her on. She went in to place another but her face was caught by Leni's hands and turned head ninety degrees.

"I like, should have used my words…" Leni laughed.

Leni didn't want her to do anything except Carol mood was turned off at what she saw. The same scars on Leni's arms were on here inner thighs, except some were larger, and They were more numerous.

"Oh…" Carol touched them. "Oh man…"

Carol forgot for a moment that she was in even between Leni's legs and studied the markings. There were some on each side. Only once the image was burned into her brain did Carol pull back. She sat on the edge of the bed with her back to Leni.

"You lied to me. You said only tried once."

"Well like, I meant that… I only tried once, and then… I meant on my wrists? No..." Leni stopped making up an excuse as Carol scoffed. Leni changed positions and rested her head on her hands. "Well the last time I did was the day before we met in person."

"That was back in November. Even if we are so in love now and hit it off as such good friends, that was only like three months and some days. It's felt like years though and I hardly know the real you," Carol took a deeper breath. "because you feel like you need to lie to me. I really want you to open up to me but…"

"That's like, something I was thinking too. I did some thinking and like, there's only like two or three secrets I need to keep." Leni said.

"I wish you didn't have to keep any secrets at all." Carol grumbled. Looked over to see Leni digging something out of her bookbag.

"I know but it will keep us happy. This is my diary. Most of the things you want to know are in here but somethings I drew over with marker. Just don't ask about them." Leni said.

Carol didn't know where this was coming from. One day Leni was claiming she didn't want to talk or reveal anything then she goes on to tell Carol something super serious that contributed to her suicide attempt and laugh at it.

" _God, what if she's bipolar or some shit._ " Carol thought. She hoped not, their suicide rates were high. It would be a shame if one day she had to tell her father to start donating to Royal Woods Asylum and that Carol would start making daily visits there. Love was too complicated sometimes…

Leni put the booklet in Carol's hand. The words on the cover had faded, but Carol could just barely make it out: 'Laugh, Life, Happiness". Ironic. Carol breezed through the pages and at first glance they seemed to be filled until about halfway through. Then several pages were marked with black ink rendering the words beneath unreadable, and the only a few more pages remained written on afterwards before the final few pages were blank.

"I found a way to make everyone happy. You get the dairy to know me better, I don't have to talk about it." Leni said. Carol nodded. But that didn't stop the kids at school from being assholes - Carol would take of it.

"But like, the only two rules are don't talk about what you read, and don't do anything to anyone named in it. Especially that last part because then things will get worse and I won't be able to take it."

Carol ran her fingers through her hair. "Even with me by your side? What if I decide to ruin those meanies anyways? Who's gonna stop me from stopping them?"

Leni crawled under the covers and pulled them up to her chin and pouted. "You totes wouldn't want to make my cry by being mean would you?"

Carol laughed and shook her head. "No, you're too pretty to cry."

Leni's pout turned into a smile. "Exactly, now get in bed."

Carol did as she was told. "Can I 'accidentally' kiss you down there again"

Leni giggled. "No, I kinda liked it the first time but you promised to wait until your birthday before we do that."

"Well you told me about that thing where you have to give something every time you get something, so you have to do something to me of equal or greater value... tonight." Carol demanded. She took a quick moment to put the diary in her nightstand while Leni struggled to think of something to do.

"Well, what is it?" Carol asked.

"I'll give you a kiss to, if you like, know what I mean, but after that it's goodnight Carebear." Leni said lowly. Carol tangled one hand in her hand and once Leni moved to her position over her, the other hand was put on the younger girl's neck. Carol didn't just want Leni because she was hot and sex would be nice - that was just an added bonus; a really great bonus that Carol really wanted. Before Carol met her she thought Leni was cute, befriending her only made Carol like her more; Leni was nice and that was not something to be said about many people these days.

Leni unzipped Carol's jacket. Carol hoped Leni liked her black laced bra. Leni placed her lips to Carol's bra and gave her several deep kisses. Leni trailed the kisses up Carol's chest, over her scar, and up to her face. How sensual Leni was with it made her wonder if the girl had past experiences.

"Is chest kissing now acceptable in makeout sessions?"

"Yeah," Leni said smiling. She moved her hand further down Carol's exposed abdomen. "Know what else is?"

Carol let out a whimper, this was getting heated - - maybe she wouldn't have to wait after all. Leni's hand went to the edge of Carol's sweatpants. Carol's body was ready to receive stimulus from Leni. Leni brought her lips closely to Carol's ear to whisper. All she had to do was say the words and Carol would strip.

Leni took in a sharp breath before speaking that cause Carol to noticeably shiver.

"Tickles." Leni's voice was almost inaudible but Carol just barely made it out. In the split second that it took for Leni's hand to reach Carol's sides, there was no time for Carol to block her. There was only one thing she could think in that split second.

'Fuck.'

They played around for awhile longer and Leni didn't stop laughing right up until she finally fell asleep. Come Monday the week of Anti-Bullying would be upon them, but the real damage control was going to be done by Carol herself. Maybe she had gotten to soft, or stopped caring, but Carol was going to make up for her ignorance. Despite Leni's rules, every name in the dairy would be punished. Carol swore if Lori makes an appearance there her relation to Leni won't save her.

As long as she believed her actions would hurt people who deserved it and kept Leni's candle of happiness burning then Carol would take those actions. Changes were coming to Royal Woods High - changes that Carol now regretted hadn't come sooner, and would regret it even more later; for now though Leni was happy and in her bed. Whether Carol went against Leni's wishes and got her justice or not; that's all that mattered to Carol.


	10. Chapter 10

It has been a week since Carol started plotting how to deal with the situations put forth by reading Leni's journal. It had given her a lot of insight on why her girlfriend acted the way she did. The week leading up to this Friday was fantastic, and now Mick Swagger with was making an appearance (Her father offered him free international hotel stays at any hotel her father owned if he came to the Royal Woods High assembly). If someone didn't know Carol before, now they knew her as the girl who was able to get a superstar to perform at her local event.

The Anti-Bullying Awareness campaign had been more popular that Carol thought - - but then again nobody would want to openly seem like they actually supported the demeaning of another person. Still, Carol was fueled by the fire of the treacherous deeds Leni had to put up with; the diary only went from her second semester in tenth grade to the moment she met Carol but it still contained too many things that Leni shouldn't have had to go through. The very first thing Carol dealt with was the whole yearbook thing. She told her dad Sunday night after she took Leni home that she wanted Photography Club shut down. On the following Monday the very next morning, it was announced that Photography Club was no longer. Carol was impressed by the promptness - Pingrey's would always get what they want.

Next thing was on Wednesday, everyone who was on yearbook staff this year that directly had a connection to the fiasco last year? Removed from the club. There was a lot of outrage and suspensions that day. Now that all the small-fries were done with (or at least some of them), it was on to the one of the bigger fish. Carol would've dealt with this Karen person sooner, but she was in it for the long play, and a simple three day school suspension wouldn't have been enough for the plethora of wrongdoings Karen had done. Carol had done some digging and found Karen was pretty popular in the eleventh grade, funny, pretty, and her grades above average. Carol liked to think Karen was pressured by the need to fit and that's why she did those things to Leni - - not because she was born a bitch.

One of Carol's favorite entries in Leni's dairy pertaining to Karen was earlier this year and followed as such:

" _October sixth,_

 _Diary, sorry if you wanted a happy entry. So like, today in english we were learning about the horror genre and had to write about something we feared. So totes obvious I chose Royal Woods Asylum. People like me get sent there all the time and the rumors of the weird doctors and patients are scary, especially since in two-thousand, more people were admitted to the asylum than ever before, and the next year more people died in the asylum than in Royal Woods Hospital any year, like, ever. The only thing I didn't know is we had to pass our papers around to other students._ _ **Side note: Karen's fear is getting sent to the school for bad kids, because then no college would take her.**_ _After school when I was going home they stopped me in the hall. They said 'Oh, scared of the Asylum? It's not that bad.' And then locked me in the supply closet, since that was how the asylum was. They said they would come back after the football game and let me out. The game ended at ten tonight. No one could hear me crying for help. Only when the tall janitor with the long hair made his nightly cleaning visit at like, eleven or twelve was I let out. He drove me home but my parents weren't happy. They just got done yelling at me a couple of minutes ago about responsibilities and how I shouldn't be staying out late like that on a school night, and they never gave me permission to even go to the game. I wish I could tell somebody but every time I try the think I'm exaggerating or don't know what I'm talking about. If only Karen could get a taste of her fear then maybe she wouldn't be mean to me._

 _It's sad we have school tomorrow. I'm always wishing as hard as I can that I won't wake up the next day, like, someone breaks into the house and I'm the only one they kill, or a random brain aneurysm takes me away but I'm always disappointed. I wish I had the courage to do it myself . Goodnight Diary."_

Carol had been spooked when she read that last part. Of course she came into the writing with the forward knowledge Leni would eventually find the courage to kill herself, but hadn't gotten to that part yet in the dairy - the written words documented Leni's descent into depression with each page, and some parts made Carol feel uneasy. Today was a good a good day though. Karen Tauscher was going to be a long con, but due to some of the problems the girl's parents were going through things were happening faster. A little bribing and evidences of Karen's crimes brought the girls parents to Carol's side with ease. Today would be the day Karen got what was coming to her. Carol _hated_ her.

Of course Karen didn't know that. The girl only knew that her day was going to be amazing. On Wednesday some of her friends were kicked off the Yearbook Staff but that was negated by the fact that it was the same day that it was announced that a girl named Carol Pingrey had got Mick fucking Swagger to perform at the school. Karen had been so damned hyped for it; she was a huge fan.

Pre-Calculus was her last class before the students would be called to the gym by grade level. The Seniors had been called first, and Juniors would be in just a few more second.

"Teachers at this time please release all Juniors to the gym. Thank you."

There it was. She did not agree with Carol's message about eliminating bullying from the school, but she had the give her upperclassmen a glimmer of admadmiration. One of these days Karen would have to make friends with her.

"Hey Karen you excited?" Her friend Jenny asked as she walked up.

"You know I am. How did Carol manage to get Mick here of all places?" Karen replied.

"Her parents are stupid rich. Daddy's girl gets whatever she wants. Does this mean you're taking her anti-bullying campaign to heart?"

"Of course not," Karen laughed. "If my little jokes hurt someone's feelings then that's too bad."

Jenny shook her head and smiled. "Karma's going to be a real bitch to you. Take these words as an early rest in peace."

Neither girl knew Jenny's joke was real. They saw the school Resource Officer was talking with some girl by the gym doors. When he spotted her, he stopped her and addressed her.

"Hey Karen. Just received word you're needed in the guidance office. Might want to hurry if you want to see the show." He said. Karen rolled her eyes.

"Thanks Officer Ramirez; It's probably about my classes. Now of all times am I right?"

The girl beside him smiled.

"I'm on my way there too." The girl said. She extended a hand and Karen shook it. "Carol Pingrey. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Karen said. She said goodbye to Jenny and began walking with Carol. Maybe Karen could play her cards right and get in the girl's inner circle. Having rich friends had its benefits.

The first few moments were walking in silence, until Carol broke it.

"What do you think of my campaign. You think it's effective?" Carol asked. Karen almost laughed at the irony. Karen was on the opposite end of the spectrum.

"Oh I don't know. I usually stay away from the bad kids, with my own little circle of friends." Karen answered.

"Oh. I heard you were very popular in all your classes so I thought you would know something. Anyways, I think it's all a bunch of bullshit." Carol said. Now Karen's interest was definitely peaked - - it made sense she was a stuck up rich kid. Karen learned that Carol's kind never had any regard for what they thought to be lesser people.

"If that's so then why did you get Mick Swagger to perform here?" Karen jested.

"My best friend suggested it because her sister loves him so I said 'I said why not?'" Carol answered. A few more moments spent in silence. "I read this book with some Israel guy who said something about the strong crushing the weak because they bring down society. I agree with that but this whole anti-bully thing is just for good rep. I don't personally care about it."

"Well I heard around that people are being nicer since you spoke against it if that means anything. But I agree with you. Sometimes we need to show everyone who's boss. Like there is this one girl named Leni who's so lame. Its so funny to impose jokes on her." Karen chuckled and Carol laughed.

"I like imposing jokes. Do have any plans for a new prank anytime soon?" Carol asked.

"Maybe. Depends, you want a part in it?" Karen asked.

"Not this time. There's a girl I hate so I'll be dealing with her. It will be interesting to see her squirm." Carol smiled. Karen was amused with how dangerous the older girl looked with that smile.

"We're pretty similar aren't we?" Karen asked. To her, Carol was just another basic bitch. They turned a corner and the door to the guidance office came to view.

"No, we aren't, really." Carol said. For a brief moment Karen was taken aback. Carol stopped smiling now. "My plans ruin people for the rest of their lives. You play the short game, your tricks have been going on for a while but only hurt people a lot for a short amount of time. In the end they're meaningless."

Karen shook her head and laughed. "How do you know that, didn't we just meet."

Carol was good at keeping it in, but she wanted to beat the girl standing beside her into the Earth. Soon Karen would go from admiring Carol to hating her.

"Because," Carol said. She paused while she opened the door to the Guidance office to get dramatic effect. "The name of my best friend is Leni Loud."

Karen laughed. "Now way, what are you gonna do, turn me in?"

"Ha, yeah totally." Carol joked. Then just as suddenly as she started chuckling she stopped. "But seriously I am. I read Leni's notebook and checked facts. Apparently Janitor Clark played witness to your 'imposed jokes' more than once. The whole shutting her in the storage. Physically hurting her…. Even more than that."

Karen couldn't tell if this girl was joking or not, but ice was creeping through her veins.

"Your clean record is going to be fucked up." Carol said. They were standing in front of the door Karen was called to.

"Now I know your joking." But Karen was lying. She didn't know what to believe.

"I hate jokes." Carol said. She opened the door to the conference room and revealed another police officer, Janitor Clark, Mrs. Hewitt the eleventh grade Guidance Counselor, the principal and the vice principal; most important was the appearance of Mr. and Mrs. Tauscher. None of the occupants looked happy. Karen's face fell.

Carol, on the other hand, could _not_ stop smiling.

Luv set jjfyhnfdubjiooogftyb

Leni skipped the assembly in the gym, choosing to instead spend it in the serenity of the library. It was amazing Carol had actually got Mick Swagger there, and Luna was really going to like Carol a lot more after that. It seemed as if Carol's campaign against bullying was really working. No incidents has occurred thus far, and it was already Friday.

Leni was in the far back corner blocked by bookshelves. She put two chairs together so she could sit on one and rest her legs on the other. The thing about the Library was not many kids came around anymore so it served as the perfect safe haven for her.

The warm lighting, the sweet aroma filling to room (it came from one of the Librarian's out candles, which really weren't allowed to be lit on school property), but the silence was really what attracted Leni to the library. The silence; it used to enticed Leni to fall asleep here the days she to came here crying to herself. It seemed crazy but she considered the library her second home (formerly her first) now after Carol's house, but still before the Loud House.

Leni was planning on reading her book the whole time the assembly was going on, and finish the last third after all these weeks of slacking. After the whole part about finding the Priest tied up and subsequently dying, the main character died the next chapter. Leni admitted to herself she cried like a baby - but it made her realize death was permanent, and her family might act just how Leni did towards a fictional character. That's what Carol meant when she said thing got worse in the story.

But it did get better. The protagonist found the Priest again in the afterlife, and know they were seeing how the side characters react to news of the Kings death. Their bromance adventures continuing in death blossomed a new hope in Leni that she and Carol too could find each other if for some reason they both died.

Leni got the book out of her bag, and tried to find where she left of - - her bookmark was prone to falling out. After a few minutes of reading she zoned out and entered a state of blissful flow, completely tuning out the cruelty of the real world in exchange for the interests of this fictionalized world.

She didn't know how many minutes had passed, nor did she care, but her pastime was ground to a halt when some kid tossed his books on the table with a loud bang, scaring Leni.

She looked up and immediately she felt sick. It was a young man in the grade above her. Leni hadn't seen him since October, and she hoped she would never see him again since then. Her skin grew cold and clammy even though the room was warm.

Nick Lambert.

He was your average kid. His hair was dark, contrasting with his pale complexion. There was nothing memorable about him - except he was one of Lori's friends. He hurt Leni more in a single night than everyone else had ever.

There was no ignoring the fact this was the man who had assaulted her sexually (more than just sexual assault, but Leni didn't really like the other 'r' word) and had the audacity to record it. He had sent Leni the original, uncut video (Nick was confident she's never show anyone, and he was right, Leni was pretty sure she deleted it off her phone). Later he showed her the edited version, and made it seem Leni asked for it, like she consented to something she begged against. He committed a serious crime against Leni, but the only video proof made it seem like two reckless kids consenting to a sexual act. Long story short, this was the boy who had raped Leni, and Lori took his side without ever getting the full story.

She tried to tell Lori what he had done to her, but as soon as she said his name, Lori shut her up and couldn't be bothered to hear any more. Lori didn't want to hear (or rather let Leni inform her) of the horrible thing he did to her; that drove Leni crazy, that Lori would choose her friend over her sister. To this day Lori had no idea what transpired back on October twenty-eighth, so for that Leni chose to forgive her.

Then again Lori had Bobby to protect her, and was strong enough herself that she wouldn't have been in that situation. Leni let Lori convince her to go to that party she didn't want to go to. Leni wasn't strong enough to stop him. Leni convinced herself that happened, was her own fault and she deserved it, and once she met Carol, she tried forgetting entirely.

But she would never try tell anyone again. Not Lori, not her parents, and definitely not Carol. God, Carol would probably be _so mad_ at her if she found out.

"Hey, hey, hey, snap out of it." Nick kept snapping his fingers to get Leni's attention. "You alright? You look sick…"

His presence was what made Leni feel sick. Something horrible was probably going to happen. He chuckled.

"You've been happy lately... What's this your reading?" He said as he snatched the book from Leni's weak hands and examined it. "Interesting, seeing you read, something about self-help. Anyways back to why I'm here, why have you been so happy, I know I told you once before I don't like you happy."

Leni just struggled to keep herself from shivering. She had found happiness and peace within herself. Now this was happening.

"Of course you don't want to talk to me. But I just want to ask you one question that I already know the answer to. If you lie, I'll get very, very angry, alright?" He said. One of the few times Nick and Leni spoke face to face in the past (after the incident), He had told Leni he was crazy. It was moments like these that confirmed that. "Are you and the girl named Carol Pingrey dating?"

Being out of the closet was Carol's fear, Leni wasn't going to expose her. She started to shake her head 'no' until he started to do the same motion, warning her about lying.

"Yes." She croaked finally. "How?"

"You can't expect to make out in public spaces and expect no one to see." Nicks voice was soft - if Leni didn't know any better she would've expected sympathy from him. "It's alright though, I don't plan on doing anything bad, yet, as long as you help me alright?"

LenI nodded.

"I'm refining my plan, so be happy a little while longer. Carol has been busy dealing with people; especially my friends in photography club. I just heard Karen's parents transferred her to whatever the bad kid school is. Things are getting boring around here. I LOVE chaos, and Carol is order. When I come back your way in a few days, weeks, or even months, do what I say or that video…" He have Leni a knowing look and patted her hand. She nodded in agreement. "I don't think you know what I mean. In the end, it's just going to become a huge mess with you to take the fall every time."

"You better make Carol stop that snitching, or you might be the one to get stitches. That's your first mission. And, offiicially Carol and Bryan are still dating, tell her to give my bro Bryan some physical love it you know what I mean, and seriously though, from one friend to another…"

He emphasized the word 'friend' and got up to leave. "Enjoy your happiness you deserve it… while it lasts."

After he left Leni took a moment to get her extreme hyperventilating under control. Leni hated hating people but that man was number one on Leni's list of most hated people (even Lori wasn't in the top ten in that list). If he was murdered right in front of her - Leni wouldn't tell; but would she help hide the body? It was the nice thing to do. Not that she _wanted_ that to happen, but if it _did._

In the middle of the school day, Leni packed up her stuff and walked right out of the school to her house. Her parents would get a phone call but who cared anyways?

Nick told her to enjoy her happiness while it lasted. That meant she still had some time before anything happened. That's what she focused on, and once she convinced herself she could still be happy, Leni wasn't worried about their conversation much.

When the others got home, they were surprised to see Leni already home, but the fashionista wouldn't answer any inquiries.

Leni was going to be as happy as she could, and what made Carol happy made Leni happy. Her plan was shitty but Leni didn't care what Lori or her family was going to think, Leni wouldn't be there this weekend anyways. She would give Carol a quick introduction and be gone right after.

There was no school for students Monday, so that would be long enough for them to collect their thoughts about Leni's relationship… right?

Fzifitzitsit

The same day. Leni told Carol to pick her up around seven; about the time the Louds had dinner. They were sitting around the table at the aforementioned time, but Leni was the only one not eating.

"Are you alright sweetheart?" Rita asked.

Leni was too caught up in what was to come to hear her mother's genuine concern. A knock at the door saved her from being forced to answer, but her silence was noted.

Lynn Senior got up to go see who it was but Leni shot up and beat him to it.

"I like, got it!" She sang.

Leni practically ran to the door. She opened in and the person standing there was indeed her girlfriend. This was the part where Leni had to act fast. She forgot to mention this whole thing to Carol.

"You ready to go?" Carol asked. Leni, without speaking, dragged Carol by the arm into the house, and over to the dining room. All eyes immediately zeroed in on them.

"Everyone, this is my totes cute girlfriend Carol. Carol, this is everyone. We're leaving now bye." Leni said. She turned Carol's head and kissed her on the lips. Everyone dropped their utensils.

"Hey g-" Carol tried to introduce herself but Leni forced her away. Just as they reached the front door the kids (and adults) erupted back in the dining room.

"Run." Leni said as they stepped outside. They did, and left in record time.

Leni's heart was pounding in her ribcage.

"What came over you Leni? That was super unexpected." Carol was saying it like it was a bad thing.

"Things are changing. I shouldn't like, care what others think."

Carol commended Leni for the bravery but was still concerned. "Did you see Lori's face? She wanted to murder you. I won't let that happen though."

Leni nodded. At first her older sister had literally jaw-dropped, before morphing to resemble medusa. Leni almost felt bad for leaving everyone there with her. Keyword: almost. Leni would receive the brunt of Hurricane Lori when she got back from Carol's.

"I think I can deal with it on my own." Leni said. The whole ride she couldn't help adjusting herself in her seat every now and then.

"What's up with you? You've been antsy the whole time?"

Leni shrugged. In her mind she was planning how she was going to approach the subject of sex. Leni's current mission: get Carol to stop mucking about in problems that weren't her's. Under no regular circumstances would Carol agree to that, so Leni concluded an early birthday present would seal the deal.

But Leni hated sex ever since that particular night. When Carol first mentioned doing it together, Leni was appalled. Leni was willing to 'assist' Carol at any moment if the older girl just asked, but Leni was too unhappy with her own body to want it for herself.

"Have you ever touched yourself and thought of me?" Leni blurted out. A direct question was the easiest way Carol nearly swerved off the road, but at least this particular stretch of road was lined with trees and devoid of any other cars.

"What did you just say."

"Like…" Leni had trouble putting it in to words. This kind of talk wasn't something she considered in her character (but then again, being able to freely talk wasn't something she wasn't really able to do often). "Have you ever had your fingers inside you, but instead like, you thought of them being my fingers instead that were making you feel good?"

Carol's nose was bleeding just as bad as Clyde's. She could not comprehend where it was coming from. Of course she wanted Leni's body but It was Leni who was strict about making Carol wait until she turned eighteen in just a couple more weeks.

"I refuse to answer that question, ever." Carol answered. The barely-visible red tint to her face told Leni everything she needed to know. "What brought that about?"

"I was just thinking about your birthday present."

"What about it Leni?"

"It's nothing. But I just remembered. Stop getting the kids at school in trouble. Please?" Leni asked. Carol laughed at the absurd remark.

"No. You gifted me with the dairy, so whether I deal with the kids or not is my choice now." Carol said.

"Then pull the car over." Leni tried to do the thing Carol did, the whole running fingers through the hair thing while staring intently. Giving Carol a taste of her own medicine.

"Nope. You're cute when you overreact." Carol really didn't stop. It looked like Leni was going to have to wait for the 'extra convincing'.

"So what about you Leni? Have you ever done what you just said but thinking of me?"

"Once or twice."

"Ooh, naughty. Now I feel obligated to say yes, I have. In answer to the question you asked."

'Good' Leni thought. Their mutual confessions just made everything easier.

Ffnrjfd mhm 5th byhmmhh

By time Leni decided jump in to the action of her plan, it was some time past eleven and they were both lying in bed. Carol, for probably the first time since she got it, forewent wearing the jacket Leni made her to bed, wearing nothing but her bra and underwear. Once the lights were off Leni removed her bedtime shirt. Mr. And Mrs. Pingrey were out of the city for the weekend, so the timing was perfect.

She rolled over to face Carol. The older girl slept with her blinds slightly open, allowing moonlight to fill the room when the lunar phases allowed it. Leni quietly got off the bed and twisted open the blinds more; she wanted Carol to see what they were doing when it happened. The room brightened considerably under the direct beams of the full moon. Looking back at Carol, Leni thought the girl looked like an angel. Leni padded back over to bed and crawled over to Carol a placed her head of Carol's waist. The moment was now.

Leni was giving the girl her early present, it could only end in in success. After Leni agreed to have sex with Carol, Leni looked up a few videos online on how two girls had sex and imagined it was her and Carol in those positions. Leni decided using her mouth first would be a good start.

Leni put her lips to Carol's womanhood, a gave it a small lick. Carol wasn't fully asleep, and shifted only slightly. Leni did the same thing again, only harder, and now Carol shifted more. Leni moved towards Carol's face.

"Carol," Leni said. Carol opened her eyes slightly to see Leni's face inches from here.

"What is it?"

"Like, you've been a good girl, so you're getting rewarded." Leni said. Carol's tiredness was quickly leaving her.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"This." Leni moved back down, and held Carol's panties off to the side as her tongue made contact with Carol's bare parts, slipping in between the folds. While Leni took in the taste of her girlfriend, Carol tried slapping herself awake just in case this was a really realistic dream.

When she figured it was really happening, she moaned. It went on for several more moments, and Leni's moments became more animalistic - - reminiscent of the violent atrocities Leni faced back in October. Both girls we're too caught up in their hormones to notice.

Carol's body was quivering. Leni removed her mouth and Carol let out a small sound of annoyance. She took off her bra, and Carol did the same. Once that was dealt with, Leni pressed her chest into Carol's and leaned close to her face, kissing Carol near the ear and neck.

"Why now?" Carol moaned.

"Things are changing, like, we should make happy memories while we can." Leni said. She then removed her panties and started taking Carol's; the sirens were already going off in the older girl's head.

"What do you mean." Carol stopped and sat up. She put her hands on Leni's shoulders to stop her from continuing the kisses.

Leni gently moved Carol's hands out the way. She crossed her legs with Carol's and brought their waists together. Carol was going to object to any more sexual acts, but when their parts touched Carol lost her breath. Leni used this time to think of a good excuse.

"Like…" Leni said. The sensation of their clitorises rubbing against each other made any form of recognizable speech difficult. "Like, when you turn eighteen I'll be underage. Laws and stuff you know?"

Carol's back arced and she wrapped her arms around Leni as if trying to become one with her lover. Her nails dug into Leni's back, leaving small imprints that would remain there for days after. Leni toyed Carol's breasts with her mouth.

"Just. Don't. Tell. Anyo… Oh God!" Carol cried out. Carol's breathing was becoming increasingly laboured, and her whines drove Leni's passion up higher.

At least what Leni considered passion. Her moments were still rough, and almost uncomfortable… Almost. It wasn't Leni's fault she was so rough though. She'd only experienced something like this once before and in an unwanted situation - - her subconscious was subtly forcing her to mimic the horrible style of her attacker. But apparently it was working.

It wasn't only Carol who was experiencing the euphoria of sex. Leni's mind felt like it would shut down soon from the overload of excitement, and her genitalia were begging to release. This was different from that time with Nick.

They were both reaching their climax. Sweat coated their bodies despite the winter weather.

"Leni… I think I'm…" Carol started. Her moans and yelps were louder than ever before, and so were Leni's. Leni pressed their bodies as close as she could and hugged Carol tightly as they continued to fuck. The moment to finish was only a few seconds away. Leni kissed Carol's cheek and whispered in her ear.

"Come on Carol, cum for me." Leni whispered. Leni didn't let up, she pressed her clit harder against Carol's and continued to whisper seductively. "Come carebear, please cum all so I can get a taste of the real you."

Carol needed no more to be said. She let out one last loud moan as she released the built up pressure, soaking Leni and the bed. Leni moved a hand down to Carol's womanhood and rubbed it in several circular motions., making sure to get some of Carol's juices, and put it to her mouth. Carol watched as she caught her breath.

"You're too damned hot Leni. Who knew you were such a closet pervert." Carol said. "But.."

Carol made Leni lay on her back.

"You still didn't climax." Carol then spread Leni legs and put her mouth to the younger girl's sensitive area, and stimulated it with her tongue. Leni's mind nearly exploded as Carol's tongue entered her. The way it writhed caused Leni's walls attempt to contract around it for maximum pleasure. Leni wrapped her legs around Carol and grabbed her own breasts.

"I think it's coming this time. Fast." Leni moaned. "Carol! I'm like.."

Carol's mouth worked with double the expertise, and slowed down to let Leni climax at her own pace. Carol running her tongue in between Leni's parts was too much for the younger girl to it came, Leni let out a high-pitched squeal and arched her back before collapsing. When the episode was over, Leni laid back against the bedding and Carol lethargically crawled over.

"You're too great Leni. I mean, generosity wise for letting us do it tonight, kinda rough for my taste but if it's what you like…" Carol said.

"I'm like, not really experienced, but I tried. What are we supposed to do now?" Carol dragged Leni off the bed and removed the sheets and covers.

"I'm gonna throw these in the washer, and then we should shower… together?" Carol asked. Leni smiled and nodded.

"Sure. I got sweaty." Leni answered. While Carol carried the bed covers downstairs to the laundry room, Leni walked through the dark upstairs to the bathroom and started the shower. She retrieved towels, and a change of clothes for them - - for Leni only a shirt would suffice for the night.

"Alright. You got everything?" Carol asked once she came back. Leni nodded. Leni waited for Carol to enter the shower before getting in.

"I like this new you Leni. You're awkwardness disappeared, you're more confident…" Carol took a moment to put some shampoo in her hair. "I would never have expected you to come out to your family and have sex the very same day. What's your secret?"

Leni shrugged. "I just compartmentalized, or whatever the word is, all my bad thoughts when we started dating so you didn't feel forced."

Carol laughed. "I told you keeping it inside only hurts you in the long run, I like you for you. All your emotional baggage is something I'm capable of dealing with."

"Like, it's working now so it works for me."

"I swear Leni if it all catches up to and you kill yourself I'll be pissed."

Leni smiled and lathered the body wash across herself, and Carol helped rub her back. "Like, as long as you keep being a good girl and leave the kids at school alone, I'll be good. And you keep getting rewarded more often."

"I'll try but no promises." They were quite for a moment. "Have you had sex before?"

"No." Leni said. She didn't believe it to be a lie if she actually expunged most her memory of the event into her subconscious. Another technicality was Leni never consented to any sexual acts she was a part of, so there were two reasons right there.. "Never. You were my first. I won't ask about your sex life though."

"Good. I feel like me being your first brings us even closer."

It was a strange feeling, that was growing in Leni's chest. Even after dating Carol for a couple of weeks now, this feeling of love was great and was still new to Leni.

"You're too skinny. If you lose a any more weight I'm telling your parents to get you help. Why don't you eat much, or at least, enough to not look like that?"

"My family's huge, the cost to feed everyone is even bigger. I just let everyone get theirs before I get mine."

"Liar, every time we go out to eat, you get either the smallest and cheapest thing, and even then you don't finish it all. It was the bullying wasn't it?"

"I see you've been reading."

"Yep. And I also thought you should know Karen was withdrawn from school earlier. Her parents, after learning some of her actions, decided to move her to the school for delinquent teens. Whether it's Karen or other assholes, you don't have to worry about being called fat ever again." Carol said.

"We already just went through this, no more of that. Like, I think they deserve second chance. So no more of that."

Carol was going to bring up the fact that people who pushed others toward suicide didn't deserve a second chance, but held her tongue. Leni was just too sweet. Now Leni was helping lather Carol with the body wash.

"It was totes sweet of you though. No one ever stood up for me before."

"Yeah, Why didn't Lori ever stand up for you? There's no fucking way she's ignorant enough to not notice something was bothering the person she shares a room with."

Leni started rinsing her hair. "We just kinda grew apart and I got good at hiding it. They only think I get fashion problems, because I made them think that way. Less of a burden."

"If you or your family ever have financial trouble just hit me up, you don't have think of yourself as a burden and make serious cutbacks that hurt you health."

"Alright. Thanks." Leni said. Carol didn't look convinced.

"Your never gonna take me up on that offer are you?" Carol asked. Leni smiled and shook her head. "Of course not. We'll figure something out. You can be my fashion designer and I'll pay you, how about that?"

"I guess. Don't pay me though."

Carol turned off the shower. "Remember your rule about relationship equilibrium: Not receiving without giving. It works both ways."

Leni rolled her eyes - Carol could be complicated sometimes.

They dried thoroughly and dressed themselves. Leni donned Carol's spare nightshirt and waited for the older girl to get her undergarments on.

"You're only gonna wear that shirt?"

"Yeah. It like, comfy like this."

"You're so cute. You should let me take a pic."

Leni had one digital video of her already posing a potential threat. She didn't need two. "I don't think it's a great idea."

"Aw, pretty please? I want to remember our first time forever."

Leni mulled it over before begrudgingly, agreed. She silently curse her need to make people happy. "Fine, but if it gets out I will hate you more than you and Lori hate each other, alright?"

"Deal. When we get back to the room I'll take it."

Once they finished freshening up and went back to the room, Carol got out some clean bedding. Leni laid on the bed and struck a sexy pose for Carol. Once Carol took several shots of Leni's different poses, she got in the bed too.

"I'll keep it safe." Carol turned off her bedside lamp. A couple of seconds passed before either of them said anything.

"I think I'm going to try and make up with Lori one of these days."

"Like, Why now?" Leni asked. If Leni was honest, she didn't want her to. If she was really, really honest, she would have straight out objected, since if the two made up then Leni would be the only one in the entirety of Royal Woods against Lori.

"Your so adamant about second chances, that it made me think I should make up with her. I mean, we used to be best friends, but she always tries to outdo me…"

"I think you should go for it." Leni said. Her heartbeat picked up a few paces with the lie.

"What if we became best friends again? Would you get jealous?" Carol said. Just thinking about Carol being taken by Lori made Leni feel sick.

"No. I just want peace. As long as you find time to hang out with me still I'll be totes fine."

"You're my girlfriend, we literally just had sex, I'm not giving you up."

"But like, I'm just saying, if you do make up, we can break up if you want to spend more time away from me, and just be friends who have sex." Leni said. She wanted it to be clear to Carol that options were available.

"I can't imagine willingly leaving you. You are more important than my hypothetical make up with Lori scenario." Carol said. Leni was sweating more than she liked, she really felt sick at just imagining it, every time Lori's name came from Carol's mouth. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just a little cold." Even in the moonlight Carol noticed Leni's paling complexion. The older girl pulled Leni close and they snuggled. Leni calmed down at the close contact.

"You like the sex right? Was I good?"

"Yeah Leni, you were fine. I get to take control next time though, whenever that is." Carol demanded.

"Well, I think you can have a treat in the morning." Leni obliged.

"Then let's get to bed." Carol jested.

The woman holding her was the only thing keeping Leni's life from falling to shambles. It scared her to think what would happen if the older girl left her. It would be worse than the days leading up to the time she tried to commit suicide - and those days were worst of all of Leni's bad days. Leni never cared much for sex but she would become Carol's sex slave if it meant preventing that.

"You're shaking like hell, are you sure you're fine?"

"No, I'm going losing the hold on my mental bottle and going crazy."

"Oh shit, really?" Carol asked. Leni laughed.

"No, I was joking. It's just still cold I'm here." Leni tried consoling. Carol on the other hand thought it was a bit warm in here. Leni's next words did nothing to alleviate Carol.

"I swear, I'm not going totally crazy."

But really, though, she was.

 **A/N: I must deeply apologize but this was a shitty chapter. I rushed and hardly reviewed it, and said this chapter would be here faster but fan art got in the way. I'll try hard for weekly updates, as well as getting better in quality depth; I wrote out more details of the storyline and edited it some. This chapter and the ones before it will never written after the story's conclusion.**

 **Yes, the episode Selfie-Improvement will be incorporated in this story. Yes, that does mean that things will be worse off for Leni later so I added Paranoia as a trigger warning since its going to appear, but we have some happy times before it gets bad. Things have been happening fast and just thrown out, but it will slow down now as the story getting more fleshed out. Here is my deviantart were I post Leni x Carol fan art. Feel free to use any of the pictures as covers for fanfics (Hopefully Leni x Carol, I want this pairing to grow), I'll be adding more art often, and also message/review me with art ideas of this pairing. There may be some 'M' rated art down the line. Don't forget to add .**


	11. Chapter 11

Leni wasn't anxious at all in returning home that cold Sunday night; she just wanted the anticipation to be over.

"Are you _sure_ you'll be fine?"

"I'll be totes fine. What the worst she'll do, exile me? Lori's a bully sometimes, but she's totes soft on the inside." Leni said.

"That's exactly my point." Carol said "What you two have sounds like an abusive relationship. She hurts you, you cry, but thinks she'll change because she nice sometimes. She may be soft on the inside, but you are softer. You're a kitten compared to everyone else."

Leni sighed. "Don't worry about it. I'll message you later and tell you what happens, ok?"

"Fine. Kiss me?"

"Fine." Leni giggled. She leaned over and kissed her. "I'll see you later Carebear."

Leni got out and waved to Carol as she pulled out of the driveway. Literally, they'd been sitting there for the better half of an hour while Leni convinced Carol she'd be fine.

Leni walked up the steps to the front door. She could hear some conversation behind it coming from the television, but considering she was at the Loud House, such silence meant something was going on. It was almost eight o'clock, no way the kids had gone to bed already.

Leni entered to find the living room desolated. In the kitchen, the dining room, backyard, basement - - empty, no one was anywhere. Upstairs was completely dark. No light was shining beneath the doorways, except from the room she and Lori shared.

The door was locked when she tried the handle, so the next step was knocking. She wouldn't blame Lori if she didn't want to talk. Already Leni was making plans to bunk on the couch or with Lincoln.

The door opened, revealing the entirety of the Loud family, parents included. Leni stepped in with uncertainty, and thought even with everyone in her, the room seemed larger.

"Like, what's going on?"

Everybody started talking at once, but Lynn Sr. reigned them in.

"We held a Loud family meeting to decide how things were going to work now that you're dating Lori's nemesis." Lynn Sr. stated. Her mom spoke next.

"And sweety, since Lori won't even be in the same building as you," Now that she mentioned it, Leni noticed Lori was absent. "We decided it would be best if you took the garage as your room. Lori tried it once and didn't like it. If you don't either we'll figure something out."

Leni looked around and realized the reason the room seemed larger was because all of _her_ stuff had been removed.

"Alright." Leni shrugged and smiled. There was a moment of awkward silence. "I'll go see my new room then."

Leni went and some of the siblings followed after her (a quick glance told her it was Lucy, Lincoln and Luna), eager to ask questions about her love life. One of the cons of living in the garage was it's disconnection from the rest of the house forced Leni to walk through the cold in order to get there. She liked the cold but it meant she'd have put on a couple jackets to avoid the stinging cold every time. It was always the little things that made the biggest differences.

The garage lights were on. Considering that Carol was previously parked right in front of it and the lights weren't on then and Lori was the only absent for the family meeting, then it was highly probably that her older sister was waiting for her. Leni turned to the kids following behind her as she reached for the doorknob.

"Lori's waiting for me isn't she?"

"Yes." All three said simultaneously.

"She's totes angry isn't she?"

"Yes."

"Then you might like, want to wait in the house for a bit."

None of them spoke a word as they stood back but didn't head back towards the house. It was obvious they were going to hang around the outside of Leni's new room and try to listen in. Leni entered and closed the door behind her. It was simple. She had her bed, her sewing machine, a T.V. and a fridge. Even her own private bathroom. Other than those, there was no personalization - most of the decorations in her old room had been Lori's.

Lori was sitting on the edge of Leni's bed, not even looking mad, but rather hopeful for a chance to salvage their relationship. She turned her head to Leni and gave her a small smile.

"Hey Leni." She said. Leni slowly walked closer and sat down next to her.

"I like, heard you were angry with me." Leni said.

"That's an understatement. You're dating my enemy." Lori's tone remained calm, unindicative of any harsh feelings.

Leni nodded. "So you hate me huh?"

"What? No it's ju-"

"I won't blame you if you do. I hate me too." Leni cut her off. In her attempt to let Lori know it was alright to be mad at her, Leni didn't even stop to comprehend what she was saying. Blame how tired she was.

"Why would you say that?" Lori said. Leni looked confused. "There are so many great things about you."

"What did I say again?" She asked. It was a question of honesty, her mind was filled with too many things right now to operate properly.

"Ugh, never mind. It's just, why Carol? Dana is interested in girls, why not her?" Lori asked, hopeful Leni's heart would change away from Carol's direction. She was disheartened when Leni shook her head.

"Carol's nice to me. She cares about me, worries… She was there for me when no one else was. I won't break up with her." Leni defended. Lori stood up and let out a deep breath as she paced around Leni's room.

"Carol doesn't really care about other doesn't care about you either." Lori said. Leni opened her mouth to say something but Lori cut her off. "Trust me. I know things about her that you don't know, and I can't tell you because it'll hurt you and I don't want to see you cry. I might not be happy with your choices but I still love you. Carol isn't right for you."

"What right do you have to say that? Carol told me you said mean things about her in middle school when she told you she liked me. That why you two stopped being friends." Leni said. Lori froze in place, and stated right at Leni.

"She is a liar Leni, she didn't tell you the full story." Lori was getting increasingly agitated and started pacing again. Leni rolled her eyes.

"Like, what's the full story then?"

"Ask Carol. I bet she won't tell you the truth. Then you'll see I was right eventually." Lori crossed her arms and waited for Leni's response.

"I'm not going to ask her anything. Why won't you just try making up with her? It would make everything easier. I know she would want to make up with you…" Leni said.

"Carol said that didn't she?" Leni nodded in agreement, much to Lori's chagrin. "She's just manipulating you to get close to me. What did she even do to make you attracted to her?"

Leni was tired of this. Her thoughts were getting jumbled as they tried to organize themselves into a proper defense.

"Like, she didn't manipulate me. She was the only one who helped me when I was really sad. She why I'm happy now." Leni said. Lori was curious now.

"You're never sad, you're always happy blissfully ignorant, you don't worry about school, you have a lot of friends, and even when you get sad, you always come to me." Lori outstretched her arms to emphasize the point. "You can always come to me with anything, you know that, right?"

Lori's look of hopefulness made a reappearance, and Leni was sorry to destroy it; then again it was probably fake.

"I don't think I can…"

Lori's face fell immediately. "Why? We're the closest sister's in the house."

Leni shrugged. "I don't know. I feel like we're aren't really even close any more. I just trust Carol more."

Once she said it, Leni knew she could have worded that better. That was further proven when Lori scowled while her eyes teared up.

"Fine, if you like Carol more, then so be it. I'd like to she her put up with you for seventeen years." Lori yelled. Leni would be lying if she said she wasn't hurt. Of course she realized a few years ago that she'd been a problem, but did Lori really think of Leni as a problem since the day she was born? "I know a lot more about you than you do. You've made a lot of mistakes, and Carol's going to be another."

"No she's not. I'd give anything for us to be close again, but like, you hardly, even know the real me. It's like we're just regular sisters now."

Once again, Leni's words pushed Lori closer to tears, but Leni convinced herself not to care.

"Then let's talk. Let's rebuild that trust we had. What was the thing that made you sad?" Lori asked. Leni really don't want to continue talking - what she wanted was for Lori to go away.

"I can't tell you. Carol helped me through it anyways. She'd been my best friend since November." Leni said. Lori was going to say something, but Leni spoke first. "I love her more than anyone, I trust her more than anyone. Please, accept that she has a place in my life."

Lori's glare turned cold again. "I hope you consider her my replacement, because I don't consider you my sister anymore. I wouldn't even cry if I never saw you again."

With that, she turned to leave, slamming the door on the way out. Leni was hardly taken aback. Any things Lori said were just things said by someone Leni despised. It still wasn't Lori's fault Leni hated her; but Leni forgot long ago that it was everyone else comparing her to her older sister that originally cause her hatred. A few moments later Lori came back in.

"I didn't really mean that last part but I'm still pissed." After that remark, Lori left again.

Leni texted Carol about everything that transpired so far. The new room... Lori... everything. Carol asked for pictures of the room, before saying she was coming over. Leni didn't mind. Now that she was out of the closet, Carol being here wasn't a problem.

The next visitors to arrive were0 the original trio of Luna, Lincoln, and Lucy. They decided it was best to give Leni some time to herself after her confrontation with Lori, and now that time was up.

Leni was sitting with her head in her hands and looked up as her younger siblings entered.

"Like, so did you guys hear all of that?"

They all shook their heads.

"We couldn't hear anything through these walls so we waited in the house. Lori looked sad dude, what happened?" Luna asked. Leni shrugged.

"She like, doesn't like me and Carol together. I think she hates me."

Luna cringed, Lincoln scratched his head, and Lucy did nothing entirely.

"Is Lori homophobic?" Luna asked.

"No."

"Does your girlfriend like comics" Lincoln asked.

"I don't know, but she likes art. She totes loves horror and scary stuff." Leni answered. She just assumed that Lucy was going to ask another question, and she was right.

"Woah." Lucy moaned.

"She's coming over right now too. You guys might want to leave or something. Lori might come storming in." Leni said. In all honesty, she was just tired. After Carol got here Leni was probably just going to go to bed.

"Can we meet her?" Lucy and Lincoln asked.

"Like, you guys don't care that I like girls?" Leni asked. She didn't know what to expect from them - - she was the oddball of the family, but they still had some glimmer of respect towards her.

"Of course not." The two youngest said. Luna just didn't say anything, already knowing about the whole ordeal.

"Clyde has two Dads. Two girls isn't bad either. And besides, your our sister." Lincoln said.

"Edwin's second cousin's daughter likes girl vampires. Carol is Lori's enemy, so this is already a tragedy. And besides, the spirits have been clustered around you for months now. They say you should have been one of them." Lucy added. "It was only a matter of time before I intervened.

"Like, what does that mean?" Leni asked.

"I don't know; the spirits are mysterious and cryptic. I think it means they really like you." Lucy shrugged.

"Yeah, whatever brah, but are going to let us hang out with your girl Leni?" Luna asked. Leni have a single nod.

"I guess. But only for a couple of minutes, I'm going to bed soon."

To prove the point Leni got out her sleepwear and put it on on the tiny bathroom. She came back out and resumed her spot on her bed. She took a quick look at her phone: nine forty-seven. Just more than an hour since she arrived. Carol's last message was received only six minutes ago, so Leni hoped it wouldn't take much longer for the older girl to get here.

Even it she was tired, she wouldn't be able to fall asleep without any medication or Carol. Carol... Medication… the medication Carol had given her that was stored in her nightstand. The nightstand that was moved in here from her old room, meaning one of the other siblings had probably gone through it. That was a chilling revelation.

"So like, did anyone go through my stuff when you guys moved it? Like, did they reach through my bed table thing?"

"I don't think so. The only thing you really had was your sewing machine, your table thing and your bed." Lincoln said.

"Yeah brah, I didn't find any 'candies' in an orange bottle or anything when I moved your nightstand." Luna said with a brow raised.

Leni was just about to let out a sigh of relief when she actually processed Luna's words and stiffened.

"We'll talk about it later dude." Luna said, while Leni felt the worry growing in the out of her stomach.

"What is it?" Lincoln asked, clueless about what Luna meant. Lucy's expression didn't give it away, but she had the same question in her mind.

"Nothing." Leni answered, which only served to drive their curiosity to a higher extent.

"Do you mean these, weird crescent shapes on her back?" Lucy suddenly appeared behind Leni, and had a finger poking her older sister's back. Leni's face reddened, and so did Luna's. Luna had yet to lose her own virginity, but neither was she incompetent about sex.

"We'll like, me and Carol played a game and like…" Leni had no way to explain it. She looked over to Luna for help, but the young rockstar was just as helpless in explanation.

An awkward silence followed, where nobody said anything. Lincoln and Lucy's naivety withstood the implications of Leni's explanation, and they went on without bringing it back up.

"So like, how do the others feel about me liking girls?" Leni asked.

The three looked at each other, then back at Leni.

"We had a sibling meeting about it. That's why we were all gathered in Lori's room when you got here." Luna began.

"To decide who's side we would have to take if it came down to it, your's or Lori's." Lucy added.

"Us three here now took your side. Mom, dad, Luan, and Lola took Lori's side. They said Lori existed first, so she gets their support first." Lincoln finished it off.

"Lana and Lisa chose to stay neutral." Lucy said.

Leni just shrugged. It didn't matter much to her who took what side, as long as the remainder of her days could be spent in peace.

Eventually Leni yawned and stretched after more small talk. She wanted her siblings to go back to 'their house' so that she could spend time alone with Carol. They had the entirety of tomorrow to meet Carol; but the youngest two siblings in the room couldn't quite grasp the subtle hints she was throwing. Luna on the other hand was perceptive as always and spoke up.

"Oh, it's nearly ten. I think we'd better go to bed dudes or risk taking the heat." Luna suggested. Lincoln and Lucy were bent on the interest of meeting the girl who had captured Leni's heart. They couldn't help but wonder, out of all the people who had presumably asked the beautiful Leni out, how did she manage to get reeled in by Lori's worst enemy? They gave Leni a short and sweet goodnight before they departed.

A noise came from right outside the garage as soon as they left; the sound of a car pulling into the driveway, then the closing of a car door.

"Like, I think that's Carol." Leni muttered, before remembering the siblings had already bid their farewell.

A minute passed, then two. After the third minute Leni began to worry - it was obvious, the entrance to the garage that is, and Carol still hadn't entered. The cold was stinging outside and would remain so until sunrise, the longer Carol was out there the more likely she was to get hypothermia or something. Carol was too smart to do that to herself, but Leni couldn't help caring.

" _It is nice_ ," Leni thought to herself. " _Worrying about someone else rather than myself."_

She was just about to get back in her jeans and sweater to go see if her girlfriend needed help, when the door to her new room opened and Lincoln walked in with a shopping bag in his hand. He had a wide smile on his face. Lucy entered holding another bag, and even the usually stoic child had a small smile gracing her lips. Luna reentered next with Carol in tow, both laughing And carrying their own bags

"And that how me and Leni had our first kiss. It was scary then, but now it's so funny." Carol took a brief scan of the room and landed her eyes on the tired Leni. "Hey Leni, I met your siblings outside, and they offered to help me with our bags. They're cute."

"And she's actually pretty cool, Lori hates her for no reason." Lincoln said.

"Sigh, he's right. I already got new poetry inspiration from her." Lucy added. They put the bags down and left, respecting Leni's wishes.

"See you guys tomorrow!" Carol waved. She turned back towards Leni. "When you showed me the pictures, I nearly barfed. They could've at least personalized it for you. On my way here I got you some room decorations. Those curtains really need to go."

" _She was right,_ " Leni thought the same thing, especially about the curtains. They were a mix between a slimy-green and and warmish-tan. They looked sickly.

"Thank, but can we wait until tomorrow? I'm so tired right now I can hardly think straight." Leni asked.

"Sure. I brought over some of my clothes to keep here, for when I sleepover. You don't mind, do you?" Carol questioned. Leni shook her head and Carol put her stuff in one of the drawers, then changed into her sleeping gown. "It's like we're kinda moved in together. Its cute."

Leni got the sleeping medication and took two. Carol was watching her carefully.

"You took two?" She asked. Leni's bodyweight was too light for that amount, it was a potential hazard.

"One hardly works anymore like, I have to take two to get good rest." Leni answered.

"It's because your resistance is building from constant use. They're on to you Leni. I think it's time we start dealing with your insomnia without illegal prescription use." Carol said. It took a moment for the wheels to start turning in Leni's head.

"Wait, who do you mean by… 'they'?" She asked. 'They' was plural, as in more than one. Luna was the only one who suspected anything, who else possibly could be included?

"Luna. She pulled me aside earlier and told me she found the pills in your drawer. She said she doesn't have the full story, but thinks you might be on drugs. She asked me to get you clean." Carol explained. So it was just Luna. For now at least.

"So you're going to cut me off?" Leni asked.

"Honestly Leni, do you still need them?"

"Only when I'm here. At your house I can sleep easy. But here, like… I just can't sleep, like the hate I know my family has for me keeps me awake or something, I don't know…" Leni retorted.

"From what i've seen of Lucy and Lincoln, They were nice. And Luna too, we text from time to time and she says good things about you.

"Well yeah but… It's hard to explain it with words."

"How about this," Carol crawled in the bed with Leni. "Whenever you have bad thoughts keeping you awake, know I'm with you even when I'm not. Give me a call and I'll talk you to sleep or something. Promise me you're going to slow your use?"

Carol held out her pinky finger, and Leni interlocked it with hers; a childish, yet meaningful, gesture of promise.

"Did you like, want to do something tonight?" Leni asked.

"Aren't you too tired? We can just go to bed if you want." Carol said. "On second thought, I'm pretty tired to. I think I'll need my rest if I get to meet your family tomorrow."

"Are you sure? There's still totes enough time before the meds kick in." Leni replied and smiled awkwardly as she went to pull her gown over her head. Carol shook her head and gently pushed Leni back down.

"Stop thinking about only what others want all the time. Worry about yourself every once in a while." Carol said, agitation in her tone. Leni didn't know what to say, so she just smiled awkwardly.

"Like… are you alright?" Leni asked after a moment.

"Yeah. You trying to please everybody even when you don't want to pisses me off. Just like that fake-ass smile you have right now. Stop. Be selfish sometimes." Carol said. Leni's smile faltered, before falling entirely.

She wanted to cry, having Carol talk to her like this wasn't flattering at all, and nor was Carol's random surge of aggressiveness. Leni just turned over and switched off her lamp. The occasional sniffle escaped but Leni otherwise remained as quiet as she could. She could feel Carol moving and eventually the older girl hugged Leni from behind, and snuggled close.

"I didn't mean to sound like an asshole but we both know you don't want to have sex right now. And besides, the past two days were wild for the both of us. How about we take some time do other girlfriend stuff?" Carol said. Leni cleared her throat.

"What do girlfriends usually do?" Leni asked. Her voice was still grainy from her near breakdown - - she hated it.

"Whatever you want to do. Usually I pick what we do, but the next few weeks you're going to be in charge." Carol said.

"I'm going to make your dress for the Valentine's Dance. Tomorrow I'll get your measurements and finish it sometime before the dance." Leni said.

"Leni, about the dance…" Carol started. Leni shushed her.

"I already know what your going to say. Like, as long as I'm really yours I'm fine." Leni said. She could feel her brain start slowing as the medicine took hold in her mind.

She already knew Carol was going with stupid Bryan to the dance, but it mattered nothing significant to Leni. Sure, she hated that someone else would be holding her Carol so intimately for a whole night, but apparently it would keep people from saying mean things about Carol; that was good enough for Leni.

"I wish I could be brave like you Leni." Carol whispered. Leni giggled.

"I'm not brave. You want to know what I am?" Leni asked. Carol grunted in response. "Tired."

"You know, I wonder how it feels once that medicine takes effect. Does it it get you high or something?" Carol asked.

"I'll tell you what it feels like." Leni mumbled. Carol waited for Leni to tell her. She just figured the younger girl was trying to figure out the right words when Leni was silent for a while.

"Leni… Leni… So what does it feel like… Leni… are you even still awake?" Carol gave her a gentle shake, before laughing to herself once she realized this was exactly what Leni meant.

"Christ Leni, you're too good for me." Carol said.

It took a while, but eventually Carol followed Leni to the realm of sleep.

-ohfyjbvftjnbkjb

Luna couldn't sleep. She lied to Leni when she said they heard nothing of her argument with Lori. Luna picked up on the 'Carol helping Leni with some problems' thing and the 'sad Leni' part, but she was still furious at her second older sister.

Yesterday when Luna found that pill bottle in Leni's nightstand, using the word 'furious' to describe how she felt would have been an understatement.

She went straight to Lori about it. Their parents might've been too harsh had Luna went to them first. Lori and Leni were the closest of the siblings, and Luna thought maybe the oldest Loud kid would be able to get through to Leni about it. Long story short - no, not even a long story. Lori was too busy venting to Bobby and sent Luna away immediately.

Luna had a hard time holding her tongue at that point, and decided it would be up to her to confront Leni. At one point she even thought of reporting it to the police. Leni wasn't the brightest of the Louds, in fact she was the dumbest. It was simply a matter of fact.

When Luna found the bottle of unmarked pills, it took the gold medal for the stupidest thing Leni ever done. The whole argument with Lori furthered the point something was fucked up with Leni. The platinum blonde claimed she and Lori were no longer close, that she changed and Lori didn't know the real her. Now, Luna knew, nobody knew the real Leni. Luna still loved her to death anyways.

That's why it was a blessing Carol turned up. Luna was happy Carol got here, Lori's enemy was the one Leni said she loved, if anyone could get to the ditzy blonde, it would be Pingrey.

Luna got out of her bed quietly, careful to not wake her roommate. She creeped downstairs, intent on getting a drink to sooth her parched throat.

Once down the stairs, Luna found the kitchen light already on. Lori was sitting on the counter, her head in her hands, and a cup of tea next to her.

"Dude, it's past midnight, what are you doing up?" Luna asked. She wasn't really in the mood for a conversation, especially with Lori, but was obligated to ask. The oldest Loud's movements were slow and it took her longer than it should have to look at Luna.

"Carol's here. Sleeping in the same place as Leni. I won't sleep with her here." Lori said. Luna growled.

"Just get over it dude. Make up with Carol. Make up with Leni. They make each other happy so get over yourself." Luna said. An argument wasn't something she was looking to start.

"I know I should. I think one of these days I'll make up with Carol, but Leni said some mean thing, she betrayed me. If me and Carol were to patch things up I wouldn't forgive Leni. She said she's fine with our me." Lori spoke with a somber tone.

"Whatever happens just remember we're still siblings. There's worse things we should worry about." Luna said. Lori nodded, and Luna took it as a cue to get her glass of water and get out.

Leni did say she was fine now, but given the evidence Luna was wary of that statement. Instead of one person, Leni would have people prying into her personal life

The seed doubt against Leni's words had already been planted, and it's growth was unstoppable.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry for the late chapter, I was working on a valentines one-shot. I plan on doubling my efforts for faster posts. I did indeed forget Lynn Jr. If you folks hadn't brought it up, it probably wouldn't have been mention so here's Lynn's take on the situation. Leni's facade isn't as strong as she thought. Some other characters will be finding their own things out about the situation with, anyone's view point you want to see in a later chapter? Review it, reviews are like fuel, and I can't do everyone's. A small bit of paranoia in this chapter. Nothing to serious… yet. Also slight mentions of blood.**

It's been what, three weeks since Leni had brought her girlfriend over? Lynn had lost track, but then again, she really didn't like the whole situation to begin with. For the past three weeks, the house had been divided in two, three if you counted the neutrals.

There was the 'Leni's Legion', who had chose that Leni should be able to date Carol even if Lori was enemies with her. They stated that in Lori giving up Carol as her best friend, she have up any rights of determining which siblings could associate with or claim her as a girlfriend. Luna would obviously be on this side; Lynn suspected Luna of not exactly being a straight line, but had no evidence of real reason to be suspicious, it was probably the way she acted when she brought that one girl over. Lincoln, he had Leni helping him with his superhero comic, so that was a given. Lucy though? Lynn thought she would've been neutral in the whole thing.

Then there were the 'Lori's Loyal' who had vowed that under every circumstance Lori was right. Their main argument being Leni knew there was bad blood between Lori and Carol, and that Carol was really using Leni to get back at Lori. It was obvious Lola and Luan were going to choose this side, they'd never been really close to Leni, or really liked her. Mom and Dad though, that really shocked Lynn. If she dared admit it to herself, she was pissed off when they took Lori's side.

Lynn loved competition. She knew the rules the every sport that had ever been played in a major league. This whole thing was just a twisted and convoluted game between the sisters, but having both parents choose the same side was flat out cheating.

Lisa and Lana chose to remain neutral; not because they didn't want to pick, but because they just didn't care. They weren't really neutrals either because they cut themselves out of it entirely. That left Lynn, the only true neutral of the ordeal… or was she?

Right now, she was sitting on the ground outback, mindlessly picking grass as she reigned in her thoughts. The cool wind blew through her hair, cooling the young athlete of the emotional stress. The sun hung loosely over the horizon, signaling the near end of and arguelles day.

When the arguments got to heated Lynn would step in as the referee, preventing things from going to hell. She could write a book about how many times the two sides had nearly came to physical blows. The worst part is it was nearly daily and generally over something that was insignificant under differing circumstances.

Lynn was never tired. She always had the energy to take on an entire college football team - - by herself. Now though, she couldn't be bothered to kick a soccer ball or throw a frisbee. It was too damn tiring to play any sports when she had to constantly pull one sibling off another.

Lynn would never say it out loud, but she honestly took Leni's side. On the few times she had met Carol, Lynn thought she was pretty cool. Sure Leni shouldn't have been dating Carol behind Lori's back, but she did. Now the two girls were together and determined to stay that way so what could anyone of them do about it?

Lynn remembered thinking just mere moments ago that Lola and Luan weren't close to Leni but the reality of the situation was none of them were. Not even Lori. How often were tales of how Leni was doing told? What about the awesome stories Leni told about the fun times she and her friends had? Those stories were few and superficial. Leni was - as far as Lynn was aware - mentally handicapped. Not to a huge extent, but she was clearly below average. People at her middle school didn't purposefully hang around those kids; high school was probably the same way or worse.

It was as if a dark veil had been drawn around Leni, and the older sister was a faded memory of the family. Lynn still noticed her around, but the designer was more of a detached background character. Leni was quieter, more held back unless she was thrust into the spotlight and her naive attitude returned. Lynn knew long ago that something drastically changed in Leni. Back at the end of October, Lynn swore Leni's eyes were hollow, dead inside, but when not even a gleam of suspicion had even been breathed by the other siblings, at the very least Lori, Lynn chalked it up to imagination. She redoubled her athleticism, and eventually forgot all about it.

Now that the fashionista had Carol, the real Leni was brought back. That meant what Lynn saw those months past was real - the difference between the October Leni and current Leni was night and day. She would never bring it up, nor ask just in case the very real possibility it was just her imagination turned out to be true. Leni was happy now so the past should remain in the past. But that didn't stop the idea she didn't help Leni when she should have from eating at her.

Lynn got up from her spot on the ground. She wandered over to the soccer ball. Dribbling the ball slowly to start, Lynn slowly increased the speed at which her feet maneuvered the ball. She raced around the tree, did a few loops, and kicked the ball was hard as she possibly could at the fence. The wooden planks shook violently under the force, nearly shattering the structure.

It was just like that - over in an instant, just like how the Leni scandal should be. The action helped clear Lynn's mind, and she could feel her old self coming back. Her burning inner passion of competition rescued her from the small slump she was in. It was in this moment Lynn had her revelation. Whether or not Leni was really detached and sad a couple months ago didn't matter, because Lynn was going to be there for her now. She was going to be there for _all_ of her siblings. All she had to do was serve as ref and get this over with. Then they'd be a family again.

Valentine's was Wednesday; three days from now. Lori loved the day, and since neither of the two oldest Loud had seen each other in literally the past three weeks maybe the day of love would bring about the reconciliation of the two sides.

They'd be so happy that the whole house would get together and group hug, then present Lynn with a trophy for making peace within the household…

Did she really just think that? Lynn violently shook her hands through her hair. She _hated_ the overly sweet and emotionally charged thoughts even if nobody else could hear them. This just showed how bad the ordeal was getting to her.

Lynn ran up to the soccer ball and began to repeat the previous routine. Dribbling the ball slowly, then quickly. Around the tree, and several loops. She brought her leg up for the well aimed kick. As soon as she maid contact, and ear-splitting scream radiates from the house, throwing off Lynn's aim and causing the ball to fly over the fence into Mr. Grouse's yard. He was out in front of his house mowing the lawn; if she cleared the mess up quickly she could get the ball back before Mr. Grouse noticed it was even there.

She darted into the house, more or less flying over the ground and every obstacle on the way. Her job as mediator was too important, the only thing preventing a full on civil war from starting. Once in the living room she stopped for a quick analyzation of the situation, going down the mental checklist Lynn developed to minimize the damage collateral damage.

The first question was whether or not Carol was there. The presences of the older girl was a factor that Lynn learned needed to be dealt with most. Any of the siblings talking bad about Leni when that girl were begging for a murder by words from Carol but the Louds were never willing to back down either. The answer was no, today was a day Carol hadn't come over.

Next, were both Lori and Leni present? The two, as previously stated, hadn't seen each other in three weeks, but Leni would die if it came to a confrontation between the two. That was another no, but Leni was present.

The checklist took under half a second. Now it was time to analyze the scene at hand. Leni was standing petrified at the bottom of the stairs looking horrified, and had some sort of small, plastic purple container in her hand hands. Her hair was disheveled and her clothing ruffled as if she had not any time to correct her appearance,instead choosing to careless about her appearance for the day. Lola stood before her with unparalleled fury. Half of her face was stained purple and the pink dress splotched with the purple dye.

This was a recipe for a disaster level erupting volcano simply because of Lola's temper, and Lynn was the only one who could deal with it. Lola was talking rapid fire saying any mean thing she could think of to Leni before Lynn stepped in.

"That's enough Lola." At Lynn's command Lola silenced immediately. Even if she found it tiring, Lynn liked the power that came with being the ref. They even nicknamed her 'Worse Lori', which actually flattered Lynn. "Now, tell the referee what happened and I'll decide who gets which punishment."

Both girls shuddered - - Lynn's punishments weren't really harsh (most of the time) but she made it a point to choose the irksome and time consuming tasks, or if she couldn't think of anything she made them play sports with her.

"I was walking to the kitchen to get some juice, but then this bumbling klutz comes down here and spilled her stupid dye on me. I. Am. _RUINED_!" Lola screamed. Lynn pointed at Leni to signal it was her turn to speak.

"Well like, um… I was coming downstairs. Luna let me use her purple dye for Carol's outfit and um… I tripped and tried to catch myself and I like, accidentally smashed this dye thingy open. I said I was sorry bu-"

"Sorry's not going to fix my dress, or my face smarty. You have to make me a new dress! Now!"

"I'll be the judge of that." Lynn snapped. Leni appeared to be truly remorseful was rubbing her shoulder.

'Probably hurt herself from that fall.' Lynn thought. Getting a hurt shoulder punishment enough. Lola on the other hand was just being rude and loud.

"Lola, since you were called Leni mean names you have to play football with me and wash the dishes after dinner tonight." Lynn said. Lola was getting ready to explode if Leni's punishment just as bad as her's. "And Leni… you already got a hurt shoulder so you have to uh… go to your room. And make Lola a new dress when you have time, case closed."

"What!" And there Lola was with the screaming again. Lynn remembered the crowd at her last football game had been especially rowdy that day; Lynn loved it. Lola right now was as loud as every person in that crowd combined yet Lynn didn't find it as appealing.

"Come on Lola, you know everyone elected me to be the ref and gave me rule making powers until everything blows over. Until then what I say goes." Lynn retorted. If Lola thought Lynn would change her mind, then she didn't know the real Lynn Jr. was a wall.

Lola's temper had reaching the boiling point. The last three weeks had been strenuous on everyone, but it was Lola who had taken it to heart. Even if she had a bad temper Lola still cared deeply about her family and right now it was like she only has half of her family; her seven year old heart couldn't take it anymore - - especially when the person who did this was standing right in front of her, going relatively unpunished.

"It's not fair! None of this is! Leni just keeps causing problem after problem in this house because she's so stupid; if she had never existed then we would've been so happy, if she just stopped being stupid then life here would be good, but no she just had to date Carol. Why doesn't she just move in with her or even better, just break up with her - if you weren't such a weirdo for like liking girls in the first place none of this would've happened. I hate you Leni and so does everyone else!" Lola screamed so loud that Lynn would have been surprised if the entirety of Royal Woods had _not_ heard her.

The neighborhood certainly had. Mr. Grouse's lawn mower had stopped; the kids playing across the street stopped; the birds chirping outside stopped. Even Lola stopped, surprised at her own outburst. Complete silence reigned supreme over the area, however, only for a transient moment.

"You really did it now, no beauty pageants for the next three months, no makeup. You better apologize to Leni by the end of the night, or else!" Lynn demanded.

She pulled a whistle from her pocket and blew into it as hard as she could. At the sound Lana ran on all four and jumped down the stairs and into Lola, knocking her twin over. Lana twisted and caught her sister in her back, then galloping back up the stairs. Lynn looked over to where Leni was, only to find her older sister had already left.

Lynn rubbed a hand over her face. This may not have been the most violent fight that ever happened, but even lasting less than three minutes it was certainly the worst. Sometimes Lynn was tempted to join Leni's side and let Lisa deal out the punishments. The threat of being a test subject would end this situation but Lisa declined multiple times stating she had no interests in these 'menial squabbles'. How were their parents able to do it for so long? The power was great but the responsibility sucked.

Lynn grunted and grabbed a mop to clean up the mess since each both Lori's side and Leni's side would both claim the other would have to clean it up. She would talk to Leni first; an unhappy Leni was the worst kind of Leni there was. She trekked over to the garage and knocked when she finished cleaning the mess, not waiting for a response to enter.

No doubt the 'Lori Loyal' had taken Lola's mean words as another victory even if they made Leni sad. Hopefully this would all be over soon.

Estj g hun vvtuk fun jurfjy tv jou hibachi

Leni thought she conquered her depression and convinced herself that it was gone for good going on a month now. That asshole named Nick hadn't been in contact with since that day a couple weeks ago so for the past few days Leni had been genuinely happy. But that didn't mean that Leni's depression had gone away just because she said it had. Some days it came back to haunt her for a little bit, and some days she'd feel it a lot.

Today wasn't either of those. Today was one of the days where the depression was hitting her full force - - every pent up emotion would gang up on her and drag her down and holding her head under it's dark waters. Leni didn't know why today of all days it had come back, but then again if she knew why they ever happened she wouldn't let them come back.

During these episodes she would feel like going absolutely berserk; thinking about coming clean to someone about everything one moment and the next she'd come close to grabbing her scissors and slashing her wrists open for the final time and be rid of the cruelty of life. She hid the episodes from Carol and the rest of her family, and getting her own room detached from the house only helped her hide them - - there was no other choice than hiding it.

Everything that was happening so far today was _not_ helping her in the slightest. Carol's birthday was tomorrow so the older girl asked Leni a week ago to make her a special dress just for the occasion and Leni was severely slacking. Between working on school work and Carol taking up the time Leni should have spent making the dress, Leni had to work double time today to finish the dress before tomorrow (at least she had finished Carol's dress for the Valentine's Dance), but now she had to restart from scratch as the partially finished dress laid in tatters at her feet...

...

Leni was used to hearing mean things about her from the kids at school, but Lola's words - in conjunction with the fact today was a day her depression returned day- had shook her to the core; confirming thoughts Leni once believed she was passed. Lola was more connected with the other siblings than Leni had been for a while so of course she would know what the others were saying about Leni behind her back.

Day after day, month after month, Leni spent her time crying herself to sleep, starving herself, cutting herself - trying to kill herself even. Then Carol came to the rescue and tossed a rope down the abyss for Leni to hold on to. Why didn't she deserve to be happy for even a few days? None of this was fair.

The only thing wrong Leni had ever done was being born in a world that refused to appreciate her, and that had got Leni into this muddled mess that was her life. Now Leni could hardly appreciate herself, the statement that everybody had ruined her life was a fact rather than self pity. Kinda like the character in that book Carol had lent her, just because of their qualities people tried to use them and walk over them. Speaking of, Carol would probably be pissed that Leni didn't have that book anymore.

Leni looked up at that stupid dress that caused the argument between her and Lola. Leni had planned to stay locked in her room the entire day while the emergence of depression lasted, but that damned dress had to be done by tomorrow and the purple dye was in Luna's room. If only Carol had not requested a dress for her birthday party - the party that Leni would also be attending, but not as Carol's girlfriend. The dress stood there on the mannequin, mocking her, speaking with Leni's own voice.

' _...if you weren't such a weirdo for like liking girls in the first place none of this would've happened...'_

The existence of this dress was physical proof Lola was right - - Leni _was_ a weirdo for liking girls. That's why Carol didn't want to break up with Bryan; Carol, who was infinitely smarter than Leni, knew it was wrong. Gone were the days of Leni doubting her relationship with Carol, but now they were coming back thanks to Lola's words, but then again if Leni was smart enough to deal with her problems professionally rather than sweep them under the rug none of this would've happened. The white dress that was supposed to be dyed purple laughed at her, reusing Lola's words to stab at Leni.

' _Leni just keeps causing problem after problem in this house because she's so stupid; if she had never existed then we would've been so happy, '_

Leni used to think that was true, but she had strayed from their belief. If there was one thought that Leni could do without coming back it would be this one. If Leni had never existed then that'd be one less mouth to feed.

' _You'll never be Lori. Even your parents chose her over you…'_

Another stinging statement, except Leni never got over this one. Even if the mannequin was speaking in Leni's voice, it was more truthful than Leni could ever hoped to be. After the initial depression Leni had been consumed by anger. She wasn't going to take longer. If the dress didn't want to shut up, then she would make it.

' _Maybe Carol is getting tired of you. That might be why she doesn't want to be seen with you but wants a dress that shows her off…'_

The dress was a was a bright purple (or it would've been had Leni got the chance to dye it) and when worn by Carol was a tight, form fitting dress that highlighted all the right curves in all the right places. Leni thought it was sexy, but it would've been Bryan who had the luxury of admiring it at Carol's party. In fact right now Carol was hanging out with Bryan so she could keep her social appearance up.

Leni grabbed the dress and tried as hard as she could to rip it to shreds, only to find she was no match for her own craftsmanship. Leni didn't want it to end there, her emotions had taken control. She went inside her nightstand draw and got out the arts-and-crafts knife she own. Leni cut the dress to shreds hoping that the voice that seemed to radiate from it would cease - it did not.

' _She hates you. You've just been using her..._

Carol always did so much for Leni. She took time out of her day to try and help something that was beyond repair. Leni hoped it was just a shitty prank by Luan, but she knew it was in her head. She would never tell anyone because then -

' _They'd lock you away in the asylum where you belong. It would be a vacation for your family…'_

Today was supposed to be a good day, and so was tomorrow. Leni was excited for no reason and the entirety of yesterday she could not stop smiling at the thought life was finally turning around for her. Instead of just going to bed at night she was actually dreaming. She was almost able to see the beauty in living longer.

' _Your mood swings are your fault. Just end it already. Stop making mistakes.'_

Leni clenched her fists around her knife. She knew what the voice was in implying, but didn't want to go through with it.

' _These are your thoughts'_ Leni said to herself; and she was correct. Her inner thoughts of the subconscious were working their way to the surface.

' _Maybe Carol was crushing on Lori, and she's only with you since you look just like her, just not as pretty. You're burdening Carol by not being Lori. Fucking kill yourself this time."_

' _They're your thoughts. Just control them...'_ Leni thought, but the subconscious voice continued ceaselessly demeaning her, that last sentence especially stuck in Leni's mind. ' _Maybe it will be easier just give in.'_

Every time Leni had an episode this bad, this was what it always boiled down too: choosing to end it or keep suffering until the the mood swing was over. Cutting helped her take her mind off things back in the day; the physical pain was easier to deal with than the psychological warfare she waged on herself daily. Scaring her body was some sort of sick compromise between choosing to live and killing herself.

With minimal thinking Leni cut open her forearm - a bit deeper and longer than she ever had before on her arms - and watched the blood seep out. It brought some comfort to the depressed girl, but no satisfaction. She cradled her head in her hands and rocked back in forth as her clothing became stained with red.

Leni wasn't a doctor, but she wouldn't die if the cut went unattended. At least she _thought_ she wouldn't die. In Leni's mind she would just bleed until she passed out, but the wound would close itself and the next morning she would wake up alive. In reality that was too big of a chance to ever think to take.

"Holy crap, Leni are you alright?!"

"Just shut up and leave me alone..." Leni whispered. Her own mind was fake pitying her now, and Leni hated pity.

"I don't care about Lola, your wrist is bleeding!"

Only when a hand tightly gripped her wrist did she realize it wasn't her subconscious speaking to her. It was Lynn who had unwantedly come to Leni's aid.

"What happened?" Lynn asked. Her heart was pounding in her chest, she wasn't prepared for a situation like this.

"Like, I was cutting this dress up for spare cloth and accidentally cut myself." Leni said. In an instant Leni was able to pull out her facade. Not a trace of her broken and tearful voice remained once it was replaced with a cheerful, yet disgruntled voice. "There's like a medicine thingy in the bathroom."

Lynn sprinted to the bathroom and got the medical kit, returning in the fraction of a second. Leni used to disinfectant wipes to clean her wound, then wiped it off with a cloth before finally bandaging it up. Lynn had no idea Leni was skilled in anything medical related. Lynn was not smart (she wasn't stupid either) but it almost seemed as if she had plenty of experience.

"What are these two scars down here from? And on your other arm too?" Lynn asked. Leni shrugged but Lynn's discomfort was growing.

"Cliff was being totes rude to me a while ago and scratched me in my arms." Leni finally answered. Something about Leni had been off lately, especially since the scars were old and cleanly symmetrical on each arm. Lynn had ignored the personality change a couple months ago, but now she wasn't going to be so dismissive of anything.

"I'll go get mom and dad." Lynn said inconspicuously as she got up to go. She nearly fell backwards when Leni tightly gripped the athlete's wrist.

"Don't bother them, alright? I'm totes _fine_." Leni chuckled but the way she stressed fine told Lynn she was _not_ fine. Lynn's shoulders sagged. "Is everything alright?"

"No dude…" Lynn said., it was time to get answered and hopefully put her unwarranted guilt to rest "I just keep thinking about something stupid is all…"

"What is it? You can talk to your big sister any time." Leni said, hopeful to help her sister out of this slump and maybe even tar the heat off herself. Lynn looked hesitant to ask which unsettled Leni; Lynn was supposed to have no fear or patience.

"We'll I've been thinking. A couple months ago around August and September and October and November you seemed kinda weird. I don't know how to explain it. You were like… a football player who hadn't been playing his best - if you know what I mean." Lynn waited for a moment but Leni made no noise, or even the slightest movement. "None of the other siblings said anything about it so I kinda just ignored it. I really need to know this, was something up with you?"

"Well kinda." Leni shrugged. She shrunk when Lynn glared at her pointedly. Curse her timid nature. "Ok well I used to totes be super sad but Carol helped me with it."

"Why didn't you tell us? We're your family, a team." Lynn argued.

"Because I was just sad. Like, everyone gets sad every once in a while." Leni said.

'Not for a months at a time.' Was the unsaid statement resonating in the minds of both girls.

"Lynn, if I thought about doing something stupid, like, I would've told you guys. I know you don't like getting sensitivity and stuff, but I trust you guys to help me." Leni lied. Lynn quickly glanced down at the scars on her wrists.

' _You should started on your thighs…'_ Leni thought, before speaking aloud. "I promise, it was Cliff."

Lynn patted her on the back and got up. "I believe you. I'm going to play soccer before the suns goes down. See you later Len."

Lynn left without much of a goodbye, leaving a confused Leni to pick up the tatters of Carol's unfinished. Leni hated the feeling of ruining one of the dresses Carol was looking forward, denying her girlfriend the happiness; in addition to that, in her moment of weakness, Leni had cut herself - - something she had _promised_ Carol she had stopped. There would be no explaining it away to Carol.

Episodes like this were seldom since but they always chipped away at Leni's psyche. Unbeknownst to Leni, Lynn was listening from the other side of the door just in case anything else happened. Overwhelmed with the ideas of betraying Carol's trust and her own disgust in herself, Leni laid on the floor and wept.

:( cbc huh hi yhvhjjfrtbuiu

Leni did know how long she was holding herself on the floor - at one point she must have fallen asleep - whether it be for minutes or hours was unknown but her room was now swathed in the soft embrace darkness. Her phone broke through the foreboding silence. Leni ignored it, instead choosing to find comfort in her own sphere. Eventually the device stopped ringing for a few minutes, before ringing again. Leni continued ignoring it, until it stopped and rung again for the third time.

It was the third time that Leni realized it was _Carol's_ ringtone. Frantically she reached for her phone on the nightstand. Two times Carol had already went ignored, Leni was _not_ willing to make it three. She hit the accept call just as the final ring was ending.

"Carebear?" Leni asked. Her voice was still croaky from the crying session she recently endured.

" _Are you alright Leni?"_ Carol's voice came.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Leni croaked. She cleared her throat, annoyed by her own voice.

" _You don't sound fine. I called you four times and you didn't answer."_

"Yeah, I must've fallen asleep. Things are all good here. How are you?" Leni said. She checked her phone and Carol really had call two times in addition to the ones Leni was awake for.

" _Luna called me about an hour ago. She said Lynn told her that you shredded a dress you've been working on and you 'accidentally' cut yourself."_

"Yeah, it was an accident. I should've been more careful. Haha, silly me am I right?" Leni chuckled. Now that she had time time calm down the raging storm had subsided for the most part, but the waters were still rough.

" _She also said Lynn saw your other scars and that the new cut was bleeding a lot and you just let it flow; you did nothing to stop it... Are you cutting again?"_ Carol asked with a razor's edge in her voice.

"No." Leni said. She hated talking about these things, even with Carol. Apparently a super personal diary about suicidal tendencies wasn't enough for Carol.

" _Quite lying Leni. The way she described it and how she heard you crying for almost an hour afterwards pretty much proves it. It's been about three hours since you cut yourself and you didn't tell me. You relapsed even when you promised th-"_

"Look Carol so what I cut myself on purpose it was a one time thing. Like I know I broke a promise but can we please, please, _please_ not do this right now." Leni pleaded. It has been an emotionally draining day and Carol's aggressive way of handling things wasn't what Leni needed.

" _Leni if you keep your pro-"_

"I know Carol. I said I'm fine and I mean it. Just leave it alone alright?" Leni asked desperately.

"If you don't talk to someone you're going to get worse. Your siblings are already catching on. Please Leni, just tell them."

"For fucksake Carol let it go. It's none of your business." Leni did not mean to use such a strong word but it just came out; her mood was horrible right now.

" _... Leni you don't usually use words like that. What's up?"_ Carol's voice was more concerned now that before.

"I told you I'm fine but you keep acting like something's I'm going to kill myself. Just go back to hanging out with your boyfriend Bryan ok?" The swirling waters of depression were still drowning her brain, making the statement more aggressive than Leni would have liked, not that she liked the statement to begin with. Carol stopped speaking for several moments - Leni knew she had struck a chord deep within her girlfriend.

" _Leni, you're being really nasty to me right now and I don't appreciate it."_ Carol said, her voice on the edge of tears.

Leni could only feel absolute hatred for herself right now. This stupid mood swing made her push Carol to tears… some girlfriend she was.

"You'd be better off hating me." Leni answered.

" _What do you mean?"_

"Things would've been easier if you like, hated me. Why couldn't you be like everyone else and hate me?" Leni's soft voice resonated.

" _Leni is something wrong? I'm being serious."_ Carol asked.

"Today was just a really bad day. My depression comes back some days and today was a totes horrible day. If you just hated me I could've made it stop already." Leni responded.

" _Don't say that. You know you can tell me anything and I'd never hate you. After my party tomorrow we're still going to the movies, and we're still going out to dinner afterwards. Please Leni, don't leave me here alone."_ Carol said. Leni could've sworn she heard Carol sniffling, it was enough for Leni to desperately try crawling her way out her her bad mood.

"I won't. I super duper promise I won't. I'm so so sorry for breaking. I'll make it up to you. After the movie we can have sex if you want." Leni offered.

" _That's alright Leni. The movie shows at midnight and it's a school night so… by the way I haven't asked you in a while; how's the book? You finished it?"_ Carol asked, Leni was glad she abruptly changed the topic but Carol was probably still offended by Leni's outburst.

"No. My friend Nick wanted to read it so let him borrow it. Sorry about that." Leni said, making a mental not to wash out her mouth with soap for using 'Nick' and 'Friend' in the same sentence." I really did enjoy it so far though."

" _We can just skip the movie then. You either get the full experience or not at all. If everything goes as planned tomorrow it will be school, party, dinner, sex. Sound good?"_ Carol said.

"Like, we have make plans to have sex? Are we that old already?" Leni joked. Carol laughed back.

" _It's almost like we're old and married…_ " Carol said.

"Yeah. Can't wait to see if that happens." was Leni hoped that were the case. A short silence followed.

" _It is my business by the way."_ Carol said with a slight crack in her voice. Leni's face fell (mostly in disbelief she had really said that it wasn't Carol's business). " _It hurt me so bad that you said that; I was really going to cry when we hung up. I love you Leni, and every time you hurt you, you hurt me. I don't want our story to be a tragedy."_

"Didn't I totes say loving someone who refuses to love themselves ends in tragedy?"

" _Yeah but I'm already too attached Leni. Seeing you sad enough to resort to cutting makes me feel helpless. Why won't you ever tell me where wrong? I've got your diary but you're still going through things now and being in a relationship means real trust."_

"I know Carol but today was like so tiring, can I tell you tomorrow? I know I need help but it would be another thing to get bullied for. I just want to go to bed." Leni said.

" _I'll hold you to it. And I don't want a dress anymore, so if you haven't finished it don't."_ Carol said. Leni had the nagging feeling that Carol knew it was her dress that got ruined. " _Goodnight Leni. I love you."_

"I love you totes more than that Carebear. Sleep good for your big day tomorrow. Bye-Bye."

If only Leni were really going to bed, ever since Luna confronted Leni about the sleep-aid medication, Leni threw the rest away in hopes that the rockstar would forget about it. However, that meant Leni would have to lay in bed until she fell asleep, which seldom happened.

If Carol didn't want that sexy dress she never would have asked for it. Leni turned on her sewing machine - determined to make Carol that dress.. This was the one night she was glad to have insomnia, because it was going be a long night.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: If anyone wants to write a Leni x Carol story for me I have three prompt requests. I'll do fan artarts for you in return.**

Leni was dreaming of black when she finally fell asleep just an hour before she would have to wake up for school. As far as the eyes could was an eternity of just the color black completely surrounding her. It was soft and warm though there was no depth or volume perceivable in this dimension After a mere ten seconds Leni's vision cleared and she was back in the muggy garage, morning light filling the room.

"Leni hurry up, we gotta go!" Luna said from behind the entry door.

Leni looked at the clock beside her bed, her heart clenching when she saw that there were only two minutes left before the time they usually departed for school. Part of Leni thought about skipping today, but the other, more dominant half wanted to go to school just to see Carol before the party tonight.

Lucky for Leni she fell asleep in the tee-shirt and jeans she wore the previous day, so all she did was comb her hair for a few seconds and grab her book bag on the way out the door. She walked over to the van and got in the passenger seat. She didn't dare look at Lori for fear of the older criticising her with a maliced stare.

"Oh wait, I need my axe dudes!" Luna flew out of the van without closing the door and bolted back towards the house, leaving Leni alone with Lori.

The two hadn't been close for a while, but Leni still felt bad things were going they way the were in between them. She opened her mouth to try and some something- anything that would lead to a nice conversation between the two, but fell short of any ideas that wouldn't make the situation worse.

Leni shivered when a gust of icy air blew in through the open door. In her rush to get out to the van on time Leni denied any thoughts to getting a jacket, or a sweater for that matter. Her shirt was white with outlines of hearts on it, and terribly thin as it offered no protection from the cold February weather of the north.

Leni stared out the window on her side of the van, staring at the ground as she hugged herself to stay warm. A sudden impact of cloth to the face shocked Leni.

"Put it on, you're cold." Lori said. Leni lifted tho cloth that she found to be Lori's jacket. Leni tried to hand it back but Lori pushed it back. "Literally, you're shivering and beside, you have that bandage on your arm whole arm. People will ask questions."

Leni wondered if this was a trick; for three weeks Lori didn't say anything or look at Leni - Leni had a low opinion for Lori, she didn't want more justification for it.

"Why are you being nice to me now. Don't you like, hate me?" Leni whispered.

"Of course not." Lori chuckled. "I just wasn't sure Carol was a good match for you and all; considering why her and I broke our friendship off."

"Why's that huh, because you were mean to her?" Leni asked. She was starting to get impatient. Luna needed to hurry up.

"No, Leni I told you this in back when it happened." Lori sighed. "Carol had a crush on me, and when I didn't return the feelings, she tried to act better than me."

That hit Leni right in guts not because she thought it was just lie, but because as soon as her older sister brought it up it triggered a memory in Leni's brain of that day Lori came home fuming about Carol. When her subconscious brought it up the previous day it was sending her a message; like that did anything to help Leni's brittle mood.

"At first I thought Carol was using you to get back at me, but Carol called me last night, and said some things that convinced me she's alright for you." Lori said. Leni's head snapped up.

"What did she say?"

"That's between me and her. I still don't like her much but we used to be best friends so I'm happy you're both happy. Carol might not have gotten me but at least she got someone close enough." Lori said, oblivious to the fact her words were killing Leni's faith in herself.

' _Oh god,'_ Leni thought, her anxiety growing to the point of hyperventilation. ' _I'm just a replacement.'_

"I think I'm going to be sick!" Leni put a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from throwing up, it wasn't working. She rushed out of the van and to the restroom in her garage and purged her stomach of It's contents - that is to say she vomited only naturally produced bile as Leni had not consumed any food for several days now.

"Are you alright Leni?" Lori said when she arrived on the scene. Leni furiously shook her head.

"I'm not feeling to well. I-I just need some time alone." Leni breathed, tightly gripping the side of the sink with shaky hands for support. "You and Luna are going to be late for school."

"You shouldn't be left alone."

"Like, it's fine Lori. It's just the flu or something." Leni said. Lori shook her head.

"We had our flu-shots. It's your anxiety isn't it?" Lori asked.

"What's anxiety?" Leni tried acting like the dumb-blond they thought she was but her sister wasn't having any of it. Lori put her hand on Leni's back.

"You know what I mean. I heard what Lola said to you yesterday so I scolded her, then a bit after Luna told me what Lynn told her about you. A few hours later I get a call from Carol that she was afraid you might hurt yourself because according to her you have major anxiety attacks. That bandage on your arm is from a self inflicted wound. You are not fine." Lori spoke softly. So Carol snitched and that's why Lori was pitying her.

"You ignored me for three weeks, let's keep it that way. There's nothing wrong." Leni got up and walked over by her bed.

"Yeah? Then what were the pills Luna found? Are addicted? What about why you're so skinny? Are you eating enough? I don't know who to believe. It's Carol, Luna and Lynn against you, but I've known you the longest and haven't noticed anything until now. You can tell me anything at anytime." Lori finished it off with a hug. Leni pushed Lori away after a moment.

"Do you want to hear the truth?" Leni said, knowing that her next words were going to hurt Lori. Lori nodded enthusiastically.

"I _hate_ you."

…

Leni hated being an asshole even to Lori, but she sure did get Lori to leave her alone. While Luna and Lori went to school Leni spent seven hours attemlting to rationalize her relationship with Carol as genuine. Her 'girlfriend' spent so many hours convincing Leni what they had was real. And there was also the case of Carol's journal. The girl's rich parents claimed Carol was crushing on Leni for years, was that made up too? Whatever the case, Leni's head was in a whirl.

If only stupid Lori kept her mouth shut about her past with Carol then Leni would have not remembered and could spend her days happy. She couldn't stop thinking Carol had betrayed her too. Luna figured something out first, then Lynn, then Lori - Leni's act was falling to pieces.

At about the time school ended and Carol texted she was on her way over Leni had decided that no matter whether Carol wanted Leni or Lori, she meant too much - and plus years had passed since the destructive end of Lori and Carol's friendship, maybe the older girl got over Lori. This solution was good enough for Leni to calm her frayed nerves for now, the addition to her self hatred would be permanent, however. Tonight was going to be a good night for Carol and an anxiety-induced Leni would ruin it.

Leni pulled Carol's dress from the closet, and held it up. This was the finished version of the dress Leni messed up the previous day. It was just an inch shorter than it's previous version and colored a deep, vibrant purple. Leni admittedly tried the dress on and even though it was made to tightly fit Carol's form, it was loose on Leni even though Carol was already slim.

Leni gently laid the dress on her bed and changed her apparel from the shirt to a dark long sleeved shirt, keeping on the same pants. Leni paced around her room. In less than half an hour Carol would make an appearance and Leni was unsure whether or not she should confront the young woman about how she felt. Bringing up the part about Carol's old crush would probably make her angry and bringing up the fact she betrayed some secrets to Lori would cause Carol to turn the situation back on Leni. Her outcomes were becoming limited and none of the remaining choices were looking good.

She was being cornered.

Leni put her hands on her head and took a deep breath but the creeping anxiety didn't want to back down. Her fingers curled, digging into her scalp. Her episode from the previous day seemed to be leaking over to today.

' _It will be alright, It will be alright.'_ Leni repeated those to herself as if the mantra could save her. She needed something, anything to take her mind away from these thoughts. Cutting wasn't an option anymore, and she only induced vomiting if she had eaten something. The only thing possible was to just wait it out and hope Carol arrived there quickly. She did not.

By time Carol got there three hours later it was five in the evening. Carol said her party was to start at six and end at nine or ten, dashing Leni's hopes they were going to be at Carol's at least two hours early so she could spend alone time with the girl.

"I thought you were going to be here earlier? You messaged me right after school…" Leni asked. Carol kicked off her shoes and began taking off her shirt and pants.

"Lori actually approached me and talked to me for the first time in a while. We're finally making up like you asked. I mean, we still hate each other but it's a start." Carol smiled as she put on the dress. Leni chuckled.

"That's funny because Lori told me you talked last night about my anxiety." Leni said pointedly. Carol let out a nervous breath.

"Well I was worried about you, you were acting weird yesterday and I thought you were going to do something bad." Carol said.

"Just don't betray me or lie again ok?" Leni requested.

"I'm sorry. How does this dress look?" Carol posed for Leni, and Leni found herself admiring the girl more than the tight dress.

"It's totes amazing. By the way, what did you and Lori talk about earlier?"

"You said you hated her. She wanted me to talk to you. I know you don't like her that much but did you really have to say you hate her?" Carol asked.

"She thinks because accepts us and she knows something about me that I'll like her." Leni said. "She's just a bully like everyone else."

"Hmmm. I don't like her but I don't think she's that bad." Carol said.

"Why are you defending her, isn't she your enemy?" Leni asked. Every time Carol said Lori's name Leni's discomfort grew.

"Leni you said you wanted us to make up. Now that me and Lori just talked for a few minutes you seem like you want me to hate her. You gotta decide what you really want." Carol walked to the mirror in bathroom to start applying makeup.

"Well, what do you want?" Leni asked. She was so close to just asking Carol if she still had feelings for Lori.

"What do you mean?"

"Like… I don't know. Are you happy being with me?" Leni asked.

"Of course I am. Even if you said you hated Lori, you are the sweetest girl I've ever known." Carol answered.

"But you don't want to come out because the kids at school. What if you liked Lori instead and were dating her, would you still be scared of them?" Leni studied Carol, catching her pause for a moment once she mentioned liking Lori.

"Yeah I would." Carol said.

"I don't think so. Lori's so confident and bold and smart and beautiful like you. Imagine it you were with her instead. In her strong, responsible arms. Instead of you taking care of me she could be taking care of you." Leni said with passion. She glanced at Carol to see the older girl glaring at her through the mirror. "Instead you got me, I'm pathetic and disgusting. How can you be happy with a-"

"Leni, and I'm saying this as your girlfriend, shut the fuck up. Sure Lori is those things but I'll never like Lori like that in the past present or future. I don't want somebody that can take care of me. I love you." Carol stated, but those last three words weren't as endearing as before - Leni's self loathing was blinding. Leni just nodded.

"What did Lori tell you that made you say you hate her?" Carol asked. She put a hand on Leni's shoulder.

"Nothing. It was something that made me feel bad but I'm better now. We're going to be late. People might try to arrive early." Leni said. Carol checked the time on her phone and her eyes widened.

"Shit, let's go." Carol pulled Leni out the door and to her car.

"There's not going to be any 'bad stuff' at your part is there?" Leni asked. Carol pondered for a moment.

"No." Carol said. The twitch of the older girl's lips told Leni she was going to be in for a long night.

...

Leni was absolutely right. Not long after they got to Carol's house several people showed up that Leni didn't even know - they were Carol's friends after all. An hour into the party Bryan showed up, and with him he brought his friends and alcoholic beverages. Leni expressed her discomfort with it to Carol, but her girlfriend convinced her it would be fine. 'Every teen does it, here.' she had said while handing Leni a drink.

Leni took a sip of the disgustingly bitter drink, yet felt compelled to continue trying it seeing as Carol seemed to enjoy her drink from a red cup. After another two gulps Leni excused herself to use the restroom and poured the drink down to sink.

There were too many people here, all too loud and rowdy for Leni's tastes. The music had been fine when it had been Carol's playlist playing, but the mistake was made of letting one guy choose a song, then the rest of the partiers had decided they wanted to play a song too. At one point Leni was caught up in the dancing crowd and made her way to the edge of the room. Some random dude who had too much to drink approached her and tried touch her, but Leni pushed him off and walked away. Leni was _not_ having a good time at all.

She walked around the expansive house looking for Carol, just about ready to go home. Carol was found sitting on Bryan's lap at the dining table with some of her other close friends nearby. Leni really wished Carol had not drank so much. Her face was flushed and her perfect speech slurred or hesitated often. When Leni came near Carol's vicinity, her girlfriend cheered.

"Aye, Leni!" Carol cheered, and the rest of her friends cheered right along with her at various intervals. "What brings you here?"

"I like, need to talk to you in private." Leni requested. Carol's head lolled to the side as she chuckled.

"Hear that guys? She wants to 'talk' to me… in private." Carol laughed and the others followed right were various remarks biting at Leni, especially one that said 'She looks like a dyke, better not trust her'. The rest of Carol's friends at the table laughed.

"It's fine guys, she's cool. I will b… be right back. 'scuse me." Carol got up despite Bryan's objections and took Leni's hand and guided her to her room. Leni was glad at least the doors to Carol's room and her parents' room were locked, because these kids were starting to get heated. She wondered what Carol's parents would say if they were in town.

Once in Carol's room, Carol locked the door again and immediately kissed Leni sloppily.

"I've been wait… waiting all night for that'' Carol said. "You wanted to talk?"

"Well like, I thought we were going to do other stuff that was just us but it's already ten. The party was supposed to be over like, an hour ago." Leni stated.

"You're n-not enjoying my party are you?" Carol inquired.

"No." Leni admitted. "Your kinda drunk and so are a lot of the other people here. Some guy tried to grope me and stuff."

"Who was it. I'll… I'll kill him." Carol decided. She rolled up imaginary sleeves, ready to go and hurt someone - - and Leni had no doubt in her mind she would. Leni shook her head. "Fine… I-I won't, but I'm going to make you enjoy my party."

Carol hugged Leni and tumbled on the her comfy bed, smothering Leni in kisses along the way. Carol's body pressed Leni deep into the bed.

"Hold on Leni." Carol got up a pulled off her panties from under her dress and made quick work of stripping Leni of her pants. Once their bottoms were bare Carol was right back on top of her girlfriend.

"Carol." Leni said between kisses. "We shouldn't… do this… like… twenty other people… in the house."

"N-New game… fuck at inappropriate times and places." Carol aligned their hips and ground them together.

She pulled Leni's shirt up just over the breasts and put her mouth over one and a hand over the other. Leni bit her hand to keep from moaning to loud. Carol on the other hand was too out of her mind to think about staying quiet and was gradually getting louder, moaning against Leni's breast. Leni put a hand on the back of Carol's head and pressed the young woman's head harder against her breast in an attempt to silence her.

Leni moved her hand from her mouth to Carol's ass.

"Come on Carol harder, show me I'm not your replacement for Lori." Leni whispered . Carol lifted her head and snuggled it in between Leni's head as they rubbed against each other.

"A what now? I never liked Lori this much. I didn't have sex with her did I?" Carol asked. Once the night was over Carol was banned from drinking ever again, Leni would make sure of it. "I remember liking her. I liked her a lot."

"Shush, for once let me just be Leni, not Lori's shadow…" Leni said. Carol's words were hurtful, her drunkenness loosening her lips and letting the real truth out. Leni was slowly losing herself, the line between what was the truth and were lies was blurring, exacerbating Leni's psychosis. "It's fine if you love Lori. Just love me for one last time tonight. Please?"

Leni ended the sentence with a kiss. Somehow, knowing that she was Carol's second pick didn't cause Leni to fly off the handle and life to shatter to pieces. It was as if the enigma that was her life was being undone - the edges just slowly falling away to expose her dimly burning core; eventually that too would fade slowly as the rest of the world goes on living instead without soaring her a second glance. She would leave the world as she lived - unhelpful, unnoticed, unloved, as if she were a dream.

Leni felt heat pooling down in her waist. "Like, I think it's happening!"

"Me t-too Le-"

An unexpected pouding came at the door, causing Carol to fall off Leni and onto the floor. She stumbled to her feet, fixed dress, and grabbed Leni's hand.

"Keep yourself close,I'll only take a second ok?" Carol the hand between Leni's legs and walked over to the door. From Leni's position she could not been seen from the door. Carol cracked it open to find some random stranger standing there.

"I've been waiting forever, Get out I need to use the restroom!" The young man said gruffly. Even Carol who was under the influence knew how absurd this guy was being.

"This isn't a bathroom. It's a 'room' room… three doors down, on the left is the bathroom." Carol explained.

"Oh," The guy said. He sauntered back down the stairs, and in a completely different direction than the way Carol stated.

"Jesus Christ… Now what we're were we going to do?" Carol's speech was more nonsensical now than it was before. She spotted Leni rubbing her clitoris in small circles, and smiled like she wasn't the one who had told Leni to do so. "Oh, you naughty girl."

Carol put her face in between Leni's legs. Leni wrapped her legs around Carol and stroked the blond's hair. Leni purred under the sensation. She hated sex until she and Carol had fooled around a couple of times. The older girl showed her that not all sexual acts were as bad as being raped by one of your sister's good friends.

Leni was reaching climax again, and so was Carol with her own hand between her legs.

"Let's hurry Carol. People might start to get suspicious." Leni gasped.

"Don't worry babe. I just need one mome-"

Once more Carol was interrupted by a pounding on the door. She growled as she got off Leni and went to the door. She opened it to reveal the same guy as before.

"Is this the restroom?" He asked. Carol didn't know if her were trying to play a joke or what, but now she was getting annoyed.

"No, it's not. The bathroom is down the fucking hall. Don't come back here asshole." Carol sneered. The boy was taken aback by her harsh demeanor.

"I'm just trying to enjoy the party miss. Now where's the restroom?"

"I don't even know you. Seriously, who the fuck are you?" Carol asked incredulously.

"Who are _you_ blondie?" The boy asked. Leni would've laughed if it weren't got the murderous look on Carol's face.

"Stay her Leni." Carol snarled she grabbed the young man by his shirt. "Come on dude, party's over."

Once they reached the bottom of the stairs Carol pushed him away.

"Get out of my house! Everybody, get the _fuck_ out of my goddamn house." Carol shouted. She went over and ripped the power cord of the speakers out the wall. "Pick up your fucking trash on the way out!"

Leni came back downstairs with her pants on instead of waiting for Carol to return, much to the eighteen year-old's dismay.

Most of the crowd began walking out, picking up only a few pieces of trash along the way. One lanky figure separated from the group and approached Carol.

"Babe, what's got you upset?" Bryan asked. He tried to embrace his 'girlfriend' but Carol blocked his gesture.

"That asshole over there, who… who invited him?" Carol asked, pointing over to the boy sitting in stupor on the ground.

"It's James, he's a good friend of mine. If he's not being cool he can go."

"If you brought him here you can take him when you fucking leave. Everybody's leaving!" Carol said.

"Carol you're drunk, you shouldn't be left alone. I should stay with you shouldn't I?" Bryan pleaded. Leni might not have been sure of her relationship with Carol but she sure didn't want Bryan to have end up with Carol.

"Leni hasn't not... drunken. She's staying. If you think we're were going to have sex tonight y-ou were wrong." Carol hissed. She grabbed the James boy by the shirt, managing to hoist him up and pushed him into Bryan. "Get out."

Bryan supported his friend out the door, cursing the drunk boy under his breath for 'ruining his chances'.

"A-alright Leni. We can finish now." Carol said once the final teens staggered out. Leni put her hand on Carol's shoulders and sat her down.

"I think we should actually talk. I know you're kinda drunk right now and won't remember anything but…" Leni said.

"I'm not drunk, and I'll finish getting you off later." Carol whispered.

"Yeah, you are like, totes drunk. But that means you'll tell the truth, and makes me more comfortable opening up. Lori said you used to like her. When did you get over her, if ever?" Leni asked as Carol curled up in her arms.

"I did, but I got over her fast. She was… was like a short crushed. I liked you and her at the same times but um, I knew a lot about her so like, I thought I had a better chance with her." Carol rested her head in the nook of Leni's neck. "But in high school I still had a crush on you even though I was scared of rumors of about me. You were, um… nice to everyone. I thought you wouldn't be mean if I asked you out, but I think I was still nervous. I really do love Leni more."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Leni wondered aloud.

"Aren't you the person who gets constantly compared to Lori?" Carol inquired. Leni nodded. "I didn't want to tell Leni because then she would think she's my like… like a uh second Lori chance. I love Leni but she doesn't believe me."

Carol sniffled a little, causing Leni to tighten her hold on the older girl.

"It's not your fault. I hate myself so fucking much even if I am happy with you. Totes sorry for that bad word by the way. How can you like me when I'm so disgusting and repulsive." Leni asked. "Look at me!"

Leni lifted the hem of her long-sleeved shirt to reveal her protruding ribcage. "I like, can't eat without getting sick. I know it's not healthy but I can't help but keep making myself throw up. Lori always gets complimented how good she looks, what about me? I tried getting skinnier but it didn't work. Now I can't stop myself."

"That reminds that I'm hungry, I'm going to make you eat." Carol stated she shot up from Leni's arms. She pull the Loud up with her. "Hold on, let me get my panties on."

Leni felt better when Carol admitted genuinely loving her and not her sister. Leni felt better confiding in a drunk Carol knowing she wouldn't remember it in the morning. Leni especially felt better that Carol sent Bryan away and let her stay (that one was petty and she knew it). But something felt permanently different in Leni, not in a good way.

"Comes on now Len. We've have gotta go before it gets too late."

"Wait, what?" Leni asked as Carol pulled her outside. As soon as she saw Carol going towards her car Leni tried to pulled back. "I won't let you drive like this."

"I'm not driving sweetie." Carol opened the door to the driver side and sat Leni down. "You are."

Carol climbed into the backseat and laid down.

"Carol, I can't do this. What if we crash and die?"

"I thought you weren't scaredy pants of dying?" Carol teased.

"I don't want you to die. And like, I can stick around as long as you want to keep me around."

"Good. Cause I need you to take care of me. I trust in you Leni! Take me to food!"

Leni's hand were shaking on the steering wheel. She put the keys in the ignition and turned them, causing the car to hum to life.

"What if I hit a trash can or something?" Leni stammered.

"Dad is a billionaire or something. Pocket change." Carol answered.

It took a moment, but eventually Leni found the found the courage to put the car in drive and head down the driveway.

"Wooo, you're doing it Leni!" Carol cheered as she propped her head up to watch out the windshield. Leni was almost to the end when- "Wait, you're gonna hit that tree!"

Leni sharply turned, narrowly missing the tree, but just barely scraping the brick mailbox next to it, the grinding sound was clear. Her eyes widened and she looked at Carol, whose eyes were equally wide. Leni pulled out her phone and started texting something. A couple of seconds afterwards Carol's phone dinged.

' _Carol, when you wake up in the morning and don't know why your car as a large scratch on it, know you let me drive and I hit the mailbox.'_

"I'm not drunk. P-probably will remember. Keep driving, you won't do it again." Carol mumbled, no hints of agitation in her voice. Leni hoped she was right, because now she was driving on the actual road.

They rode in silence while Leni tried to remember where the nearest _Burpin' Burge_ r was. Carol was recumbent in the backseat, her arm over her eyes. Leni was nervous about driving on the road with other cars but since it was do late at night other drivers were seldom.

"Why do you hate Lori more than I do?" Carol asked out of the blue. Leni drummed her fingers on the wheel, paying close attention to the road while she tried to think of an answer.

"She was like my best friend when we were in elementary and middle school, I never really had many other friends. We kinda grew apart over over the years once she got in high school. She had her friends and I had myself. Then everyone wanted me to be the next Lori." Leni said. She looked back at Carol, who was looking off into space. "It was 'Lori has such good grades' or 'Lori looks so good, you should try her style'. I started to hate myself, and so did everyone else. By time I started high school I was the laughingstock of the school."

"Why didn't you ever tell anyone?" Carol inquired.

"At first I thought it made them feel good about themselves. I took it at my own expense. I wanted to tell my family but we were already growing apart, and the threat of being sent to the asylum. I just hid it to not being them down. Lori kinda knew something was going on but… she would comfort me but in tenth grade she started telling me to get over it. Then I just cried and cut myself when no one noticed." Leni felt her eyes tearing up. She blinked several times as she rounded a corner. She could see a bright sign farther down the road advertising _Burpin' Burger_.

"I was alone. Then one day Lori convinced me to do something. Something totes horrible happened because of it. I didn't blame Lori one bit, but I tried to talk to her about it and she totally ignored me, then I thought it was my fault. A few weeks later I tried to kill myself. I called Lori three times when I was on that bridge hoping she'd talk me down, remember the bond we used to have, but the first two time she ignored the call. The third time she only answered long enough the scold me for interrupting her call with Bobby. That's how I knew killing myself was the right answer. If she just took the time talk to me then I could've been saved. Then you found me."

Leni stopped talking until she managed to pull in the _Burpin' Burger_ drive-through. "It feels so good to tell you all this."

' _Welcome to Burpin' Burger how may I help you?'_

"Uh, just a minute please?"

' _Not a problem.'_

Leni turned around in her seat towards Carol.

"What do you want Carebear?"

"Uhhh… just a the thing with bacon and the mushrooms. And a coke to drink."

"Alright." She turned back to the intercom. "Can I get the Burpin' Bacon Burger. With fries and a coke please." Leni ordered. "And can I get like, a salad too? That's all."

' _That will be ten-eighty. Your order will be ready in a moment. Pay at the second window and we'll get your food right to you.'_

Leni pulled up to the second window and waited for whoever was supposed to take their payment. She pulled a twenty out of her back pocket. When the window opened, Leni wished she had picked somewhere else to grab a bite.

"Leni, you got your licence? Who's car is that." Bobby asked.

"No. Carol's. Don't tell Lori?" Leni asked.

"I thought she knew you were with Carol. By the way, where is she?" Bobby asked.

"Kinda wasted in the back." Leni stuck a thumb over her shoulder and Carol leaned forward.

"I'm not d-drunk. I'm acting… I'm like a girl Tom Cruise or something." Carol interjected. Leni put her hand on Carol's chest and pushed her back down.

"Just give the the money. I promise not to tell Lori about this." Bobby decided. Leni handed him the money, and a minute later he handed them their purchase. Leni sat it in the passenger seat, willing to wait until Carol finally passed out to skip on eating - even if it was just a salad.

Leni carefully drove back on the road, this time to her house. It was closer, and even if her parents took Lori's side they'd still be pissed if Leni stayed out too late on a school night (even if as she drove the clock was quickly approaching midnight). Carol reached into the bag to grab her meal and began munching away at it.

"Do you think you'll uh, ever be hap..ppy again Leni? That I'm helping?"

"I know you're helping Carol but I'll think I'll never be cured. Only in short bursts." Leni answered. Her eyelids were threatening to close from sleep deprivation, but Leni willed the feeling away.

"Why's that?"

"I was just thinking. It's just like the side from that book you like. No matter how much the priest guy tried to help him, he never really got better. I like, determine my mood in terms of black, white, and the greys in between. Black was suicidal depression, white was happiness. Grey is obvious. When we were talking on your couch earlier, I realized the white's gone. There's only a shade or two of light grey, the rest is like dark grey and black." Leni said.

"What are you now?"

"A bit less than middle grey. I feel like I won't get any better than this. I'm stuck, and I'll only get worse. It's scary when it gets dark, but when you get to the black it's like, a moment of clarity. Like you're back in the white just a short moment before you end it all. It feels good. Totes euphoric." Leni explained. Saying it out loud made Leni believe she truly belonged in Total Woods Asylum.

Carol's munching sound stopped for a moment. "Leni do you think you'll try and kill yourself again?"

"I honestly think like, it's a matter of when, not if. Everyone betrays me eventually. I really really like you Carol - I have dreams about marrying you, but I have a long history of people betraying me and eventually you will too. That's why I'm telling you this while you're drunk. You'll forget all this and how broken I am, and hopefully it'll keep you with me longer. But I know you'll find better than me. When that time comes you'll leave, I'll be forgotten by everyone by then, and I'll leave forever. The only hope I'll have is that at least one person will be at my funeral but I think that's too hopeful." Leni's voice cracked as she answered, wiping away the tears forming. Carol's stopped eating.

"Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick..." Carol yelped. She doubled over with her back against the car door, putting one hand around her stomach and the other over her mouth, drawing her legs in close. Leni stopped the car in the middle road; they were on an empty Franklin avenue, close to her house.

"Is it the alcohol?" Leni asked. Carol shook her head as a couple of tears fell.

"No. Just keep driving." Carol said. She took a deep sniff to keep her nose from running, and several deep breaths to reel herself in. "We're going to get right no. On I mean right on fixed on up, god I can't talk. You should dye your hair, get extra piercings. Work for something exciting. You need a change of pace."

"Dye my hair? I thought about. Like… I'll surprise you when I do it." Leni said. She silenced herself for moment while she pulled into the driveway, extra careful not to scratch Carol's car against Vanzilla. "You're going to be hungover so you won't even remember that, it will be totes surprising then. I'll tell you it was my own original idea."

Carol tried her best to laugh but fell short. They got out the car and stumbled into Leni's room. Carol suggested they shower, and Leni obliged. The shower in Leni's room was hardly big enough for Leni alone so with both of them in there it was a right squeeze.

Carol held Leni's naked, beautiful from behind. She ran her hand down along the young girl's undernourished ribcage, reminding Carol she had yet to tell Leni that she ate her salad in the car instead of the burger (Carol never planned to eat such a burger, but got it so she could force feed it to Leni).

Carol moved her hands further south, running over Leni's scarred thighs.

"You're so beautiful Leni…" Carol whispered in her ear. She brought her hand up along Leni's inner thigh, and further up to Leni's folds. She pressed her fingers in, rubbing Leni's insides gracefully. She _needed_ Leni to know she was loved unconditionally. "I said I'd finish this. I need you to know there is no one other than you for me…"

Leni leaned forward against the wall as Carol pressed into her from behind, furiously working her fingers for Leni's pleasure.

"Never leave me…" Carol sucked on Leni's neck, leaving marks trailing up. Leni gently rocked against Carol's hand, tightening her walls against it. Carol slowed down as Leni came on her hand. Carol put herself deep within Leni's waist several more time. When Leni's legs staggered Carol pressed closer, supporting Leni between her body and the wall. "Promise me Leni…"

Carol rammed her fingers in Leni again, eliciting another intense orgasm. "Say it. Say you really love me like I love you."

Carol had apparently found Leni's sweet spot, for when she grazed it Leni's entired body shuddered.

"I promise I totes love you Carol. I love you more than a... really good smoothie."

Carol smiled at Leni's quirky comparison and applied an intense pressure on the younger girl, forcing a loud moan to pierce the midnight air. Leni's legs gave out from under her entirely, and she would've fell if Carol wasn't so strong (or if Leni wasn't so light-weight).

"If anything you're too precious for me Leni. I'm just like how those other kids are to you, but to other people." Carol whispered, turning off the water. "What if someone I was mean to in the past killed themselves? Would you hate me?"

"No," Leni breathed heavily. Carol grabbed their towels and they dried off, Leni still leaning against the wall. "You really are a good, soft-hearted carebear. I don't hate anyone but me really. Not even the kids at school. Not even Lori. And never you, even if you like, beat me up or released that nude photo you took. Even if you forget everything else tonight, promise me that you won't forget how much you mean to me."

"I promise you I won't… forget anything. But you better never doubt my love again. Let's get to bed. School tomorrow, or would that be today? Whatever it is." Carol said.

"You can't go to school with a hangover Carol. That means we get to stay in bed and cuddle _all_ day."

"You've gotten too comfortable skipping school Leni, but you know what? I think rebuilding yourself is the real key to getting better. Try new things. We'll skip tomorrow but think about completely changing your lifestyle." Carol said, she strutted out of the shower, but a pained yelp from Leni stopped her. She looked back to see Leni with her hand between her thighs. "What's wrong?"

"It hurts to walk. I think you were too rough…" Leni winced. Carol chuckled, swiftly sweeping Leni off her feet and carried her bridal style.

"I'm sorry babe. You know, It's going to be amazing when your name becomes Leni Pingrey." Carol said, smirking at how flushed Leni became in an instant.

"I- You… uh… w-, " Leni sputtered, . "You're still drunk. You don't know what you are saying."

Carol laid Leni gently down on the bed and laid down next to her. Their naked bodies pressed close as they cuddled.

"I'll like, have some aspirin on standby for the morning. Goodnight Care." Leni murmured. Carol let out a long, tired sigh.

"Night babe."

There was no use in continually telling Leni she _really_ wasn't drunk. She just filled her cup up with iced tea. At first Carol acted drunk as a joke, but when Leni started opening up to her Carol kept up the act. Carol was ashamed that Leni found out that once she had a crush on Lori too (she was young and reckless at that time in her life), but Carol felt guilty about not telling her beforehand. But it had led to Carol finding out so many things about Leni that weren't in the dairy.

She got Leni confident enough to drive. She learned why Leni hated herself and Lori. She learned that Leni strongly believed she was going to kill herself and that she believed Carol too would turn her back. When her girlfriend told her that Carol nearly got sick just thinking about Leni still wanting to kill herself.

Carol looked over in the dark and saw the formless shape of the Burpin' Burger bag. Leni hadn't even thought about eating the salad Carol had taken from her. Carol thought that could trick Leni to eat something with more calories, but now she knew Leni never planned on eating in the first place. There was no fixing Leni to the same girl Carol was crushing on in the eighth grade, but Carol could replicate it and fill in the patches with pieces of new Leni. So far Carol's endeavors had been unsuccessful, and Carol did _not_ fail, ever. The new answer Carol thought of was giving Leni a change of pace and a new outlook. Only time would tell if it would work, but Carol felt like time was running out.

She fell into an uneasy sleep next to Leni. Leni's words of suicide would haunt Carol's dreams for weeks to come.


	14. Chapter 14

Leni was tired

Tired of hating herself, hating Lori, not having friends - - of being a burden. The past two days had been a rollercoaster of emotions and Leni was ready for the ride to end. Carol kept going on and on about Leni changing her pace, making Leni believe Carol wasn't drunk when she suggested the same thing two days prior.

That hypothesis was further supported by how doting Carol was being. Yesterday when they skipped school they stayed in Leni's room the whole day, Carol was even spent the night again - that would have been great had Carol not acted like her mother (more of a mother than Rita at least).

It was ' _are you feeling alright Leni?'_ or ' _are you hungry? Do you want me to get you something to eat?"_ or even " _Do you feel like hurting yourself again?"._ Those three questions, every three minutes. Not that Leni hated that Carol cared enough to asked those questions, but that she felt the need to.

Suicidal thoughts, depression, self-loathing, angst - - their time was over. Today was the day Leni had demanded she would get her change of pace. She was finally going to tell somebody. Confiding in Carol had been somewhat a relief, but in the end she was just high school girl, someone interconnected with Leni's life - no, Leni wanted somebody who didn't know her enough to judge her or anyone who could come in contact with the people in her life.

Leni decided she would try getting professional help - - though she liked to think of it like a consultation considering she was only going once to see if it worked. That meant skipping another day of school so she could go at a time when nobody (especially Carol) would question where she was going. Some of the other siblings were watching her like vultures too, Leni's facade was failing and she'd have to clean up her mess, before the others found it.

"Alright babe, I'm done in the shower." Carol called as she stepped out the bathroom. Her eyebrow raised when she saw Leni still laying on the bed with no indication of getting ready for school. "You're still basically naked? We gotta leave in twenty minutes."

"I'm not going." Leni shrugged.

"Why though?" Carol asked immediately.

"I have to go somewhere but I can't tell you where. It's not a lie, I swear." Leni said, hoping to answer Carol's question and alleviate her suspicions in a single swoop.

Carol smirked as she stalked towards Leni as if she were a starved tiger and the younger girl were her prey. Once she was close enough Carol pounced on Leni, tackling her to the bed.

"Not a lie you say?" Carol challenged. Her cool spearmint breath tickled Leni's nose, making her giggle. Carol smiled. "Too damned cute. But it's not in my nature as Student Council President to willingly let you skip school without a valid reason. Where do you want to go and do I need to drive you?"

Carol sat up to give Leni Some space.

"No. I don't want to tell you just in case it doesn't work out, but if it does then you'd be super happy." Leni said.

"What is it? A job interview or something?" Carol asked, every sentence out of Leni's mouth intriguing her more. Leni shook her head. "Then what is it? Will you at least tell me if it works out?"

"Hmm…" Leni tapped her finger on her chin thoughtfully. "Nope, but like I need your trust in this one. You'll know if it works."

"I can miss one last day. Then after that we're never missing another day." Carol relented.

"That's totes a no Carebear. Your grades actually matter to you. I promise you'll see me alive tomorrow."

Carol groaned as she decided whether or not to trust her girlfriend.

"Fine. But after this you _cannot_ miss any more school." Carol compromised. Leni nodded furiously in agreement. "And are you sure you don't want to come to the Valentine's dance tonight?"

The dance tonight had slipped Leni's mind mostly because it had been something she was unconcerned with. The plan was Leni makes Carol a dress, Carol goes to Valentine's dance with Bryan, and life continued on the way it has been. Leni wanted to go, but it was better if she stayed home. The dress she made just in case she happened to go would sit in her closet for who knows how long.

"I'm totes fine not going. Just try and have a good time. Like, that reminds me, you should take your dress with you now now so that you won't need to come back over." Leni shuffled around her closet until she found the glistening red dress tailored to Carol's fit.

Leni designed it after the beautiful night sky, using various shades of bright and darker reds to make a nebula effect, and used some fake crystals that shimmered dimly in the light creating a starry strapless gown reached a mere two inches above the ground. It was a dress that was truly worthy of the title 'masterpiece'.

"By the lords," Carol muttered. She hadn't seen the dress until now. "Are you sure this is mine?"

Leni nodded as Carol reached out to touch, but pulled her hand back last second."I'll wait until just before the dance. Can you be a dear and put it in my car for me?"

Leni carefully folded the dress and followed Carol out. "By the way, can I like borrow a few dollars? For a taxi."

"And how far do you need to go?" Carol asked.

"Thirty-five miles."Leni answered.

Carol raised a brow. "So far… but I'll give you enough to go and get back"

Carol handed Leni two one-hundred dollar bills, more than enough. "Alright I have to go. I love you and come back safe you hear?"

"Love you totes much you worry-wart. Today's going to be a happy, happy day." Leni smiled, the contagious expression spreading to Carol.

"It's strange… seeing your rare, unfiltered happiness. I can't help but smile. Go get inside girl, your still in sweatpants and it's cold out here. Later." Carol said.

Leni waved until Carol disappeared from her view and before going back inside. Today was going to be the day of change, so really, it was going to be a happy day.

…

"What do you mean he doesn't have an appointment with me? I like, spoke with him yesterday."

Leni was exasperated. It was another point in time where the astral cliche that Leni was always wrong came into play.

"I'm telling you lady, Dr. Hudson has no appointment with you. I can't just allow you to walk into his office unannounced. He doesn't even come in until ten, two hours from now. Please leave or I'll call security." A middle aged receptionist said.

Leni ran her fingers through her hair, getting a migraine from the back and forth competition between her and this stubborn receptionist at the Psychiatrist Office.

"Please can you try calling him, just once?" Leni pleaded.

The woman rolled her eyes. "When I finish filling in this form. After this you better get out. Take a seat."

It was simple, really. Leni managed to get a hold of one of the psychiatrists at this office. They promised to see her at eight today. Right now they still were not there despite it being ten minute past eight.

Leni took a seat and adjusted her watermelon shaped handbag nervously. The receptionary area of the building furnished in the fifties style it was built in, but there wasn't much to look at except for the hardwood floor, the old paintings loosely holding on the the wall, or the mean woman at the desk. If this was just how mean the reception worker was, Leni was glad not to be in the asylum itself.

The psychiatry office _was_ technically an extension of The Royal Woods Asylum, but the asylum itself though was was a was quarter of a mile up the road directly behind Leni. That's why she dared not to turn around.

The derelict building that was Royal Woods Asylum sat silently on the hill that overlooks the city itself. The building itself predated Royal Woods, first serving as a place for the rest of the state to shut away the mentally disturbed for the rest of their lives. The town built itself around it.

It was an old, brick building just slightly above the bare minimum needed to maintain operations. The trees and plants outside the building were kept by half-hearted gardeners, resulting in a mixture of dead plants and living plants - - the asylum couldn't even decide if it wanted the living or dead within its walls.

A single, small circular window in the center of the fifth floor of the building stood out among the window. It was in pristine condition without being replaced from its original state. The space behind it was black - a soulless eye overwatching Royal Woods, beckoning for the utterly insane to walk to its gluttonous embrace. Leni's worst fear was not even four-hundred meters from her location.

"Christ girl did you hear, he didn't answer his phone. Now I'm going to have to ask you to either make a formal appointment or leave." The receptionist grunted

Leni was vaguely aware of the receptionist picking up the phone as she put a hand to her chest and prevented herself from hyperventilating. The one time Leni had tried to break out her comfort zone, came within the view of her fear, acknowledged that she needed professional help, she was being turned away.

She sat there for a minute as she tried to think of her course of action.

"Ma'am, I'm going to walk you out alright?" An old, raspy voice asked calmly. Leni looked up with her tearful eyes and was an elderly man in a security vest standing before her. He held out a hand to help her up. If Leni was getting thrown out the least she could do was accept his kindness.

He was a pathetic excuse for a security guard. Leni - in her still anorexic state - could have beaten this man to death with ease had she wished. She grasped his hand and stood up.

"Sorry," Leni whispered as they walked down a hall. "It's just… I thought like, I finally had a chance. I'm so sorry sir."

"Oh it's fine kid, Pam is tough but she has a good heart." The old man said.

"As if, it's my professional conclusion she's inhuman." Came a new, deeper voice. He was a middle aged African American with chestnut hair. He was well trimmed and his hair finely combed. His smile was warm, but his dark eyes were an analyzing every twitch in Leni's muscles, his suit was a dusty grey color which pretty much summed up how Leni felt. "I believe we have an appointment young lady?"

Leni nodded slowly. The elderly security guard nodded and wandered slowly off.

"I'll leave you two to your business." he said.

"Come." The psychiatrist stated as he set off at a brisk pace. "As you know, I am Dr. Hudson. First name is Ann. Parents wanted a girl and I got bullied for my name up until high school even though I said it was short for Andrew. Joined the military before going to college for psychiatry."

They marched right past the receptionist, who have Leni a dirty look passed.

"Your like, name sounds familiar." Leni said.

"I wrote some books too. I tried mixing psychology and fantasy. One of my early works years ago were about a warrior guy and a friend who did and stuff. It was horrible so I ended up selling the rights just a few years ago. It became a movie, released yesterday, I won't get a paycheck from that though." Leni felt like she had just been blasted with fresh air, it was basically like the book Carol had given her. The doctor continued. "Another was about a dog who spoke English. That did much better in sales. I was an ambitious kid."

"I read The first of those." Leni said. They stepped in an elevator and headed up to the third floor. "My girlfriend loves it. She got it when she was like, totes young. She gave her copy to me so I could learn how to not be depressed. Someone stole it from me though."

The psychiatrist let out a hearty laugh. "Never used that book for reference. I wrote that book when I was still in college - - in nineteen-ninety. It's outdated and just plain wrong. Who stole it?"

"I can't say, it's a long story." The elevator dinged as they reached the long story.

"I can see that you have some pretty deep seated troubles already. We might make this a weekly thing." Dr. Hudson stated. Leni stopped in her tracks.

"But, My family can't find out ever, like, I can't pay you either. What if you decide... I need to go to the asylum." Leni asked. The psychiatrist looked over his shoulder.

"Worry about none of that. This wouldn't be the first time I've been in trouble for letting clients get free help, I'm actually doing a psychological study right now. As long as you're here every Wednesday at eight this could be considered volunteering for science. The mental health of all those who come before me is my foremost worry." The doctor said. Leni's legs almost gave out from under her, yet another life line was being thrown her way, by a pro this time. She just might make it out.

"I am in no way obligated to tell your parents or guardian, but understand I have no restraints on not telling them either."

Leni nodded. This was great news, except for the fact she'd have to miss school when she already promised Carol she'd have perfect attendance from now on. Something were more important, besides, it was just one more promise to be broken. Even if that promise actually meant the world to Carol.

"Yes yes yes, I can do that." Leni answered

"The only payment, is kindness. And silence. If the word gets out I was freely helping people again I'd get in trouble again. The boys upstair want more paycheck. And my wife would kill me if I don't bring home as much money as I can. My books haven't been selling well in years. " the doctor said. "Google my name and the first fault is for some 'radio personality'."

"I'd feel bad," Leni responded. "If you helped me for free. I'm tired of getting stuff without putting in any effort. Why can't I pay you?"

They reached a door with a name plate ' ' on it and entered. The office of the doctor was plainly simple. There was a desk in front of a window covered with thick curtains. It was devoid of any material or personalization.

In front of the desk was one of the stereotypical chaise lounge chairs. It faced a painting high up on the wall that was slightly angled down at the chair. The abstract grey's, whites, and blacks seemed to move, until Leni realized it was a mirror with a thin paint coat.

"Miss Leni. Psychological study. If you want to know the result, buy my book, 'Right to a Free Mind'. And tell your friends. Even on my days off I do free therapy for the homeless. Book releases in July next year if things go as planned" Dr. Hudson said.

"And as a bonus, I'll sign you a one of my personal copies of 'Ballad of the Paladin' if you manage to get better by our ten session period. Please, have a seat." The doctor stated.

"What happens after those ten sessions?" Leni asked as she reclined on the seat.

"Another success story. More data for my book. It will be my break out work. You see the positive side of life." The doctor stated.

"I guess?" Leni answered. The doctor's eyes glinted eccentrically.

"Great. Now, let's get into that brain of yours, and see what's going on."

…

"So tell me Leni. What was it that brought you here today?"

Leni looked straight ahead from her recumbent position in the chair at the painted mirror, trying to make out her own image in the faint reflection.

"It started a bit more than four years ago." Leni started.

"I see. But what is it after those four years that made you decide that today was the day to find help? When you called me yesterday you seemed especially perplexed."

Leni opened and closed her mouth several times.

"I told you about myself earlier in hopes that we'd find common ground. All if it was true, though, back when I was a kid, the best my parents could do was tell me to grow a spine. Psychology still wasn't as fleshed out as it is today. Talking helps, but take your time."

It took Leni another minute to speak.

"I think I'm going crazy." Leni paused. The doctor said nothing as he scribbled away furiously on a notepad. "My family has been divided for the past three weeks. Like, I came out being gay. That's not the reason though. It's because of who it was."

"And who is that?" The doctor inquired.

"A girl named Carol Pingrey. She's the one obsessed with you book. Like, my oldest sister Lori has a bad relationship with her. It turns out that Carol used to have a crush on Lori, but she didn't return the feelings. Then rumors spread about Carol and they hated each other ever since." Leni reminisced.

"Mhmm…" Dr. Hudson stated. "And you feel as if you are the second choice, Carol's replacement for Lori. Your fear in your relationship lays in the thought that if given the chance Carol will take your sister's hand over yours"

Leni's brain struggled with determine what to say next before landing on the truth.

"Yes. But Lori's not like me though. She has a boyfriend. But now my family is half for me, and half against me, and against each other." Leni answered, feeling dirty admitting her lack of faith in Carol. She rubbed her temples.

"And your belief is it's your fault their at odds. Out of all the fish in the sea you chose the one that would most bring harm to your family."

"Yes." Leni answered simply.

"So why do you think you're going crazy?"

"Like… Some times I have anxiety attacks. I had one two days ago and I kinda hurt myself kinda hoping I would die. I've done it before but I promised Carol I stopped. It hurt her when she found out." Leni said. "And Carol tells me she loves me and I know, but I can't help but doubt it. Sometimes I don't know what's real and what's not. I expect to one day wake up and find out everything's a lie. My thoughts are too jumbled."

"Yes… yes…" The doctor said. Leni wanted him to say something, anything, any words to assuage Leni's fear of onset psychosis. "I see…"

The psychiatrist checked his watch.

"I see our time is nearly up." Dr. Hudson said. "This was just the maintenance meeting though. What we want… is to find a solution that alleviates the problem that was severe enough for you to come here today."

"What will fix me? My girlfriend tried a lot of things. Now she wants me to try changing my pace or something. Like, what does that mean?" Leni asked. Hopefully the doctor's solution would be permanent.

"Yes, a change of pace would be excellent. Sometimes, rejuvenating oneself could be the only answer you need." The doctor stated.

"It's hard. Everyone want to push to being like my sister Lori. I kinda hate her." Leni said.

"Next week, you will tell me the story from the beginning in its entirety. I-"

"Like, I was expecting that. So… I brought my diaries." Leni said. She reached into her handbag and pulled out her two worn books.

The psychiatrist reached over the desk and took them. Leni's lips twitched. She was trusting this stranger with everything, yet there was no worry. Their social circles, were miles apart so the chance was slim for anyone Leni knew to find out about this session.

"Great, though an oral presentation would still be in order next session. In most cases when patients speak about their past they bring up things they wouldn't think about otherwise." The doctor leafed through a few pages. "Here's want I want you to do. The first of these is the whole change of pace. You have stated that many believe you should be like your older sister. Do something she wouldn't, within reason of course."

"I was going to dye my hair. Green. I used a random color wheel and it landed in green." Leni said.

"Good. It's an uncommon color that, in your mind, would create a sense of superiority, to do something the average, your sister, would not." Dr. Hudson said. "The second thing, is keep a brief, yet to the point, objective journal. Writing down your thoughts without emotionally charged words will help keep them in order, and the thing you call insanity I believe will be severely reduced."

"Alright. And then I'll be cured?" Leni asked. Dr. Hudson shook his head.

"Not quite. You've got at a minimum four years of repression, it might be pretentious to think we might even deal with you depressive state in only a two months." The doctor said. Leni's shoulders slumped. He was quick to retract himself. "Though I am very experienced in my area of expertise. I find that clients that keep an objective journal find their thoughts more in order, and being convinced what they have isn't enough to get them locked away is half the battle."

"Thank you so much. So… Do I go now?" Leni asked.

"One more thing. What is your relationship with your girlfriend like. I already have a guess, though confirmation would be beneficial. I understand there is a Valentine's dance at the high school but from my guesses, you do not like drawing attention to yourself. The way you described Carol earlier suggests she is the inverse."

"Um… well, she has a fake boyfriend named Bryan. I know she doesn't really love him like me. She's taking him to the dance tonight so people still think me and her aren't dating." Leni answered. She checked her phone for the time, their meeting only had a few minutes left.

"You do not like that." Dr. Hudson stated. Leni nodded once. "So tell her. It adds to your inferiority complex to think that she needs to have an additional partner. Clearing the air will give you a sense of trust in each other. There will be no harm in it, only benefit. Take control of your life. Be daring. If you want my professional opinion, go to the Valentine's dance. You can dance with people as friends you know."

Leni guesses that was right. She made a dress for the occasion, and it's not like she was going to be making out with with Carol in front of all those people. After the dance she'd tell Carol politely that she didn't want her to keep going out with Bryan. Carol would be so enticed by Leni she'd do anything asked of her. The corners of Leni's lips curled up until she was fully grinning.

"Wow, like, I think you really work. Thank you." Leni said smugly. She got up from her reclined position. "Do you believe me though?"

"You have nothing to gain for telling untruths. I do indeed believe." The doctor stood up from his desk and held out his hand, Leni reached out and shook it. "It was been a pleasure meeting you. Have a good day."

"Totes nice meeting you to Doc!" Leni said as she departed.

Whether or not Leni damned herself by finding help was unknown but right now she felt good. Confiding in Carol two nights ago felt great - Leni could only imagine what it would feel like fully confiding in someone who helped people for a living and. She'd go pick up some hair dye and a new notebook right away, then practice what she was going to say to Carol.

Leni was tired. Tired of not being her own persons, of being a carpet for people to walk on instead. She had Carol, Luna and Lincoln on her side, even a professional. It was high time Leni did want was best for her - - this time for real.

And that would start tonight.

…

Carol closed her eyes gingerly pressed her lips against the man she 'loved'. Bryan though, pressed his lips more forcefully ageist hers. Carol wrapped her arms around his neck, bending one leg up to completely sell the act. The entire gym erupted into loud cheers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our Mister and Mrs. Cupid!" A voice boomed from the speakers in the room.

Carol looked down from her spot on the stage and saw every face in the sea of red dresses looking at her in either admiration or jealousy, but one in particular was looking at her in anger. Lori Loud.

These days Carol's relationship with her former friend was in a strange place. Sometimes when it came to Leni's wellbeing, they would put aside their differences, most other things… would not work out so well. But overall things were getting slowly better between them.

Especially after Carol told Lori about Leni's severe depression and horrible anxiety attacks, the two enemies unwittingly started fixing the old wounds between them.

Carol could see that kissing a man in front of her girlfriend's sister was not helping. Carol pulled Bryan's hand and walked off the stage. Only half an hour left before the dance was over. If she could get lost in the crown she could avoid a confrontation with Lori. Last thing she needed was Lori asking why Carol wasn't Leni's date in front of so many people.

"So… Carol."

And there it was. Carol begrudgingly turned around.

"Lori…" Carol came face to face with the scowling Loud. Lori's dress was sky-blue and went up to just an inch above her knees. Lori's face lacked excessive make up, rather using powder to augment her naturally good looking features.

Once Carol would have loved to kiss that stupid face but since she has grown older, wiser, Carol would have much preferred to be doing something crazy with Leni than anything with Lori.

"So this is your date? A little more manly than I expected. And his hair darker than I thought. Are you sure this is the person you're supposed to be dating?" Lori asked. Carol tensed and smiled.

"Bryan, this is the bitch I was telling you about - Lori ." Carol said.

"Nice to meet you." Bryan said. Lori glared at him pointedly. He glanced at Bobby and the young man just shrugged helplessly back at him.

"You need to get yourself together before the people who care about you most abandon you. Come on Bobby. We're going home so Leni doesn't have to be lonely tonight" Lori yanked Bobby away and headed for the exit.

"Want to pick up some chocolates for her?" Carol could hear Bobby ask.

And now she felt like shit. No matter how many times Leni said she didn't want Carol to spend so much money or get her stuff for Valentine's Day or how much Leni didn't want to go to the Valentine's dance… Carol couldn't help but feel like she wasn't making Leni feel loved enough. Then Leni actually came out about doubting Carol's love. If Carol went home alone tonight maybe she could cry about it in private.

"What's wrong babe? Did that bitch s-"

"She's not a bitch." Carol snapped.

"But you sa-"

"Forget about it Bryan. Sorry I even said anything." Carol said. Bryan went silent.

She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed heavily.

"It's so sexy when you do that."

"Shut up Bryan." Carol muttered half-heartedly. All these red decorations were starting to get tiring, maybe after this dance was over she could get over to Leni's before heading home.

"I didn't say anything babe."

Carol planned on going to the table of refreshment and getting fruit punch to wash the taste of Bryan from her lips when someone lightly pushed her from behind. Carol was ready to tear someone's head off - - until she saw who that someone was.

"Leni?" Both she and Bryan said simultaneously.

"Lori and Bobby just left to hang out with you. I thought you weren't coming?" Carol asked incredulously.

"I wasn't but someone convinced me to. I might not have a date but I have a best friend who I can dance with. Notice anything else about me?"

' _You're beautiful?'_ Carol thought.

Leni's dress was exactly the same as her's reaching down just a few inches above the ground. The bottom also started black, but instead of being red, faded into a light sparkly sea-green near the top. Carol's eyes traveled further up. Leni's face was pure, free of make up. But there was something different.

"Green." Carol said when she noticed it. She smiled at Leni. "Green. Your hair."

"You like, thought I was joking about dying it." Leni said.

"No I didn't. I think it looks great." And Carol really thought did. It made Carol's heart so much lighter knowing that Leni took her advice. Bryan shifted next to Carol and put an arm around her.

"People are clearing out. You wanna go back to my place? Tonight could be the night." Bryan said suggestively.

"We've only been together, what, three months? Aren't you moving kinda fast?" Carol said. Had Leni not been there Carol might have chose more abrasive words. Leni scratched her head as If she were debating something with herself.

"Yeah but you said you might be ready soon. You keep coming up with excuse. We're teens in high school, we're supposed to be reckless. It you say no I'll stop asking but no more excuses." Bryan pleaded.

Carol sighed. She didn't love Bryan but despite his want to sleep with her he was a good kid. She would have much preferred he be a good friend.

"Bryan…" Carol started. "I w-"

"Actually Bryan…" Leni interrupted. She looked perplexed so Carol put a hand on her back. "Carol… Sh-She's… like… Uh… Well you see totes.. "

Leni glanced at Bryan, then Carol, the back at Bryan. Carol's heart picked up a few beats as she imagined what Leni could be trying to say, though Leni saying something outlandish was impossible.

"Carol is breaking up with you." Leni blurted.

"What?" Both Carol and Bryan said simultaneously once again.

"Carol. Bryan. You two are over. I'm so sorry to say it but Bryan, Carol doesn't like, like you." The words were coming out faster than Leni could think. Both members of her audience were just as stunned as Leni was herself. Leni put a hand on Bryan's shoulder. "You're a good guy. You're handsome. There's a girl out there for you Bryan, and She's going to give you totes much sex and babies. But that girl isn't Carol. Carol's my best friend. I'm going to have one dance with her before this dance is over. Then we're having a sleepover so she can get over her break up. But when we leave here, you won't be a couple."

"It's true Bryan." Carol said. She didn't know when she would've done it on her own time, but at least Leni was here.

Leni leaned forward and gave Bryan a hug, to which the young man awkwardly returned. Carol knew that Leni had a strong disliking towards Bryan, but the younger girl's sense of kindness overpowered and ill intentions she had towards anyone. Even Bryan. It made Carol's heartache knowing that she held someone as beautiful and kind as Leni so close, but at the same time there was still a gap in between them.

"You'll like, know when you find the right one when you can give them a totes better hug than this." Leni said as she pulled away. "Good luck Bryan."

Leni pulled Carol away from Bryan. And started swaying to the slow song playing.

"What the fuck just happened." Carol whispered. Her mind was still reeling from what Leni had just done.

"I made you mine," Leni whispered and rested her head against Carol's chest. Just saying that made her feel good. "Something about an inferior complexion or something. I have to get my life under my control."

The rest of the gym had cleared out by time Leni and Carol's dance had ended, leaving only them and the few students who volunteered to clean up.

Carol did a quick glance around before placing a quick gentle kiss on Leni's head. The thrill from doing such an act in public was exhilarating, yet scary. Carol often wished she was brave enough to reveal herself.

"One day…" Leni murmured as if she read Carol's mind.

"You're too sweet Leni." Carol chuckled. She broke away and the two headed for Carol's car.

"So, you said sleepover right?" Carol asked.

"I can't sleep without you, your skin is softer than my bed. Can you just be my bed instead?" Leni asked tiredly. She was sitting slumped against the window, her eyes drooping as she nodded off.

Even if Leni was staying true to her word and actually going through with improving herself, Carol hoped she would not change too much from the Leni she had fallen in love with.

' _If Leni has to lose her kindness in order to be happy,'_ Carol thought. ' _then there's no hope for anyone in this miserable world.'_


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: hildaberg (guest) - I'd more than welcome you doing a Carol/Leni fic, there isn't near enough of them here.**_

 _March Fourteenth,_

 _It's been like… five weeks since me and Dr. H. started seeing each other I think. Our number five session was to day and so far we've only talked about what has happened to me over the years. We have discussed why people might have done the things they did, but he said it doesn't make it right. I just want all of this behind me._

 _He asked me about the pages that I crossed out with marker but I said it was something totes embarrassing but not bad. I know he does not believe me. He might even already know what it is because he's a totes smart guy. I will not tell him unless I have to. Everything about Nick, what he has done or like, will do will be my only secret. I'm going to cross that part out because I know you'll read this next session Doc._

 _Carol and me argued this morning and I didn't mention it to you. She found out I've been skipping Wednesdays but she does not know why. I don't like keeping a secrets from her so I guess I'll tell her. She was so disappointed I wished she would break up with me so she would never be that disappointed again._

 _We hadn't seen each other in two day, so when she stopped by this morning to take me to school school I told her no and that's how she found out. Yes I'm taking your advice Doc and telling her how I feel, ever since I started being more open to her my doubt in her kinda went down some. She and Lori don't argue when they are near each other anymore. That is also good._

 _My family also stopped taking sides. I forgot to tell you that earlier too Doctor H. I think it's time I come clean to them. Not all at once. Just my sister Lori for now, but I don't know when. You helped me see I'm my own person. Now I need to prove it to myself ad be nice to Lori. It's only been five hours since our session and like, there's already so much going on in my head… I guess this is the end for today's entry?_

Leni put down her pencil and closed her journal, then tucked it under her mattress. Leni liked writing, but she didn't know _what_ to write. The psychiatrist told her to be honest with herself, but use objective language at the same time. It was obvious he didn't know how much of an unskilled writer she was.

Her phone was resting beside her, tempting her to call Carol up and apologize for breaking the promise of missing no more days of school, but Leni couldn't bring herself to pick it up.

Most times Leni would say most things were her fault even when they weren't, but the more Leni thought about it, The argument between her and Carol was really her fault this time. She could've skipped a day of therapy and Carol would have never know. Why didn't she? Why was it so important that Carol _not_ know?

Leni pondered for a bit. She trusted Carol but therapy was for people who were unacceptable by society. Carol, even if she loved Leni, was still desired to have a strong societal presence. Leni hit her fists against her forehead several times and sighed. Her damned trust issues were the problem.

Her phone rang. Nobody besides Carol called Leni's phone but the ringtone nor the number hers, Leni answered yet to know she would regret that minutes later.

"Hello?" She answered. There was a fumbling sound for a moment.

"Leni? Is this Leni Loud?" the voice asked. It was dreadfully familiar.

"Yes. Like, who is this?" Leni asked.

"It's your boy Nick. Why weren't you at school? I had plans for us today." The boy said.

"What did you have planned?" Leni gulped. The put in her stomach weighed heavy.

"I was going to trash your girlfriend's locker. Bryan told me that she broke up with him. You know she did him dirty? Promising him she would fuck him sometime and then breaking up." Nick spat.

"That was five weeks ago, leave Carol out of it; I was the one who broke them up, not her. Trash my locker instead." Leni pleaded.

"That's why I'm doing it, for you. Your getting too comfortable. Everyday Bryan makes some dumbass shot about how he misses , when they find out Carol's locker is fucked up and written on, you are going to take the blame for it." Bryan said smugly.

"What if I don't?" Leni asked, not expecting anything good.

"Hold on a second. Check you texts."

Leni did so and didn't even need to play the video attachment Nick sent. The thumbnail was Leni naked form laying on a bed, and Nick on top of her. Her skin paled at the sight.

"I'll go to the police!" Leni exclaimed.

"How many people do you think will see this video if it were posted to a pornsite? A hundred? A hundred thousand? This is the edited video. As far as anyone else knows, everything that happened was consensual." Nick retorted.

Leni pinched the bridge of her nose. Nick was mean, and Leni hated him, but it was time for her to move on.

"Nick… I forgive you for what happened back then. Just delete the video and we can both move on." Leni begged. Nick was silent for a minute.

"No. It's nice having a lil' minion to boss around. You say shit like that again and I'll send it directly to Lori. She doesn't care about what happened that night. Or even better Carol. I bet you haven't told her about our history, right?"

Nick was right. Carol loved Leni, but sometimes she gets even a little annoyed when Leni keeps secrets. Leni told Carol straight to her face that she hadn't had sex with anyone besides Carol, and the older girl was Leni's first time. If Carol saw Leni having rough, unprotected sex, Leni could kiss her hopes goodbye. Rape or not, Nick's edited video 'evidence' would undermine anything Leni could say.

So Leni did the most reasonable thing she could do. She hung up. She turned on the T.V. and turned it up loud to drown out her inner demons. Leni curled up on her bed and held her pillow over her face. Slow, deep breaths calmed Leni considerably but she still did not move.

Something _had_ to be done about Nick. As long as he still asserted himself in to Leni's life, no amount of therapy would save Leni from herself.

She could stick Carol on him. She could be vicious when it came to dealing with people whom she didn't like - - having millions of dollars at your disposal allowed it, but it could just as easily become a double-edged sword. Whereas Carol used money for influence, Nick was just as capable using his words to manipulate people into getting what he wanted. He just acted as their friend. Even if he didn't get what he wanted through his words, he would take it by force. Leni was an example of that. He could bring things to light that Leni wanted kept in the dark.

Murder. Leni might've been weak but she could manage to get the jump on him. She couldn't move to body so she'd have t-

'No! No, no, no!' Leni thought frantically. 'I did _not_ think that.'

Even if she had been wronged by him Leni refused to stoop to his level. Leni had already forgiven him and placed the blame on herself.

' _If you don't stop screaming and believably say that this is consensual to the the camera, I'll go down stairs and bring Lori up here and make you watch…'_

Those were the words that put Leni into submission. She stopped her struggle and gave into Nick's lustful desire at the cost of her own will to live. Even back then Leni didn't hate him - if she was just a bit stronger then she could have fought back.

Lori definitely could have if she were in Leni's position, but even if it was _Lori_ who convinced Leni to go to that party she didn't originally plan to attend, Leni was glad she went. Make no mistake, she wished nobody got assaulted, but it was better she got hurt than take the chance of it being Lori instead.

' _It was my fault for letting him follow me upstairs.'_ Leni thought. She pressed the pillow hard against her face until the pressure became painful. ' _It wasn't his fault he has needs, it's nature. I helped him. I saved Lori. I saved all the other girls too. It was your fault.'_

Leni refused to think about all the flaws in her rationalization - it was easier to place the blame on herself than rationalize why other people did bad things to her. Dr. Hudson (if he were dead) would be rolling in his grave if he knew Leni really thought that. She forgave Nick for what he did but it didn't mean she was happy about what happened or even liked him.

' _It was your fault. Get over it. It was your fault. You_ will _get over it.'_ Leni repeated this mantra over and over in her head until she convinced herself that if anything bad happens because Nick's video… ' _It's my fault.'_

Leni layed there, silently until she felt the pressure on the bed shift. She remained in her position, hoping the newcomer would leave her alone long enough to put her thoughts back in order.

"Leni… are you alright?"

It was Lori. Leni might not have had the best opinion of her but her sessions with the doctor helped Leni get her thoughts straight. He convinced her that she _did,_ deep down, want to be like Lori - a success, someone people liked and looked up to, but Leni wasn't going to stay in her older sister's shadow but would instead build her own life. She could tolerate Lori but she didn't want to be around her any more than she had to right now.

"Leni. Leni. Leni. Hey, Leni." Lori repeated as she shook her younger sister's shoulder. Leni brought her head out from under the pillow. "What's wrong dude?"

"Today's just been a bad day. Me and Carol had an argument and I felt bad for causing it." Leni said, leaving out the part about Lori's good friend Nick.

"Oh it's literally normal for couples. Even me and Bobby, though don't you dare tell anyone, argue sometimes." Lori said. "You have to learn to compromise though and say sorry even if it's not your fault. You can apologize to her tonight."

"She's not coming over tonight." Leni said. No doubt Carol was letting things settle before coming back over probably the next day. Lori, however, smiled widely.

"Me and Carol think it's time we put our differences aside. So, we have something special planned for tonight." Lori said. Leni was fearful that the next words out of Lori's mouth would be something about an intervention for Leni - but the next words were even worse.

"We're going on a double date!"

…

Double dates were a cool thing to do, a fun and engaging way of socialization - - as long as the other couple wasn't Leni and Carol.

Lori, Bobby, Carol and Leni had all dressed up nice and went over to The Royal Restaurant for their date.

Leni loved the place - it was the only place in Royal Woods where one (assuming they could pay the price) could get a taste of the high life. None of the people inside these fancy walls dressed in a casual style; the Fine China and gilded eating utensils demanded etiquette.

For some reason, though, Leni found herself enjoying this date less than she should have. Maybe it was due to the fact that they were sharing relationship stories. Scratch that, Lori and Bobby were sharing relationship stories.

Carol would occasionally interject two or three of her own stories she had shared with Leni, but compared to all the things Lori and Bobby had to share that number might as well be zero.

 _It was embarrassing._

They hardly went out besides to eat, or go watch movies. Lori and Bobby went out to amusement parks and and other cool places that Leni and Carol couldn't because of Leni's issues. Of course Carol had not stated that explicitly, but Leni felt like it was true anyways. Leni just stayed quite so far. She would talk with Carol about it later.

The waiter came by and took their order. Leni toned out the rest of the party, and monotonously ordered a salad like she always did.

"And steak. She will have a steak too."

Leni looked up from her clasped hands. Lori looked at her smugly.

"I totes don't want that." Leni said. She looked around the table to see all three of them staring at her pointedly, daring her to challenge their decree.

"That's the first thing she said all night, isn't it?" Bobby asked.

"Literally." Lori responded. "What's up with you Leni."

"Nothing." A look at their faces told Leni they weren't convinced in the slightest. "It's just… it's…"

Leni looked Carol in the eye and grabbed her hand.

"I'm totes sorry. For breaking my promise to you and skipping school. And also for arguing for you this morning." Leni said. Carol moved her chair closer to Leni's and pulled her close, kissing her on the head. Leni glanced at her older sister to see a goofy smile on the girl's face. Leni actually smiled right back at her.

"Christ, is every girl dating a girl these days? Back in my day you dated the opposite sex and that was that." A man in his early forties said loudly a few tables away - - apparently personalities of all kind were allowed in. Carol was ready to go off on him until Leni smashed their lips together. With their lips still locked, Leni looked over to the culprit and winked at him, much to his chagrin.

"Way, to go Leni." Bobby said. "Your fighting the long battle."

"I literally didn't know you had it in you." Lori said.

"god I love you…" Carol breathed.

Leni pulled away, her confidence boosted by her impulsive display.

"Anyways. Like, I've been skipping school so I could go to therapy." Leni revealed. The collective gasps told Leni it was yet another thing unexpected of her.

"I want to like, stop hurting myself and wanting to kill myself." Leni said. Lori's heart jumped in her throat at hearing Leni mention suicide. Leni faced Carol. "I want to be someone you can really love. I want to do all the totes cool things Lori and Bobby do, but with you. You totes much deserve it."

"Oh Leni, why didn't you just say something?" Carol asked.

"Because… I didn't want you think I was so crazy that I had to have therapy." Leni answered. "I know you say you like me but I couldn't like, stop doubting that. If I didn't get help, I don't know if you would even be talking to me now. I just think you shouldn't have to help me all by yourself. I was selfish."

"Ugh, your selfless can get annoying sometimes, you know that right Leni? And just so you know i'm proud of you. You've come a long way from keeping it bottled up... but… how do you pay for it?" Carol asked.

"Did you say… you wanted to kill yourself?" Lori muttered in a daze, though Leni focused on Carol's question instead.

"It's a clinical or physco experiment or study or something so it's free as long as i'm there on time." Leni said.

Just as she finished her sentence waiter arrived with their meals. As the slab of meat and salad was placed in front of her, Leni had to keep herself from gagging. Why didn't they understand that she was absolutely _not_ hungry? Sure she everyone said she needed to put more weight on, even Dr. Hudson, but just because they said it, it didn't mean Leni did not feel good about her shape right now. Leni felt great with her body, especially since she started getting help, now they wanted her to change it.

" Leni, you said you wanted to kill yourself?" Lori asked her voice full of hurt, this time Leni acknowledged the question.

"Yeah. For a really long time, and one time I almost did until someone stopped me." Leni said. She stopped smiling as Lori looked down and shielded her her eyes with her hand. "It's alright Lori. This pretty girl right here randomly stopped me from going through with it."

"When?" Lori's voice gave away the fact the she was on the edge of crying.

"In like… November. The day before my birthday." When Leni said this Lori brough both hands to her face and groaned.

It took Leni a moment to realize that she basically revealed that Leni was still alive only through a chance encounter. She tried thinking of some consoling words, but came up short - it was Bobby who came to her rescue.

"It's alright babe, she's here today and that's what matters, you just have to be there for her from this point on." Bobby rubbed her back, his words just barely enough to prevent Lori from breaking down in the middle of this extravagant place.

"Yeah," Carol aided. "Leni's alright now. When she's ready she'll tell you everything, right, Leni?"

"Yeah she's totes right. Let's just have a good time tonight. You and Carol used to be enemies and now you are here as friends." Leni consoled. It took Lori another moment but eventually she looked back up.

"Do mom and dad know?" She asked. Leni shook her head and Lori rolled her eyes, more annoyed than sad. "You literally just said you tried to kill yourself and you didn't tell mom or dad?"

"No and I hope you don't either. I'm getting totes better and mom and dad will make a big deal out of it. Just wait until I'm ready?" Leni requested. Lori did not look convinced at all, Leni would go as far to even say she looked like she was plotting something, but decided that Lori would trust her.

"You know Lori, you really should trust Leni with this. She's already passed her climax, now where at the falling action and soon the resolution of her story. It's going to be alright." Carol said. Somehow Leni didn't think that they had even reached the highest point yet, not as long as Nick was in the picture, but Leni didn't dare bring it up.

"You will literally tell me everything or else I'll make you hurt." Lori said only half-playfully.

The conversation carried further onwards into their plans about the future, who was going to what college, for what degree, and their future careers, and here Leni was not even knowing if she wanted to finish highschool or not. It was not because of the bullies, as time went on they fell off and left Leni alone for the most part - it's just Leni needed a really long period of rest. To be honest, it would be amazing if she became a super famous fashion designer on Project Runway who attended only the most prestigious of the fashion schools but she was also content with being a waiter at Burpin' Burger her whole life as long as she lived in peace.

Even with all the uncertainty in her future, Leni wanted to live more for the present. During the dinner Lori had the bright idea that they should all go down to the lake and swim when spring break came around, to grown the lost bonds between them. Carol had objected to the idea immediately claiming that she didn't have a good bathing suit to wear, though Leni knew that Carol was covering for Leni and the scars that littered her thighs.

In the end though, it was Leni who made the final decision by agreeing that a group trip would be nice - Leni was already far enough behind her peers in happy memories. Despite Leni's revelations about her old suicidal tendencies and therapy trips, Lori and the other two managed to keep the conversation light hearted, and even got Leni to laugh once or twice. This strange feeling, Leni realized, was the feeling of normality She felt like she was normal, like a regular teen.

Leni teared up when she came to this understanding, causing the rest of the group to stop and inquire what was wrong.

"I don't know… it's… it's just I feel kinda normal." Leni furiously rubbed her eyes.

"Well, get used to it babe, cause it's here to stay." Carol said, kissing Leni on the cheek. Their waiter came back to take away the remains of the meal and Leni stood up quickly.

"I' going to use the restroom real quick, I'll be back soon." Leni said. She was eager to get out of there so that, first of all, she could spare herself the embarrassment of not helping pay the check and two, she really needed to purge herself. Lori and Carol watched her like vultures and made sure she at ever single bite of that stake, and it was burning like cinders in her stomach.

Leni hurried in the stall in immediately began shoving a finger down her throat as soon as she got in her knees - - she was on borrowed time, any moment either Lori or Carol could barge in on her during this horrendous act, and they did, but as soon as she heard the restroom door Leni stood up and flushed the toilet. It hadn't even been a minute since she had entered the restroom herself.

Leni exited the stall to see Carol freshening up in one of the large mirrors.

"Hey Leni. Just fixing myself up... how did you like tonight?" Carol asked. Leni came up from behind and gave Carol the tightest hug she could muster - which wasn't much.

"Totes great but…" Leni started.

"But what?" Carol asked.

"We should go back to your place for desert…" Leni suggested with a kiss on Carol's cheek.

…

"Just give me a moment to freshen up alright?" Leni asked. Carol nodded and retreated back to her room.

"And you better be in something sexy by time I get in there or we aren't doing anything you hear?" Leni called.

"Then you'd better be naked when _you_ come back in _here_!" Carol called back. Leni shook her head and chuckled. She closed the bathroom door behind her, and finished what she had not been able to do back at the restaurant.

After she purged herself of her meal, Leni brushed her teeth until the horrid taste of meat was out of her mouth. They didn't understand. Making herself vomit to keep a good body shape was something that Leni _liked_ doing, it was part of the reason Leni felt normal earlier.

Dr. Hudson was more than welcome to keep helping her with mental problems, but when it came to her physical body, Leni was the only one who could keep that under control. There was no way Leni could hope to keep a good body like Carol and Lori (even if she were skinnier than they were) without starving herself.

Being pretty made her happy. Being happy was good. Starving herself to be pretty was something so good Leni was addicted to it. This was Leni's twisted sense of happiness. If this is what worked, Leni was more than willing to continue on with it.

Leni went back into Carol's room, spotting Carol on the bed naked with the blanket just barely covering her breasts.

Leni loved Carol, and liked the place she was in right now. She fought like Hell just to reach it, now all she had to do was defend it. That meant dealing with Nick, and right now that was a fight Leni could not win. Carol was out of the question (Leni had history with him that Leni wouldn't be able to express), and Lori (she was friends with Nick), and so was everyone else. Or rather, maybe she could get Bobby to 'teach him a lesson'. No, Bobby was to soft for that, and Leni detested violence.

Carol was right, it was time for this part of her life story to reach to its conclusion. Leni would take the blame for whatever Nick was doing tomorrow, and she would just do whatever it took to keep her secrets in the dark, but his time for torturing Leni was going to be over soon.

Next time she met with Dr. Hudson she'd ask him for guidance, but still, Leni's sense that every human could be turned into a good person was dulling her judgement. Leni would plan to talk with Nick, make sure he understood that Leni wanted to reach a truce. No matter if she really believed she forgave Nick, she was still underestimated just how much of an asshole he could be.


	16. Chapter 16

"I was assaulted too, but I didn't have the courage to mention it before. It was actually… rape." Leni reminisced, saying the last word barely above a whisper. "Nobody knows besides you now, I can't bring myself to tell anyone else. Not even Carol who you told me to be open with. Lori wouldn't even hear it when I tried to tell her, it was a time when she was mad at me for some reason. "

"I see." Dr. Hudson muttered. "Tell me about the person who did it. Was it a male or female, and how personally did you know them?"

"Well, on October twenty-eighth there was this Halloween party, and I didn't want to go. It was hosted by one of Lori's good friends… Nick was his name. I didn't really think he was mean much. He wasn't mean to me much I mean, and liked to talk to me about random stuff. But he was kinda… like, weird I guess."

"What was weird about him?" Dr. Hudson asked as he wrote on his notepad.

"Well… like whenever he saw me he'd always ask if I were single. One time he said that he wanted to do something 'wild' with me. I just kept keeping my distance. But eventually I thought he might actually be my friend; that makes it even worse. He's just another person who betrayed me." Leni said. "Like, I should have known those were totes warning signs."

"You couldn't have know, it's only through hindsight bias you could determine the warning details. Sounds to me he acted as a normal human would. A lot of what others have done to you could be considered a crime, but this one in particular is especially heinous and lines up to exactly three weeks before your attempted suicide. Tell me, Leni, everything that happened that night. If you would please spare no detail, they are important for your mental health." Dr. Hudson stated.

He pulled out a new notepad and a fresh pen, ready to write down every word of his client. He then got a water bottle from another drawer and handed it over to Leni. She took a big gulp before beginning.

"I tried forgetting, but you see Doc…"

. . .

 _Leni clutched herself as she laid in bed, nothing able to motivate herself to get up and move around. She would remain this way for the rest of the night, and the rest of Sunday, until she would have to get up the following Monday for another day in Hell. It's how she spent most of her free time; her body unmoving, her mind empty._

 _Every time somebody walked through the door to her shared bedroom Leni would open up a fashion magazine and pretended to take interest in the mediocre designs. Never had anyone noticed it was the same issue everytime, or that it was one that was two years old- - now a days Leni couldn't even be bothered to open the magazine._

 _Nobody really noticed_ anything _about her. Leni had changed for the worse, and sure she tried to keep her hurt in the dark, but it hurt her even more that_ none _of her family noticed even one small change. She grew used it, the hurt had become normal._

 _There were new troubles brewing now. A Halloween party... parties... What did they include? People, and Leni didn't like being around them, they only harmed her. Leni's attempts at refusing to go were rapidly deteriorating under the duress of Lori's attempts at getting her to go. The door to the room busted open, revealing the sister in question._

" _Please Leni, Nick said it would be cool if you came. He thinks of you as a friend, if you don't show then i'll literally be a loser." Lori pleaded. For the past few days it had been that same plea._

 _Leni was wary of Nick, she was wary of everyone, but she guessed Nick was just a bit better than the rest. Sometimes he said the occasional odd thing to Leni, but he never said anything mean to her. If anything he was even better than Lori. Dare she say it, he was a friend._

 _But if it hadn't been for Leni still holding out on the hope that Lori would be her knight in shining armour, that Lori would come to her rescue and save her from the pitch black darkness that scared her senseless, Leni would not have gone._

" _Fine, but like, can we not stay out too late?"_

" _We'll be home before the party ends alright? We need to do some more stuff together anyways. It'll be fine and fun. Oh, I literally love you so much."_

 _Leni thought she felt like something sparked inside of her, it was inexplicable, though, reminiscent of relief upon hearing Lori say those words._

 _Lori wanted to go in similar costumes, as witches._

" _Are you sure my skirt isn't shorter than yours?" Leni asked. The white skirt in question was a bit tighter on her, and was just four inches above her knees, almost revealing the cuts on her thighs. Lori's on the other hand was black and an inch below her knees._

" _They were the last two they had in stock. I just thought you would like the white outfit and the black would look good on me. Do you not like it?" Lori said. Leni could tell from the look on her face that she was trying her hardest in an attempt to make tonight fun for the both of them. Leni smiled at her._

" _It's perfect. We're totes stylish witches." Leni answered. Lori's eyes glistened at the acceptance._

" _Good. Just remember not to drink any juice or anything anyone gives you, and if anyone wants to take you upstairs don't go. Dad and mom would kill us if either of us did something stupid. Got it?" Lori asked. Leni nodded._

" _Good, now let's get to the party…"_

 _The party wasn't great but Leni tried to make the best of it. The teens 'dancing' were grinding on each other vulgarly, and the more people drank the 'juice' the more they got out of control. It was only when the host of the party showed himself did Leni have someone to talk to._

" _Aye Leni, how's it going?" Nick yelled over the music. The tip of Leni's lips tugged upward ever so slightly. "Where's Lori and Bobby?"_

 _Leni pointed over towards a table where Lori and Bobby sat playing some type of board game, except the other drunks who decided to play with them managed to add some sort of gambling aspect to it. Being the only clear headed ones there, Lori and Bobby made quite a few bucks._

" _Oh, Bryan invited some chick named Carol he has a crush on. Apparently she has beef with Lori… she didn't show I guess. You got a boyfriend yet?" Nick asked. Leni shook her head but remained silent. "Well let me tell you this; never fall in love with somebody who refuses to love themselves, they'll never love you back and it will always end in tragedy. That's what I did."_

" _Who was it? How did it end?" Leni asked. Nick leaned on close._

" _It's pretty loud down here. Wanna head upstairs where we can talk?" Nick asked. His eye twitched nervously._

" _No," Leni said, even though she could hardly hear herself over the music. "Lori said not to go upstairs with anyone."_

 _Nick laughed. "Good advice. A bunch of fucking horny dogs around here."_

" _But can you tell me where the bathroom is?" Leni asked._

" _Yeah. You consider us friends right?" Nick asked._

" _I guess…" Leni shrugged. Nick smiled._

" _Then you can use the bathroom in my room. It's the first door on the right." Nick said. Leni nodded. "I'll walk you to the bedroom door, so no creeps try to get in after you."_

 _Nick led her upstairs and Leni, trailing a few steps behind, glanced back at Lori who was staring right at her. Leni waved. Maybe Nick really wasn't bad - there was only one thing Leni wanted right now._

 _A friend._

 _But she would not find one in Nick. Leni entered the bathroom conjoined with Nick's dark room and shut the door behind her, and took care of her business. Leni washed her hands and opened the door leading back into Nick's room only to find the young man standing there._

" _You're beautiful Leni, you know that?" He said immediately. Something was different about him. The door leading back out to the hallway was closed, and with the dim lamp now on, Leni could see that it was locked. It was then that Leni noticed just how_ loud _the music was. "It's just so hot in here isn't it?"_

 _Nick unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants._

" _What are you doing?" Leni asked. Maybe it was just a thing he did when he got hot? Leni knew that wasn't the case but she would rather excuse this awkwardness than lose her only potential friend._

" _I fell in lo- no, in lust with somebody who I want to fuck so bad, but they don't even love themselves, they wouldn't let even me love them. It's gotta end in tragedy, only way to get what I want." Nick pulled down his pants and boxers a few inches, revealing his fully hardened member. "You could see my advance on you. You were to absorbed with your 'depression' to notice. Come on Leni, make it easy."_

" _No, it doesn't have to be this way" Leni shouted."We haven't even went on a date, or- or-"_

 _She took a few steps back as she tried to step around Nick, though Nick had every advantage in speed and strength. Leni backed into the bed, and Nick tumbled over her. He tried prying open her legs, but Leni kicked, scratched, and punched, anything to gain enough advantage to make it out of this room. Nick was already too deep in his friendzy to be harmed by her futile attacks. He slapped her - - hard._

 _The impact disoriented Leni long enough for Nick to regain control of the situation. Nick flipped Leni over onto her stomach, she felt her feet touch the ground as Nick bent her over the bed. He pinned her arms under her body, and weighed her down with his own body, making it hard for her to breathe. From her spot on the the bed Leni could see the alarm clock._

 _Eight-Forty. Lori said they would be gone by nine. She would definitely come looking for Leni, and she would tear Nick apart._

 _His hands gripped her thighs so tightly Leni thought there would be bruises the next morning._

" _God, you don't know how hard it's been restraining myself. It's your fault… tempting me." Nick grunted. He roughly pulled up Leni's skirt and ripped her panties off. Leni could feel himself positioning his penis for entry, all the while she begged him to stop._

 _And then he pushed himself in._

 _If it were possible to scream louder, Leni did, but it was no match for the music downstairs. But she still cried out. For help. For anyone at the party. For her parents… for Lori, who was right downstairs, to come and save her. Nick put a hand over her mouth as he roughly moved against her, exiting and entering at an increasingly feral rate. It hurt so bad Leni screamed under his hand until her throat became sore._

 _Leni remembered how when she was younger before any of her life had started going down hill, she would sometimes wake up screaming in the middle of the night, crying out because of her nightmares. Every time Lori would come over to her bed to cradle Leni, and sing to her until she went back to bed for the rest of the night._

 _As Nick raped her, Leni kept her eyes clenched shut as she wished it all to be a nightmare. Leni wanted to wake up six years old in her bed at home, cradled in Lori's loving arms. She wanted to be sung asleep, and when she awoke in the morning, she wanted everything for the past five years to be a bad dream._

 _When Leni opened her eyes they laid on the clock._

 _Eight-Forty one. Only one minute had passed. Leni's eyes widened as they landed on something further away, on the dresser few yards away. She sobbed even harder when she realized what it was. A camera, the small red dot signaling that the device was recording. Pointed in her direction._

 _It took a while, but Leni stopped sobbing so hard, tears still rolled down her face as she stared right into the lens of the camera. If anyone watched this, she_ wanted _them to know she didn't enjoy it. This wasn't her choice, and maybe whoever else saw this would get her the justice. Maybe Nick would realize whenever he later watched the video that he was something horrible._

 _But Nick was remorseless in his actions._

 _After another two minutes she felt Nick's member pulsing inside her, and fluids spewed forth inside her, with it, a new fear burgeoned within. Nick, Leni realized, wasn't afraid of any repercussions he could end up facing nine months down the line._

 _Nick breathed heavily for a moment before pulling out and stepping back a couple of steps. Leni brought her stiff arms from under her, and slowly pushed herself up. It was over. She just needed to go home, and tell Lori what happened. She would_ kill _Nick._

 _Nick picked up the camera and pushed Leni back down on the bed, this time on her back so she faced him. He sat the camera down on the bed and removed the rest of his clothing, and tore Leni's clothing of her small frame. Leni's started sobbing in full force again, but now it only seemed to make Nick angry._

" _Shut the fuck up!" He hissed. When Leni didn't stop he punched her in the stomach. "Say you want this, to the camera."_

" _No." Leni cried in between gasps. "I thou... I thought we… were friends. You don't have to do this."_

" _Just say it bitch, I don't like waiting. Say you want this." Nick growled._

 _An unexpected burst of energy flowed through Leni and she attacked him again, kicking him in the chest, scratching him. She tried scratching his eyes but Nick managed to catch her hands before her nails met their mark. He pinned her down, and stared deep into Leni's eyes._

" _No I won't say it.. I won't… I won't… I won't…" Leni repeated while shaking her head. She hated when people betrayed her, especially when they were almost her friend._

 _Nick grabbed Leni by the hair and pulled her up. Leni clenched her teeth until the pain was too great. Then she screamed, somebody has to hear her, that was her only hope._

" _Nobody is going to hear your, these walls are thick, and the music is loud. Just fucking say it, nobody will believe you anyways." Nick jerked Leni's head and jammed the camera in front of her face._

" _Lori will. She'll believe me and she'll hurt you. She'll make you pay." Leni spat. Nick pushed her down and paced around, furious Leni wasn't complying._

" _I don't want to fucking kill you but…" Nick said through gritted teeth. He put a hand to his face. Leni contemplated whether or not she could rush past him and out the door, but Nick already turned back towards her. "If you don't stop screaming and believably say that this is consensual to the the camera, I'll go down stairs and bring Lori up here and make you watch me fuck her…"_

 _He watched as Leni's expression turned to fear. She did_ not _want anyone - especially Lori - to get hurt. Leni covered her face with her hands as she silently wept. She was already used and abused, it wasn't worth it for Lori to suffer the same fate. When she made it out of this - if she made it out - Lori would be there to comfort her._

 _That was the only thought that allowed Leni to decide her choice and make through that night._

" _I'll do it." She croaked. Nick brought the camera closer as Leni wiped her eyes. She clear her throat several times before speaking. "My name is like, Leni Loud and I totes want this. What me and my, uh, boyfriend Nick are going to do. Sex"_

 _Nick waited a couple of seconds before speaking._

" _Good. Now I Just have to edit the video, but for now," Nick placed the camera back where it originally was, with a full view of the bed. "I can do anything I want."_

 _After that, time seemed to pass even slower. Leni distinctly remembered every thrust, every grab, every pull of the hair, but after a certain point things started to get fuzzy. The last thing she remembered be for blacking out was Nick's hands tightly wrapped around her neck and not being able to breathe._

 _When Leni came to her senses she was still in Nick's room, but the music had stopped and the older boy was nowhere to be seen. The house was eerily silent. It hurt to turned her head but Leni did so anyways, there was something she had to know._

 _Twelve-twenty a.m._

 _Her dad was going to kill her. It took her a moment, but Leni managed to get up and gather her discarded costume, but she had to hold it together with her own hands to prevent them from falling back down. She was pitiful._

 _As She crept through the house, Leni saw the party had long since ended, and Nick was nowhere to be seen. Lori never came for Leni, and instead left. Maybe she thought Leni had gone home early? Her phone had died so there was no way she could call for a ride. Leni left the house and headed home._

 _It took Leni longer than she would have like to find her own house, but she had to muddle through the pain her legs and body were in, and the whole way she was wary of Nick out looking for her._

 _When Leni arrived the front porch light was still on for her. Leni got the spare key from under one of the potted plants, and unlocked the door. She closed it quietly after entering and locked it behind her. She looked around and saw no one, they had no reason to_ want _to wait up for her._

 _Leni wanted to collapse now that she was safe from Nick, but she couldn't just yet. His hands could still be felt on Leni's skin._

 _Leni hobbled up the stairs as quietly as possible. She got a towel and a rag. She snuck in her room to get a new panties and bra, consider Nick ruined the ones she was wearing. She could make out Lori's sleeping form and even in her dreamland Lori looked angry._

 _She went into the bathroom, wetting the rag and wiping herself off; a bath or shower would make too much noise. Leni couldn't look at herself in the mirror. She couldn't look at her matted hair, or the bruise around her neck, or the other bruises spotted around her body - how ugly she was. At least it was sweater weather, so wearing long sleeves and a scarf wouldn't be out of place this time of year._

 _Leni got dressed and gathered up her dirty costume, carrying it away to throw it away in the trash can outside. There were no more tears for Leni to shed so she just went to bed. She slept through the whole of Sunday, and only woken when Lori woke her for school on Monday._

" _Leni, Leni! Get up right now. We have school" Lori said furiously. Leni wanted to scream at Lori to stop since her body was already in blazing pain, but Leni didn't have the energy. She got up, and went to school._

 _After Monday it was Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday. Suddenly Leni found it had been a week and she didn't have the courage to tell Lori, maybe because her sister had been unusually angry the whole week. When Sunday came around, Leni finally had the courage, but it didn't go as expected._

" _Lori, I need to tell you something about Nick and me. Like, H-"_

" _Shush, Leni." Lori commanded with a frustrated undertone. " I don't want to hear it."_

 _Leni thought it was just a bad day but every time she brought it up the response was the same._

" _I don't want to hear it."_

" _I don't care."_

" _Leni shut up. I don't care what you have to say."_

" _Stop talking to me"_

 _Eventually Leni asked if she had done something wrong and Lori said 'yes', but wouldn't tell Leni what._

 _It had been two weeks after the assault, and Leni was scared. The sex was unprotected and Leni wasn't on the pill (she didn't think she would have to be) so she did the only thing she thought reasonable._

 _She stole twenty dollars from Lori and got a pregnancy test. Leni followed the instructions exactly as they were printed on the box, and after an extended length of time in the bathroom, Leni dropped to the floor when the two pink lines appeared on the test._

 _She couldn't do it. She couldn't raise a child when the father was a man who raped her, and when her family had been treating her as an outcast for a while now._

 _Her life was over and this was the final straw. Leni wasn't fit to be a single mother - all the kids at school who called her a 'whore' or 'slut' now had all the evidence they needed._

 _What she needed right now was somebody to tell her it was going to be alright, but even though her loud sobs could be heard, nobody came to comfort their crying sister._

 _Leni curled up on the floor and hugged herself - pretend her own arms were Lori's arms comforting her, and that her older sister was whispering calming words in her ear._

 _But it wasn't enough, and it was then that Leni decided there was no other way out. A week later was the day Leni decide she would die, the day before her birthday. Nobody would know about Nick, and nobody would know about her unborn child - and Leni found that she prefered it that way._

 _. . ._

When Leni finished her tale she found tears falling from her eyes and she was lying sideways on the lounge-chair. Dr. Hudson gave her a moment to herself.

"So Leni, you're telling me that right now you are four months pregnant?" Dr. Hudson asked. His tone remained unjudging, and Leni was silently thankful for that.

"No," Leni sniffed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. Dr. Hudson offered her a tissue. "After Carol saved me I took more money from Lori and got two more tests. Like, both were negative. I think the first one was wrong."

Dr. Hudson nodded and took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. "Leni, I think you need to grieve."

"... What do you mean?" Leni sat up slowly.

"Everything has been happening to you quickly. You were bullied. Raped. Had a pregnancy scare. You need time to grieve, for yourself. It's not a bad thing to cry over the bad that has happened. Even now, your reactions are tame. I'm afraid it will get the better of you." answered. "You need to come to terms with what happened. You're avoiding it. Underestimating the atrocities."

"I can't cry until it's over. I need your help with a problem first. Nick." Leni looked down. "He destroyed Carol's locker. Outed her as gay, she owned up to it. She didn't lose friends like we all expected but Carol was super pissed about it. Like, Nick wanted me to take the blame."

"And did you?"

"Yes." Leni answered. "Nick said he would release the video if I didn't. I love Carol, but I guess the principal didn't tell her yet. I need to stand up for myself. "

"So why not tell Carol? About your assault? Even if you aren't ready to cry about it, having someone there for you is pivotal in your repair."

"She would be disgusted. I know it, I lied and said I never had sex before. I'm going to talk with Nick, and reach a compromise. He edited the video to where it looks like I agreed to everything and he didn't hurt me. He's using it to blackmail me." Leni paused for a moment. "He's like the boy version of Carol. Like, six months older but mean. And not as rich. I think if Lori wasn't dating Bobby she would be dating him. What do I do Doc?"

Dr. Hudson scribbled down some notes furiously, his brows burrowing once or twice. Suddenly, his eyes flicked up to meet Leni's.

"You know it's a felony to blackmail in the state, punishable by a fine of up ten-thousand and a maximum of four years in prison. Consider that the sexual assault was recorded, you were sixteen and at the same time he was eighteen, he could be charged with child pornography. A minimum of fifteen years of imprisonment. If you were to go to a police and they find the video, he's out of your life." Dr. Hudson studied Leni for a moment. "But you don't want that."

"He'd be so old by time he got out. He l is all his mom has left. I couldn't do that do someone. Even if they were totes evil." Leni said.

"Leni, it appears that your altruism is getting the better of you. People such as this Nick fellow are beyond changing due to mere words." Dr. Hudson let his words sink in for a moment.

"But like, if I do like… lock him up and…" Leni struggled to say what she wanted to. She brought her hands up to her temples and huffed.

"You think that if you were at fault for his punishment, that it would be just as bad as what he did to you." Dr. Hudson stated. Leni nodded, still looking melancholy at her situation. " I know you've 'cried' over it, I know you are depressed, and I definitely know right now you're repressing the immensity of the actions taken against you. It's going to catch up to you. A proper grieving is in order. Why haven't you told Lori now that you are closer?"

"Nick is a totes good friend of hers. How would she feel knowing I got him put away?" Leni asked.

"How would she feel knowing that be raped her little sister?" Dr. Hudson countered. Leni's face scrunched under the struggled to commute a refutation.

"Just tell me what I need to do to deal with him." Leni said. Dr. Hudson shook his head.

"It's entirely up to you, but promise me this Leni, be careful. If Nick hurt you once before, he'll do it again. If you do not wish to tell law enforcement, tell your girlfriend. Tell your sister. They seem to be the ones who matter most to you. Get to them before Nick does." Dr. Hudson stressed. In all his years he had never known anyone so fiercely addicted to kindness that they'd sacrifice their wellbeing even for her rapist.

Leni rubbed her arm nervously, he didn't seem to understand just how much Leni didn't want to share it with anyone.

"He has 'proof' though… like… I don't think anything I say to them is believable." Leni said. "Plus Carol will know I lied to her. She hates it's so much when I lie."

"So it's about lying about having sex before?" Dr. Hudson asked.

"I guess. I've been totes open with her about a lot of things but this one is the only one I want to stay secret. I can't risk it." Leni checked the time on her phone - - sighing and rubbing her eyes. " And our time is up."

"If you ever need to talk before our next meeting you have my number. And please, call me before you do anything regarding this Nick fellow. People like him are dangerous." Dr. Hudson requested. "You are not alone. Just remember that."

"Thanks Doc, for being here for me. You've really helped" Leni stood up.

"Don't think I forgot about the tale you've told me. Next week we'll be going in depth." The doctor said. Leni let out a clearly fake sigh and smiled back.

"Wouldn't expect anything less doc. See you next week!" Leni said. She gave a short wave and headed towards the door.

"And Leni," The psychiatrist said as soon as she opened the door. Leni looked back.

"You can't decide what other people feel. Only they can. Whether they get disgusted or not at what you've been through determines who really loves you, but you'll never know that, unless of course, they know what you've been through. Remember that." Dr. Hudson said.

"I'll remember, and I'll play it safe too." Leni winked as she left, feeling as elated as she did every time she left the office.

She walked back down to the lobby where Carol was waiting.

"Your eyes are red, were you crying?" Carol asked.

"No," Leni lied. "It's just my allergies. Lots of dust in there."

Leni started thinking of a plan, a plan to make Nick understand that she wasn't going to be a part of his misdoings. Talking to Nick _had_ to be the solution. There was literally no other way to deal with the problem without violence, or actively holding the unedited video in her hands.

" _He liked me enough to want to have sex with me,"_ Leni thought delusionally. " _Then he has enough feelings for me to listen."_

But Dr. Hudson made her doubt if that would work, so she would start planning a contingency plans - - one that would be forced into action if everything went to hell.

All Leni had to do was get a particular person on board with it, so if Leni had already lost everything, there was a slim chance Nick would get fucked in the process if everything went right. And Leni wouldn't be there to take part in it. Leni smiled as her backup plan came together.

"You're smiling weird." Carol said. Leni turned to face Carol and kisses her.

"It's because I just keep realizing how much I love. And it's totes amazing." Leni said. "Like all my problems are close the being over. Can I ask you something? Can you teach me how to like… convince people like you do."

Carol smiled and patted her on the back before launching into a long oration about talking. Dr. Hudson helped Leni with her issues with just talking. Leni thought she could the the same. She knew that Carol wouldn't like it if the truth got out, and Lori would be sad to lose Nick as a friend. It was her duty to prevent that.

Dr. Hudson would always end up being right. Leni really should stop trying to determine other's feelings for them and grieve for her own losses, but her stubbornness for would get the better of her.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait for such a mediocre chapter - - I've been busy but I'm back on track now. We're about half way through, if not a bit more than that; Flightless Bird will pick up when this is over if enough people are still interested on it, otherwise I'll pick a prompt from my list. All I know is we need more LenixCarol fanfics so I'll try and update this faster.**

The drive to the lake was by far the longest drive of Leni's life - - they hadn't even left the driveway yet.

Lori picked up Bobby, Carol drove over in her car, and they all planned to carpool in the van. Lori was frantically checking everything to make sure something vital to a good time didn't get left behind; she had promised that this would be a trip to remember.

"What are you guys doing all the way back there? Move on up and join the conversation." Lori said as she jumped in to the driver seat.

Leni was seated in the very back of the van, Carol seated right next to her. A small part of the reason Leni chose to sit back here was because Lori would _only_ talk about Leni's feelings and problems (even around the other siblings); the bigger part of the reason though was because Lori had taken the liberty to invite Nick and his girlfriend - - they were going to be a part of this damned carpool and it was an hour and a half drive to the lake. At least Lori was trying her hardest to make it a good time - Leni had to at least give her credit for that..

"Alright, everyone ready?" Lori glanced at them as she backed out of the driveway. "Good, now just one more stop to get some friends."

"Wait, I thought it was just going to be us?" Carol asked.

"Nope, my friends Nick and his girlfriend Dana are coming. Both good friends of mine." Lori answered.

"Dana's cool." Bobby said. "Nick I'm not sure about. He seems kinda sketchy to me… licks his lips a lot..."

Leni's ears perked up. She didn't know Bobby felt that way, but it was welcoming knowing she wasn't alone in her thoughts.

"Oh quit being jealous Boo-Boo Bear, he convinced me to talk to you for the first time. And look at us now! Also he's taken the liberty of inviting Bryan… if that's alright with you." Lori directed to Carol.

"It's fine. He wasn't _really_ a boyfriend anyways. Me and him are totes cool." Carol said, unwittingly using Leni's favorite word.

"Good," Lori grinned. "You won't be the only with an ex in the van."

"Who's the other?" Carol asked. Both Bobby and Leni were left wondering the same thing; Dana and Bryan maybe?

"I won't tell, but this will be the perfect chance for getting them to talk it out." Lori giggled. Leni couldn't remember the last time she saw Lori so bubbly. It was contagious.

"It's going to be totes fun. Nick's cool. And Bryan texts me sometimes." Leni said, causing Carol to glance at her. "I give him tips on getting girls. He's a totes good kid, we're actually kinda good friends now."

The other three teens laughed.

"What? What happened?" Leni asked.

"You giving dating tips? You literally could use some yourself." Lori answered.

"Ha, yeah… I know." Leni said nervously. Carol gently patted her on the back.

"I think you're doing alright. They're just jealous of what we have." If Carol was expecting a supporting response for Lori, she got fire and fury instead. It was a battle between each trying to prove they had the superior relationship, though Leni's could tell Lori was stepping on eggshells trying to leave Leni's problems out of it.

Lori pulled up to Nick's house, the three teens they were there to pick up were already waiting, bags in hand. Leni looked up at the newcomers the same time Nick looked up from his phone and the two made direct eye contact - - when the smile spread across his face Leni smiled right back. She wasn't going to show weakness any longer.

"Aye Leni, long time no see am I right? And your hair is… is green?" Nick said as he hopped in the van, he sat right next to Carol, filling the back row. Dana and Bryan took to the seats in the middle row. Carol shifted uncomfortably, not liking how close this boy she just met was to her.

"Shouldn't you be up a row? Next to your ' _girlfriend'_?" Leni asked. She said 'girlfriend' just a little bit more sarcastically than she wanted, but she had doubt in her mind that Nick really had any feeling for Dana in the first place.

"Chill it Leni, we're here for a good time, not any drama over boyfriends and girlfriend." Lori claimed with unsaid but just as apparent accusations towards Leni. Leni had no thoughts of what Lori meant by drama, it was just a genuine question.

"We're all friends here y'all," Nick said. "Let's just enjoy the ride and do what teens do."

The rest of the ride was mordant. Leni kept her few words to no one Carol, but occasionally Nick would ask her a question, or bring up some menial past memory the two shared ages ago. One part of Leni wanted to announce that Nick was a rapist to the rest of the group and see how it went but she didn't give it much of a second thought afterwards. This was going to be put to rest silently and peacefully.

"So Leni, I was planning to go to college in the city, the on-"

"The one where Bobby's cousins live?" Lori asked.

"Yeah, anyways, I want to take you there sometime so I can show you something special; we're turning our eyes to the future. Two weeks though. We gotta wait two weeks… cause legal processes but I am _so_ excited." Carol said. Leni wondered what that something special was but it must have meant a lot to Carol, the older girl didn't like going too far from home and she never took Leni to the bigger city before.

"Now that I'm getting professional psychological help, I can like… start planning what I want to do in life. Does Burpin' Burger for the next forty years count?" Leni inquired. Carol pretended to support Leni's joke while Nick leaned forward and rested his chin on tightly clasped fists as he felt a blistering migraine coming along.

' _She's seeing a professional…'_ Nick bit a knuckle as he thought, trying to keeping his seething rage pent up - - for now. ' _They'll get everything out of her… I'm fucked.'_

His knuckles turned white and his brow furrowed as the intensity of his thoughts went up. The rape was just a 'heat of the moment' thing, an opportunity that he saw so he took it. That did not mean he had no control himself; Nick knew exactly what he was doing when he raped her. Nick took a quick glance an Leni, taking into account how skinny she was, he could probably strangle her easily, and it would be even easier to cut her up and hide her where no one would find her. _She_ was _his_ and this problem had to be solved.

But then there would be heat on him and sooner or later he would get caught. Suicide was the option he was hoping for, and according to Lori, Leni did almost end her own life once before.

He _could_ push her that far again, before she let it out what he did to her. Nick had already groomed Lori well; the oldest Loud didn't know she was in the palm of his hand, but even so, Nick was was incapable of breaking the bond of family himself. He glanced at Leni, then Lori, then Carol. All Lori needed was a nudge in the right direction and Leni would come untangled.

Carol said two weeks before her surprise for Leni. All Nick needed was one week- - maybe even a couple of days, as long as he could cast Leni back to the depths of despair before the special moment Carol was excited for. All Nick knew is that his greatest mistake and greatest blessing was falling in love with Leni Loud and he would have to make it right. He was going place the straw the would break the camel's back, only this time the broken camel would kill themselves.

"Everything alright babe?" Dana asked, reaching over the seat to gently touch Nick's shoulder.

"Yeah, just thinking about _our_ future…" Nick said, though he didn't even want to be with Dana. He was determined now, the only way to live unrestrained was without Leni in this world.

He didn't regret one thing he ever did to Leni, but she was all he could ever think about - even when he held Dana in his arms he could only think of the bleach blonde teen.

Nick had once met with a psychiatrist when he was younger (he _had_ to, the elementary school had demanded it, unless he wanted to be expelled). He hated that woman. She described him as having "sociopathic tendencies,' and a slight 'obsessive' personality.

He made a quite a bit of friends so he wasn't sociopathic. He just wasn't ashamed to act fake or manipulate people. And he definitely wasn't obsessive. He didn't get jealous if Dana had other friends that were boys.

But if there was one thing Nick wanted there to be no confusion about, it was that Leni would either be his or no one's.

. . .

Even if Nick was there and Leni was fearful being in a revealing swimsuit would entice the man to attack her, she was having more fun than she expected - - besides the time she nearly drowned while being attacked by an aggressive fish.

Bobby held Leni's legs firmly as she sat resting on his shoulders. He waded through shallow zone of the lake near the pier, soaking in the radiant atmosphere of the bright day.

"Don't drop me, like, remember there are fish here. I don't want to be attacked… again." Leni said.

"Aren't the big fish way out there though. Like deep under the lake?" Bobby asked, even though he knew he told Leni the fish would not get her multiple times before. Leni just rolled her eyes.

"They have to come up for air sometime you know? I totes promise I was really attacked by a huge one earlier, probably a shark..." Leni was entirely sure her life has been at stake, though Bobby just laughed at her.

"Did you just say what I think you said? Sharks?" Carol asked, floating lazily in the water.

"You guys just don't understand fish like I do." Leni grunted, these teens just kept exasperating her. She looked back further down the shore where Lori, Nick, Dana, and Bryan were walking along the bank of the lake. The later two were trailing behind to give Lori and her friend some space.

"Man, ever since Nick had to discuss that 'importantly urgent' thing with Lori they've been talking since we got here. It's a total bummer man…" Bobby whined when he glanced where Leni was looking.

"Is Nick her secret lover? " Carol asked.

"No, _I_ wouldn't let it happen. Lori would never leave her Bobby Boo-Boo Bear." Leni answered. Bobby grunted but it was uncertain to Leni whether he agreed or disagreed. "He's just her really good friend. Like, if you ever have a disagreement with Nick, you can assume Lori would take his side."

"Oh... He seems alright I guess, but we came here to swim, not for half of us to walk around and talk." Carol muttered. Silence filled the air between them for a moment, neither of the teens knowing what to discuss that they hadn't already.. "How far deep do you think this lake goes?"

"Totes deep, and you aren't going down there. I read that there's like, brain eating bacteria in the mud down there." Leni shuddered. Bobby waded further into the water until it was up to his chest. "Like, they get in through your tear ducts."

"Maybe I should get infected. It would be funny to see you pushing little ol' me all around town in a wheelchair, driving me, feeding me dinner... You'd have to do all the work next time we have sex." Carol joked.

"Wait, you guys had sex b-" Bobby started.

"Besides the point Bob." Leni cut him off. "you would still be precious to me but wouldn't you be dead if your brain goes de-"

Leni was cutoff as a heavy force plowed into her from behind, knocking the air out of her lungs and sending her small frame flailing into the water. Leni was senselessly floating under the water - until she opened her eyes to gather her bearings but was shocked at what was before her, an abnormally large bass staring her right in the face.

If there was any air in her lungs Leni would have screamed, instead she furiously kicked back towards to surface. Nick and Bryan were in water, and Lori and Dana were standing on pm the pier next to them, all laughing.

"Who the fuck did that?" Leni growled, not meaning to let the curse fly from her mouth... but she did not come here to have people laugh at her, that period of her life was over. Bobby didn't appear too happy about being knocked over either.

"Watch your language," Lori snapped. "It was just an accident… I want this to be a good time..."

"Nah it was my bad," Nick apologized. "I should have watched where I was diving. We good Leni?"

"Totes fine…" Leni rubbed her lower back and scowled at him. Lori sighed.

"I guess no better time than now…" Lori muttered under her breath. "Hey Bobby, Bryan, can you guys get the cooler from the car? And Carol and Dana, I didn't see you two put on sunscreen and we've been here over half an hour. Come on."

Lori dragged her two friends out of the water, Leaving a sore Leni with Nick as Bobby and Bryan walked away. Leni sat on the shore as Nick dove swiftly a couple of times through the cold water until everyone else was out of earshot.

"I asked Lori to get us time to talk alone. That's why she had such shitty excuses to get the others away." Nick said, leaving Leni rolling her eyes. "So… I understand that you're getting professional help, right?"

"Yep." Leni said nonchalantly. "I didn't tell him what you did to me. I could though, or maybe, I _should_ though."

Nick's eyes burned into Leni as he got on the shore next to her.

"It's recorded that you said it was consensual."

"Like, you keep threatening me." Leni drew figures in the sand, keeping her eyes off Nick. "I'm not scared of you. You're just a totes big bully like everyone else."

"Sometimes I regret that night." Nick muttered, causing Leni to lightened up. She knew he was good at heart, even just a little. "I regret deciding not to kill you."

Immediately Leni's small pool of respect for him drained completely.

"I know. A while ago _I_ regret you didn't, but things changed. You got Dana and I got Carol, you'll be graduated and out in the world a couple of months and I'll have my own world in highschool. This… like, fight between us is totes tiring." Leni said.

"But you're right; this is getting old. It's time we move past it, our future is in front of us!" Nick passionately stated, throwing his hands out in front himself - the grandiose of his future visions as deep as the lake. Nick clenched his fists, and turned to face Leni. "I wanna make you a plan- I mean deal. No more plans, or schemes. I wanted do more horrible things and make you take part it then but…"

Nick paused for a moment, leaving Leni skeptical that he _really_ wanted to make amends. He ran a hand through his wavy hair and scratched his neck.

"Ok so here's the proposition. I will never, ever, threaten you with the video again. I won't actively go out of my way to fuck up your life or relationship or whatever you got going on." Nick paused a moment - - there was always a catch. "But, if somebody comes up to me and explicitly asks about you and I, I'll show them the video if they explicitly ask for it. It will not be sent or shown to anyone otherwise."

Well, there was nobody who knew about the affair between the two teens so there would be no reason for anyone to pry into Leni's past. But Nick would always be a devious asshole, Leni didn't trust his deal as much as she wished she could. Leni looked out over the emerald lake - if only Nick had his phone Leni could snatch it and throw it as far as she could info the lake and solve everything.

"But what else? That's too good to be true." Leni stated. She eyed Nick as he stood up.

"Can I get a kiss?" Nick daringly asked. Leni was taken aback by is insane request. Nick chuckled. "Can I get a hug then?"

Nick held his arms out wide, but when Leni turned him down again he smiled widely.

"I thought you liked it when I press my body against yours. I see you're not one for physical contact." Nick beamed. It was ironic he said that especially after what he did. He held out a hand. "At least an handshake though if we want the deal to be in order."

Leni tentatively shook his hand and Nick nodded.

"I wanna at least be on a neutral level of respect with you. Me and Lori are friends, you and Bryan are friends. We should be the tightest group of friends, like the shit you see in the movies." Nick started walking over to the rest of their group. "Come on. Let's go get something to eat, as friends instead of enemies."

"I can't eat before swimming, totes bad. Bryan is going to teach me how to swim like a pro." Leni said.

Leni got up and trailed behind Nick, smiling behind his back. Leni wasn't as stupid as he thought. If _he_ betrayed _her,_ then Leni would get back at him. In a big way. He had Lori wrapped his fingers, but Nick was too blind to see Leni wrapping Bryan around hers - - though Leni wasn't even manipulating him, literally. She was befriending him.

' _Hey Bryan if Nick exposes me will you search through his phone for me and send me a certain video to expose him back?'_

' _Will you help me get a girlfriend?'_

' _I'm totes not joking.'_

' _Help me get a girlfriend and I'll do anything you want."_

That had been the short conversation between the two less than a month ago once he and Leni became friends. As far as Leni was aware Bryan never told Nick, the young man making it clear over time his and Nick's relationship had deteriorated a while ago; Bryan never denounced Nick as a friend because he didn't want to be lonely anymore, something

It wouldn't even be getting back at Nick at that point. It would be bringing Nick's ship down with her's. Leni laughed audibly at the thought of her family and few friends attending her funeral, and Lori getting up to deliver the eulogy.

' _I'm so sorry Leni, I should have listened to you about Nick.'_ Lori would say. And Nick would have a front row seat at the proceeding, in handcuffs with burly police officers on either side. Not that Leni _wanted_ him to go to prison. In her fantasy vision, Nick would be taken to 'Rapist Rehab' and there the young man would be converted into a better member of society. After he changed Ghost-Leni would visit him and forgive him.

"What's up with you Len-Len? Something funny?" Nick asked. Leni just shrugged and shook her head.

"Nope, just thinking."

"Me too… I was thinking the scars on your legs make you ugly. For future reference, you should keep them covered, nobody wants to see them." Nick remarked.

Yeah, Leni really hoped the deal they made would last. She could _not_ stand seeing him any longer.

. . .

Carol stumbled behind Lori as she got pulled behind the girl. She looked over her shoulder at her girlfriend, sitting on the shore as Nick swam around in circles.

"Here, spread out these blankets." Lori threw a blanket at both Carol and Dana. "Nick said he needed to talk to Leni alone. It'll be good for them."

Carol's hair stood on end and Dana raised a brow. Lori rolled her eyes.

"Remember how I literally said you and Bryan wouldn't be the only exes here? Well Nick and Leni have history, and oh boy it's a story." Lori tossed her hands up in exasperation.

"What's the story?" Carol felt a chill run through her, never before had she heard about anything of the sort. Lori shook her head.

"It goes way back to like the September-October-November times of last year. Literally to this day, Leni has not told me a single word about it. You should hear it from her." Lori said.

"Why'd you bring it up if you aren't going to tell us?" Carol retorted.

"I wanna know too, I like Leni. If Nick broke her heart I want to make him pay." Dana said. "Leni is too sweet to get her heart broken."

"Nick and Leni dated?" Bryan asked as he and Bobby carried the cooler full of drinks over. He looked almost nervous.

"Wait, what?" Bobby inquired. Lori facepalmed.

"Look, just ask Leni about. If she doesn't tell you about it, then I will. Trust me, you might be a little surprised by it, and believe me when I say I was about ready to beat the snot out of Nick, and I did end up mad at Leni, but ask Leni. It's honestly not that bad but..." Lori said, pulling out a fun-sized bag of chips. "Nick wanted me to tell you to ask him, but since you and Leni are dating its best you ask her. Let me make this clear, nobody but Carol say anything."

Carol looked over at her girlfriend to see Nick offering her a hug. Carol let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding when Leni declined the hug, instead choosing to shake his hand.

' _But why though?'_ Carol thought. It filled her with uneasiness to see Leni hanging out with an ex-boyfriend Carol didn't even know the younger girl even had. ' _She's forgiving him for breaking up with her maybe?'_

That didn't make it sit well any better with Carol though. Leni should have told her, but then again Leni had her reasons even though Carol didn't agree with them. Carol glanced back at Leni to see her laugh and smile with Nick as the walked over. What was this feeling? Jealousy?

' _I'm not jealous… she's already_ my _girlfriend.'_ Carol thought. She was above petty emotions like jealousy. ' _Nick's just kinda on my dislike side now.'_

Leni walked up behind her and massaged her shoulders.

"You look totes stressed Carebear. You'll get, like, acne if you don't relax." Leni advised. Carol raised a brow. "Like, you know that I won't date somebody with too much acne."

Carol chuckled and glanced around. Nick was digging through the ice in the cooler to find a suitable drink while the others kept sparing quick glanced toward her, as if they were expecting Carol to question Leni on the spot.

"What are you staring at?" Carol snapped furiously, did they really expect her to deal with personal business in public? They turned immediately and continued to inconspicuously stay in tuned into the conversation. Carol put her hands on Leni's and pulled the younger girl closer.

"Is something wrong?" Leni asked. Carol smirked slyly.

"No. Just wondering if you wanted to go to prom with me. It's in two months so you got a lot of time to decide, but nobody at school knows it's you who's dating me. It would be a nice time for you to come out." Carol broke the embrace and held Leni at an arm's length.

"Of course silly why would I say no?" Leni giggled.

"I don't know, maybe you have a secret lover?" Carol joked. The rest of the teens though thought she meant Nick, Leni was the only one who laughed.

"You're my first and last 'lover'. We go totes good together so Prom is like, the best thing." Leni responded.

' _I might not be the first…'_ Carol felt an emptiness inside her chest grow, but she kissed Leni hard anyways and the feeling dissappeared. ' _But I'm most definitely the best.'_

"You wanna learn some swimming styles with me? Bryan is going to teach me." Leni asked. Carol tilted her head as Leni pleaded, her eyes sparkling.

Carol couldn't shake the feeling that these swim lessons were going end up with Leni panicking about getting attacked by fish again.

"Sure, I could learn a thing or two." Carol said.

"I'm gonna join y'all," Nick said as he walked over. Carol managed to catch Leni's eye twitch at the young man's suggestion. "You swimin' too babe?"

Dana shook her head. Carol didn't care (at least she wouldn't admit to herself she cared a whole lot) why Nick and Leni broke up, but just seeing Leni stand close to Nick bolstered the uneasy feeling in her chest. Carol put herself in between Nick and Leni, then pulled her girlfriend closer.

' _They probably just brushed hands once. If it's all true I'll let Leni know she shouldn't have kept it secret,'_ Carol thought. ' _But then again, how bad could it be?'_ '

.


	18. 18 (Unfinished Chapter)

**New A/N: Sorry to spam you all with notifications of all the chapters I posted tonight. This Chapter is one that didn't appear the first time that I** **published this story, but i'm adding it anyways. This is it, the final chapter of the Old Version of Regrets, but the rewrite will go more indepth and continue beyond where this story ended. I was going to scrap this chapter, but i thought I might as well add it anyways. Favorite and Review this fanfiction, but dont follow, this story isn't getting updated anymore, follow the rewrite titled Regret. Reviews and Favorites really motivate me to work harder on this fanfiction. Also, if anyone of you make any Carol/Leni fanfictions, it would be appreciated. If you're looking for a quick overview/summary of the story without having to read it all again, this is a reminder the check out the T.V. Tropes page, it gives a pretty good run down of the story. Once again, sorry for the grammatical errors, I did not go back and edit any of the chapters posted in this story like I did last time. I think that was all i had to say, Ill see you all in the rewrite.**

' _I literally just told them you were a little sad and they should cheer you up,'_ Lori had said once Leni inquired about it at a later time. ' _It's nothing they wouldn't do for anyone else in the family.'_

Leni had calmly dealt with them as they did their own hobbies in Lincoln's tiny room; Leni was actually having a good time, she forgot how fun it was to get caught up in the strange antics of her big family.

Leni checked her phone hoping to see a new message from Carol. When Leni had visited Dr. Hudson that morning, he was in awe of how bubbly and jumpy a happy Leni was. Even if it had been four days since Lori organized the trip to the lake, Leni was still basking in the radiance of the bright day. To make things even better, Carol bought Leni a big bouquet of flowers before driving her to the therapy appointment.

The doctor had requested that Leni have a couple more sessions with him because he still had some worries, but she politely declined, he had already done so much for her and she would not impose any longer.

The natural ecstasy pumping through Leni's veins from her session persisted through the rest of the day… It was the only thing that prevented Leni having a mental breakdown as nearly all her siblings crowded in Lincoln's room asking for her input on everything and anything they could think of..

' _Leni what color do you think looks good on Sam?'_

' _I need more mud, can you help me get some Leni?'_

' _Wow Leni, this comic is amazing! What else do you think we could add for the next part of the story?'_

' _Hey Leni, what do you call a designer with an depressive disorder?'_

That last one has made Leni come to a realization that Lori most likely snitched, and now all the siblings were coddling her becar now so that it would be an even bigger surprise when the big reveal came. When her phone screen lit up with the coming of a text, Leni smiled.

" _On my way you better be ready for a date girlie"_

A wide grin sloppily spread itself across Leni's face. Carol didn't tell her they were going on a date but there was something about Carol being spontaneous that turned Leni on. She had to take a shower, get her hair and nails done, find a nice dress…

" _I'll be there in two minutes"_

Leni only glanced at the message before she jumped off Lincoln's bed and soared over the heads of her siblings.

"I have a date guys!" Leni called to her confused siblings as she made her way out the room.

She almost made it to the stairs until a gentle weeping sound coming from the twins' room stopped her in her tracks. Leni was faced with the dilemma of helping her crying sibling or getting ready for her date. In the end she chose to get ready.

' _One of the other siblings will help her…'_ Leni thought, but once she reached the bottom step. Her desicion was attacked by her righteous consciousness. 'Remember what you went through? Don't let Lola experience that.'

The fact that it was Lola (considering the other twin was in Lincoln's room it made since for it to be her, Leni guessed) made Leni nervous to offer any help. Ever since that fateful day that Lola blew up on Leni and both Lynn and Lori ended up scolding her, Lola had not spoken a single word to Leni.

Leni begrudgingly walked back up the stairs, hoping that another sibling would take action before Leni got there - they did not.

Leni opened the door. It was only about five in the evening, but the room was dark like it was midnight outside. The only source of light was nightlight in the middle of the room. Leni flipped the lightswitch, revealing Lola in a tee-shirt and jeans with tears rolling down her face. Leni's arrival did nothing to get the fashion diva to look up from the piece of paper she held in her small hand.

Leni sat down beside the crying girl and noticed all of Lola's dresses piled In front of the closet. Lola folded the paper so Leni wouldn't look at it.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Leni asked. She wrapped an arm around Lola and expected the girl to bite her head off. She was surprised when Lola just sniffled.

"It's not important." Lola muttered and rubbed her eyes.

"It's important to me." Leni whispered. Lola started to cry again before explaining the situation.

"A boy I really liked said he wrote me a love letter. He told me to wait until I got home to open a-and i-i-it's-" Lola started sobbing uncontrollably again and Leni hugged her tightly and took the paper from her sister's hands.

' _Your dresses are dumb and ugly'_

Leni crumpled the paper and put it in her pocket. Lola was only in what? The first grade? She shouldn't have to deal with bullies yet, or ever. Leni sat Lola on her lap and cradled her.

"It's alright sweetie. You're beautiful, don't let anyone tell you anything different ok?" Leni tried consoling. She held onto Lola for a minute until the girl calmed down.

"My dresses are ugly I'm throwing them away!" Lola stated. Leni let go of her, and cupped her young face.

"Then I'll just make you the most, like, beautiful dresses. Even all the queens and princesses will be totes jealous." Leni offered.

"Well I don't want you to. I don't want dresses."

"Then what do you want?" Leni asked.

"Nothing! No dresses, no skirts, I don't want anything from you!" Lola spat bitterly. "I don't know why I let you read the note anyways."

Leni shrank away from the tempered girl and kept her hand to herself… she really should have just prepared herself for the date instead. Lola refused to look at her older sister while she sniffled. Leni couldn't find it within herself to leave without making sure Lola was happier and better than when Leni entered the room.

"Like, why do you hate me so much Lola? Did I do something wrong?" Leni asked. Sure her relations with the other siblings were alright for now but Leni couldn't bear the thought of having a nonexistent relationship with Lola as they grew older.

Lola shifted uncomfortably under the immense weight of Leni's question. The young girl tightly gripped her bed sheets until her knuckles turned white, then she relaxed them and unscrunched her small face.

"I don't hate you… it's just… I don't know. It's a lot of things I guess." Leni wrapped her arm around Lola again. "Everybody is nice to you and think you're _so_ pretty. Your always so happy and have a cute girlfriend… I get… I just get mean notes."

Lola cast her eyes down towards her dresses, and Leni felt herself heat up.

"It's like, happened before?" Leni asked.

"No…" Lola sniffled. "Well, one time he did say that he likes me but my dresses were to bright… a-and now he doesn't like my dresses at all…"

Leni managed to shift the younger girl on to her lap, gently rocking her back and forth.

"Well, like, not everyone is nice to me. There's boys and girls at school who like to pick on me sometimes and it really hurts my feelings. And i'm not happy all the time, actually I was totes sad all the time and liked to cry." In an instant Lola's tears dried up and she glared straight through Leni.

"What? And why didn't you tell any of us!" Lola looked ready to rip through whoever made her older sister cry.

"Well, like, I didn't want to worry you guys about it and I didn't think you guys would care...:" Leni said. Lola's look of disappointment grew at Leni's revelation. "But I wish I did. I should of stood up for myself. And you know what? You totes should. You are Lola frickin' Loud the beauty queen, if some unstylish boy want to pick on you, he's going to have to go through me and everyone else."

"I guess you're right…" Lola gloomed. "But you still should have told us… nobody hurts my sisters and gets away with it!"

"I'm totes appreciate it sweetie, but Carol would hurt any meanies for me. You're too young to get into fights."

Lola looked ready to contest that claim but she barely had enough energy needed to wipe her tired eyes. The beauty princess slid off her sister's lap and shuffled over the dresses on the ground. She pick up the pink on that was slightly to big for her, but still her favorite dress. Lola slipped the clothing over her head


End file.
